He's late again. Buck is sitting at their shared dining room table, staring at the door, waiting for a certain someone to come through the door. Eddie's dinner is getting colder by the minute. Buck glances at the digital clock on the stove.

11:30

Eddie said he would be home around 8:00. When it hit 8:30, Buck had texted Eddie, wondering if he was ok, but he never opened nor responded to the message. This has been happening for the past month and a half. It started off as no big deal, he could ignore it at first. He knows, out of all people, what having this kind of job could mean. How much strain it can cause a person if they aren't careful. How even when you are about to clock out, the alarm will ring and you may not be going home that day/night.

So when Eddie was about 20 minutes late the first time, Buck didn't think much of it. Eddie had said that the alarm rang and a minor accident happened and they cleared it up. Buck had accepted it and they moved on after Buck had made sure that Eddie wasn't injured. Eddie said he was sorry and promised that he would call in case it ever happened again. But he promised it would never happen again.

Only a week later it happened again.

This time Eddie was an hour late, it was the same excuse, an alarm as he as checking out and Buck would have believed him if not for the bruise on his upper arm. He looked at it but Eddie turned his body away from Buck to shield the bruise, it was subtle but he still noticed. He didn't say anything at the time but he wished with all his might he did. Maybe Eddie would have explained himself or at least let Buck look him over, but Eddie diverged the situation and asked about Christopher and Buck had no choice but to let it go. In retrospect, he knew he should have said something or at least have put a stop to...whatever this was. Buck isn't stupid, he knows that Eddie is lying to him. You don't get those bruises from the job, there's only one reason why Eddie would have them:

Eddie is cheating on Buck because he found someone better.

Buck should have known that everything that's been building with Eddie was too good to be true. He should have known that Eddie was still mad at him about the lawsuit. Even though Eddie had repeatedly told him that he forgives him, Buck still has the doubt in the back of his mind that Eddie is still pissed at him. And the evidence is clear now that he thinks about it.

Eddie always promises that he will be home for dinner but is always late. Eddie then says he's sorry and he will be home the next day in time, but he lies because he shows up on time one day, but then the next it falls to the same pattern.

He remembers his talk with Maddie when he was poked by her to tell her what was on his mind. And she had told him that it was a red flag that she ignored when she was with Doug. Even though she said that Eddie was nothing like Doug, she still warned her little brother to be careful because lying is just the start of a slippery slope.

Buck had asked what he should do and Maddie told him to just talk to Eddie. It was either that or leave, and Buck couldn't leave. As much as he might have wanted to leave, to pack a bag and go back home, he didn't want to leave Christopher by himself. So here he was, waiting for Eddie just as he has for the past month.

Buck sighed and pulled out his phone to check for a new message, nothing.

To Eddie 7:30:

Hey dinner is almost ready, let me know when you are on your way

To Eddie 8:30:

Hey Ed, are you running a little late? Don't be too long or it might get cold

To Eddie 9:00:

I put Christopher to bed, he missed you. Where are you?

To Eddie 9:30:

Are you ok? Text me please or call me?

To Eddie 10:30:

Eddie, please answer your phone, I'm worried about you

Buck fiddles with the phone in his hand, wondering if he should send another text message to him, but he decided that he didn't want to annoy Eddie, but he was just so worried about him. Buck didn't want to think about what he could be doing, with whoever he was with. Maybe Eddie found a man that could actually give him what he wanted, or maybe he found a woman that could become Christopher's new stepmother or something.

Would they know Christopher liked to ride someone's shoulders went they went ice skating so he wouldn't fall down? Would they know that he liked blueberry pancakes on the weekends and waffles with whipped cream on Mondays to shake off the blues that come with the day? Will they know his favorite bed time story? How that he loves his teddy bear that they won at the fair after they faced their phobia of going to the pier together? How he loves his popcorn with extra butter when they go to see the latest Disney movie?

What about Eddie? Will they know even someone as social as him need some time to recharge? Would they know that he to be the little spoon sometimes after a bad call when it involved children or the elderly? Will they know that sometimes he likes to be the one who gets fucked and vice versa? Will they love him as much as Buck does?

Will they know how lucky they are?

As Buck spirals into this kind of thinking, he can feel all of the insecurities that Eddie and he had spent over the course of three months breaking down. But here and now, they were coming back full circle. Buck covered his face with his hand and stifled a sob that was threating to come up to the surface. He puts his head down on the countertop and sighs in a little relief as the coolness of the marble hits his face, which is warm from all his emotions. But it doesn't last long as he shakes his emotions away when he hears the sound of a car pulling up the drive way.

Buck gets up from where he is sitting and puts Eddie's plate in the microwave. He checks on Christopher one last time before heading to their shared bedroom. He can hear noises coming from the kitchen and he knows that Eddie has entered the house. Buck goes into the bathroom and catches his reflection in the mirror...he can see what Carla meant when she told him that he doesn't look so good.

He sees that there are darker bags under his eyes, his hair is a little bit longer and unkempt, his face and eyes are red from crying. He splashes some cold water over his face, hoping that he can wash the redness off. He stares into the sink, hoping that some kind of answer will maybe manifest as the water drips down into the drain. He shakes his head and dries his face off and is startled when he catches Eddie's reflection in the mirror. Buck turns around and sees Eddie is staring at him from the entrance of the bathroom. Usually this would be the time that Buck forces a smile and welcomes Eddie home, but he can't force himself to smile this time, he felt something else that he wasn't used to feeling:

Anger

Hopelessness

Sadness

Buck hadn't moved and was making eye contact with Eddie, but no one had said anything for what seemed like a long time, but then Eddie smiled at Buck and had stepped into the bathroom to give him a hug. Buck tried not to tense in his arms but he couldn't stop himself. Eddie immediately pulled back to look at him. Eddie smiled sadly

"Hey...I'm sorry I'm late Ev." Eddie says as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind Buck's ears. Buck instantly catches a fresh bruise on Eddie's bicep as he raises his arm. Eddie hasn't noticed Buck eying the marks on his body. Buck then knows the reason he's late again.

He was with that person again

Buck then feels something pang in his chest as he feels Eddie kiss his cheek. He feels used, he feels dirty and he feels like a secret. Buck pushes past Eddie and begins to head to the front door. Eddie scrambles to follow him:

"Wait, Buck, where are you going?" Eddie asked as he managed to block the door that leads to the hallway and grabs his forearms.

"I'm leaving Eddie," Buck says, not being able to make eye contact with him.

"Y-you don't have to-" Buck cuts him off, not wanting to lose the courage that he suddenly has.

"37," Buck says as he finally looks up and has to elaborate when Eddie looks confused. "You've have been coming home late for a total 37 days, this has become a pattern and I wish that I can keep pretending but I can't do it anymore..." Buck rips himself out of Eddie's grip and pushes past him. He's able to get to the door and is about to open it when he feels a hand grip his arm, he turns and sees Eddie.

"Please stay, I'm so sorry Buck. I-I didn't realize-" Buck frowns as he fully faces Eddie.

"You said you'd come home at 8:00...you said that you would and you didn't" Eddie feels tears building in his eyes, had he really done this so often? "Christopher keeps asking about you every night and I have to tell him that you keep working late as I read him his story. I have to look at your son in the eyes and lie to him...I hate lying to him, I don't know where you are, I don't know whether you're alive or-" Buck stops, unable to even finish the thought. Buck steals himself for this next part: "I can't do this anymore Eddie...I-I just can't" says Buck as he brings himself out of Eddie's grasp, he turns back to the door when he hears something fall to the floor. He turns around to see Eddie on his knees and everything that Buck is mad about goes out the window as he kneels in front of Eddie. He hooks the tips of his hands under Eddie's face to coax him to look up.

Buck feels his breath hitch as he sees Eddie's usual expressive eyes glassed over with tears. Buck begins to unconsciously stroke Eddie's face. It's almost a force of habit...maybe a bad one in this case because when Eddie feels Buck's thumb caressing his cheek, Eddie lets out a sob and it makes Buck want to take back this whole conversation. Buck stands up and tries to pull Eddie up but he simply shakes his head. Eddie crawls on his knees and buries his head in Buck's midsection while wrapping his arms around his backside. Buck tries to step out of the trap he was in by Eddie but Eddie tightened his hold.

Buck hesitantly puts his hands on Eddie's arms as he looks down, tears forming in his eyes, but refusing to let them fall right now. Eddie looks up at him, tears rushing down his face.

"I'm sorry. I-I know it doesn't mean like much right now but I truly am sorry. I didn't know"

But how could he not know?

"Please...please don't leave us...I'm sorry...this is all my fault I'm sorry," Eddie says as he slowly lets go of Buck. He hesitantly gets up from where he's kneeling. "I...I know I really shouldn't be asking you this because my track record is terrible...can-" Eddie stops, considering his words "I know I don't deserve this and I understand if you don't want to let me have it but...can I make it up to you? Not for this time but for the rest of the times I let you down?" Eddie begs, unable to look up at the one he caused so much hurt.

"Eddie...I don't know I-" Buck hesitates but Eddie interrupts

"I'll come home just in time for dinner. It'll be just you, me, and Christopher. It'll be family night, just like you've wanted." Eddie says, looking up, trying to dwindle the hope rising in his chest. Buck hates that he actually mauls it over. He thinks about the pros and cons of this choice that he's been given. He knows that he shouldn't, he knows that this should never have happened in the first place but...

But if Eddie comes home early, he can show Eddie that he's worth it

"Well..." Buck lets out a sad sigh, "I can't believe I'm doing this..." Buck says quietly to himself but Eddie hears it all the same: "You promise you'll come straight home? Because if you don't...I'm done" Buck says and Eddie fully stands up to make eye contact with Buck. He brings his hands up to cup Buck's face and brings their foreheads together.

"I promise Evan...I promise I'll come home. I'll be home at 9:30. I get off of work at 9:00" Eddie says tearing up as he looks at the blue eyes that express the unconditional love for him. Buck blinks as he brings his own hands and rests them on Eddie's shoulders, head falling a little forward to meet Eddie's halfway. Eddie slowly slides his hand down to Buck's neck. He pulls back to look at him and leans in to slowly and gently kiss him. Eddie then brings his other hand to caress the birthmark that he loves so much. After a second, Buck wraps his arms around Eddie's waist to pull him close, deepening the kiss. Eddie pulls back to give Buck a kiss on the forehead, cheek, nose, and one last one on his lips.

"I love you Eddie...so much" Buck says in a sad voice as he drops his head onto Eddie's shoulder. He brings his hand to tangle in Buck's hair.

"I love you too Buck" Eddie says as he begins to pull them towards their bed. After getting settled in, Eddie wraps his arms around Buck and pulls him close. Eddie falls asleep instantly, but Buck still has the doubt lingering in his head.

Maybe tomorrow will be different?

Buck could only hope.

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Buck takes a look around the kitchen one last time and saw that everything was perfect. It was his day off and after dropping off Christopher at school, he managed to clean the whole house, catch up on errands, do the laundry and everything on their weekly to-do list. After he had picked up Christopher, they worked on dinner together. They made chicken and rice with garlic bread on the side. Buck pulled out all the stops, setting out their favorite wine while giving Christopher Topo Chico, his favorite Mexican mineral water. He thinks he really outdid himself with tonight and Christopher thought so too.

Buck doubled checked everything, he looked in the mirror to make sure he was well-groomed, the food was ready to be eaten in the pots, and the box that Buck had been saving for this occasion is resting safely in his pocket. Now all that's missing is Eddie, but he should be home soon.

That's what Buck kept telling himself, even when the clock ticked past 9:30 then 10:00

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"Don't do it Diaz!" yelled the promoter from above him, but he ignored the protesting as he dialed 911. Eddie knew that this was a bad idea, but it was either that or let this man die. Not that what he did was any better. After confirming their location, someone yelled for everyone to run, and it was chaos. Spectators and fighters were scrambling to their cars in order to avoid the police and risked being arrested. But Eddie couldn't move. He heard the sirens and tried to leave but was stopped by Bosko, who was kind enough to lend him her turnout coat so he doesn't get arrested. But once they got outside, it was a different story.

"Fighting was supposed to be a healthy outlet, not an obsession"

"It's not" Eddie tries to defend himself. He needs this.

"Eddie! He was so out of it that he couldn't even defend himself" Eddie was getting more annoyed by the second, "You need to talk to someone"

"Enough with the lecture Bosko, I don't have time for this I have to get home," Eddie said as he rubbed the sweat out of his eyes. "What time is it anyway? My phone died" Eddie asked as he handed her back her jacket.

"It's 10:30" Lena replied and Eddie froze, he looked to Lena again, panic rising in his body.

"What?" he asked. Desperately hoping he heard it wrong, hoping that this was a sick joke and he hadn't fucked everything up.

"I said it's 10:30...actually...10:31" Lena says as she hears her captain call her back. She bids farewell to Eddie and he is left alone with his thoughts. He shakes himself out of his frozen state and runs back to his and tears out of the parking lot. He checks the time on his radio and feels dread as he sees that it's now 10:45. God he's late, of course he's late. He had to come here tonight. He knew that he shouldn't have but he just needed to. But looking back, he didn't need to, he wanted to. He wanted to take all his anger and frustrations of the previous day on someone else, and it almost the opponent his life. But now that doesn't matter, he has to push those thoughts of almost killing a man because he might lose one of the most important people in his life.

The one who introduced him to his saving grace Carla. The one who helped him with the loss of Shannon, the one who held his son as he cried for his mother. The one who saved his son during a terrifying time and helped him overcome his fear of the pier. God...Buck had done so much for all of them and he just fucked it up.

This has to stop.

This can't go on anymore

Eddie decided right then and there that he cannot and will not go back to the ring anymore. He has too much to lose. Why oh why did it have to take so long for him to realize that the most important people in his life are right in front of him, they're waiting at home right now. He thinks back to how much he had been mistreating Buck. He kept missing dinners and events, but today is different because he promised that he would be home. But he blew it off again. He failed the love of his life and he failed his son.

He fucked up

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Eddie rushed into the house and is ready to confess everything to Buck right then and there but it all goes out the window when he sees Buck at the kitchen table, staring at him with a pained look on his face. Eddie drops his bag and is about to speak but Buck holds up a hand.

"You said you'd be home at 9:30...you promised that you would be home in time for dinner." Buck looks up at Eddie "You looked me in the eyes, held my hands and promised me that you would be home...but you broke it" Buck feels tears slipping out of his eyes. "You broke it just like you have been for the past few months. I thought tonight would be different" Buck scoffs, wiping the tears away, getting up from where he was sitting. "I guess I was just stupid to think that tonight would be different" Buck grabs his keys from off the counter and starts to walk to his car but he feels Eddie grab his arm. Buck rips it out of the grasp. Eddie holds his hand up in surrender, hoping not to make Buck any angrier.

"Buck...please let me explain-" but Buck cuts him off.

"No Eddie, you promised that tonight...off all nights would be different. But you lied to me...you've been lying to me. I thought I was strong enough to keep this going but I can't do this anymore." Buck sniffs and wipes his tears that keep falling "Remember I told you, so many months ago that I hated myself and I couldn't stand to look in the mirror some days? Well, I still hate myself, but I don't hate myself enough to be your second choice. I can't be that for you Eddie" Buck says as he steps back and unlocks his car. He looks up at Eddie who seems to be frozen. He takes Eddie's face in his hands and kisses him one last time.

"I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you Eddie...I hope whoever you've been with loves you and Christopher just as much as I do..." Buck says as more tears fall. "Oh and here, happy anniversary," Buck says, handing Eddie something. Buck gets into his car and drives out of the driveway and away from Eddie.

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