A Long Way Home

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, COUNTDOWN, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving after seeing Kate in Josh's arms? It starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!

A/N I have always had a problem with the way the writers portrayed Rick as a weak, dependent man who was lost without his detective. He was a self-made millionaire before he met her, and in real life, NO MAN would tolerate the treatment without going down a different path. I love Stana, and the role of KB, BUT in these episodes, Castle was made to look almost like a buffoon, his life dependent upon the Detective. I offer a different approach, Sorry if you don't like it, but it's what's on my mind now.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted.

Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Previously Courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com

[CASTLE sees BECKETT leaning against a car outside, wrapped in a blanket. CASTLE walks out to her wrapped in a blanket, too.]

CASTLE
Saw your boy's back in town.

BECKETT
Mm-hmm. He came back.

CASTLE
So, what does that mean to you?

BECKETT
It means we have a chance. Come on. Fallon wants to debrief.

Later in Canon

CASTLE
Hell of a day, huh?

BECKETT
Hell of a day.

CASTLE
You know, I was thinking... I was thinking maybe- I should go home. Get some rest. Long day. Goodnight.

[CASTLE backs away and leaves, leaving BECKETT a little confused.]

BECKETT
Goodnight.

[JOSH comes up behind BECKETT. ]

BECKETT
Oh, hey.

[They hug and BECKETT watches CASTLE walk to the elevator over JOSH's shoulder. CASTLE steps into the elevator and leans against the back wall.]

***************************************************************************/

Chapter 1

12th Precinct Elevator

Going DOWN

Kate looked over Josh's shoulder to see Castle walk away when he turned in the elevator, he kept his eyes focused on the ceiling, never looking back even for a moment. She had never witnessed the look on his face, it wasn't anger, jealousy, or even desire, it was a look of defeat, the look of a defeated man with no will to keep fighting.

She would text him tomorrow to be sure he was OK, after all, he knew Josh was her boyfriend. Mentally she was glad she didn't finish what she had tried to say to him in the freezer compartment if she had she didn't know how she could deal with Josh holding her, while she watched the one she loved walk away.

Rick's head was swimming, so close, always so close before the prize was snatched away from him. What was she really trying to say in the cold, was it "How much I always loved you" or something else?

Then when he snatched the wires with zero time showing on the timer, she was the one that hugged him, so tightly, and the look in her eyes, and her laugh, that beautiful laugh God what was he, back in high school again, get a grip.

His mind drifted back to when he first came out of the hypothermia, he saw her standing with the blanket by the ambulance. She didn't know he had wrapped her with the lining of his coat, leaving him just the outer shell to keep him warm, but that was why she was awake before him. Then his mind played those words, one by one in slow motion; "It Means We Have A Chance", she would never say something like that if she hadn't locked in on him as her potential one and done. God Castle, how many times does she have to tell you, she's not into you at all, at least not that way, get over it and move on for both of your sakes.

As he walked, his thoughts turned to how could he use an adult manner to exit the partnership, there was no way in Hell he could go back to just being the coffee delivery man, those apparently meant something much different to her than to him.

How? How indeed, hell, all he had was his books, and his love for the arts and charities, with an occasional poker game thrown in. Not much of a life to fall back on, work, it had to be something work-related or Beckett would see right through the excuse for what it was, a lie, and an excuse to leave her alone to live her life.

The Universe must have heard his heart rumbling from breaking into, his cell phone rang, with a number he would normally try to duct at all costs, Gina.

"Hi Gina, what's up?" he tried to be cheerful,

"Are you OK Rick? You never answer my calls, especially the first time I call and on the second ring, are you sure you're not sick?"

"I'm positive Gina, I'm fine, just celebrating life for a few minutes, thankful that I have another day"

"Rick, you are worrying the hell out of me, where are you? Have you drank too much, or what have you eaten, talk to me Rick."

"Gina, I swear I am fine, just the remnants of a tough case that was just closed, made me very thankful for all I have, so what can I do for you. You don't normally call just to check on my health, what's up?"

"You didn't answer me where are you, I'm still worried."

"Actually, I'm about a block away from Black Pawn, looking to grab a bite to eat, you want to join me if you haven't eaten yet."

"OK, that's it, something is wrong, I'm coming meet me at Bearden's, are you close to there?"

"Actually I am just walking in the door, I'll get our old booth," he said, Gina held the phone away, with panic on her face, she may have divorced him but she never stopped loving him, and this was so totally out of character, she was afraid he had suffered a breakdown.

"OK Love, see you in ten minutes" deciding to play along with his new attitude.

She hurried from her office, calling over her shoulder to cancel her afternoon appointments, and she would be out of touch for the next few hours. Whatever was going on with Rick, he needed someone, to talk to, or just to know that someone cared. She knew he would never burden Alexis or Martha; he was the strong one, helping all the family and friends.

She walked through the door, panic all over her face and was greeted by Henry, the manager, Mr. Castle is waiting for you mam, please this way, as he led her to a private room. It had been their spot when they were dating trying to avoid the paparazzi and the scandal of publisher dating one of her most popular authors. She also tried to keep his name on the eligible list, knowing many single women who couldn't read Dr. Zeus bought his books for, well eye appeal.

Rick stood, smiled, the moment he saw her, he was always a gentleman, even when they had their worst fights, he remained constant. She hurried to him, and pulled him into a hug, he felt cold, very cold, and surprised her when he kissed her gently and quickly on the lips,

"Hey, thanks for coming, I don't know if I'm in trouble or you're genuinely worried about me for some reason"

"Rick, you feel like you've been in a freezer for hours, why are you so cold? Don't you know that although I divorced you, I still love you, and I worry about you, especially when you are acting out of character, what's going on?"

Rick hung his head, realizing that Gina had tears in her eyes, and a look of panic he hadn't seen since she thought Alexis had hurt herself early in their marriage. She was sitting next to him, not the opposite side as they usually did, and she pulled his head down to look into his eyes.

"Hey whatever it is, talk to me, we were best friends once, I still think of you as one of mine, so let me help Rick, what's going on?

"Aren't you afraid the press will spoil the image, I mean I love feeling you near me, but I don't want to embarrass you"

"You're an ass, you never embarrassed me, I loved you, probably still do, but I know we are better apart so talk to me, I have an inkling I know what is wrong but Rick, let me in, I'm here, let me help."

"Well, I can't tell you everything, for the first time I really would have to kill you if I did, but this case was very rough. I was locked in a freezer trailer and had mild hypothermia, I thought I could warm up by moving, but I'm still chilled to the bone."

"Where are Alexis and Martha, I bet you sent them away didn't you?"

His facial expression answered without him saying a word,

"Let's get some food into you then we're going to the loft, I'm going to make a fire and tuck your favorite blanket around you until you warm up.

One hour later, over Rick's objections Gina was helping a very exhausted Rick into the Loft, and as promised she helped him to his chair, turned the heat up, and lit the fireplace. She went to his bedroom, and almost cried when she saw he still had her picture in her wedding gown on his nightstand. She wiped her tears away, gathered the heavy blanket he bought when she was so cold on their honeymoon, skiing the Alps.

"Really Gina, I'll be fine, thank you for caring, I mean for taking care of me."

"I do care, Rick, I never stopped caring or loving you and I never will, so I'll be here till you tell me what's hurting you so badly you didn't realize you were shaking the entire time at the restaurant."

Rick slowly told her as much as he could, but the look in his eye was the same that Kate had seen, defeat, total unilateral defeat with no hope of any chance of coming back. He told her of the general experiences that he and the Detective had gone through, mentioning that her boyfriend didn't fly out as scheduled and was the one who helped treat them both for the hyperthermia.

His eyes pooled when he repeated the words, "We have a chance" so he had decided to bow out, but didn't want to seem like a petulant child throwing a fit. While he was talking Gina came over and climbed into the chair, like she had a thousand times before, to be honest, it felt so natural and good to feel her next to him.

"Oh Rick, I'm sorry, I really am. Look, I may not say anything, but I edit the love letters you call a book to her, so I know she's broken your heart before, but this time, I think you're right, you need to get out of there and away from her. All she ever does seems to be things that you wind up in danger or hurt from."

"So was that the reason you called me Genes,?" using her pet name he had given her during their honeymoon, she was on his lap, arms around him and he was finally feeling warm, not from the external heat, but the coldness that had encapsulated his heart had melted and it was now warming as well.

She looked into his eyes, God she had beautiful eyes, and before he knew it, he had kissed her, not just a kiss, but an I want your body kiss.

"Sweetie, we both know where your heart is, and believe me, Rick, I want nothing more to take you to the bedroom and ravage your body, BUT I can't be a substitute for Kate, or for anyone, it's not fair to me or you"

"I'm sorry Genes, you're right, and even if I said it was you, I know you wouldn't believe me anyway. As you said I never stopped loving you in that special way, hell we were married, I don't make a habit of marrying women I just like."

"The reason I called you, now if we could get back to business, was there's a book signing opening in Phoenix, and throughout the west coast, Patterson canceled last minute, really pissing off the book stores, and chains. I thought if you were bored or needed a break, we could fly out there and do the Phoenix three day, just to see if it works for you, we haven't been there with Heatwave yet, it's still on the bestseller list, so what do you think?"

"I think as soon as I tell Alexis, we should get Paula on it, make the arrangements and get me away from New York for a while, further than the Hamptons, for sure."

The front door opened just then, Alexis saw her Dad and Gina in the same chair, her arms hugging him, the house felt like a sauna, and she had just heard tell Alexis? Something was going on.

"Tell me what Dad, and why does it feel like a steam room in here? Hi Gina, is Dad OK? He's been acting funny, and sent us away twice, what's going on."

"Hi Pumpkin, everything is OK, I can't tell you everything, but I got very cold, and I guess wasn't making much sense when I took her call. Gina came to the restaurant and then brought me home and made me take a hot shower and layer in clothes as she started the fire, I'm sorry it's so warm in here, but I was freezing. I feel a lot warmer now," his eyes met Gina's for a moment, and she knew he still loved her, just not enough to stay married.

She leaned up and kissed him, then turned to Alexis, "I was worried, Alexis, I'm sorry but even though we're not married, it doesn't mean I don't love him, and he scared me to death. I'll let him tell you about his experiences with the Detective, but we thought it would be a good idea to get him away from the precinct for a while, especially*"

"I agree Gina, he shouldn't be working with Beckett, all she ever does is hurt him and make him feel less of a man, I'm sorry Daddy, but whatever Gina has in mind, I'm for it, as long as Beckett is here and you are somewhere else."

"Would you be OK if I traveled with him for the first part, just to see if this tour will work for him, I promise you, I'll take care of him. The only problem is we leave tomorrow afternoon, and I know you haven't spent much time with him."

"Gina, I saw you when I came in the door, you love Daddy, you always did, so I would feel so much better if you were with him. I know he'll be OK, so please I'm fine with it, and Gina, you don't have to stop kissing him just because I am here, he still loves you too," she smiled and rushed to her Dad's arms.

Gina, Rick and Paula worked on a press release so his fans would know they were heading their way. Rick also sent an email to Roy Montgomery, copying Mayor Weldon, and Detective Beckett.

"Roy, Sorry to have to break the news to you in an email, but something has come up, an opportunity that I can't pass up for my 'REAL' job. I won't be in the precinct, for anytime soon, perhaps if this deal goes well, never again. Thank you for your help, you taught me a great deal about the true life of a real cop, I'll always be in your debt. Please thank the remainder of the department. Once again, sorry it had to be so abrupt, but somethings just won't wait. Good Luck and God Speed,"

Castle,

TBC