Warnings: This is crack, Hibari breaking the laws, of physics and otherwise

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Tsuna had been desensitized by Reborn, that's why he's not screaming when a corpse drops beside him.

He rubs his eyes.

If there's a thing as too much handcuffs, Tsuna has just seen it.

He blinks at the criminal hogtied in front of his desk, at the freaking ribbon on the man's head and wants to walk out and go back to bed. The urge is very strong, especially when he realizes that the only person who has a cambio forma of handcuffs (specifically, Alaude's handcuffs), is Hibari.

It's hard enough to deal with Hibari when he's in a mood, it's gotten progressively stranger after Tsuna blew up the Vecoli base. Especially because Hibari has been proactively going out and looking for fights. And the thing is, nobody has been bitten to death. They're all alive and well (or as well as one can be after having Hibari fighting you), and all dumped in Tsuna's office.

It's like Hibari has just realized that the sure-fire way to kill Tsuna is to dump living bodies for him to deal with. Dead people are easy, living ones are such a problem.

The man, who he vaguely recognizes as the asshole badmouthing him in the last party, starts to cry, proving Tsuna's point. Dead bodies don't cry so much. Ugh. So much tears.

"Decimo, thank Primo you're here! I-I was..." the man trails off in horror and Tsuna, with well-honed instincts of a Namimori Middle School alumni, turns around and glares at Hibari lurking behind him.

"Tsunayoshi," Hibari says, not even giving any pretence of guilt or shame. "This one was ruining your reputation."

Then, he rocked back on his heels and stared at Tsuna, as though waiting for something.

Tsuna gives in to the urge and covers his face. He takes a deep breath, lets it out, and then drops his hands. He smiles at Hibari. He doesn't know what kind of smile, but it makes Hibari smirk.

"Thank you, Hibari-san," he manages to say instead of screaming. What he really wants to scream was, "What the fuck are you thinking, and why are you doing it to me?"

Nana raised Tsuna with more tact than that, thankfully.

"Call me Kyouya," Hibari says in reply, that air of anticipation still around him.

Tsuna's brain hurts.

It's just. Too tired to deal with this shit.

For the past week, Hibari had been dumping living bodies in his office, usually people he wanted anyway, but Hibari had the tendency to induce sheer horror in his victims that it made Tsuna a little guilty for extorting and coercing them from all their assets and money just for the promise of never meeting that Demon Cloud ever again.

Just a little though. Reborn's lessons stuck at some point.

And then. There's the gifts. The other, non-living gifts.

They were extravagant, crazy, and above all, extremely expensive and Japanese. Once, Tsuna even woke up from his bed with his sheets changed to four hundred thread count, Egyptian Cotton Sheets. It had been changed. With him sleeping on it.

The Namimori Special Sake that appeared in his cupboards cinched who the culprit was, even if the flash drives with extremely sensitive information on their enemies consistently appearing on his desk.

And now this.

If he didn't know any better, he would think that the air of anticipation around Hibari was of a teenage girl waiting for approval or rejection from their crush. But no, of course not. Hibari would never.

Yes, Hyper Intuition tugged insistently.

With Nana inherited denial, Tsuna replied, NO, just as insistently.

No way was HIbari courting him.

Nu-uh. Not happening.

Right?

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The next day, a tank is on the lawn.

Just. A real fucking tank.

There could be two culprits, but Ryohei nii-san is not in the habit of bringing home tanks but training equipment. He knows it could not be Mukuro or it would involve more tentacles.

Tsuna bangs his head on the window sill.

Hibari. WHY.

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Hayato is heaven sent and gives him a sympathetic smile while holding a cup of Tsuna's favourite tea.

Beside Tsuna is the source of his headache.

A lion cub, recently liberated from the zoo, presented to Tsuna with a sloppily tied bow around its neck.

Tsuna doesn't even want to know how many laws Hibari broke, he just wants to know why.

It really was almost as if he was being courted.

YES, Hyper Intuition sobs at him.

Fine, Tsuna sighs back.

"Kyouya," Tsuna finally says after finishing his tea, handing the tea cup back to Hayato. He'd closed his eyes, or else he'd have noticed how completely focused Hibari was on his lips.

"Yes, Tsunayoshi?" Hibari says, perking up disturbingly on hearing his name.

"The weapons department just finished making you new modified tonfas on my request," which had been a few days ago, when the first living human appeared in his office. Sometimes, he hated his Hyper Intuition so much.

Hibari looks surprised. Which. Hmm. That is a nice look on him.

Tsuna smiles at him this time, a more sincere one. Tellingly, there's a hint of red around his ears.

Told you so, Hyper Intuition says.

Tsuna ignores it and moves closer to daringly hold Hibari – no, Kyouya-san's hand.

"Want to test it out together?" he asks.

Behind them, Hayato drops the teacup.

"Ah, that reminds me, Hayato, can you take care of Hibarin for me?" Tsuna asks, gesturing to the lion cub.

Kyouya-san tugs on his fingers insistently, impatient now. The red on his ears has yet to disappear. In fact, it seems to have intensified at the name of the lion cub.

"Hai, Tsuna-sama," Hayato says on reflex like a reliable right-hand man.

Before the door closes, Tsuna faintly hears him say to himself, "What the fuck is going on?"

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Sparring is a great way to lead to making out, if he does say so himself.

Ripped clothes, sweaty bodies on display, exertion...

Tsuna doesn't last ten minutes, forgoing the use of his flames and is immediately slammed to the floor.

His hands are trapped under Kyouya's knees and his shirt had disintegrated two minutes into the fight. It had been a great distraction while it lasted, but Kyouya recovered admirably after, only stumbling a little before trying out the chains again.

Tsuna is now wrapped up in chains.

If he didn't know any better, he might have accused Kyouya of tying him up on purpose. His Hyper Intuition told him that he didn't want to know.

"Tsunayoshi," Kyouya says, face inches from his own.

"Kyouya," Tsuna breathes out with a smile.

"You are so oblivious," he states baldly before kissing his brains out.

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Extras:

"Ne, Tsuna," Takeshi says, sidling up to him. He has a big smile on his face that makes him trustworthy.

Tsuna does not trust that smile, but he is too distracted at the sight of Kyouya walking around in a suit. If there's anyone who's made for a suit, it's Kyouya.

"Ne, Takeshi-kun," Tsuna says back.

"When did you notice Hibari-san courting you?" he asks bluntly.

Tsuna hears somebody slapping their face in the background, but Tsuna's blushing and too flustered to wonder who.

"Wh-why are you asking?" he stammers. Takeshi's face is full of glee and Tsuna drops his face in his hands. "It was two weeks ago that he was courting me, I think."

Then, the question registers properly in his head.

"What do you mean 'notice'?" he demands.

Takeshi pouts but hands over money to – was that Spanner?

It did not take long to put two and two together.

"Were you betting on my love life? Wait, do you mean to tell me it's been going on for longer than two weeks?"

Takeshi escapes, laughing even when he lost money.

"Tsuna-sama," Hayato sighs, answering reliably like always. "He's been trying to get your attention for three months."

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This has actually been sitting in my laptop for a while, because I wasn't sure about it...I just went, what the hell, it's New Year!

Reviews please!

~Hallen