A/N: Welcome back to my loyal readers and a hearty welcome to new ones!

Happy New Decade, gang! If I managed to time it right, this will be the very first JAFF of the decade. I am of course still working on Rules of Etiquette, but I like to do this for fun. I know I promised to finish up ROE around New Years, but the key word there is around. I have about 5 chapters to go and will probably finish this weekend.

This is another of my humorous short stories, 4 chapters and about 8k words. It takes place a day after the Hunsford Proposal, about midmorning, presuming a minor change in Elizabeth's answer to the proposal, based on a better understanding of what Darcy was about.

Wade

The early spring day was warm and inviting as the newly engaged couple walked arm in arm along the pleasant paths of Rosings. Their accord was quite new, as the lady had just accepted his proposal the previous afternoon, and they were enjoying their first stroll as a couple. They had decided to conceal the arrangement from the rest of the party for a day or two to insure some peace and privacy to discuss how things were to be done. The gentleman was scheduled to leave the following morning to speak with the lady's father, so this might be their last good chance to speak privately before they let the cat out of the bag.

As they approached a bench near the middle of the path that had comprised much of the more formal parts of their courtship, Fitzwilliam Darcy decided that he should begin his chapter of his life properly and honorably, so he screwed up his courage and began.

"Elizabeth, my father taught me to begin as I mean to go on. I believe I would like there to be complete honesty and candor between us, regardless of how difficult it might be."

His lady replied with a brilliant smile, saying, "Of course, Fitzwilliam. I quite agree, although I must correct you on one particular."

"Which is?"

"This is not a beginning, but a continuation. We have always been honest with each other."

Darcy seemed a bit confused by that, because he knew full well that he had fought against her attraction for months and had not even been honest about his knowledge of her sister's presence in Town. He had not been honest with himself, let alone Elizabeth. However, he thought it might be best to get the first big confession out first, and circle back to that one.

He looked at her carefully and said, "In that vein, I must confess something. I have, at times, kept a mistress."

He waited in trepidation for the repercussion.

His betrothed looked at him, quite surprisingly smiled, and replied, "Very well. Will I ever meet her?"

He stared at his lady in shock, and asked, "I meant I had one in the past, not the present?"

Elizabeth screwed her face up a bit, and asked, "Oh, I see. Will you be having one in the future?"

His eyes big as saucers, he nearly shouted, "NO… I mean to say that… I mean… well… I mean that I had one once, but never will again. I am not a man to disregard his wedding vows."

Elizabeth smiled and said, "Oh! Well, that is nice. 'Tis unexpected, but I like the idea very much."

Completely astounded, he asked, "I am confused, Elizabeth. Did you somehow believe that I might keep a mistress, and still accepted my proposal? Please explain."

"Come now, Fitzwilliam. It is quite common among your circle, and just something that comes with the territory when marrying up."

"And this," cried Darcy, as he dropped her hand from his arm and faced his betrothed, "is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me!"

Elizabeth looked at him in honest confusion, and said, "I do not understand your consternation, Fitzwilliam. I have every reason in the world to think well of you. No motive could excuse the unjust and ungenerous part I would be playing should I accept your generous proposal, and then fail to happily accede to all the obvious conditions attached. I really do not understand your trepidation."

Darcy took off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair several times, heaved a great sigh, and spying a small bench, asked, "May we sit, Elizabeth?"

"Of course."

Shaking his head, he asked, "So, we seem to have some misunderstanding of a significant nature. You believe that I aim to keep a mistress, and you are willing to accept that?"

"Yes, of course. I knew what I was getting in to when I accepted your proposal. I am not missish."

Still confused, he asked, "Exactly how did you come to that conclusion?"

"You told me, of course!"

Looking more agitated, he thundered, "I TOLD YOU?"

Moderating his voice, he added, "Please, tell me this. When did I tell you this, exactly?"

"Why in your proposal of course, which I must admit was very well done. I liked it exceedingly! It was nearly poetry, and by that, I mean the kind that is the food of love as you once asserted."

Darcy set his hat on the bench, put his head in both hands, and asked, "So you believe that I explicitly told you that I would keep a mistress in my proposal?"

"Well, not in so many words, as that would be vulgar, but you gave me credit for some intelligence and pointed it out to me with considerable subtlety and grace. I liked it very much."

"You seem to remember a different proposal than I do. Would you oblige me by explaining what you heard in my proposal that led to this conclusion?"

"Of course. But really, Fitzwilliam… you obviously spent some considerable time preparing it. I would assume you knew what you were saying as well as I do."

"Please indulge me."

"Well, all right. First you said, 'In vain I have struggled. It will not do.' That was an indication of your esteem, telling me that you had been struggling with your search for a wife for some time and with considerable effort. I assume the ton is populated with women like Miss Bingley, and wife‑hunting must be difficult, annoying and dangerous. You were showing me your regard, by telling me you had worked for some time to ultimately select me as your choice of a wife. It showed your esteem for me, and I very much approve, and am happy to have been chosen."

Darcy just shook his head, and asked, "You took that as a compliment?"

"Of course!"

Shaking his head, he simply said, "Please continue."

"Well, next you said, 'My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.' Well, that part was a bit pro-forma. All proposals should include such language, and I knew that I was really more of a rational choice than one driven by irrational feelings, although I do believe you care for me. I appreciated you following the usual forms though, and I appreciated you making the effort. It was quite well worded. Every woman likes to hear such words from time to time."

Darcy just shook his head even more, slumped his shoulders, and said, "Pray, continue."

Elizabeth smiled in reflection, and said, "Well, then we got to the meat of the proposal, so to speak. You had to thread a needle in your speech. It would not do to be coarse or use words that an un‑betrothed maiden should not even know, let alone hear, so you spent some time making certain I understood that I would be leaving behind my past upbringing, and would be expected to live by the rules of the first circles. I appreciated that you did not waste time on the obvious, like the fact that I would have an enormous amount of pin money, jewels, carriages and the like. You much more sensibly concentrated on the fact that I would need to lose some of my old connections and emphasized the fact that I would need to live by the rules of my new position."

"And you assumed that includes a mistress?"

"Of course! Really, Fitzwilliam, I do not understand this distress I see on your face. As I said before, I am not missish. Perhaps, some day you will love me enough to forego the pleasure, and I would welcome that time with all my heart, but I will not hold you to it. I come into this with my eyes wide open."

Barely refraining from pounding his fist with his head, he just nodded at her to continue.

"Well, the rest was all just the usual forms. These things must be done properly after all. You declared your affections, let me know the immense relief you felt on finally being finished with the disagreeable task of hunting for a wife, and asked for my hand. I quite liked the phrase 'end my suffering and consent to be my wife'. It was somewhat unnecessary at that point as your intentions had been clear since the moment you stepped foot in the parsonage without a chaperone, but I appreciated you being explicit all the same, and that part was particularly poetic."

"You thought my 'suffering' was related to something other than my time with you?"

"Of course! We have always understood each other, right from the beginning."

Sighing in exasperation, out of desperation he asked, "May we walk?"

"Of course!"

The couple got up, and Mr. Darcy restored his hat to his head, although his hair would never be the same again, or at least what was left of it would not be.

After a few minutes of walking, Elizabeth asked, "What is bothering you, Fitzwilliam? I expected this to be a day of joy and felicity, and yet you are maudlin. I must confess to a bit of nervousness, as the past five minutes are the very first time in our entire acquaintance that I have not understood every single action you took. I confess to feeling a bit confused, and I do not particularly care for it."

Drawing a deep breath, Darcy asked, "Do you truly believe you have understood every single action I have ever taken."

Elizabeth laughed, and said, "Of course, I do! Anyone of sense and education would. I even understand many of your actions before you came to Hertfordshire, although I did not put it all together until recently. I do not consider this a sign of any particular genius. It is nothing more than common sense and simple arithmetic."