HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FAG-

Ok so, obviously Christmas is already over, and you probably won't be reading this on Christmas next year (if you do, Merry Christmas!) but hey, that's what you can expect from me and my profession.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, apache attack helicopters, furries and weebs.

Welcome:

To the story of three young animals, three young musketeers, about to discover the true meaning of Christmas. Starring the following main figures:

Legosi: a grey wolf, the goodest of boys, lovable, huggable, and sometimes a bit of a dumb dumb, but with a heart of gold;

Louis: a red deer, fierce, independent, ambitious but with a soft spot for his best friends, those being Legosi and our final character;

Haru: some bunny thot

'T was the day before Christmas. Decorations covered every inch of the city and school, people were cheery and children were playing in the streets and bullying the Muslim kids for not having Christmas.

The students in Cherryton were busy however: every year they were supposed to do something for the city, centred around sharing the Christmas spirit. Some years they had their ups and downs (like that year when silly little Jack knocked over a barbeque during a special Christmas barbeque resulting in the destruction of half the city lol) but nevertheless, this year everybody was going strong. As was our main trio of heroes.

"Legosi, do you have the presents?" Haru asked.

"Present. *chuckle*"

"Louis has all the candy?"

"And a couple of litres of hot chocolate!" Louis exclaimed from the other room.

"Wonderful. Then we can give those poor little orphans a Christmas to remember." Haru said.

"More memorable than the one year when the building burnt down and half of them fucking died?" Legosi asked.

"._."

"What?"

"Let's just go." Haru sighed.

Some of their fellow students helped them load their shit in Louis' van.

"I think that's all." Kai said.

"Well, if we don't see you guys anymore today, have a pleasant day and Merry Christmas in advance." Bill said.

"Thanks fellas. Good luck with your stuff. What are you going to do?" Legosi asked.

"I'm not sure. Seeing as we are not important to the story after this specific part and the writer is incredibly lazy, we'll just see for ourselves." Kai explained. And with that they left.

The only one who stayed was Pina.

"Is something wrong Pina-kun? Do you still need to do something?" Haru asked him.

"Confuse the non-manga readers, that's one. Second, I need to warn you about something." Pina told her. Louis, who just wanted to get into the car, turned around, along with Legosi, facing Pina.

"Warn us?" Legosi asked. "Why?"

"Well, it's regarding the orphans. I don't know if you're aware, but uhm... it has to do with what they look like..." Pina said slowly.

"If you mean they're all carnivores, don't sweat it, Haru and I have tall, dark and scary with us to protect us." Louis jokingly stated while pointing at Legosi.

"No, not regarding species, it's about their colours, y'know..." Pina said.

Haru suddenly looked at him very seriously.

"Are you saying...?" she started before Pina blurted out: "THEY'RE BLACK, OK!"

"Dude, for real?" Haru asked.

"Oh well, go figure" Louis said.

"Wait, what?" Haru said surprised and she turned to the red deer.

"Well, of course Pina, we knew that. Kind of obvious..." Legosi deadpanned.

Haru looked at all of them with a cold expression.

"You guys have got to be kidding me." she said. "That's just plain wrong you guys."

"What's wrong?" Somebody asked. Everybody looked at Juno, who just so happened to walk by.

"Well, seems like I'm surrounded by degenerate racists Juno. All these boys think it's obvious that most, if not all orphans are black."

"Oh dear, you're going to the orphanage?" Juno asked, worried.

"Are you sure you want to go to all those blackies?"

"What in the name of FUCK is..."

"Oops, time to go." Legosi said after taking a quick glance at his watch. He picked up Haru, yeeted her into the back of the van and then told Louis to floor it, leaving Juno and Pina behind.

"So, what are you gonna do Pina-kun?" Juno asked with a sweet smile.

"I don't have anything planned really." Pina replied.

"Oh boy, me neither! Wanna go have rough, kinky sex in the theatre clubroom?" Juno asked.

"Shieeet I'm down nibba." Pina said and so it happened.

On the way to the orphanage, Legosi and Louis promised Haru they would keep their extremely biased, prejudiced and racist rhetoric to a minimum (because otherwise Haru would not partake in their yearly Christmas BDSM threesome). They arrived soon enough, unloaded the stuff from their van and entered the orphanage. They were greeted by the director of the building, a sweet, middle-aged lady sheep, with big glasses and somewhat formal attire.

"The Cherryton students I assume?" She asked as she shook their hands.

"Yes, I'm Louis, these are my buddies Legosi and Haru. We're here to play Santa's Little Helpers!" Louis said.

"How cute, the children will love it! Also, we found someone to play Santa too, so with a bit of improvising, you can make the entire night complete unforgettable for the poor little souls."

"Really, a Santa?" Legosi asked.

"Yes, I wasn't sure if he wanted to come though, but he told us that he didn't care if all the kids were black, so it's all good."

"What the fu..." Haru started, but Legosi interrupted her.

"Why, that's great miss, we also don't worry too much about that stuff. Anyway, is there a place where we can change into our outfits?"

Meanwhile

Gouhin grunted and scolded himself for taking this shit job. Working with kids was one thing, but having to actually climb up the damn roof and jump down the chimney?

"Note to self: write a negative review on Yelp later this evening." Gouhin muttered to himself in between grunts. The bag of presents was pretty fucking heavy, he'd almost slipped and fell 6 stories down, but he had remembered the teachings of his ancestor, Po, and used the power of martial arts to get to the chimney. He firmly grabbed the edges and lifted himself up. He then dropped the bag full of presents down and lowered his legs into the gaping hole.

"Well, here goes nothing." He said.

The children were extremely excited. Santa could be coming down any minute. Sure, it was a shame that little Timmy was hit by the gigantic bag of gifts and rushed to a nearby hospital, but if that was the case, the bag must've been very heavy, which meant more presents :D

A loud scraping noise was heard, followed by a loud THUD and a cloud of ash and dust filling the room. The children gasped.

"SANTA!" they screamed.

"It's really him!"

"I told you he was real!"

Little Susie, who had always been very brave, slowly came closer. "Are you ok Santa?" She asked sweetly.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK! MY BACK" Santa roared.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" The children cheered.

As the supervisors helped Santa out of the chimney along with his bag, the kids grabbed a chair and placed it in the middle of the room. Then, they all quietly sat down in a circle around it.

"Err... why don't you sit down for a moment Santa?" One of the supervisors asked a rather agitated Gouhin. He just grumbled something back and slowly limped over to the chair.

"Do you want some cookies and milk Santa?" Another supervisor asked.

"Leave the cookies and milk and get me some eggnog, extra strong, will ya?" He quickly glanced to the kids. "Err... Santa needs to pay attention to his weight, ho ho ho!" He said and twisted his maw into a grimace.

Once he got into his role, everything went a bit smoother. He gave some presents, gulped down his eggnog, ignored his backpain and even allowed some of the kids to sit on his lap.

"Oh, dear Santa, would you please tell us a story before you go to the other children?" Little Nancy asked.

"Ho ho, sure sweetie. I have just the thing with me." He reached into his bag and pulled out a large book with a lot of pictures in it.

"This is a Christmas book written by the famous Dutch writer and literary genius Michael McDoesn'texist. It's called 'A very merry Christmas adventure' and it's about a boy named Jacob who goes on a big adventure!"

He opened the book, cleared his throat and started reading:

"My name is Jacob and I am 10 years old. And I am going to tell you about something crazy that happened to me two years ago. It was the night before Christmas. It was cold outside and very dark. Everybody was already sleeping. Except for me, because FAP FAP FAP..."

While Gouhin was telling his very interesting, well-written and extremely appropriate story to the kids in one room, Legosi, Louis and Haru had changed into their Elf-outfits and were waiting just outside the dorm.

"Alright, I need you to entertain the kids while 'Santa' finishes the other dorm, is that okay with you?" The director asked.

Louis smiled. "Trust me ma'am, I am an actor. Even if Legosi and Haru can't act for shit, my performance will outshine them by a mile."

Legosi and Haru glared at him, but the director seemed happy.

"Good, keep that confidence please. Alright, here we go!" She said and she opened the door for the three of them.

"Showtime." Legosi whispered and the three of them strolled in happily.

"Wassup my niggaaaaaa-OOMPH!" Louis said before being interrupted by Haru stomping him in his little deer balls.

She cleared her throat, smiled and said: "Good evening kids! And Merry Christmas to you!"

Legosi jumped in and said: "And boy do we have some treats for you today! And might I say, what a beautiful Christmas tree you have there. Who decorated it?"

"ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!" The kids all said in unison.

"Alright little dudes and dudettes, that's awesome!" He said sweetly.

The three of them sat down, Louis still holding his groin and they spent a small amount of time giving candy to the kiddies and giving them a couple of small presents.

Then, a supervisor came in.

"SSHHH! Quiet everyone, I think Santa is coming!"

Gasping, the kids sat down and kept whispering to each other.

Then, the door flew open.

"HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!" Gouhin roared as he entered the room.

"Hey, Legosi, isn't that the one guy with whom you... Legosi?" Haru asked.

Legosi's smile faded as snow before the sun and he bared his fangs.

"YOU!" He yelled and he flipped over his chair.

"Oh, hey Legosi, how are ya?" Gouhin asked, before hastily dodging the chair being launched at him.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"LEGOSI-KUN!"

"DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Legosi lunged at Gouhin.

"I know what you did!" He yelled. "YOU ARE THE ONE WHO KILLED TEM, I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!"

"God damnit Legosi you fucking retard!" Haru yelled.

"This is the 67th time you've accused someone of killing Tem in the past three days!" Louis screamed.

"You even accused ME yesterday during seeeeeeeee... err... during the festivities. Yes. That." Haru stammered.

Gouhin threw Legosi off him and growled.

"You piece of shit, I've had it up to here with you, you damn brat!"

Then he pulled a flamethrower out of nowhere and aimed it at Legosi.

"HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKER!" He roared and fired away. Legosi managed to evade the flames, but he was standing in front of the Christmas Tree, which caught fire.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Louis, Haru and the supervisors yelled. But Legosi didn't notice a thing and pulled out a lit stick of dynamite.

"Finally, I shall avenge Tem, my dearest, dearest friend." And with that, he yeeted the stick at Gouhin.

"Well balls." Gouhin said before being blown into a thousand pieces. The blast radius of the dynamite was so huge that the ceiling collapsed, burying almost everything and everyone with rubble.

Louis was hit in the head and dazed, he fell to the ground.

His ears buzzed, his vision was blurred. He felt someone grab his head.

"...ouis... ave... to go..." He faintly heard. A big white blur was in front of him.

"LOUIS!" Haru yelled and she slapped him in the face.

"hbjbdjbjdbjdjd WHAT!" He yelled.

"GET UP LOUIS WE HAVE TO GO!" Haru said as she desperately tried to get the deer on his feet.

"Where's Legosi?" Louis asked.

A big boulder suddenly rolled over and Legosi crawled to his feet.

"I'm here!"

He stumbled over to them, picked up Haru and lifted Louis to his feet and offered his shoulder for support.

"LET'S GO! LET'S GO!" He yelled.

"BUT LEGOSI!" Haru yelled in his ear. "THE ORPHANS!"

"FUCK THE ORPHANS!" Legosi yelled back.

"OKIDOKI!" Louis said as he unzipped his pants.

Legosi opened his mouth and emitted the 'Bruh' sound effect.

"What?" Louis asked, before another heap of rubble fell to the ground, only just missing him.

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD RUN LEGOSI! MOVE THEM LEGS!" Haru yelled.

Legosi dashed towards the nearest window.

"HOLD ON YOU GUYS!" He yelled as he jumped.

"NONONONONONONONO, WAIT!" Louis and Haru yelled, but it was too late. The three of them crashed violently through the window and landed painfully onto the concrete pavement, with Louis losing his antlers in the process.

Haru crawled to her feet and turned around, the stench of smoke, ash and blood filling her nostrils. Her eyes widened when she saw that the entire building had already caught fire.

"Oh fuck..." She muttered. She turned to Legosi and Louis, the former helping the latter get up. Haru wasted no time. She dashed to the other side of the road, where they had parked the van. She jumped inside and started the engine.

With screeching tires, she quickly drove over to Legosi and Louis, making sure to hit some pedestrians on the way for bonus points.

"GET IN YOU MORONS!" She yelled. Legosi grabbed Louis, yeeted him into the back of the van and then jumped in himself.

The second burning of the orphanage reached the headlines of all the newspapers around town, but our heroes got away with it. Seeing as there were no witnesses, they just framed Jack for doing something with a barbecue again and soon, everything returned to normal. Sadly, Haru did not partake in that threesome they had planned that year, because she needed a break from, quote: "You two retarded fuckturds." But she came around eventually and they just did it in January, inviting Juno and Pina along for the ride. And so, another year passed by with the Cherryton Christmas Charity being a success. Mostly. Now you may be wondering how this is keeping in line with the Christmas spirit of sharing and love etc. Well, dearest of readers, remember: if you burn down an orphanage with all of its inhabitants, you can give more presents and love to people you actually give a shit about.

And thus concludes my fanfiction library of 2019. Here's to another glorious new year and new decade, filled with more retarted shit written by yours truly. Cheers lads and lasses, and a happy New Year!