CHAPTER ONE

It's freezing cold. Bits of gravel are digging into her knees. She can feel a slight trickle of sweat — or is it blood?— dripping down her neck. But none of those things matter right now. In fact, they're barely occupying any space in her mind. What's taking up the most of her attention is the warm, still body lying beneath her. Time seems to have stopped and moved at hyperspeed all at once.

Snippets from the past half hour flash through Rey's mind… using both lightsabers to deflect Palpatine's attack… collapsing… waking up in Ben's arms… kissing him… Ben kissing her back… and then him falling, sinking to the ground before she could catch him.

And now she's here. Kneeling above him, hands on his ragged sweater, not entirely sure what she's doing. She can't tell if he's breathing or not. Does it even matter? He pulled her from the brink — she can do the same for him. She must.

"Be with me," she whispers. Her throat aches with every word, but she pushes through it. "Be with me…"

If all the Jedi who ever lived could come to her aid before, surely they can help her just one more time. Surely they can push him away from whatever galaxy lies beyond this one and send him back to her.

Surely she didn't make it this far — they didn't make it this far — only to lose each other now.

Nothing changes.

The room is still silent apart from the occasional thud of crumbling bricks. A slight breeze blows dust in her eyes and irritates her nose. He is not moving.

Maybe there was too much damage… maybe there simply isn't enough life left for the both of them…

One more try, she tells herself. One more, and then she'll accept the unacceptable.

"Be with me," her voice is so raspy she can barely hear herself. Her eyes fill to the point that Ben looks like nothing more than a dark, watery blob on the ground. "Be with me…"

She shuts her eyes, no longer able to face one of her deepest fears. She has no clue what went on above her head while she was down here battling Palpatine. For all she knows, she might have already lost every person who ever mattered to her… Finn, Poe, Chewie, and now… will there be anyone there to greet her when she makes her way out of this evil place? Has she been doomed from the very start to be alone in this life?

Something happens. A shift. It's so small that she thinks she may have imagined it. Did his chest move or did her hand simply twitch? Does she dare to hope?

"Ben," she leans down so that her mouth is right next to his ear. "If you can hear me, if you're there, give me some sign."

She waits.

Maybe it was her imagination after all. Maybe after the stress she has endured today, this is just too much for her mind to process. Maybe she should leave before she goes mad…

She pushes herself back to an upright position and looks down at him one more time. He looks so much younger like this, so much more fragile, than she ever thought he could. She wonders if this is what he looked like every time he went to sleep. She wishes she could have found that out for herself.

Suddenly — pressure on her right hand… on top of her hand. She whips her head to the side, heart pounding in her chest. And what she sees makes her heart stop all together.

His hand is over hers. Completely covering hers, actually. Slowly, he moves his thumb down to circle around her wrist. It's a light grip — she can barely feel the calluses on his palm — but it's a grip nonetheless.

"Ben?" her voice catches in her throat.

He squeezes gently, but that's more than enough for her.

Every tear that was threatening to spill runs down her cheeks now. But they're not the tears of mourning she had feared she'd shed — they're tears of joy, relief, gratitude. She laughs. She doesn't even mean to and it hurts like hell but she can't stop laughing. Even moving a muscle is agony and her arms are shaking, but she slides her free hand up to his shoulder and squeezes, willing him to move once more.

"Ben," she says, when she's gained enough control of herself to speak again.

And then she's gifted with the most beautiful sight in the world.

He opens his eyes.

Nothing, nothing could prepare her for the sheer elation that takes over when she sees him looking up at her. He looks exhausted, but he's alive. He's alive and he's looking at her with a gaze so soft that she thinks she might spontaneously combust.

"You're here. You're back," she chokes out as she reaches to brush a strand of hair off his face.

He grins just a little, never taking his eyes off of her.

"You didn't think it would be that easy to get rid of me, did you?"

Together they start to find their way out of Palpatine's throne room. It's slow work, partly because they're both weak with fatigue and partly because the rubble is blocking every clear path there once was.

Rey keeps her arm tightly wrapped around his waist, and Ben keeps his arm around her shoulder. She's not sure who's keeping who upright. Maybe it's an equal effort from both of them. That would make perfect sense for them, she thinks. Dyads in the force, perfectly balanced in everything they do, literally keeping each other alive.

The weight of the two lightsabers seems to be increasing with each step she takes. Ben offered to carry both or at least one, but he's already moving so clumsily, as if his body is suddenly too big for him, that she doesn't want to burden him with even another ounce.

"How much further do you think it is?" Ben winces as they hike over a particularly large pile of rocks.

He injured his leg badly when he was thrown into that pit, and Rey was able to bring him back to life, but not heal him entirely.

"We must be close," she says, gritting her teeth through her own aches and pains.

They make their way back to flat ground and Ben's leg nearly goes out from under him. He manages to brace himself against a wall before he falls and takes her down with him.

"Do you need to take a break?" Rey asks, running a soothing hand up and down his back as he struggles to catch his breath.

"No," Ben pants. "We should get out here. We have no clue who else might have survived."

"We're not exactly difficult targets. If someone wanted to attack, they would have done it by now."

Rey motions to the silent, empty ruins to emphasize her point.

"You have to remember that I spent years being trained to see a threat around every corner," he says.

"That's made you paranoid."

"It's also kept me safe."

Ben shuts his eyes and Rey can feel the effort he's expending to steady his breath.

"You didn't seem too worried about threats when you rushed in here to help me." She runs her hand up his back once more and moves it to the nape of his neck, massaging it gently.

"I didn't have time to be worried. I knew what I had to do and I did it."

"And I'm so glad you did."

He opens his eyes again and meets her gaze, a depth and intensity in them that she's only seen a few times before.

"So am I," he whispers.

She wants to kiss him. More than anything right now she wants to reach up, grab his face, and pull him down so his lips can meet hers. She wants him to wrap his impossibly big hands around her waist. She wants to stay like that for a very, very long time.

But she's fairly certain the effort from doing any of that would kill the both of them. So she settles for simply placing a hand on his cheek.

"We'll keep each other safe, how about that? We've already had plenty of practice doing it."

His mouth twitches upward, as much of a smile as he can muster. Then he turns his head and presses his lips against her palm.

"We'll keep each other safe," he echoes.

They stop whenever either of them needs to, so it takes much longer than they should, but eventually they find themselves standing in front of the X-Wing. They're both drenched in sweat, caked in dirt and dust, so tired they're shaking. But they're here, and Rey is so happy she feels like she could cry again.

"It's going to be a tight fit," she says, looking up at Ben, who's swaying slightly.

"It won't have to be for long," he sighs. "Just drop me off at the first remote planet we find and I'll begin my exile."

"What?"

Rey's heart starts hammering in her chest again. Exile? What is he thinking?

"I could easily be sentenced to death for the things I've done. My only other options are to go into hiding or to be exiled. I'd prefer if it was self-imposed."

"No," she says, trying to fight back the panic bubbling up inside her. "Absolutely not. You're not leaving me after all of this."

Ben looks down at her.

"What other choice do I have?"

She can see the sadness in his eyes. The grief, the despair, the pain. She cannot let him do this. Not to her, not to himself.

"You can stay with me. We can go back to the Resistance base together," she says. She tightens her grip on him as a silent way of telling him she's not letting him go.

"I'll never be welcome there."

"I'll tell them that you are. I'll tell them about everything you've done for me, for our cause. I will make them see you for who you really are."

Ben shakes his head. He takes a deep, heaving breath before he speaks. When he finally does, his voice is choked as if his whole throat is tight. As if he's holding back tears. The light shifts and by the glint in his eyes, Rey can tell that's exactly what he's doing.

"I've been a horrible person. I've done horrible things. I don't expect to ever truly be forgiven."

Rey moves so that she can grab his free hand with hers. She squeezes gently, just as he did so many hours ago.

"That's the thing about forgiveness, Ben. It's never too late to ask for it."

She takes a step — just a small step — towards the jet, and hopes with every fiber of her being that he'll follow her. Not just to the X-Wing, but all the way back to the Resistance.

She looks behind her and sees him standing there, looking like a child and a hardened man all at the same time, tears cutting fresh tracks down his filthy face. For a second, she thinks he won't move.

But then he does.

And slowly, carefully, they walk hand in hand into the future.

A/N: Well, that's the first chapter done. I honestly have no idea how long this is going to end up being but I figure I'll just keep writing until I run out of story and I hope you'll all join me in the journey. Ever since watching the movie I haven't stopped thinking about what would have happened to everyone afterward - especially if Ben had lived - so here's my version of it all. BTW more characters will be in the upcoming chapters and I'll def be diving into what their lives look like now too. xx