When Barnaby asked me once if I'd ever been married, I told him, "No, I never had time for a wife." My own words surprised me and I was ashamed as soon as I'd spoken. I don't know why I lied to Barney – maybe deep down I felt that he was too inexperienced of life yet to understand or maybe I was just shying away from an awkward subject. Because, of course, I am married...

When we first got married, Emily and I made our home in Illinois. I'd teamed up with Seth Adams in a lumber business. It kept me pretty busy; there were times I had to travel north to the timber camps to buy the lumber, or else round and about to sell it. I guess I didn't spend much time at home. Then there was a prizefighter that Adams and I started managing. That earned us both some good money, but it meant spending quite a while in New York.

Then the war came: four years when I could only make it home on an occasional furlough. Well, it couldn't be helped and I certainly wasn't the only man away from his wife for those years but it meant I wasn't with her when she gave birth to a stillborn child.

After the war I settled down for a while but somehow I was restless. I've heard other veterans say the same thing – or maybe I'm just making excuses. However it was, when Major Adams recovered from his war wounds – that he got while saving my life, I have to add – and was going to lead a wagon train west, I jumped at the chance of becoming his ramrod. It would only be one trip, I told Emily that first year. Just one trip, and after all, I owed it to the Major, he'd saved my life – more excuses?

That first trip was a brilliant success, and I could see the satisfaction on Major Adams' face when every wagon that had started out from St Joseph rolled safely into Sacramento. It was no surprise when he told me he was going to make this his work from now on. And somehow I think it was no surprise to Emily when I got back home and told her I would be ramrodding for the Major again the next year. And then again the year after.

I was home with Emily through the winter months, but from early Spring to late Fall every year I was in St Joseph getting the trains ready, then travelling to California, then making the long journey back. I was away for three-quarters of the year. I was away when Emily buried our three-month-old son.

That shook me and I decided once and for all that I would settle down. Just one more trip, I told Emily, but this time she would come with me and when we got to California, we'd find ourselves a good piece of land and build a fine house and live there together.

She agreed and I outfitted a wagon and she came along. Of course, I was still the ramrod and the job kept me busy. I tried to spend as much time with Emily as I could but you know, sometimes at the end of the day, I'd sit down with the Major and Flint and Charlie and be ready to dig into Charlie's awful cooking, until the Major reminded me that my wife had my supper ready.

We got to Sacramento and Emily found a comfortable boarding house for us to stay in while Major Adams and I were busy with selling the surplus equipment and making out the reports for the Western Trails Company. The Major and Charlie had plans for their trip back East this year; instead of slogging overland, they were going to take passage in a luxury ship. First class, no less. A leisurely sea voyage, and they were intending to enjoy every moment. And the Major was already talking about next year's wagon train. He'd heard about a new route that might be an easier trail; it would mean seeing new country, too. Flint was keen to learn more. I felt left out.

It would be just one more trip, I told Emily. She could stay here in Sacramento, get used to the climate, get to know people. I would be back next Fall and we'd find that homestead. She didn't argue. She seemed resigned. It was as if she'd almost expected it.

When I arrived in Sacramento at the end of the next year's trip, I found Emily teaching in a girls' school. She hadn't needed to take a job; I'd left her plenty of money and had sent more from St Joseph but she said she got tired of sitting around twiddling her thumbs. I said that I'd start looking for some land but I suppose I didn't sound very eager, because she said that if I wanted to keep ramrodding, that was all right; she had useful work to do and she was happy.

I call in on her when we get into Sacramento each Fall. Well, I try to, but the last couple of years things have been real busy when we've been settling up and I haven't managed it. I really will this year, though.

It wasn't quite a lie, what I said to Barney. It's not true that I never married, but it's true that I never had time for a wife.