Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist

Chapter One

Edward Elric was hungry. He wanted a large bowl of spaghetti. Spaghetti with a good sauce and some meat. Then he wanted cake. Chocolate cake. With chocolate frosting. He couldn't decide whether he wanted sprinkles on top or not.

He was glaring at the bowl in front of him, debating whether he should eat the (probably stale) plain biscuit in it. It would taste horrible, he was sure it had been there for the last two months. It had been part of a failed attempt from Second Lieutenant Havoc's side at bringing some sort of snack to the office. It had been during the week he'd been dating this self-proclaimed health expert. Apparently she had made them herself, and Havoc had absolutely adored her, going on about how "hot" she was, and how "they were going to be together forever". They had lasted eight days. Everyone in the office had been forced to try one of the biscuits, and Ed thought it was one of the most horrific things he'd ever eaten. He had learned a valuable lesson that day: healthy biscuits were a sin against nature.

He did not want to eat that thing, but he was so hungry.

"...so little concentration, Fullmetal."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL!?" Ed snapped, returning to the present situation.

"No one. I am merely stating the fact that if you can't even keep your focus on such a short conversation, then I cannot in good conscience even trust you with this small matter," Colonel Roy Mustang said to him from the other side of the desk, his chin resting in his hands.

Ed felt a sudden urge to strangle the smug man in front of him.

"I mean, you have such little experience with the military after all..."

Crunch

Ed had managed to break the right armrest on the chair he was sitting on, splintered wood still clutched in his automail hand.

Mustang's eyebrows rose slightly in surprise. "Fullmetal, would you kindly repair the chair? Otherwise you will be forced to sit on the floor for the rest of the year."

Ed stood up, quickly gathering up the many splinters of wood and putting them on the seat. He clapped his hands, brought them to the chair and in a flash of blue lightning, it was good as new.

He sat down on it, putting his right leg on his left knee, leaning back in the chair with his arms crossed. "Happy, bastard?"

"You're really sticking with that nickname, are you? ... Well, I'm not surprised that you're acting so childish, you did just turn thirteen. It's only to be expected from such a small kid..."

"CALL ME SMALL ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL-"

"You'll do what, Fullmetal?"

"Please, Sir, just get on with explaining the mission." First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye said, picking up her gun in a silent warning.

The two alchemists immediately cooled down. Ed had only been a part of the military for four months, but he already knew not to cross Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"Yes... As I said earlier, Fullmetal, we are currently investigating this school... There has been a recent string of murders, all of them children from said school... We want you to pose as a new student and investigate the matter."

"Is Al coming with me?"

"No, he is too conspicuous. A suit of armour would draw too much attention. He will have to stay behind here."

"Where's this school?"

"It's in a city about two hours from here called Amsel. The school itself is called Amsel Academy."

"How original."

"That may be, but we still need to investigate.

"But why aren't the police handling this? What do they need a State Alchemist for?"

"All the victims were found with an array carved into the skin on their backs. According to the coroner, they were tortured before the array was activated. It appears that it was used to bleed the victims completely dry of blood."

"What?! Like, no blood left in the bodies at all?"

"None."

"How is that even possible?!"

"We don't know, but apparently the killer isn't done. In the last two months they've already killed seven children, three boys and four girls, ages ranging from ten to sixteen."

"That's sick."

"We'll be infiltrating the local community and try to catch the culprit before they can kill any more children."

""We"?"

"Yes, Fullmetal, we. I'll be posing as your uncle and guardian, with Hawkeye as my girlfriend."

Hawkeye rolled her eyes at the slight smile that crept over the Colonel's mouth as he said the last word.

"Your name will be Edward Carlson, I'll be Robert Carlson, and Hawkeye will be known as Elizabeth Smith."

"So you're "Uncle Bob"?"

"I guess so," Mustang said with a sigh.

Ed started laughing. The thought of the Colonel being a "Bob" was priceless.

"How about Bobby?"

"Don't push it, Fullmetal..."

Hawkeye was even smiling slightly, Ed was having trouble breathing, he was laughing so hard.

"Come on now, Bob, I'm just getting into character!"

Mustang breathed deeply, calming himself. "Anyway, If anyone asks, we recently moved from East City after your parents died in a car crash a year ago, which will also be how you lost your limbs."

"...And dear old Unkie Bobby took me in, right?" Ed's eyes were glinting with mirth.

"Fullmetal I will not-!"

"Oh, how can you be so mean to your only nephew! Auntie Elizabeth, please stop him!" Ed fake-wailed.

It was so wrong to use those names, but it was so worth it to see the Colonel's reaction. He looked anguished beyond belief. Hawkeye was actually fully smiling, not just slightly lifting a corner of her lips. If this was how it was going to be for the next few weeks, then he was going to enjoy torturing the man as much as possible.

"Here, Edward," Hawkeye said, handing him a folder. "Here's the information on the school and the case itself."

Ed flipped the folder open. Apparently it was a private school that accepted children from ages six to sixteen. Instead of the usual way of doing things, the students were pretty much self-taught, although there were five teachers per classroom in order to guide and help the students. The students received a plan at the beginning of the week for what they were supposed to learn, so they were free to either have several subjects on each day, or use the whole day to study a particular subject. They received tests after so-and-so many weeks. This way the teachers had a good overview of the students' progress. There were between fifteen and twenty students per class, and there were one classroom per year. There were ten classrooms in total. They also had an obligatory "library-hour" twice a week, as well as a mandatory double Physical Education lesson once a week.

All in all, it didn't look too bad.

He moved on to the reports on the victims. The children were indeed tortured, they all had cuts and bruises, some had been whipped, many had broken fingers and/or toes, all of them had blonde hair.

"You want me to be bait," Ed said.

"Yes. But we would of course like to find the killer before they become a threat to you." Mustang said. "If you should feel that there is a threat to your life, you are allowed to use your alchemy as you see fit, but only then. We don't want you to blow the mission. Havoc will be joining as well, posing as a janitor at the school, so if you find yourself in trouble, you should go to him."

"And what will you be doing?"

"I have apparently inherited a large sum of money from my sister, your mother, as have you, which is why I will not need to work. Hawkeye will be staying at home with me."

"And how come my mother had so much money?"

"Your paternal grandfather won the lottery and invested it well."

"Great, so you're mooching off of my dead parents?"

"Supposedly, yes."

"What will Havoc's name be?"

"James Harrison."

"Why is everyone's first name changed except mine?"

"Because this is your first time undercover, and as you will probably be the one to converse the most, we figured that it was such a common name that it would be easier for you not to slip if you kept your name."

"So you don't trust me to keep up appearances?"

"We thought it would be better just to keep it simple."

"Whatever."

"We expect the mission to last between two and four weeks. Meet us here at 0800 hours on Monday."

"Monday? But that's just three days from now!"

"Would you rather increase the chances of another murder?"

"No."

"Good, you are dismissed."

Ed rose from his chair and went over to the door. As he was about to close it, he stopped with an evil smirk. "See ya later, Robbie-Boy!"

He closed the door and ran quick as he could, which was a good idea, seeing as how the office door exploded into flames and gunshots were then heard from inside the office.

When he got back to the military hotel him and Al were staying at, he found the room empty. Al had been talking about going to the library, so Ed figured he'd be back in a few hours. Seeing as how he didn't have a younger brother present to feel bad about eating cake in front of, Ed ordered some room service. When the food came, he was glad he hadn't eaten the biscuit from Hell.

He wasn't looking forwards to this mission at all. Not only was he stuck with that bastard Colonel, he was stuck with him without Al. He hadn't been away from his brother for that long before, and he didn't like it. This could also mean that Al would be stuck without his body a month longer than necessary.

But after seeing the way those kids had been tortured, he knew he would have to help.

He sighed.

He knew he'd have to go on missions and possibly be separated from his brother when he joined the military, but possibly for a month? He was going to be lonelier than he had ever been. He guessed Al could go to Resembool and see Granny and Winry again.

One thing was sure, if he was going to be stuck with that bastard Colonel's smug face for that long, he was gonna give him hell. Or as much hell as possible without him risking being shot by Hawkeye.

The room service came, and Ed ate a lot of pasta and then cake.

With renewed hope, due to a full stomach, Ed looked through the folder again. It was eerie how the dead children were so incredibly pale, they truly had no blood left in their bodies. Why the hell would anyone use alchemy to do this to kids?!

There was some information about the staff of the school as well. He would apparently have a total of ten different teachers, seven of them female, three of them male. The women smiled in their pictures, as did two of the males, the last one, a Mr. Charles Miller, looked out of the picture as though he would have liked nothing more than to strangle the photographer. He looked rather skinny, was in his mid-thirties, black hair and prominent cheekbones. He had a bit of stubble, and his grey eyes were narrowed with dislike. He did not look very pleasant. Apparently he was an expert in mathematics and chemistry, so Ed guessed he'd have a lot to do with him.

The ten teachers´ days of work were split in two, five of them working Monday through Wednesday, the next Thursday through Friday.

The headmistress was named Penelope Waters, and was a small lady in her forties with long black hair and a fake smile. She had the same glint in her eye as Hawkeye, and Ed knew immediately that he wouldn't like to cross her.

He was slightly worried by the fact that they were supposed to have PE, not because he was afraid that he wouldn't be up to scratch, he was most likely in better physical shape than most of his classmates put together. No, it was just that he couldn't see how he'd be able to hide his automail. He guessed he could hide his leg if he didn't wear shorts, but he would either have to wear a T-shirt or a tank top which meant his arm would be fully exposed. PE lessons were the only ones where two classes would be having lessons together, which probably meant that the whole school would know about his arm before long.

It was only for a month, he would be able to cope with that. If he could go through automail surgery, he could damn well go through a few PE lessons with some gawking brats.

So that's chapter one. I'll be posting the first four chapters in one go, and then I'll probably be able to update quite often, most likely at least once or twice a week.