For Your Eyes Only

Author's Note: Hello once again dear readers and I am back at it again with a new OreGiaru fanfic, for those of you who don't who I am: Hey, wassup? Hope we can get along. For those who do: Welcome back and I hope you enjoy the second fanfic I wrote for OreGairu. But unlike my previous entry, this is a one shot, the idea of which just came into my head one day and wouldn't leave my mind until I just HAD to write it so here it is. I hope you enjoy.

Hints of HachimanxYukino just cause I love that pairing.

I should say this at the start but I own nothing but the plot and all properties belong to their respective owners.

Warning: A bit of an OOC for Ebina and some light cursing.

All of this is un beta'd so all mistakes are mine and feel free to read and review if you like it.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

-0-

There is something rotten with the way the world works, it's as if the very system that controls it is inherently flawed and we are all just born to accept the circumstances as the way they are, no hope of changing it nor any ambition to do so otherwise. Humans, as they often say, are instinctively selfish creatures, a product of thousands of years of survival to sustain themselves and those closest to them. The selfishness that we treat so much ire, putting ourselves in such a high pedestal that we are inherently without flaws, I want to laugh at the people who snobbishly believe such inane ramblings. It's the very selfishness that allowed humanity to endure and survive for as long as it can, we lived by the code of surviving for ourselves and let the rest follow suit, we've done this for the past thousand or so years and will continue to do so until the very far future. Well, at least until the sun finally heats up so hot that it consumes all intelligent life in this universe and all we would be left with is the dark and empty void of space.

What was I talking about again?

Right, system's rotten and people are inherently selfish. With a system that caters to those who are willing to live for themselves then I ask: Why fix something that isn't broken? Leave things the way they are I say, if it fucks us over in the end then we do what we, as humans, often do. Move on.

Now, I know that you're probably rolling your eyes at me and say, "There goes our resident cynical loner rambling on about this and that, completely ruining any kind of energy that appealed to us to read this in the first place". But I challenge your preconceived notions dear reader, for I am not that dead fish eye loner you all so lovingly have been attached to for almost 14 volumes and two anime seasons (not to mention those manga adaptions that never updated). For I am not Hachiman Hikigaya as you might've thought, nope.

But I do consider myself equally, and to some degree more, rotten. The girl that fool of a man decided to fake confess to on that garden in Kyoto, the resident fujoshi of 2-F and everyone's 2nd favorite nice girl, Hina Ebina. (Yes, that applause is much appreciated).

And so you ask yourself: Hina, what the fuck are you talking about?

And that, my dear reader-san, is the inane ramblings of an amateur cynic who likes to talk out of her ass and pretend she's being smart about it. So what brought this on? What is the self-proclaimed "rotten girl" doing spouting stuff that Araragi-looking loner would often do? Well, it's not a simple answer if I could even give one, its more like a series of complications, coincidences and a whole lot of overthinking that finally arrived me to one conclusion.

I can't get Hachiman Hikigaya out of my head.

It was strange really, to be this troubled over a classmate who a few months ago I wouldn't even talk to unless it was for a class related project or just pure obligation when I coincidentally run into him when walking around the halls of Sobu. Sure, all he would reply with was a small but acknowledging nod and we go about our days without thinking of each other in the slightest. But as of late, at least for me, I can't seem to not stop thinking about him.

That loner seemingly finding a way to snake his way into my mind, invading any and every single waking thought I would have. Tch, its kind of frustrating to admit but I can't believe I've been won over by him of all people.

Now don't get me wrong, Hikigaya is a kind person, despite what he likes to project to others, and to himself most likely, he's a kind guy. He had the willingness to help someone to the best of his capacity, strategizing ways to figure a situation out and finding a way to resolve it, even its through the means of social suicide. That was something that bothered me most of all, his idea of self-sacrifice through humiliating himself in front of other people. It was just that through that mean I often found myself questioning, to what extent is willing to go to for people? Would he throw away his whole high school life for the sake of someone else?

I guess that's one of the main catalysts on why my thoughts, if not on the latest chapter of that Edo period yaoi manga I've been reading, was on that infamous loner.

Speaking of that loner, there he goes, sliding the door open and walking in. His shoulders are hunched, his body movements a little slow and stiff and his eyes look more like a dead fish than usual. It was a slightly dull morning today, clouds dominate the sky and smother everything in a gray gloom that threatens to bring rain. And here was Hikigaya, walking in like a zombie that had just woken up, made me wonder what he did in his spare time when he's at home.

Unconsciously, my gaze follows him as he walks to his desk and places his bag on its hook and shrugs off his coat. He sits down, folds his arm across his desk and slams his head down and he was out like a light. First class hasn't even started and already he was asleep, he reminded me of me in a way, back when I'd stay up late just to finish another volume of a light novel I was reading, but I would be caught dead sleeping in class so casually like that.

"Hina…"

Maybe he has trouble sleeping recently…

"Hina…"

I can recommend him a few methods to fall asleep instantly that I often use…

"Hina…"

Maybe there's something coming up that he's stressing about or maybe something changed and its affecting his sleeping patterns…

"HINA"

Yumiko's voice breaks me from my thoughts and I snap my head towards her, she's looking at me with a bit of ticked off look and I realized what had happened, I was so preoccupied with my thoughts of him again that I managed to drift away from the conversation that we were having. Yui, bless her gentle soul, is trying to calm her down as a few students around us had taken notice of her outburst and were staring at us.

"Were you even listening to what I was saying?", she questioned.

"I…", I tried to reply but my mind draws a blank, since in fact, I was not listening to what she was saying.

She sighs and rubs her temple, an attempt to calm her nerves.

"What has gotten into you recently? Its like you've been spacing in and out and can barely hold a decent conversation", Yumiko said, frustration laced in her tone.

"She's right Hina-chan, its like you're not yourself anymore", Yui admitted, agreeing with Yumiko's sentiments. "Is something bothering you?".

"Well…no its nothing…", I replied, acting a bit coy now since I was not going to admit the truth.

"Is Tobe annoying you again? I thought that knucklehead would learn at this point", Yumiko said, even raising a fist.

I knew I needed to defuse the situation at least, just so things don't spill out and cause a complication. When dealing with Yumiko, its best to extinguish any signs of fire that are burning up instead of waiting until it explodes, guess I kind of understand why she has the reputation that she has in the first place.

"No its not about Tobe either", I replied, my mind still racing for a possible answer to say.

"Then what is it?", Yumiko questioned once more.

I panicked, "End of term exams".

Instantaneously, the two are seemingly deflated at the mention of it. I internally praised my resourcefulness on that one, knowing how much these two despise those kinds of topics it was a good distraction to occupy their minds.

"Ugh, don't even mention it Hina-chan…", Yui whined as she grabbed the sides of her head laid it down on her desk. "You know how much I dread those exams".

"Stupid exams, ruining our final days as second years, it should be outlawed to have exams ruin our high school life", Yumiko justified, I know someone who would agree with you on that part.

"Sorry, its just I've been kind of stressing out about it as of late", I lied as naturally as I breathed.

"What're you talking about Hina-chan?", Yui questioned my statement as gazed up at me. "You get amazing grades in almost all of our subjects, like, you even tutored me on math and science".

"She's right Hina, why are you suddenly stressing something like the end of term exams? That's like a cake walk for you", Yumiko added and I merely smiled at their attempts to quell my "problems".

"Still, one can't be to assured you know?", I replied.

"If you want, we can do a study group the weekend before the exam like last time", Yumiko offered and Yui excitedly jumped in.

"And we can do it at my house"

As they discuss another weekend plan, I take this as a chance to steal another glance at him. He's now talking to Totsuka, looking a lot happier and more fulfilled with a cheeky look his face and an obvious blush on his cheeks. Now that's a ship I wouldn't mind sailing…a feminine looking but ambitious tennis player falling in love with the angsty loner who slowly helps him build confidence in himself to play and the loner, in return, begins to lower his walls and let him into his troubled life…That does put a smile on my face, in which it did, I can even feel a nosebleed coming out soon.

But enough about that for now, BL has its own precious time for me when I get home later. But it had seem, as tragically as I hate to admit, that loner has got me under some spell of his.

Maybe its his eyes, that what I began to theorize, an outstanding characteristic that sticks out more prominently than his ahoge. To some it was creepy, even terrifying, even I wouldn't want to have a run in with those things when I'm walking down an alley in the dead of night but despite that, there was something about them that I just couldn't help but have it lingered in my thoughts.

Despite their ghoulish appearance, yes beyond that, I could see the eyes of someone who sees the world through his own twisted vision. Eyes that have been through a ton of hardship and abuse that it just snuffed any and all fire that could kindle behind it, sure it was creepy, but it was kind of sad to look into them and see what could've been if people weren't as cruel as they are. Through bits and pieces of conversation we've had, and some eavesdropping on passing conversations, I knew Hikigaya didn't have an easy life in school, home was a different and more personal matter, but I knew of the bullying he had endured in his young life and how it eventually turned him into the person he is today.

Cynical, self-depreciating, sarcastic and all in all, at least in his words, a very rotten person.

But I want to refute that, that's right. I stand here in this metaphorical courtroom, clad in my lawyer clothes standing in front a faceless judge as Hikigaya sits in the stand. The accused sitting out for the world to see as I, the dashing, smart and no nonsense defense attorney will rebuff any and all things that would hurled at my client just so I can make this story more entertaining than it should be.

He's a creepy loner, nothing more, someone who'd rather stay out of people's way rather than interact with them.

That statement is true, with the way he is, Hikigaya has a hard time being around people and tends to rub them the wrong way. For me, it was just nothing more than Hachiman purposefully projecting himself in such a light just so he can avoid any and all possible chance of social interaction with people. He views people the same way I do, selfish and self-serving creatures that would turn their back on you at the drop of a hat.

Nothing I myself haven't experienced before.

His eyes are terrifying and his general appearance is just unattractive, and have you seen his face?

Yes I have seen his face, a lot closer and more personal than he'd like and I refute that statement of his general unattractiveness. Sure he wasn't the most upkept person in terms of appearance, with his often messy hair and slouched posture, but that doesn't make him unattractive. I would say his looks are above average, maybe if he fixes his expressions more and maybe a smile here and there then a lot more people can look at him in a kinder light. And his eyes, despite their surface appearance, hide something else underneath, just something that I can't help but be drawn to.

Maybe because I like to think that there's always something more to a person than their appearance, its manage to help me keep the obvious perv hounds away and read people a lot more. And its help me manage to see this infamous loner in a different light, that he wasn't as creepy and perverted as he often acts, there's a method in his madness and it just takes an equal kind of madness to match it and understand it.

Now, am I saying that I am that madness? Who knows. Just saying that there's more Hikigaya than meets the eye.

But he's a horrible person Hina! Look what he did to Sagami during the cultural festival.

Well, it wasn't like Sagami herself wasn't at fault for a large portion of it, if she had just taken charge and fulfilled her role as the head of the culture festival, instead of slacking off with her friends and then feeling bad for herself when someone else, arguably way more capable, took over and managed to make the cultural festival as enjoyable as it was then maybe none of it would have happened. I didn't know much of the detail, especially now since the issue had long since died out, but it seemed it was another social suicide stunt pulled by the aforementioned loner.

Sure it soured Hikigaya in a lot of people's eyes, mine as well at the time, and made him public enemy no. 1 for a while but it spared Sagami from a much more horrific fate that would draw from the Sobu High populace. But it showed to me another side of him I hadn't been aware of, the fact that this self-proclaimed loner is a lot more complex person that people initially realized.

And maybe if they were willing to look beyond the surface level reputation he gained, past the dead fish eye and messy hair, his sarcastic and self-depreciating quips, then maybe they'd see a way more different person than the one they were accustomed to mocking.

Ebina-san, your closing statement?...the metaphorical judge inquired from his seat, banging his nonexistent gavel.

Hachiman Hikigaya was a rotten person.

But it doesn't mean I'm any better.

"Oh…Hikitani-kun, funny running into you here"

I see him raise a questioning brow at my greeting. It was nearing the end of lunch time and I had been loitering around the 1st floor hallway. Yumiko had decided to go to the bathroom and I decided to wait out here when, what seemed to be a daily occurrence, the loner himself had happened to stroll along by, in his hands was a can of that MAXX coffee he loved so much.

"Its like 15th time we've run into each other in this hallway", he deadpanned. "I don't know if its luck or some cruel God playing tricks at this point".

I raised a brow at him in return, "Hm? I didn't know you believe in such things Hikitani-kun".

I can see his eye twitch a little at the nickname that had been stuck to him ever since, I've been thinking about referring to him by his name but its too far in for me and I like teasing him about it.

"I mostly don't, but this cant just be a coincidence", he replied, shoving a hand back into his pocket and taking a sip from his drink.

"Universe works in way more mysterious ways than we think", I mocked pondered and I visibly him resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"Sure it does…"

It does though Hikigaya, in more ways than we realize. Surely it wasn't because that I knew this was the route you would take when you go to and from that "loner spot" you so prized and hide away during lunch time. And it wasn't because I'd buy two bottles of Yumiko's favorite drink knowing full well how weak her bladder is and would, inadvertently, take the closest bathroom that was just near that spot you loved so much before we would head back to the classroom and, by pure calculations, happen to have you walk past and we would meet.

I'm not that of a crafty girl.

"Well, I'll see you at class", he bids his goodbye with a weak wave and walks by me, yawning loudly as he did and I take it as a chance.

"You've been looking a lot more dead tired than usual Hikigaya-kun, something keeping you up at night?", I asked him, catching him off guard by using his real name.

He stops and turns to me, he has a shocked and confused look affixed on his face, admittedly, I kind of like that look on him, way better than the usual bored expression and dead fish eyes. And, despite what his reputation, Hikigaya wasn't a rude person who would just casually walk away from a conversation.

I continue to give him a cheeky smile, despite the fact I called him by his given time and not that obnoxious nickname that I, and a lot of people, would call him.

"Who says I'm tired? No way I'm tired", he smugly replied, attempting to conceal it.

I waved a disappointing finger as I approached him, "Its not good to lie you know, besides, anyone with a good enough eye can see it".

He still looks apprehensive about it, sure, maybe suddenly having this kind of conversation with someone you barely considered an acquaintance was strange but any conversation with Hikigaya was engaging. Like playing with a smart computer in an attempt to outsmart it at a chess game. He still acts a little closed off, a lot more than I'd like and so I decided to take a different strategy.

"Is it about the Service Club? Are there still little troubles in paradise?", I asked him.

It was a rotten move, no, it was beyond rotten to attempt to reopen old wounds with someone. But, like I had stated before, I'm a rotten person and someone like me would do anything if necessary if it meant it serves my own purposes. Does that make me a bad person? Who knows.

But Hikigaya still watches me, observing my words and knowing full well of my intentions, he's good that way, the ability to read between the lines and uncover someone's true motives and get to the core what they actually mean. I wondered if he had figured out mine and decided to humor it, it's the only explanation on why he continues this conversation with me despite the initial hesitation.

"Something like that, we've gotten another request from the Student Council to help out in another event", he answered before letting out a sigh. "Problem is we aren't really high on man power and I've been forced to pull a few late nighters to smooth things out".

"Ishikki-san's been running you to the ground?", I prodded.

"Yeah, swear that girl treats me more like a slave than a human", he complained. "Yukinoshita complains it's because I spoil her too much but I just want to be a dependable senpai".

I give a small chuckle at that admission, "Given your reputation, little too late for that don't you think?".

Anybody would've been offended at the quip, but this wasn't anybody, this was Hachiman Hikigaya we were talking about. He just gives me an uncaring shrug, something he seems to be accustomed to doing. I smile a little at that, makes me feel that this kind of conversations with him were something else.

"Eh, you take what you get that point", he replied.

"That is true, so I'm assuming your back to normal with the girls?", I pestered with another question, the true intention finally breaking through.

"As normal as it can get for now", he answered my question, a little off handedly than I'd like but I can't blame him for still being cagey about his relationship with his club members.

I was still a little guilty for the fallout I had caused with him and the two other members of the Service Club after fulfilling my request. That 'confession' at Kyoto somehow spurred something that just exploded out of proportions and caused a rift between him and the other two girls. Sure, as he claimed, things were back to normal and things aren't as awkward between them as before but it was hard not to think I might've endangered the only possible friends Hikigaya had.

At that time I was thoughtless of other people's feelings, his especially, prioritizing more of the status quo of the 'clique' than anything else. I was a selfish person for asking him to stick his neck like that for me, and in the end, it changed nothing for the better. I guess I thought if I spared everyone the heartache and awkwardness of rejecting Tobe that everything would be fine, and it was, but for us.

But behind the scenes I didn't know how much that small selfless act of his had caused, Yui would only fill me in a little of the details but it seemed that Yukinoshita and herself had grown tired of Hikigaya's thoughtless actions and practically distanced themselves from him soon after. I guess it was only through some interference from someone from above or a stunt that only someone like Hikigaya could manage to pull, but he managed to save their friendship from being completely torn apart.

I secretly envied him for it, wishing I had the strength that he had.

Memories of our talk in the aftermath of the 'confession' was still stuck replaying in my head, the talk were I bared my heart out a little to him.

"I like where I stand now, and the people around me. And that's why…I hate myself"

I opened to my mouth to say something, a way to continue our conversation but that's when the sharp voice of the Fire Queen herself cuts through the air and slices our conversation.

"Hikio, you mind heading back? You're littering this hallway with your very presence alone"

Hikigaya replies with his usual bravado of uncaringness before giving me a small nod, his little means to say goodbye, before turning his heel and walking off. Yumiko walks up beside me and watches him until he throws away the empty can and disappears as he climbs the stairs.

Yumiko clicks her tongue, she had always a bad opinion about Hikigaya, seemingly taking his worth at face value like everyone else.

"God, that loner's creepy, a bit of a pervert too", she spat at him even though he wasn't there before turning to me. "He wasn't bothering you or anything Hina?".

I plaster my usual smile, hiding the small twinge of annoyance I feel bubble inside of me, and shake my head in reply.

"I'm fine, I just wanted to ask him about the next class", I lied once more.

"Why are you asking HIM of all people?", she questioned. "It's bad enough Yui has a thing for the creep".

I can feel my eye twitch a bit at that, no, I can feel the old feeling of annoyance bubble up inside me because of that but I decided to not let that show. And so I take on the role that I was accustomed to at this point: the nice girl.

"Hikitani-kun isn't that bad, he can hold a pretty decent conversation when pushed", I expressed as we made our walk back to the classroom.

"Ugh, as if I would ever talk to that pervert", Yumiko grumbled as she crossed her arms. "He'd probably undress me with those creepy eyes of his, like he doesn't do that already".

I offer her another supportive smile, while my inside raged and my heart ached just a little.

"I mean, its not like he's a horrible person or anything", I defended.

"Please, he likes to hang out with that Yukinoshita bitch all the time", she replied. "Bet those two always argue which one of them is the smartest, damn know-it-alls".

Yukino Yukinoshita, a sour subject for Yumiko to touch upon and with good reasons, it's not like the two have had the most wholesome interactions before. Its more of an aggressive one-sided battle where Yukinoshita neither thinks or care about her as much as she does, it was kind of pathetic but at least it motivates Yumiko to try to be smarter than her, that, and she thinks of her as rival for Hayama's feelings.

She reminded me of Hikigaya in a lot of ways as well, not with the looks or attitude department, but with the fact that the two are loners and seem to have something of a mutual understanding of each other because of it. Much like Hikigaya, the things I know of Yukinoshita herself are just bits and pieces of conversation from Yui, a few eavesdrops here and there and what I could discern from everyone else who knew her at a surface level, even though Hayama himself was childhood friends with her, he acts cagey about it. But she was as much of a loner as he was, not bothering with people and would rather keep them at arm's length, Yui even proudly proclaiming that she was Yukinoshita's only friend but I think Yukinoshita sees her more than that.

I was kind of jealous of her for it, to be able to seemingly understand Hikigaya due to their circumstances being almost identical and almost having a similar point of view with people, but unlike Hikigaya, Yukinoshita was on the other side of the spectrum. She was popular, and it's no wonder why: smart, calm and beautiful, its like God himself decided to carve her out to be something special, a literal angel that would descend from the heavens and make humanity bend to her will.

Though I doubt Yukinoshita herself seems to think that, and like Hikigaya, despite her reputation she had the willingness to help other people and be of service to anyone that needed it. From the few times I managed to encounter her, despite her aloofness and cold demeanor, there's something else that's just scratching beneath the surface. I wondered if Hikigaya himself had managed to see it for himself and that's why he's so hung up on her.

Yep, you heard that right, it seems our resident loner over here has gotten himself bitten by the love bug. If that news ever gets out its going to break a few hearts that are laying around, and not just Yui, I know SakiSaki is pretty into the guy, what with the frequent and nervous glances she steals when she thinks no one's looking and her attachment to him despite his reputation.

Tch, that damn loner is pretty popular with the girls despite what he thinks…we may have a womanizer in the making.

And who knows, maybe there's a few guys here and there that are pretty into him. Not like I wouldn't mind such a scenario to play out. Maybe a strong and muscular but soft sports player or some nerdy and closeted bookworm had taken an interest in him, or maybe some of the boys in 2-F. I can almost discern Tobe gazing his way…he he he…maybe Hayama too? Ohhhh, that could be fun.

Right! Not the point, but despite his claims of being unpopular the guy seemed to draw a few attentions here and there. If what I said earlier of fixing his appearance and attitude were to happen, it would not far behind that girls would fawn over him and be as equally as popular as King Hayato Hayama himself.

I call bullshit for 300 Hina.

But wait, metaphysical manifestation of the reader in the form of a game show contestant, its not like Hikigaya would actually be that popular with the girls but its not bad for me to imagine. He can be as kind and friendly if he wants to be, maybe fix his sense of humor a bit and finally, smile a lot more then maybe people can stand to be around him. But maybe that would take away from what makes Hikigaya charming himself, maybe not that good of an idea then.

Besides, even if Hikigaya could get any girl he wants, he still would have his eyes set on one. Even though he'd vehemently deny it, the guy is love struck by Yukinoshita and I doubt it's as surface level as people would assume. While other guys would be turn away from her due to her cold demeanor, some of them would run for the hills the minute Yukinoshita opens her mouth, that girl has a tongue and wit sharper than any blade every wielded, yes, while Yumiko wielded a powerful blade, Yukinoshita had the Gate of Babylon at her disposal.

But Hikigaya was something else truly, willing to stay by her side despite the verbal barbs the two would often throw each other. Having been an audience of it a few times, I would say, it was an onslaught instead of a trading of words, hurtful comments flying about and any attempts of rebuttal is instantly shattered and destroyed as the broken pieces of words lay strewn on the ground, Hikigaya looks up at the literal God before him.

"Mongrel! There is no way you can match with the real thing", she smugly says.

He would then raise his blade and proclaim, "Just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right!"

*cough*

Anyways, like I said, it was a miracle that Hikigaya was willing to stay with her and even look at her as someone special, it had to be something deeper than mere friendship. And honestly, I admired him for being aim for a goal that high, maybe there really is something special about her that Hikigaya was just entranced by. A riptide that just pulled him where others would easily pull out and swim away.

It kind of hurt a little, sure, did my heart skip a beat or two when 'confessed' to me? Yes, but once the realization of the situation had dawned on me and I was able to calm down after. But I couldn't help but feel my heart ache a little when he jokingly brushed off my teasing of going out with him instead.

"I might fall for you if you if you keep saying sweet nothings like that"

But what if it wasn't "sweet nothings", Hikigaya? What then? But like I always do, I buried what I felt and moved on after that. Maybe that's why he's been plaguing my mind so much as of late, maybe it was the fact he thought I was being disingenuous about my true intentions, heh, maybe Hikigaya doesn't really read people as well as he thought he did. But maybe that's the answer to the inane question of: why?

Why was Hachiman Hikigaya been plaguing my mind so much?

Well, maybe because, I'm in love with him.

And we arrived at the finale of the long overdrawn ramblings people, I, Hina Ebina, proud fujoshi and rotten girl of 2-F, who loves nothing more than yaoi and her friends, am in love with the loner Hachiman Hikigaya. A rotten girl perfect enough for his rotten eyes, one of the very few people in this world that's sees the man he is underneath, understand his worth and finally, love him for it.

But I am rotten person, someone who would willingly put her own happiness above all others, someone who would rather have things stay the same instead of changing, someone who covers up her insecurities with eccentricities and conceals her true feelings from people just so they don't get scared off with who she really is underneath. There was no way a self-respecting guy like Hikigaya would fall for someone like me.

No, he was a Romeo with his own Juliet and I was merely Cinderella hoping that someday she would still meet her prince, foolishly hoping, that she hadn't already.

-0-

The rain poured hard when I left school that day and so I ran, cursing my luck and my stupidity in ignoring the forecast earlier that morning. I covered my head with my bag as I felt my socks and skirt begin to stick to my body, it felt heavy and it was disgusting. I needed to get out of the rain and take shelter in somewhere dry. I finally happen upon the very thing I was looking for, it was a small shrine on the side of the road but it was a good enough place to take shelter in.

Running up the small stone pathway, being careful not to slip on it, I arrived at the steps leading into the shrine and let out a giant sigh of relief as I managed to finally find somewhere dry. I immediately threw my bag down and began bunching up the edge of my skirt and squeezing to let the water out but as I did I heard a surprised sound.

I looked up and lo and behold, who do I see? Well it was the 8man himself, sitting on the other side of the stone steps, looking at me with a surprised look. I froze in my place as I looked at him as well before realizing I was still holding unto my skirt and let go immediately. He looked so cool with the way he was sitting too, with his one leg bent upwards and resting his arm on top of it while the other supported his body from behind. His bag was beside him and it didn't look like he had been in the rain for too long. I sighed, great, the last person I would want to see in the world ends up sheltering in the same place I do.

What kind of karma is this?

Realizing that there was still a potent air of awkwardness that hung between us, I decided to break it and letting the nice girl in me shine through once more.

"Got caught in the rain too huh?", I said to him, casually as I can muster.

"Yeah, it's some fit of bad luck too", he replied as he stuck his hand out and catching some of the rain. "The one day I decided to leave my bike at home it decided to rain".

I let out a tired sighed and nodded my head, "Yeah, same, I decided to be an idiot and not listen to the forecast from earlier and bring along an umbrella".

"Well its more oversight on your part", he said before turning to me and giving a questioning look. "I didn't know this was your way to and from your house".

I began to slip out of my shoes and was on the process of drying my socks.

"I usually don't, my Mom just asked me to run errand at the near by supermarket before I got caught in the rain", I answered as I placed socks down and was bunching up my skirt and looking back at him. "You mind looking away for a bit?".

He shrugged in reply and did as he was told, decided to admire the wooden pillar beside him as I began to squeeze water out of my skirt. I wished for nothing more than Yumiko to see him as he is now, maybe her preconceived notions of him of being a pervert would be destroyed at this moment but I decided to let go of that now.

I sat down on the wooden floor, creaking as I did, which was a cue for him to turn back to face in front and we sat in silence. Doing nothing but watching as the rain continued to pour down, admiring the cars and people as they passed by and basking in nothing but the noise of the rain as it pitter pattered against the wooden roof of this shrine we were sitting in. It was a good kind of silence, not awkward because we barely knew each other but quiet because we didn't bother to talk and instead admire as the world seemingly became still in the rain.

"So, how's your day been going?", Hikigaya suddenly asked out of the blue.

I snapped my head towards him, the look on my face was practically unreadable by the look he gave me in reply but it was shocking enough to have it be affixed on my face.

"Is the infamous loner Hachiman Hikigaya really attempting to start a conversation with me?", I questioned, a faux shocked tone as I did.

An obvious embarrassed blushed was evidently spreading on his face before looking away, he was still keeping a cool façade but it just made the entire situation more humorous.

"You don't have to humor me if you don't want to", he replied. "I was just trying to make friendly conversation instead of just awkward silence".

I chuckled a bit at that, "Sorry, just caught me off guard as all, didn't expect you of all people trying to make conversation".

"Well I have been told I need to change my attitude a bit, makes people stomach me more, which honestly sounds stupid but hey", he admitted.

I began to like him more because of it, wanting to change bit by bit, makes me wish I had his kind of strength once more and be able to do that myself. But this was Hachiman Hikigaya we were talking about, he can do things some people only wish they can do.

"Well, same old same old, school, friends, the latest chapter of My Prince and His Stable Boy being delayed for another week", I replied, he gave a bit of a look at my reply and I chalked it up to a victory on my part. "But mostly its been about the end of term exams that's coming up".

"That test isn't coming up for another month or so", he pointed out.

I shrugged at his concern, "Well, one can't be too complacent now, just because you can pass doesn't mean you will".

"You sound just like Yukinoshita just by saying that", he expressed.

At the mention of Yukinoshita's name I felt a sting on my chest, I swallowed thickly and decided to change topic and divert my attention elsewhere.

"Speaking of Yukinoshita, how's things with the Service Club?", I asked him as I turned to him. "Did you manage to solve that problem you previously had?".

Hikigaya took a few moments to reply, probably still reeling from the sudden change of topic but answered my question nonetheless.

"Yeah, after a few days we managed to figure out how to do it", he replied. "Apparently the key is: let other people do it".

I let out an un-lady like snort before laughing fully at his joke. He can also be genuinely funny if its not at the expense of himself or other people, no hint of cynicism or bitterness laced in his tone and delivery. I wondered if I could see more of this kind of Hikigaya, the kinder one that wanted to start conversation just because he wanted to change his attitude just a bit. He even began to laugh along with me, who knows, maybe my laugh was just that contagious or maybe sitting on a hardwood floor watching the rain made him loopy.

"Now that's a quote you can live by", I commented as I took off my glasses to wipe the tears.

"Tell me about it…"

I placed my glasses back on my face and my view of him cleared once more and honestly, it was the look that made my heart beat quicken even more. He was smiling, fully smiling, it was a smile that wasn't tainted with scheming intent or anything creepy, it was just a genuine smile. His often dead fish eyes seemed to be livelier and carefree and his body seemed to be more relaxed.

This was the Hachiman Hikigaya the world seemingly denied itself of, the Hachiman Hikigaya that hid behind the selfless loner who thought by humiliating himself in front of others he can spare people the heartache. The person everyone was so blind to see and understand, that beneath his tough and jaded exterior hid a more vulnerable person.

The person who can never be mine.

The thorn twisted even deeper and I looked away in the fear of falling apart in front of him, no, this Hachiman Hikigaya can never be with a girl like me. That girl would do nothing but string him along and push him away, keep him at arm's length and never let him up close, someone who wasn't willing to change for others, let alone for herself. No, Hachiman Hikigaya didn't deserve to be with such a rotten girl like me.

He deserved to be with someone else, someone who could understand him and fix the parts he had trouble dealing with about himself. Someone who knows what its like to be in the exact same position as him, someone who had the strength and courage to face any and all challenges that would come along being with someone like him. I smiled sadly to myself almost, knowing the kind of person who was all of those things to him and more.

He can never be mine and that was the truth of this whole matter that, hopefully in time, I can learn and accept.

I decided to change the conversation once more, hopefully, it was enough to deflect my possible emotions from slipping out and distract me from my thoughts.

"What about you Hikigaya-kun? Are you troubled by the end of term exams as I am?", I asked, not even facing him anymore, instead admiring the grass that was being pelted upon by the rain in front of me.

"Not really, I can always study my ass off and get a passing grade", he confidently replied, I offer a weak smile at his quip. "I'm thinking more about what's in store for us once we become full fledge third years in the next term".

"Really? That far ahead huh?", I wondered.

He nodded his head as he continued, "Well it's true, once we become third year school work is going to increase ten-fold, that, and university entrance exams isn't far behind and we'll be too busy to think of anything else after that".

Wow, even he had those kinds of troubles too, maybe this cynical loner is lot more like us than I originally had thought but it was true. Once our test passes and we return from our spring break to the first term as third years its going to be different, not only are we going to be swamped by an abundance of schoolwork but also anxious about the university entrance exams that would follow suit. Kind of makes me miss of my life as a naïve and idealistic first year almost a year ago.

"Kind of makes you wish our rose colored high school days would last forever", I mused.

Now typically Hikigaya would snort and laugh at that thought, mock the very idea of even such a naïve look at youth and high school life. He would probably spout something cynical about how stupid that notion is or how there are lot more things to wish for or maybe rant how he can't wait for high school to be over and escape to much more independent life as a university student.

But like always, Hachiman Hikigaya finds a way to surprise me still.

"Yeah, it does", he replied.

I glanced back at him but that's when he sits right up and looks up at the sky and I followed his gaze out as well. It seems like during our conversation the rain had finally stopped and the sun was breaking through the dark clouds creating small sun spots all about. I was too distracted with my own thoughts that I hadn't even notice it but Hikigaya stood up and grabbed his bag and swung it over his shoulder.

"Well, seems like that rain finally stopped so I'll get out of your hair", he said as he walked down the steps but stops at the bottom to turn back to me. "It was a nice talk Ebina-san, we should do that more often, you're way easier to talk to then most".

I plaster a confident smile his way, "I'll take that as compliment then Hikigaya-kun".

"You know, you can call me Hikigaya if you want, I wouldn't mind", he replied.

"Ehhh? Really? But I like Hikitani more though so I'll stick with that", I teased him and he let out a huff and sighed.

"God I really hate that name", he admitted before beginning to walk off. "I'll see you tomorrow Ebina-san, later".

But something inside me scream to not let him walk away just like that and so I stood up and called out to him before he could reach the street.

"Hikigaya-kun!", I called out and he stopped and turned to me, his face was twisted in anticipation. "I…I-".

I love you, I am irrevocably and undeniably in love with you. I love your dead fish eyes, your messy hair and slouched posture. I love how you can act uncaring towards others but are still willing to help them with their problems. I love how you would go to hell and beyond for people who wouldn't even give you the time of day. I love how selfless you are, I love brave and kind you are. I love how funny, friendly and generally caring you are.

I love how despite what you've been through you hold no hatred for the people around you. I love strong you are and how much you're willing to change for the sake of the people you care about. I love how you can overcome any and all problem that comes your way and I love how you can be troubled by the simplest things in life. But I also love how vulnerable you can be, how sad you can get and how loving you are to the right person.

I love your laugh, your smile, your kind eyes and just you. I love you…but you can never be mine…and it kills me.

And so I swallowed thickly, willing my breaking heart to hold out a little longer before I faced him once more.

"I like how you're such an open book with people who don't matter"

He smiles at that; a small wisp of nostalgia hits us and we're back at that rooftop at Kyoto once more for a moment. But thefeeling immediately passes, its carried out by the wind and dissolves into the air leaving nothing but small and hollow feeling in its wake.

"I like that part about me too", he replied.

With that he turns his heel and walks away, giving a small wave but does not turn back before disappearing out of my sight. I find myself sitting back down on the steps and once more I am alone with my troubled thoughts of him, of an unrequited love that can never be because I'm too much of me and he wants to change a lot of things about himself and be with the girl he truly loved, it was never going to work out anyways.

But yet, I let out a shaky sigh as I stare up at the gray clouds that began to break apart as the blue sky began peeking through. Well, would you look at that…I say to myself as I began to wipe away the tears from my eyes.

Even a rotten person like me can have something cry about.

End.

Note: Now I know you're wondering why I decided to write about Hina Ebina? Well answer is: I kinda find her to be a more compelling side character compared to the rest of cast. Especially in season 2 when she's given a bigger role in the earlier season and I sort of wanted to explore her character and mentality a bit so I apologize if I fucked it up or I made her too insufferable but this was the best of her that I could write.

But I really did have fun writing this, as you can tell, and who knows, maybe I'll do more in the future.

That, and maybe I just have a thing for cute anime girls with glasses.