First of all, I have to admit that I am not a native speaker, so there might be a few mistakes, but if you were so kind as to write me a message to tell me of them, I would immediately correct them.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to George Lucas and Disney, and I don't earn my money with these stories.

Saving What We Love

ONE

Rey couldn't sleep. For hours now she had been tossing around in her luxurious bed but to no avail. She kept thinking of what had happened that day. It was so much that she couldn't believe that it had been only one day. Last night she had still been on Ahch-To, learning from Master Skywalker. Then she had found the cave with her other selves, touched Ben's hand through the Force, confronted her master, flown to the Supremacy, Ben had killed Snoke, and they both had fought the Praetorian Guards in perfect harmony. When Rey had thought it was finally over, Ben had surprised her by wanting her to rule at his side. Turning him to the Light wasn't as easy as expected… She had left him after the destruction of Skywalker's lightsabre had knocked him out, her feelings in a swirl of dazzling emotions. But there had been no time to think as the battle of Crait had occurred and Rey saved the small rest of the Resistance on the Millennium Falcon. Shortly before closing the shuttle door, she had felt Ben in her mind again. She had felt his desperation as he kneeled on the floor of the old Rebel base, but she wasn't able to reach out to him again. She was just so disappointed in him…

She groaned in frustration, her body exhausted but her mind wide awake. Only a few hours ago she had shunned him, and now she missed him terribly… What was wrong with her? Of course, she hadn't lost hope for him, but it became more difficult to believe in the Light in him after he had turned on her today. They barely knew each other; they had just started to get to know each other. But still, there was something in him that made her want to be with him despite all the horrible things he had done.

Rey looked around. She had never had a room of her own before. On Jakku she had slept in an old space ship, and since then either on a shuttle or together with the other Resistance fighters in a general accommodation. She liked her room although it wasn't especially big and had no windows, with a bed, a small table and a chair squeezed inside. But the walls were in a warm orange colour and the beige carpet soft under her bare feet. She would have slept in a cell if it meant privacy and moments for herself and her thinking.

Finally, someone had heard Leia's pleas and an old friend of hers had invited them to his home town on Grese – a planet so far away that it would take the First Order a while to find them. Everyone had been relieved to see that they weren't the only ones left who would fight against the Darkness, though they were still a small batch of people willing to fight for peace in the galaxy.

Rey sighed as she thought about meeting her friends again. Leia had been so friendly towards her and even comforted her in her grief about Master Skywalker's loss and Ben's betrayal. Was this what the loving presence of a mother felt like?

She had also met Poe Dameron, an impulsive but good-natured, charming pilot. It was difficult not to like him – he had made her forget the day for a moment when they chatted amiably during dinner. Not to mention that he had helped Finn escape the First Order, which had started her whole adventure. Without him, she would still be on Jakku, ignorant about the Force, but also ignorant about Kylo Ren.

Finn… Being with him had been awkward today. When Kylo Ren had hurt him by slaying his back and Rey had gone to Ahch-To, she had believed that when they would meet again, they would kiss. There had been this certain connection between them. And it was obvious to her that he was still in love with her. But she had changed… She only felt friendship towards him now, the small spark that had fluttered in her stomach once was gone entirely. And there was this girl, Rose, who had kissed him (Poe had told her, although Rey had the feeling that Finn wouldn't want her to know). Rose had been injured in the battle and for the whole day Finn hadn't left her side, waiting desperately for her to wake up again… Rey would be happy for them if they came together. But it would also hurt her because it would make her think of the man she had started to fall in love with…

"Damn it," she murmured and stood up. She didn't want to think of him but it was difficult with him always in her mind, sometimes more prominent, sometimes almost vanished, but always there. "You're not alone," he had told her last night and he was right. With him in her mind, there was no possibility of being alone even if she wanted to. Without being able to stop herself, she remembered how his fingertips felt on hers, how her hand had used his hip for balance during their fight…

"Rey."

The voice startled her and she whipped around. Ben was standing only a few metres away from her, looking nervously at her – again without a shirt… Apparently, he only slept in pants...

Gulping, Rey spat: "What do you want?!"

Ben looked hurt – well he deserved it! "I couldn't sleep," he told her in a calm voice. "And I noticed that you had the same problem. I thought that maybe I could… help you."

She tried to stay calm but it was difficult. "I don't need your help," she replied angrily. "I don't even want to talk to you right now!"

"Why are you mad at me?" he asked in a real innocent voice, which didn't help Rey with her anger.

"You don't know that?!" She stepped closer and looked him firmly in the eye. "When you killed Snoke and fought with me against the Praetorian Guards I thought I had succeeded – that you were finally back in the Light. But then you wanted me to rule the galaxy with you! I'm just so disappointed in you, I can't tell you how much!"

"It's not that easy to switch from Darkness to Light," he returned a tad aggressively.

She didn't have the strength right now to deal with him, so she told him sternly: "Go." She turned around and wanted to walk away but his hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Please, Rey," he whispered, all the aggression gone again. "I don't know what to do without you."

She shook him off and hissed through gritted teeth: "Ben Solo! A part of me really wants to hurt you right now, so you better leave!"

He didn't move, but asked instead in an almost hopeful voice: "And the other part?"

But it was all too much for Rey, she didn't want to think of her feelings for him, so she cut their bond with force and pushed his presence out of her mind. Truly, when she moved around he was gone.

She fell onto her bed and started to cry. She cried for everything awful but also wonderful that had happened this day because the best of it – her moments of joy that Ben was at her side – had been destroyed by the horrible again. She cried until she felt sleepy. When she almost drifted away into the peaceful land of slumber, she heard his voice in her head, asking in a timid voice: Have you given up on me?

She couldn't lie to him even if she wanted to. And she felt not answering to him would distance them further, so she replied: No. I will never give up on you, Ben.

She felt him smile in her mind and she fell asleep, with an equal smile on her lips.