Obviously, Bob's Burgers is owned by FOX and Loren Bouchard neither of whom are me. Thankfully the show will never be as depressing as this is going to be.

It was an ordinary day in Bay, almost painfully ordinary. Bob was preparing the Burger of the Day, Tragedy Plus Time Equals Hominy Burger. Admittedly he was a little drunk when he came up with that one. Linda was getting ready to go over to Gayle's. Something about needing a faucet fixed and with her super's eyes he would either rape her or sweep her off her feet. Either way she wanted her sister there. Mort had just come in for lunch between funerals. He was rambling on and on about a widow arguing with him about the cost of flowers. Bob was drifting in and out. Suddenly the sound of a ringing phone pulled him from his trance. He checked the caller ID. "Wagstaff School Calling" the small screen read. "What now?" Bob sighed answering the phone imagining the trouble his children were in this time.

"Hello?"

"Yes, am I speaking with Bob Belcher?"

"This is him."

"Bob hi it's Nurse Liz from Wagstaff."

"Gene's zipper or Tina's glasses?"

"Actually, it's Louise. She came in and said that her head was hurting. She isn't running a fever and I gave her the Tylenol you sent over, but she vomited a few minutes ago."

"I'll be right there."

"Who was that?" Linda asked coming down the stairs. "Nurse Liz" "How bad is Gene's zipper?" Linda sighed. "It's actually Louise. She said she had another headache. They weren't going to call but she threw up." Bob explained. "I don't know if Tina's right and she just needs glasses or if she's faking but either way, we have to get answers. This the third time one of us has had to pick her up this month." Linda grumbled. "We'll find out soon enough. She has an appointment at "Give Me an Eye" next Thursday." "Bob reminded. "And if she's faking?" Linda questioned. "If she's faking, I'll smoke her out by making her work in the restaurant all afternoon instead of watching cartoons like she probably wants. It's perfect. You have to help Gayle, Tina's staying late for tutoring and Gene got detention." Bob explained. "Just deal with it. She would love to make me the bad guy." Linda ordered.

Louise cradled her head in her hands. "Where is anybody?" She hissed. She had been getting a lot of headaches lately. At first it was kind of fun. She felt bad and would get sent to the nurse or home. Then the next day she'd be joking about Miss. Labonz making her sick. Now it was just scary. She almost never didn't have a headache.

A dull ache was a welcome surprise. About ninety percent of the time it was a throbbing migraine. It took all she had just to get through school, since she couldn't just go home every day. Still she was just faking along. She couldn't remember the last time she'd really played at recess. She threw up her lunch in the girl's room most days. She threw up almost every meal. Even the food her parents prepared for her which was quite good. Furthermore, she was having trouble seeing. So much her parents had made a an appoint for her at the eye doctor. She didn't want to be a glasses wearer. That would be another nail in the coffin of being a clone of Linda and Tina. Her hearing was getting worse too. She'd suffered partial hearing loss as a result of being born nine weeks early, but she could always hear most conversations. It was just if the person spoke real softly or in a big crowd. Even then she could read lips a little. Lately however she was only getting maybe every third word. Everything was hard. She found herself stumbling and falling a lot, she had trouble holding anything. The worst part was the bathroom issues though. The last two or three weeks she would just suddenly have to go. She'd used a lot more bathroom passes and three days ago she'd had an actual accident. Tina had stayed for tutoring and Gene took ages to walk home. She remembered screaming at him to hurry and open the door and then suddenly she was soaked. Lucky for her it was on the sidewalk and she was holding a water bottle. So, when Gene finally got the door unlocked, she acted like he'd knocked it out of her hand and spilled on her dress. She remembered tossing her underwear in the dumpster and putting her dress in the tub to give it more a of a water smell.

Bob stood hunched over the desk in nurse Liz's office. Signing that he was a parent here to collect a sick child. He grumbled at the stupidity knowing he'd just have to sign her out in the main office as soon as Louise was released by Nurse Liz. It was so pointless. Did they really think a kid would be abducted in the office corridor? Some parents had to work and didn't have time for endless forms. A sharp cry of pain pulled him from his daze. "Boy I hope that kid's parents come quick." Bob commented. "Mr. Belcher, Louise is the only student in here." Liz corrected.

Bob felt so stupid. How could he not recognize his child's pain? Then again it was Louise and Louise was not one to cry out in pain. At least not when nobody was watching. Tina and especially Gene but not Louise.

"I don't know Louise. If your head is hurting that bad, maybe you need a doctor." Bob commented as they drove towards home. "No, I'm fine. I just didn't study for the spelling test." Louise insisted. "You threw up in Nurse Liz's office twice. Once right in front of me. Bob recalled. "Dad it's me we're talking about." Louise laughed. "So, you'll help in the restaurant? Cause your mom is at Gayle's and Gene and Tina both are staying after." Bob requested, unsure if he was smoking out a faker or a truly sick child. "But of course." Louise laughed masking a violent wave of pain.

Back at the restaurant Teddy was eating a late lunch early dinner, and Louise was hunched over one of the tables rag in her hand. Hunching over in the middle of cleaning and feigning distress was one of Louise's oldest tricks but today Teddy was telling some story about dating a girl from Boston and how it took three dates before he realized that Belichick was the manager of the patriots and not a check with mushrooms on it. Normally Louise would be practically holding his mouth shut to end a story like this. Today she just moaned and faked cleaning.

After a while Tina and Gene returned home. Gene begrudgingly grabbed the cleaning supplies and stormed to the bathroom. Part of his punishment was cleaning the bathroom for the next week. Tina meanwhile retreated outside Jimmy Junior was dancing outside of Pesto's and Jimmy Senior was yelling insults towards Bob. Oh, how he wished Tina would fall for literally any other boy. Teddy wiped his chin and settled his tab. He thanked Bob for the meal and turned to leave. What followed next would haunt Bob for the rest of his days.

"BOOOBBBB!" Teddy shouted in terrified tone.

Bob whipped his head up to see Louise thrashing and convulsing violently on the floor. He leapt over the counter and raced to his daughter's side. Her eyes were rolled back, and she wouldn't respond no matter how much he yelled. Across the street Jimmy Pesto had stopped his gawking and was now frantically dialing 911. People on the street had stopped and were watching through the glass. Even Jimmy Junior had stopped his dance. Tina stood in the doorway making such deep groans and gasps people feared she was having her own event. Gene meanwhile peaked out from the bathroom door afraid for the first time in a long while. Linda had returned and was crying "My Baby! My Baby!" Bob just kind of collapsed and was clutching tight to somebody's arm. He thought it was Mort, but it could be anyone from the funeral home.

That's it for now. Hopefully I'll update in the next few days, but it depends on my work schedule.