Chapter Five | Your Choice

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Four years later Hanako still could not recall her life before her transformation.

She remembered odd things, like a flowery orange kimono and the sound of a bell ringing as someone entered a shop, fleeting images of mundane things. Sometimes she could almost make out the faces of people she used to know, but it was like looking through a foggy eyeglass. She was only ever allowed hints and blurry glimpses of her life as a human, never complete memories.

Often, she forgot that she was ever a human to begin with. She felt she wasn't allowed access to those memories because they didn't really belong to her, but to a stranger, a person long gone from this world. Whoever she was before was someone entirely different. That girl had been killed and a demon now used her face for a mask.

She didn't remember turning either, only what happened after. Her grandfather suspected the one responsible for her transformation was getting revenge. He had killed countless demons in his long lifetime as a demon slayer and was beginning to train others to take his place. It was the devil's way of punishing him for slowing him down.

Usually, she tried not to think too much about what happened the day she killed her human father.

But she forced herself to remember sometimes, just enough so that she wouldn't forget the pain she had caused. It wouldn't be fair to forget, it would be selfish. Her weakness tore her family apart. Her mother died that day too, the blood of both her parents was on her hands.

When it was time, when she could feel herself becoming too comfortable, she would go out into the woods and recall every moment of that day. Not just the blood and the screams. Not just her dying father. She made herself remember how it felt to lose control. How terrifying it was. How completely awful and natural it felt to have fragile human bones crunch between the power of her jaws.

She went to the woods because she didn't trust herself around her grandmother, not when she was reliving all the details of that day. She would black out and when she mentally woke her hands and arms would be shredded from self-inflicted injuries. Many times, the blood smeared across her mouth and under her fingernails didn't belong to her, but to an unfortunate animal who couldn't escape her speed or reach. She needed to be alone so she could go savage. So she could scream and snarl and bite and tear and rip anything. So she could control herself by being uncontrollably violent.There was some type of predatory release that came from giving in to the dark, it was like an enormous weight was being lifted off her chest. Freedom. Afterwards, she could breathe again.

For a little while at least.

And she knew none of it made sense. She knew she was crazy for it all. But it was how she coped. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but she did. She didn't want to think about killing her father, but she had to. She hated what she was, but embracing her savagery was the most exhilarating, authentic thing she'd ever felt. She was torn between two sides of the same coin, never landing on heads or tails, eternally spiraling through the air.

There she stood in solidarity, miles away from her home, surrounded only by trees and snow. She stared up at the grey clouds, the sky, the webs of tree limbs. Her eyes darted erratically from movement to movement, her senses raging. She felt her pupils narrow, her breath coming in pants as she forced the memory of killing her father to the forefront of her mind.

She was born into hunger. Overwhelming hunger. Nothing else existed besides hunger. Nothing before or after. Hunger was who she was. What she was.

She had to. Had to find something. Needed to.

Human. Had to find one. Now.

She was sprinting wildly, unstoppable. Hunting. Nothing, nothing, nothing! It was making her insane!

Someone there! Human!

The world was a blur. Follow the trail, follow it until we eat! Eat all of it! Fast! Before something else takes it away! She snarls.

A man. Familiar. Doesn't matter. We're so hungry!

Pounce! He never saw us coming! He is prey! Slow! We did it!

He's screaming now. We smell blood! It's everywhere! All over us! Making us crazy. Our claws are inside his muscles! Tearing. Dig deeper so he can't get away!

Bite his arm. Blood gushes into our mouth.

His face. We know it.

Can't stop! We're so hungry.

He's saying that name. Screaming.

He's fighting back. Too much struggle.

Make him still. Kill him. We're too hungry to wait.

His neck. Break it.

Don't look at his eyes. He'll see you.

We hear it snap. It's quiet now.

He's still. He's dead.

Father is dead.

Father.

Look at him.

Are you still hungry?

Hanako snaps awake to a bone chilling scream erupting from her own mouth; if she weren't a demon it would have torn her vocal cords. It sounded like an animal was being slowly tortured. If she were paying attention, she would have heard birds screeching and taking flight and forest creatures crying out, scrambling for a hiding place. Even the trees seemed to shudder. Nature was repulsed by her, an abomination.

She's crouching, balancing on her heels, her fingers and nails dug inside the calves of her own legs, almost down the last knuckle. She feels her fresh, deep wounds pulsing hard. Her lip is bleeding, at some point she bit it. But she's breathing now. Big, deep breaths. Her lungs feel a mile wide each. She pries her fingers out of her own flesh and muscles. Fucking hurts. It's nothing she doesn't deserve.

She leaned back on her elbows, eyes closed, face tilted towards the sky. She floats back down into her own body. The tears come fast like they always do. And they're always silent. The second part to her ritual. Emotional cleansing. Forcing the brokenness and the guilt to the surface, embracing the hatred. Hanako hates herself for the way her body responded back then. So eager to hurt anyone if it meant feeding her insatiable appetite. She hates that she can't feel the loss of her parents, only the shame of killing them. She hates the human Hanako for allowing this to happen to herself, for being weak, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She hardly ever thinks about him, the devil who changed her. She doesn't think about how she's a victim too.

She's on her back now, strands of her knotted hair plastered to her neck and face.

The emotions are beginning to fade, the tears are slowing.

She's so tired. She'd like to sleep now. Maybe she should.

She still didn't trust the demon slayer.

She needed to stay alive for her grandmother, to protect her. Otherwise, she probably wouldn't stop him from raising his sword to her neck.

Her conversation with her grandmother about her future was unpleasant, but it got her thinking about something she hadn't before. What would she do when her Baba died? Would she live on the mountain for the rest of her life? Would she throw herself at the feet of someone like the swordsman and end it all? Hanako wasn't sure she'd have enough purpose to live any longer after her grandmother passed. She had grown so accustomed to routine and just living day by day. She had no plans for the future, no goals beyond keeping her head above water.

When her grandma was gone would she lose her mind? Her Baba was the last person in the world who gave a damn about her or accepted her for what she was. Was Koharu's love the only thing stopping Hanako from falling into the oblivion that was being a demon?

Hanako's bond with the old woman she came to know as her grandmother hadn't always been so strong. When her grandfather first brought what was left of their broken family to their mountain home, Koharu wanted nothing to do with Hanako. She was distant and cold towards the creature that had replaced her beloved grandchild. She mourned the loss of her son and rightfully resented Hanako for destroying their lives. It was only after Hanako's grandfather died that they became close.

Once she lost her grandmother, she would have nothing.

She sat up, wincing at the sight of the lower half of her torn, blood stained kimono. She would be upset. She would ask questions.

Hanako got up, checking her surroundings before starting in the direction of home. Her legs throbbed as she sprinted, but otherwise she felt balanced again. Tired, but in control.

When she arrived at her house, she was relieved to realize her Baba was preoccupied with their patient. She was able to sneak into her room and clean herself up and change, then hide the ruined garment in a cabinet. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in her broken vanity mirror and realized she looked somewhat wild, clumps of snow and ice stuck in her knotted hair. After 2 minutes she gave up trying to untangle her dark brown locks with the comb, she only kept herself presentable for her grandmother's sake. She hated her hair. It was extra, unnecessary work.

An idea came to her then, one she would need her grandmother's help with.

She waited for her Baba to emerge from the demon slayer's room. A day had passed since she had helped bathe the human and finally his smell was improving. Not just the sweaty odor, but the scent of poison was diminishing, just in time with the blizzards slowing down. The whole ordeal had been so uncomfortable and nerve-racking. She never wanted to do it again.

She was shocked he let her near him, more than half of her hoped he would struggle enough her grandma would give up on the plan. It meant there was some degree of trust between them, at least for a moment. Still, they hadn't spoken to one another since, and she avoided him when she could.

The door slid open and Koharu slipped out, Hanako followed her as they walked towards the kitchen. "He's finally managed to keep some food down. That's a good sign."

"Mm. Baba, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"

"What do you need dear?"

"I want you to cut my hair."

Her grandmother observed her over her shoulder, her expression wary. "I suppose you could use a trim."

Hanako shook her head. "I want to cut all of it."

The old woman's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. "Why would you do that?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of it getting in the way and brushing it."

Koharu sighed and frowned. "I've always loved your hair. Are you sure?"

"Yes." Hanako nodded fervently.

She sat cross legged on the floor while her grandmother perched on a stool behind her. She cut the locks deliberately slow, as if her grandchild would change her mind suddenly.

"There, I think that is… acceptable?"

Her hair was just below her ears, not quite the vision Hanako imagined. "More please. I want it very short. As short as possible."

She sensed her grandmother crumple behind her at that. "Hanako, you'll look like a boy."

The demon shrugged carelessly. "I don't mind. Please?"

Realizing it was a lost cause, her grandmother surrendered and made quick work of what was left of her mane. Koharu suspected that if she refused to finish the job Hanako would hack the rest of it with little precision.

She felt so much lighter, and surprisingly different. Actually, no, not different, but more like herself, and less like the ghost of the human Hanako. She ran her fingers experimentally back and forth over her head. There was only an inch or two length of hair left and for once she thought the stuff felt soft. No more combing, no more worrying about pinning it back.

She gave her grandmother a grateful hug. "Thank you!"

She offered a sad, wordless smile, and Hanako swept up the mess.

Giyu's strength was incrementally returning to him. He was able to sit up on his own, without feeling like his head would implode. He was also able to keep some food down.

I wonder if that horrible crow has made it to the manor yet….

His crow was named Kanzaburo and was notoriously forgetful and easily distracted. It wouldn't be the first time he had needed to send an urgent message, only to be abandoned by the ancient bird. When he did successfully arrive at his destination, he often miscommunicated locations, enemy details, and warnings. It wouldn't surprise Giyu at all if he was fully healed by the old woman's simple country medicine before another demon slayer could reach him with more modern treatments. At this point, he wasn't too worried about the poison, but his broken leg was concerning. He would need more than a splint to accelerate the recovery of his limb.

This led into the next tricky topic. If another pillar were to receive his crow's message and was able to track him down, he's not sure how they would react to the demon girl. It's likely he wouldn't get the chance to explain why he wanted to take her back to the manor. Not that he cared for her in a personal way, but at this point she'd proven she had no interest in devouring humans, she had the potential to be a useful weapon. Most of the others wouldn't understand, they wouldn't want to. Giyu wasn't blinded by his disdain towards demons, fueled by it, but not blinded. Ultimately, he trusted Kagaya's wisdom.

Night had fallen, and the old woman had likely gone to bed. She was annoyingly attentive throughout the day, constantly in and out of his room for the most trivial reasons. It was glaringly obvious she had an ulterior motive besides healing him. She was hoping he would warm up to her grandchild, take her under his wing. Despite this, he didn't divulge his intentions to take the demon back to the manor. He knew better than to show all his cards when he was basically incapacitated.

It was in the midst of his mediation that he felt it.

The presence of a demon just outside.

In that same instance his door had been flung open, and the demon girl stood, wide eyes staring through the wall behind him. They were both very still, the sound of the demon girl's ragged breathing filling the otherwise silent room.

Fuck.

His sword.

She didn't have hers either.

She growled lowly at the unwelcomed company outside. Her pupils had turned to slits and she was shaking visibly. She stepped farther into the room, coming towards him. Then she leapt over him, just as the intruder broke through the boarded window above Giyu, the two colliding in the air in a tangle of snarls and screeches.

He rolled away towards the door, coming up on his knees and hands.

Shards of wood and streams of blood flew violently as the demons slashed and tore into one another. The other appeared to be male, he was thin, and a bit taller than the demon girl.

Using total concentration and adrenaline, he managed to push himself to his feet. The male lurched towards him, but the demon girl dug her talons in his leg and flung him through the wall, back outside. She jumped through the hole after him and they continued their brawl in the moonlit snow. He grit his teeth and started down the hall, using the wall for support as he moved towards the grandmother's room. The fight had produced enough noise to wake her, and she met him at her door with a fearful, knowing look. "The swords."

He nodded with a bitter glare.

"You must promise me you won't kill her."

He growled and grabbed the collar of her robe, pulling the frail woman towards him warningly. "We don't have time for this! I'm not asking. Get. My. Sword."

She turned and disappeared into her room, returning with a long item draped in cloth. He snatched it from her quickly, unraveling the weapon from the fabric. He briefly noted it was a red blade, it was not his sword, but it didn't matter.

"I only hid one in the house…"

He would find his later.

His body was still weak despite his total concentration breathing. It had only been over a day since he had needed help getting to the washroom.

He jogged, half limping back towards his room, indicating for the old woman to stay back. He wouldn't fight the demon, he would just get in the way. He was only delivering the sword to her.

As it turned out, he didn't have a choice. The intruder managed to escape from the demon girl and was clawing his way back into the house. Giyu's eyes narrowed at the slobbering challenger, and he braced himself in a defensive stance. The creature barreled towards him clumsily, but powerfully, mouth wide in anticipation of the first bite. He couldn't move quickly enough to get quite the right angle, but swung towards his neck, and severed his bottom jaw from his head. The demon crashed into him, screaming wildly. He held the demon at arm's length, pushing him back with his free hand as the demon pinned his arm holding the sword. They struggled against one another, Giyu's strength waning against the effort to deflect the demon attacks

In the next moment, his opponent was lifted off of him, claws scrambling and scratching at him. She had thrown him across the floor and now stood between them, hissing and baring her fangs. She was covered in blood, her skin shredded in multiple places. She looked down at him, glancing at the sword in his hand.

He tossed it to her and she caught it, turning back towards their enemy.

The demon ripped through the thin wall then, into the hallway.

Oh fuck!

"No!" She screamed the word, the sound awful and tortured.

She was gone in an instant, her image a blur as she shot out the bedroom door, towards the direction of her grandmother.

Giyu climbed to his feet, his whole body shaking, panting. He flung himself into the hallway, hoping he could at least act as a distraction. He raced towards the old woman's room.

A scream, human, followed by another scream, the demon girl.

He barely caught the scene. The male demon had just reached out, slashing the old woman's throat with his talons, as the demon girl's sword sliced cleanly through his neck.

His head made a dense thud as it collided with the floor and his body dissolved into ash.

The sword clattered against the wood.

The demon girl stood frozen, mouth hanging open in horror and disbelief as she watched blood spurt from her grandmother's arteries. The old woman started to fall backwards, and she finally moved, catching her frail body. She pressed her hand to the old woman's neck, blood weeping between her fingers. The demon looked wildly at her grandmother's face, her lips moving but no words coming out.

Giyu remained in the doorway, watching them with an unreadable expression. Nothing could be done to save her, she would die.

She began to cry; indescribable sounds of pain and fear assaulted his eardrums.

"Baba… please."

The old woman couldn't speak, she could only clutch her grandchild with a terrified gaze.

She continued to beg her grandmother not to die, until she suffocated on her own fluids, and ceased breathing.

He collapsed then, what was left of his strength finally drained of him. He was breathless, his vision swimming and mind dancing on the edge on unconsciousness. Time was suspended as the demon girl silently held the dead body, trembling.

Then her head audibly snapped towards him, rivers of tears steaked through the layers of blood dried on her face. "You." Her tone was pure venom.

Shit. He watched her closely with narrowed eyes.

"This is your fault!" She screeched at him accusingly.

He didn't say anything, his face neutral. The sword was still close to her, there was no way he could reach it before her.

She launched at him; all he could do was brace for impact.

She clashed into him, both rolling as they threw their weight around. She managed to pin him for a moment and tried to punch him in the jaw, but he blocked her. He kicked her in the torso, and she flew over his head. She quickly scrambled to her feet and grabbed the fabric of his shirt, tossing him further down the hall. When he slid to a stop, she was sprinting towards him, leaping onto his chest. She closed her hands around his neck, focusing all her strength on squeezing his throat.

He gasped for air, his muscles giving up on him as he failed to push her off. He wasn't recovered enough for this; he wouldn't be able to stop her.

Suddenly, she was being propelled off of him, he choked and coughed as he sat up on his elbow, a flash of a familiar pink and white kimono zooming past him. He reached out and grabbed a fistful of the fabric, the uniform going taught against Shinobu's front, successfully halting her advance. The insect hashira would kill her.

Shinobi regarded him with her signature, strange smile. "Giyu. What have you gotten yourself into?"

He ignored her playful tone. "Don't kill her."

The female warrior pulled free of him, and easily captured the demon girl who had run straight into her grasp. She restrained the raging creature with little effort and raised her poisoned blade to the demon's neck.

She arched a perfectly manicured brow at him, purple irises shining. "Oh? Why shouldn't I?"

"She's like Tanjiro's demon sister."

She giggled. "I've never seen Nezuko try to choke the life out of anyone before."

He stifled an irritated groan; he didn't have it in him to beg. "She just lost her human grandmother."

He watched her struggle in the demon slayer's grip, scratching and clawing like a typical demon. Her eyes were still venomous, and she was snarling like an animal. He realized it would be hard to convince Shinobu she resembled a human earlier that day. Even as the demon girl tried to kill him, she hadn't expressed any interest in devouring him. She still had potential, even if her cooperation would be considerably less likely than before.

Giyu winced as he realized his broken leg was throbbing with intense pain. "You have to trust me. I intend to take her back to Kagaya and let him decide her fate."

Shinobu almost frowned at him, he was sure for a moment she had decided to ignore his wishes, but instead she struck the demon in the back of the head. Knocking her out, not killing her. "Oh Giyu, if you're not careful people will start to think you've got a thing for young demon girls."

His expression looked almost bored. He was still sitting on the floor, unable to gather enough energy or strength to stand. "Just tell me you brought some medicine."

They sat together some time later, after Shinobu buried the grandmother's body and moved the comatose demon to a seperate room. The manor had indeed been able to decode his crow's poor translation of his request for backup and medical aid. Giyu filled Shinobu in on the whole experience, emphasizing that the demon girl had probably saved his life twice now.

"Still, I have a very strong feeling she would have killed you if I hadn't arrived when I did. That poison really did a number on you."

He had to agree with her there. He was on his back, laying on the floor, one arm draped tiredly over his eyes. The medicine from the manor was working exponentially faster to repair his depleted body than the old woman's salves and the crude splint, but he was dog tired.

"I would offer to help take her back, but I have an urgent mission north of here. I can only afford to stay until you've recovered."

He shrugged. "I can manage."

"At least she'll be unconscious."

They guessed she was like Tanjiro's sister and drew her energy from sleeping versus devouring humans. Nezuko could sleep for weeks at a time. Now that she had suffered multiple wounds and been in several fights, he imagined she would be out for a while.

"I'll wait to leave until she wakes up."

"Oh?"

"She is like Nezuko in the way that she was bonded to a human. Now that her grandmother is dead… I have to make sure she hasn't changed. If I take her back to the manor and she loses control when she wakes, I will look like a fool. Or they will think I'm mad."

Shinobu laughed. "I'm afraid they already think that Giyu."

He frowned at her. "What do you think?"

She sighed. "I think we've tried things our way for a very long time and made little progress. And I think you were right about Nezuko."

Their conversation basically ended there. He was tired and decided to turn in for the night. For the first time in almost a week he didn't have to force his concentration breathing. His body was already returning to normal.

As Giyu lay half awake, he offered a short, respectful prayer on behalf of the grandmother. The demon slayer was mostly unaffected by the death of the old woman. He was grateful for her help, but he couldn't allow himself to grieve for her, even a little. Grieving was a waste of time. It didn't bring anyone back, it just slowed you down and made you vulnerable, or stupid. The demon girl blamed him for her grandmother's tragic demise, but the truth was destiny was inevitable. From the time the old woman was born, it had always been her fate to die at the hands of that demon. It was just like when he first met Tanjiro, how weak the boy had been after the massacre of his family. If she couldn't learn to channel the way loss affected her into her purpose, she would die too.

He hadn't forgotten her demon blood art, or her ability to withstand the sunlight. Giyu also hadn't forgotten the upper demon moon he had defeated, that he wasn't the only one tracking her. He had no choice after all he had witnessed, he had to find out why. There was no way it was a coincidence. He hoped when she woke, she would prove to be the same demon he encountered in the clearing. One who was willing to protect and serve humans.

Six days had passed since the night Shinobu had come to Giyu's aid.

It was more than enough time for the medication Shinobu brought to heal his leg and eradicate the poison left in his system. She only stayed with him for two days, by then he could fight his own battles again. He felt completely restored. To say it fulfilled him to be able to practice breath of water forms again couldn't be overstated. He eventually found his sword in a hollow tree, not too far from the house. Unlike the old woman, he didn't hide the grandfather's relic of a weapon from the demon, opting instead to place it right next to her for when she woke. She didn't stand a chance against him as he was now, fully healed. He decided if she were going to try attacking him again, they ought to get it over with right away. He could only give a demon so many second chances, a line had to be drawn somewhere.

He frequently checked the slumbering demon, but there were never any changes, aside from her copious amount of wounds healing. He was growing impatient already, waiting on her to wake up. Nothing he'd tried had been successful. He shaken her, stabbed her straight through the hand, waved his own blood right underneath her nose. She may as well have been dead. He had been told Nezuko once slept for multiple months straight, he wasn't willing to wait quite that long.

So he was surprised and a bit relieved, when on the sixth day, the demon girl woke.

He waited for her to meet him outside where he had been practicing forms, the sunlight peppering the ground through the tree limbs and clouds.

She emerged from the open door, sword in hand, the tip of the blade dragging behind her against the floor. He watched her passively as she came to a stop on the edge of the porch, curious as to what she would do next. Her hair was cropped short now, something he had noticed the night of the attack, and was matted with blood. Her hands, face, and neck were also coated in dry gore. And she had changed into her grandfather's old uniform.

Her face was a picture of… emptiness.

She lifted her gaze to him, her voice cracking. "She's gone."

He only nodded.

She looked around groggily, and then back at him, tears shining in her otherwise muted eyes. "Where?"

He knew she was asking about the body, so he pointed to the nearly week old grave off the side of the home, Shinobu had the forethought to bury her next to her husband, who's grave was marked.

She followed the direction of his finger, her blank eyes landing on the patch of dirty snow. She blinked slowly, her breathing strangely labored. "I let her die."

Giyu waited for a beat. "You have to make a choice. You will come with me, back to the Ubuyashiki Manor, where you will be put on trial to determine your fate." She looked confused, as if she weren't keeping up. He continued anyway. "Your second choice, if you refuse, is to die by my hand."

She blinked again, swaying a bit on her feet. Slowly, she began descending the steps, her sword clanging loudly as it was dropped from one level to the next; but instead of coming to him, she went towards her grandmother's grave, where she collapsed to her knees. She curled her fingers into the loose dirt.

"I thought we would have more time… I thought I could protect her." She was mumbling to the wind, to herself, not speaking to him.

It had been easier to feel empathy for Tanjiro, who was human, he found the demon's pain did not stir his heart.

"You must decide. I've waited long enough."

The chilly breeze whispered softly between them.

"I refuse to go with you. So, kill me."

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A/N:

Very sad and angsty chapter, I know. I felt killing grandma Koharu was necessary for Hanako's character development. I wrote this chapter experimenting with 2 different scenarios and decided this was still the right choice. Hanako needs a catalyst, if you will. She's going to have to learn how to function as a demon on her own, without a crutch. I really enjoyed writing this one! I also had fun allowing our favorite insect Hashira to have her (albeit brief) moment in the spotlight. Giyu has finally regained his strength, after being poisoned by an upper demon moon (I know, I have a hard time buying it too, but it's over now so we can all move on). It is mostly likely we will never see him this weak again, so rest assured, I will disrespect Senor Tomioka no more! If it feels like the pace is a little quick for some of the scenes, that was sort of my intention. I wanted it all to seem like it happened fast, much like it feels to be in a car accident. Anyway, I really appreciate you taking your time to read, follow, favorite, and review. Thank you for stopping by!