Chapter theme song: "Fetish" by: Selena Gomez ft. Gucci Mane

Epilogue

Eddward

"Suck….hard." he commanded, forcing my head towards the throbbing tip of his erection. I nodded, tears still clouding my vision from when he had his grip around my throat as he pounded against my prostate.

Normally I would have an entire lecture about the dangers of doing direct rectum-to-oral cavity alternations but I was too far gone emotionally and mentally. I wasn't sure if it was the drugs Craig had given me or my broken heart. Either way, I wanted to hurt, I wanted to feel everything I have been burying deep beneath the surface.

Kevin left today for University of Southern California and he had a huge celebration party. Local and national television news stations sent interviewers to his home to get his perspective on his future football career on the West coast. They projected he would be drafted into the NFL before graduation his senior year at best. He was that good. I watched from my bedroom window, all the people around his front and backyard at the large, festive barbeque. They were dancing to the DJ spinning on his back deck some hits from the radio that were popular on the charts amongst others. Drinks and food were abundant as everyone who was everyone was present.

He even invited me. I couldn't force myself to go. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I felt like a shell of my former self that I was uncertain how I would even interact or engage with anyone at the large gathering- let alone Kevin. Since the last time we actually spoke the evening of Craig's party, I initiated permanent distance between us. He wasn't particularly fond of that idea but respectfully understood and abided by my request.

However, that didn't stop him and I was foolish to believe it would.

There was a loud knock on my door, alarming me from my depressed slumber. I groggily looked at my phone, checking the time. It was a little after ten at night and I could feel a migraine approaching.

I noticed I missed my alarm to take my medication and made a mental note to take it as I descended the stairs.

"Yes?" I asked out hoarsely. No one spoke, only more banging.

I got a little startled and attempted to check the peep-hole. They had covered it with their hands to prohibit validation of their identity. That was odd.

I swung the door open, expecting Ed or Eddy as they may have been in a drunken stupor from Kevin's party. I had noticed the plethora of alcohol at the party via photos on social media. I saw Eddy win a beer chugging contest against one of the jocks, twice, while Ed took a few shots of tequila with his significant other, Nancy.

I was greeted by a familiar red-headed jock. I felt my heart stop, his eyes glaring into mine.

"I didn't see you at my party today, dork."

I swallowed. "I wasn't feeling well."

Silence

"You alone?" He asked lowly, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. I took a good look at him. He definitely had much more muscle definition than I remember and it was courtesy of a summer of vigorous training for the upcoming football season at USC. I could almost see the definition of his lean stomach through his grey USC t-shirt.

I nodded dumbly, blushing at the idea of myself gawking over my ex. He must have noticed because he smirked, brushing past me to enter my empty home.

"Your parents here?" He asked, removing his tennis shoes at the foyer. He knew my phobia of dirt in my medical-grade cleaned home.

I found myself going into the kitchen, taking my medication from the kitchen cabinet along with a lone glass for water.

"They haven't been here in almost a year."

I swallowed my medicine, sipping my water. The awkward silence between us made my skin crawl. It made me wonder how there was once laughter and ...love that resonated between us.

"You leave tomorrow." I whispered, turning to face him. "I am genuinely happy for all your success."

"Thanks." He mumbled, walking towards me dangerously close. "When do you leave for Harvard?"

"In a week." I whispered, almost inaudible. "Craig is driving me."

He scoffed, removing his infamous hat to run his hand through his hair. He put it back on. "I forgot he is going to MIT up the street from there."

I nodded. I felt his strong fingers dance underneath my chin, bringing my solemn gaze to meet his. My Cobalt blue met his Forrest green. I felt the tears I been fighting all day cascade slowly down for the beds of this fingertips.

His free arm slinked around my waist, bringing me closer to this chiseled frame. I could feel his heartbeat. "I love you. I always will, Eddward."

He kissed me.

I knew that this time would be the last time. We both did.

We didn't have sex this time. Our intimacy was deeper than physical on our last night together. We made our way to the couch in my living room where he held me for a long time. A serene calmness engulfed me that made me feel safe and at ease.

I felt the softness of his fingers graze against the crown of my head and massage my soaring thoughts of uncertainty. I don't know when but I fell asleep in his arms against the soft beating of his heart and deep, even breaths. I found myself waking up alone in my living room with a small blanket wrapped around me. The bright streaks of sunlight grazed my face as an unsettling feeling washed over me. I found a note on the coffee table that read one word. The emptiness from last night returned.

Always- Kevin

Kevin was gone.

I felt Craig pulsate inside my mouth, releasing himself with a feral grunt. I closed my eyes, succumbing to the whim of his pleasure. He gripped the back of my head, keeping me stilled until he was exhausted to completion.

He fell back against the comforter of his king sized bed with a loud this, skin glistening in the moonlight from perspiration. "Damn."

I remained silent, still kneeled at the foot of his bed, head lowered. I thought the harsh intimacy of Craig would create a suitable distraction but it only heightened the intense feelings of remorse and grief I carried that only seemed to intensify with each passing day.

I'm certain Craig knows but doesn't say anything.

"Come here, Eddward." He spoke lowly, almost gently.

I obediently followed, crawling to meet his gaze hushed slightly by the darkness of his bedroom. I felt his fingers hook around my collar, bringing me in for a rough kiss.

"You really love him, don't you?"

I didn't say anything. I diverted my gaze towards the smoothness of his skin. I traced the small freckles that peppered his flawless body.

He lifted my gaze to meet his. "Can you love me?" He whispered.

I didn't know the answer to that. I was too raw to even fathom the idea of loving anyone else aside Kevin. Sure, I had feelings of the romantic persuasion for Craig but they were nowhere near being remotely similar to what I felt for Kevin. I wasn't even sure if they were valid or just a response of post traumatic stress and Stockholm Syndrome.

"Edd." I finally looked at him. "Can you?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I don't know if I can or even want to. I just want to feel right now."

"Feel what?"

"Anything."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, gathering his thoughts. "You passed out earlier during sex."

"I didn't mind." I whispered.

"We never gone that far before." He paused. "What's even more fucked up is that I enjoyed it...a lot. I like hurting you."

"I know."

Silence.

"Is that what you want? To hurt?"

I gripped his hands, forcing back more tears. I didn't want them to fall this time. I wasn't ready to feel them yet.

"P-Please."

He gripped my hair, harder than ever before, forcing me to his lips. "As you wish."

I felt him throw me off the bed and onto the softness of his carpet. I let out a startled yelp before he mounted me from behind once more, pushing my face deeper into the plush fabric as he roughly gripped my growing erection between my legs. I let out a low moan, unsure if I wanted to cry from pain or the growing pressure of pleasure. His fingers massaged me to life, trails of my precum soiling his fingers as he used it for makeshift lube.

He entered me roughly, this time I unable to hold back the screaming. He yanked my head back, spine arched perfectly as his lips sucked my neck. He whispered in my ear to "shut the fuck up" before I woke his neighbors, releasing me suddenly only to slam me back further into the floor. He began his tempo.

I felt a gentle nudge wake me out my slumber. My eyes fluttered open to meet the soft darkness of my living room, moonlight snaking against my face from the satin curtains. I felt the hardness of a warm body beneath me. I then remembered...Kevin.

"Hey, Dork." He whispered, kissing my temple. I felt the warmth of the fleece blanket I had freshly laundered earlier this week. He must have retrieved it from the linen closet.

I looked into his eyes, half asleep. "Kevin, you ok?" I yawned.

He remained silent for a moment before kissing me gently, but this time it was different. Our kisses have always been filled with passion, longing, lust, and emotional sentiments.

This kiss...it felt more special.

It felt more...real.

It felt... genuine.

It was love.

"I love you. Always."

"Kevin…"

"Go back to sleep, dork." He cut me off with his strong arms enveloping me into a hug against his hard chest. "Goodnight."

Always

-Fin-