Important stuff: Originally posted on my AO3 (BlueTee) in 2019-05-20.

Maka and Soul's list of terrible babysitters (and a few good ones)

Chapter 1: Blair or What the cat dragged out

Her kittens' kittens were eight months old and Blair was convinced that they hadn't take a single breath since the delivery.

And she was not talking about the newborns. She was talking about Soul and Maka.

Blair was so proud of her kittens. You see, the magical cat felt like she was part of their story. Sure, she wasn't there in the fateful day they had met, but she was their first defeat (nyaaa, if she knew back then how much she would love those kittens, she wouldn't had said she wanted to kill them…), she went to extra lessons with them, she even fought witches and what not for them. Blair was half-asleep in the kitchen table when they had their first (chaste) kiss at Maka's door room at fifteen; she pretended she hadn't saw them making out as if their life depended on it on the couch when she arrived home after work when they were sixteen.

They were seventeen and she was the one who taught them how to put a condom on a banana, when she noticed that their making out/dry humping sessions were clearly becoming more desperate. Maka was mortified and Soul was exasperated beyond belief, but neither escaped her thoughtful lesson, or complained when she started to stock packs of condoms near every flat surface in the house.

She probably wasn't at home in their first night, since they had become very acquittanced with her schedule, but she heard lots of the nights that followed – both were surprising vocal. She was having dinner with them when they talked about marriage for the first time – they were eighteen and Maka was determined to not be like her parents and marry at such young age. Soul just laughed and told her they were practically married already, but they would do as she pleased. Blair only had asked for the privilege of organize her bachelorette party.

And she did it, and it was epic.

In her cat form, Blair carried their wedding bands in the ceremony when they were twenty; she danced with Soul's brother at the party to keep him and his annoying manners away from the groom; she took care of the house while they went to the honeymoon. She even gave them more privacy and space in their first years as a married couple and stopped to go around half naked in the house.

She was the first one to hear the news about the pregnancy.

She held Maka's hair during her morning sickness when Soul wasn't at home, she helped to make the health meals Stein had prescript, she even painted Soul's-old-room-turned-nursery purple as a surprise for them. It was terrible and she made a mess, but Maka cried and said that she had loved it, Soul mumbled "hormones" and they kept it like that. They asked her opinion about baby names, and she mixed a hell of a strong cocktail for Soul when they discovered they were expecting twins.

She was one of their first visits at the hospital, she helped Maka bathe (she had to do a mid-section) while Soul nursed the kittens, and helped Soul to change their diapers while Maka prepared baby bottles. She distracted Spirit when his 'granpapa' overwhelming acts put everyone in the house on the edge, and she played with the kittens while Maka cried on her husband's shoulder because her mother hadn't come to visit them yet.

As far as Blair was concerned, she was the real grandmother of those kittens, but she didn't say a word. She didn't have to.

As it was, Blair could tell her kittens were exhausted. Pffff… humans. If she decided to have her own kittens, they would probably come in a brood of six or eight.

"That is literally the scariest thing I ever heard," Soul mumbled when she voiced that thought. He poured two strong cups of coffee for Maka and him, and one of milk for their magical roommate cat. "Please promise me tha' if you decide to have kittens, you will move in with Spirit."

"Yeah, that would keep Papa busy too," Maka agreed, also speaking in a low voice. They had just put the kids to bed. "We are not evicting you, Blair, but two is enough for now."

"Or for ever," Soul murmured. Maka had the intention of hit him with something, but she was honestly just tired. "What should we make for dinner?"

"I don't feel like cooking," his wife answered, drinking her coffee lazily.

"Me neither. How about take out? Since you are no longer breast-feeding…"

"I could kill you right now for some junk food."

"No need to kill me, woman, when I can simply order some pizza."

"That would be…"

"Maka-chan, Soul-kun," Blair interrupted, delicately putting her cup on the table. She had the sweetest smile and her voice was like music when she said: "Get the fuck out of this house."

The couple exchanged some smacked looks, before turning back to the cat.

"Blair…"

"It's Friday night, you are twenty-three and in love," she explained, emphasizing the words. "Go on a date. Go get drunk with your friends. Go christen Shibusen's room where you met for all Bu-tan care. But get out." Her long pink nail pocked Maka's cheek. "You hunt monsters for living, so stop acting like you are tired and old."

For his expression, Blair knew she had won Soul with the word "old". As always, Maka was the one who needed more convincing.

"We are tired, Blair," she said, in her best teacher tone. "We just had two kids…"

"It's been eight months already and you barely left this house, kitten." If Soul wasn't on board before, he definitively was now, after being hit by the epiphany that his wife was tired, yes, but mentally. Maka was not the kind of woman that could just be cooked up inside home for so long, didn't matter how devoted of a mother she was. "You need time for yourself, too."

"But the babies…"

"The kids are bathed, changed, feed and asleep, Maka," Soul intervened, reaching for her hand across the table. He gave her fingers a reassuring grip. "I think Blair's got a point. We could use a break."

Maka bit her lower lip, thinking. She was thinking so hard that her head hurt – it felt like she hadn't used her brain in a while. Wow. Maybe she really needed a change of air.

"I would feel bad if I left them," she mumbled, her face colored in a fainted shade of pink. Soul's thumb started some reassuring movements on her wrist.

"You are not leaving them, Maka," he said, in a gentle tone he rarely used. "You will be gone for a couple of hours. And your extended leaving is almost over, anyway. Or are you planning on retiring early?"

"No! I mean, I don't…"

"You are not leaving them, kitten," Blair repeated, pinching her cheeks now. "Bu-tan will be here with them all the time. Bu-tan have been helping you with Sound-tan and Aika-tan until now, right?"

"Right…" she mumbled, puffing her cheeks in a childish manner that made Soul grin and Blair had to resist the urge to hug her against her chest. Sometimes was so easy to forget that, in the end, Soul and Maka were really young. "Promise me you won't levitate them or use magic in any other way?"

"Bu-tan promises!" she said, lifting her right hand and everything.

"Ok then…" Maka agreed, and Blair transformed back into a cat with an excited jump, while Soul circled the table to offer her his hand. He had his signature devilish grin in his mouth and Maka asked herself when was the last time she had saw it.

"Come on, then," he said, and something in his red eyes made her press her tights firmly together. "We can start date night with a bath."

'Sharing' was implicit and Maka let out something that was between an annoyed noise or a moan and, Blair, chuckling, went to the nursery to take a nap in the carpet between the two cribs.

He was wearing his best jeans and his new favorite leather jacket, and she was wearing a short black dress that was fluttering around her while they rode through the city. Without a certain destiny, Soul just drove them, always up, relishing in the feeling of the wind in his face, and his wife's arms tidily embracing him. She hadn't ridden with him since her bely became more evident, and the Death Scythe couldn't believe how much he had missed the feeling of her tiny body pressed against his back, her face resting between his shoulder blades.

Soul loved his kids more than anything in the world, but he couldn't deny that he missed being alone with Maka.

They didn't exchange words while they drove, but their souls were firmly enlaced, resonating. Soul was playing their song, notes of love and trust and care and companionship. Maka hummed against his back, toneless, rhythmless and adorable, while her soul embraced his like a warm blanked, and she was mostly just glad for being his partner, his best friend, his lover, his wife.

Soul stopped at Shibusen's front courtyard, because it was the highest point in the city, and they could see all Death City from there. The school abnormal candles were burning as ever, but all the windows were dark. It was Friday night, after all, and he didn't need Maka's Soul Perception to know that probably there was no one there.

In a maneuver that would make Black*Star proud, Soul turned around in the motorcycle without descending it, bringing Maka closer, almost sitting her on his lap. Keeping they balanced in the parked bike, he gently combed her long hair messed by the wind back to place. It was the longest Maka had ever wore, and he thought it suited her as much as her old pigtails.

"Sooo…" he said, in his smoothest voice, eyes fixed in her intense green ones. "Where should we go next?"

She smiled lovely, gentle fingers adjusting his bandana.

"Well, I was thinking…" she murmured, caressing his jaw, eyes fixed on his lips.

"Yeah…?" he encouraged her, hands slowing descending to her hips.

"That we left our newborn babies with a perverted irresponsible magical cat," she exclaimed, in a squeaky voice, hiding her face in her hands and breaking the mood so thoroughly that Soul briefly considered taking her back home.

Instead, he just crossed his arms, took a deep breath and prepared himself for the tempest that was Maka Albarn-Evans overthinking.

"Perverted and magical aside, she's not an irresponsible cat. I mean… She is an irresponsible cat, but not about this. Hell, I'm not sure how we would have managed two kids without Blair's help. She knows how to take care of them just fine. They will probably just sleep, wake up to eat and sleep again. Not that difficult."

"I know that, but… but…" Maka mumbled, face still down.

"Don't hold up, wife," he said, very serious, even though 'wife' was the closer thing to a pet name he had for her. "Puke out."

It was the only encouragement she needed.

"We are terrible parents…"

"Nah, we ain't."

"We have no idea of what we are doing…"

"True six months ago, not anymore."

"I never imagine we would have two kids at the same time…"

"Nothing to do about that."

"We totally screwed up their names…"

"You are aware that you are best friends with these dudes whose names are Black*Star and Death The Kid, right?"

"I thought it was a nice family thing to uphold and now they will hate us when they get older…"

"I like their names, and they will hate us anyway when they become teenagers."

"We don't have enough space…"

"True. Let's move out."

"Mama didn't come to the wedding and didn't come to meet them yet…"

"Your mom's kind of an asshole, please don't Maka-chop me."

"I don't even remember her that much anymore…"

"Good, 'cause as I said, she's kind of an ass."

"So I don't even know how to be a mother…"

"Don't be like her and it is already a good start."

"You are pushing your luck."

"Sorry."

"And I feel bad and guilt all the time because I can't stand being at home anymore, I want to work…"

"…well that's the real problem, isn't it?"

"But it makes me feel like I'm bad mama…"

"You are not a bad mom just because you miss work, Maka. I would probably be feeling the same if I wasn't working too."

"You are a Death Scythe, the last Death Scythe, you don't have the luxury to retire early, but I…"

"You are not retiring early when you love work more than you love me."

"How can I simply go to work and leave the kids alone to be raised by who? Blair? Papa? A nanny?"

"…I'm still waiting for you to deny my last statement, you know…"

"I want to work, but I also want to be able to be with my children!"

"We will figure that out, I promise you. Let's talk with Kid and see what can be done."

"Chrona is still in the moon…"

"What… What does that have to do with anything?!"

"And since the delivery my body is… I don't… I have these horrible marks and you…"

"Ooook that's enough, stop, stop!" Soul interrupted, securing her hands in his bigger one, while the other hold her chin, making her stare directly into his eyes. "Now you are just mumbling nonsense. Give me more credit, would'ya? I know your self-steam is kinda low, no idea why, so hear me out, stupid wife." – Maka sniffed while he secured her face between his warm hands, thumbs slowly caressing her cheeks. He brought her face closer, his eyes were burning and his voice was rough. "First of all, don't care if you got scars or stretch marks or put a hundred pounds or got bald. I will still love you and want you, the same way I had for the last ten years, as long as your soul is still the same."

She didn't need him to explain the double meaning of those words.

"The form doesn't matter…" she murmured, quoting him. Soul's response was his characteristic grim, and hugged her. "I'm sorry for being stupid."

"It's ok, I knew you were like this when I married you." She chuckled against his chest. "Second, for Chrona's situation, you need to go back to work if you wanna find a way to help him. Which brings us back to the main problem here." He gently pushed her away, enough so he could stare in her eyes. "You wanna to go back to work, so go back to work. That will not make you a bad mom, and we will figure out a way for the kids have at least one of us with them every possible time."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, tilting her head. Soul understood and rested his front head against hers.

"I don't want them to feel left behind, like I did." She whispered her final confession.

"We can't control how the kids feel, Maka. We can only try our best."

She opened her eyes, her doubts slowing leaving her face while she stared at her awesome husband.

"When did you get so good at this parenthood thing?"

"Well, you had nine months of blistered-hormone-high-happiness. I spent those same months freaking the fuck out of my mind about everything that could go wrong."

Maka could just laugh.

"Glad to know you have all the answers now."

"Not even close. Are you cool now?"

"I think so. Thank you." She gave him a gentle kiss. "Sooo… Where should we go next?"

"You steal my lines the same way you steal my clothes. Dinner?"

"Sounds good. What did Blair say? Go on a date, get drunk, and…"

"…christen Shibusen's room where we met." He completed, and they stared at the school in silence for a few seconds. "Yeaaahhh… been there, done that."

"I'm not sure if that was not the day when we got pregnant, you know."

"Now you are just being cheesy," Soul joked, turning around and starting the engine again. Maka's arms enlaced his waist one more time. "So, dinner, drinks, and then we can find some other place to christen."

"The Hook Cemetery is a famous hook up point, did you know?"

"…I don't know if I'm impressed with that pun or not."

They got back home at three in the morning, a little tipsy (Soul) and kind of drunk (Maka), clothes dirt by suspicious mud, to find their cat sleeping between the two cribs. The kids were still peaceful asleep, had been feed and changed around ten o clock. They were now wearing matching cat onesies, complete with cat ears in the hoods, and it was the cutest thing ever.

Blair was approved as a babysitter, and they decided to take more nights out from that day on.