Severus pulled at the white collar around his neck, surely it would suffocate him if he didn't. He was used to the loose cloth of Hogwarts robes, the black billowing around him. This was different, although the suit was loose, the dress shirt beneath felt tight, held too close to his body. And, it was muggle.

He couldn't for the life of him understand why they chose to wear these bloody contraptions. As nice as he may have looked, the tie around his neck felt like more of a noose. He pulled at it again before knocking gently on the pristine, white door in front of him.

It was pulled open, revealing the life inside, the far away chatter, the carrying notes of laughter: the melodic sound of family. And the tall, intimidating frame of a man that could only be Lily's father. Bernard.

He was burly, towering over Severus' own lanky height and was likely twice his width. He could easily snap Severus' spine without even meaning to. Bernard leaned forward and for a flicker of an instant, Severus was afraid of just that.

"Severus." Bernard stepped outwards onto the chipped paint porch beside him rather than inviting him in. "May I?" He gestured to the tie that had so clumsily been put around Severus' neck, that he had already spent an hour fiddling with before giving up entirely.

Severus nodded, one of the many knots inside his stomach unwinding. "Please."

He went rigid beneath the touch of Bernard's fingers, gentle as it was. He carefully undid the crooked and poorly formed silk knot, letting both ends of the tie hang loosely around Severus' neck. Severus watched as the ends were looped over one another, wrapped around, tightened into a windsor that he had been unable to achieve.

"There." Bernard patted him on the shoulder, standing back to admire his work. "It took me some time too, nothing to worry about."

He stepped away, toward the still cracked door as Severus muttered an embarrassed "thank you," his cheeks filling with color.

"Come on, lad. It's cold out. You'll freeze long before that blush goes away."

I'll see Lily another day. He told himself. In private. Without this ridiculous suit.

"Piss or get off the pot, mate." Bernard pressed a hand to his back, urging him forward. "She'll be awfully disappointed if you leave and I'll have to deal with it."

Severus sighed, his fate was sealed, grave marker finished. If he left, Lily would only drag herself down to Spinner's end and embarrass him substantially more than a clumsily put together tie. Kicking the caked snow from his boots, he followed Bernard inside.

"Look at this rabble-rouser I found hanging out on the porch." The man called into the home, disappearing around a corner.

Severus was enveloped with warmth as he shut the door behind himself, invited beyond the entryway by the sound of a crackling fire, the scent of pine and a roast heavy on the air.

He slid his feet from his shoes, leaving them to drip beside the door.

"Sev!" Her voice was the morning song of a little bird, a cardinal that had stayed through the winter, persisting despite the cold.

Her arms were around him almost before he fully straightened. Present in hand, he returned the affection, his own neck nuzzling beside hers, the red strands of her hair tickling at his frozen skin. He breathed in the scent of her, cinnamon and freshly baked pie. Home. Her arms around him loosened and he clung closer just a second more, not ready for it to end.

"You came." She smiled, her face still only inches from his. He was tempted, so tempted to lean in just a little closer and feel his lips against hers. The thestrals in his stomach begged him to.

"Of course I did." He responded when he could hear over the sound of his own thumping heart again. "Why wouldn't I?" He chose to forget the fact that he had nearly left only minutes before.

Lily pulled back further, looking up at him through her lashes, a look that meant they both knew his words were a lie.

She tugged on his hand, leading him further into the house, dragging him like a resistant puppy afraid of his leash. Further, into the incandescent glow of fire, onto the soft carpet and past welcoming furniture. It was so unlike that of his own home. He felt dirty here, unwelcome. Not enough, despite the smiling faces looking back at him.

He'd shed his skin, adorning one that wasn't truly him. A suit much too fancy for the occasion and loose around his frame, a tie that he hadn't even known how to wear properly. This mask was worn only for her family. For a desire to not look like he had crawled straight from a box marked "donations."

It was different from what lay in front of him, decor that seemed to have fallen directly from a magazine, clothing that seemed impervious to wrinkles, hair pinned into place. Even Bernard's beard had been groomed.

The gentle squeeze of his fingers reminded Severus that Lily could see right through him, his emotions billowing into words, pressed against the glass of his skin where she could read it all, despite his embarrassment.

"You've met Dad, and Tuney of course. This is Mum, Marjorie." Lily held her hand out in front of her, gesturing to each of them as she spoke as if Severus couldn't have possibly figured out who was who on his own.

"Mrs. Evans." His throat was dry and he tried to remember just when he had swallowed a handful of chalk. It seemed to coat his mouth, drying every drop of spit and turning his words into a harsh whisper. "You have a lovely home."

"Thank you, and it's Margie, dear." She grinned, the smile lines etched in her cheeks deepening, her brilliant white teeth shining from behind crimson lips. "You can put that over there, by the others." She gestured towards a particularly large Christmas tree filling the corner beside the fireplace.

It must have been twice as tall as him, the limbs stretching up and outwards beyond his reach. How they had chopped it, let alone brought it through the front door, Severus could only imagine.

It was dressed in twinkling yellow lights and an array of Christmas-colored ornaments. It was better than his own at home, considering they didn't have one at all, much less presents sitting beneath it. His gift, wrapped in newspaper sat beside others dressed in gold and red wrappings. A testament, yet again, to how much he didn't belong.

Severus felt the gentle caress of fingers pressing into his spine, the suggestion that someone was there. He straightened, facing Lily, finding the two of them alone. The noise of the family drifted through an archway through which he could see the kitchen.

"How was your Christmas?" Her voice was soft, blooming with worry as if she had been afraid to ask the question, was perhaps afraid of the answer.

He lifted a shoulder in response. "Fine, it was fine." It was the truth. The day having proved uneventful, no different than the previous years. Like any other day. It had never been a special occasion, not like — it seemed — here. Here, the house had been taken over by holly and mistletoe, hidden beneath wreaths and decorations. Dressed so heavenly in holiday that he thought it may be a little bare without it. This night spent beside her could transform this day into either the best or the worst he had experienced, depending on how he played his cards.

"You look…" Her voice trailed as she examined him, perhaps searching for the word that accurately described the horror before her.

Like a stick dressed in a trash bag. He finished for her. Nothing compared to the radiance that stood across from him in a dress he couldn't focus too much on, should he invite another, rather unwelcome guest to the party.

Her fingers reached out, brushing against the green of his tie, the checks that were just a shade darker. How he wished they were standing under a sprig of mistletoe in that moment.

"Nice." She finished, finally, the inflection in her voice dictating that it was more than a compliment.

Severus found his fingers on her, brushing back a ruddy strand of hair and hooking it behind her ear. His eyes followed the trail of freckles on her cheeks, running over the bridge of her nose. "You too."

You too. He was a bloody idiot. She had offered up the chance for him to tell her just how gorgeous she was and all he could muster was you too. Why did his mind get so insufferably numb with her around? With such eyes staring back at him, he was incapable of stringing words together to form an incoherent thought, transforming instead into a bumbling idiot. If she were to snog him, he was sure his mind might explode entirely. He could see it now, his body laid out for all to see, an example of infatuation and why such irresponsible feelings should be avoided.

"Dinner's ready!" It was the happy trill of Mrs. Evans' voice. Call me Margie. He simply couldn't. And now, he thanked her for the interruption, snatching away any chance he had to embarrass himself further. The shovel with which he'd begun to dig his own grave laid to wait just a bit longer. He was sure he would need it again tonight.

Though he could have guessed the way, he followed Lily. Slunk after her like a shadow she couldn't rid herself of, even in the dark. His steps falling in her footfalls. She didn't seem to mind.

The oven was opened, the ever inviting, savory scent of beef drifting from it. His mouth watered and he was nearly afraid to open it should a waterfall of drool cascade down himself. He'd never be able to show his face here again. He might have to flee town entirely.

Severus swallowed, opening his mouth when he was sure his salivary glands were under control, that they wouldn't betray him. "It smells delicious, Mrs…" A pause, a flutter of mortification, another swallow. "Margie."

"Oh, no." She waved a hand in nonchalance, passing off his comment. "It was mostly Lily. She insisted on a roast this year. Why, I'm not sure."

He looked towards Lily, where she already sat behind the table. Her face was kept purposefully away from his, studying the wood in front of her as though she had never seen it before. Just beneath the curtain of red hair that had fallen to the side of her face, Severus could see that her cheeks were nearly the same color. "I'm sure it'll be great."

He hesitated, unsure where to sit, though he knew where he wanted to. Bernard tucked himself in at the head, Marjorie beside him. That left only Petunia who glared at him with an all too familiar sneer stretched across her face. A vindictiveness he knew could mean she stole the spot he really wanted. The only spot he wanted at the table. Beside Lily. He slid out the chair, easing himself into it with a hint of worry. Worry that they may tell him he wasn't allowed there.

As his full weight settled into the chair, he was met with only silence, not the objections he had so irrationally feared. He relaxed, eyes settling on the meal spread out across the table. A large dish sat in the center, the roast inside it surrounded by potatoes, carrots, bits of onion. A loaf of freshly baked bread and a bottle of wine sat beside it. The river behind his lips returned.

With a desire to draw the whole thing towards him, to not even share with Lily, he waited. Not entirely patiently. How he did love a roast. And Lily, it seemed, knew that.

"I think it's only fair that our guest gets first pickings." Bernard smiled and Severus was grateful that the bear of a man was filled with only genuine kindness, a warmth his own father not only lacked, but hated.

The prickle in his cheeks that had arrived more times than he could count in the few minutes he had been there, returned. The rush of blood apparent on his paperwhite, sun-lacking flesh. With four pairs of eyes on him, he filled his plate — if such a word could be used.

A scoff came from the end of the table. "It's no wonder you're so thin, son. You can't have meat on your bones if you don't eat it." Bernard turned towards Lily, his voice light with laughter. "Help him, would you?"

Lily looked at him with eyebrows drawn inward, an apology held in the black of her irises, but she did as she was told, adding a helping more to his plate before she moved to her own.

Severus stared down at his plate. What had once been white and blue was now buried beneath earthy tones, the food nearly flowing from it. Much more than his stomach could contain. He felt an internal battle building inside him once more, to finish or not to finish. Which would bring him fewer comments? Less embarrassment? But, not burden him with pain? It was the hardest decision he'd been faced with that evening. Harder even than if he should enter this household to begin with. There it was again, the desire to flee like a hunted rabbit. To hide beneath the underbrush where he couldn't be seen.

He stabbed his fork into the food, filling it with a bite and drawing it to his mouth. It was heavenly, tearing apart easily between his teeth, the taste of herbs gentle on his underused palate.

It was then, of course, when his mouth was full, that a question was asked.

"Tell us about yourself, Severus. Lily here seems incapable of it."

"Oh, no." Marjorie began before he could answer. "We couldn't get her to shut her yap the first few years. Now it's quite the opposite."

Severus nearly choked, even the food inside his mouth was surprised. When he was sure he wasn't going to die, that the food had entered his stomach rather than his lungs, he spoke. "There isn't really much." He couldn't help the mumble that fell from his lips. Had he left his voice home? He had certainly struggled to find it.

"Well." Bernard spoke between bites. "What do your parents do?"

He had done it. He had asked what was quite likely the worst question in existence. "Erm, Mum was a potionneer. Tobias…" Is a lazy, good for nothing arsehole. "...is in between jobs at the moment." As he had been for nearly as long as Severus could remember. He seemed to be between jobs more often than he was inside of them.

"Tobias? That's your father?"

The food in his stomach was beginning to form into a rock, heavy and weighing him down. "Biologically, yes. In any other capacity I prefer to think not." He was his father all right, but never had Severus considered him a dad.

"Erm...perhaps we could talk about something else?" Lily interjected when her own dad had opened his mouth to say more. Severus could have fallen to his knees and thanked her if it hadn't been for the surrounding others.

"Well, all right then." Bernard began, seeming a bit flustered. The curiosity on his face was apparent, and Severus supposed it was he who had passed such a thing onto Lily. Always asking too many questions, insisting to know more. Usually, however, such a thing didn't pertain to his personal life. "What is it you like to do?"

Severus' fork clanged against the ceramic of his plate. What did he like to do? Every passion, every fire that had been lit beneath him had been extinguished in that moment, drifting from his mind in flurries of smoke. In that moment, he wasn't sure he would have remembered his name if he'd been asked.

"Well…" Lily began slowly, watching him, expecting him to interrupt and tell them all himself. "...he's brilliant at potions. A bit too interested, mind." The corners of her lips twitched, a shared joke just between them. "And reading, always has his nose in a book. Interested as he was, he's dastardly at quidditch though."

This, of all things, he remembered. The rush of wind as he plummeted from his broom, thankful he still only hovered a few feet above the ground, the thump of compacted dirt as he connected with it. The deep purple bruise that had formed on his bottom afterwards. Thank Merlin Lily hadn't witnessed that particular part of the experience. No, no, she'd been too busy laughing to even question if he was okay. It was fair enough, the thought made him smile now that the bruise had healed and the ever-present pain in his left butt cheek had long ago disappeared.

"Quidditch." He scoffed, the first note of laughter present on his exhale. "I couldn't even ride a broom."

His eyes flitted around the table, capturing the happy faces that smiled back at him, three of four wasn't bad. The fourth, belonging to Petunia, had soured and she picked at her food in distaste. Severus glanced pointedly at Lily for only a moment before looking back to his own plate. "I didn't do much, before Hogwarts, I mean. Gardened a bit, I guess, with Mum."

The words seemed to resonate with Lily, a laugh quite literally spewing from her and nearly her food as well. "Mum tried." She explained. "Tripped and spilled our carrot seeds across the back garden. The ground was so hard, unprepared, that they only grew an inch." She snorted with laughter, covering her mouth quickly. "Then there was the tomato plant that just wilted entirely. What did we get, Tuney? Three tomatoes out of it?"

"Two." The hard pressed line that was her mouth curved into a hint of a smile. "And they tasted awful."

"Well." Marjorie laid her napkin across the table with a pinched look and exaggerated anger. "Since the two of you find it so funny I think you can do the dishes."

There was a groan. Lily and Petunia's voices harmonizing in annoyance.

There was a scraping of chairs, a clatter as dishes were gathered, and complaints whispered beneath breaths. A collective song that Severus had never heard before. He sat back for a moment more, basking in the shared love that was far warmer than any fire.

Lily approached him, her voice a gentle hum of melody, a sound she saved only for him. "You don't have to eat it all, you know." She glanced towards his plate, of which he'd only cleared half of what he'd been given.

"Oh, thank Merlin." He breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back in his chair. "I couldn't possibly eat another bite."

She took it out from in front of him, her voice teasing as she did so. "I guess you aren't interested in minced pie, then."

He groaned outwardly, throwing his head back in exaggeration. "Why do you hate me so?"

"That's all right." She scrunched her nose, stepping away from him. "It's not quite time anyway."

Severus stood, following her, taking his dish from her hands and scraping the remainder into the bin before sliding the dish beneath the previously prepared, soapy water. He slipped his arms from the much-too-large suit coat, rolling his sleeves up his arms before plunking his hands beneath the just too-hot water.

"I can do it." He insisted, a pointed stare at both sisters.

A muttered "fine" came from Petunia as she dropped the towel she had been clutching on the counter. She stalked from the room without so much as a thank you.

"Don't mind her." Lily insisted when they were alone, wringing the discarded cloth through her own fingers. "She's just mad her boyfriend couldn't come." Her nose hitched upwards in disgust and she gave a roll of her eyes. "He's an arse anyway. Don't know what she sees in him."

"As delightful as that sounds, I don't think that's the entire reasoning for her mood. I am intruding." He placed a freshly cleaned plate in front of her.

She picked it up, running the cotton towel along the suds and not saying a word. When it was nearly as polished as silver and he was sure he could see his reflection in it, she spoke. It was a mumble, the words shoved together with little pauses in-between. The words swelled with embarrassment. "I don't mind you here."

"I'm bloody glad to hear that considering the interrogation I just underwent. I was under the impression that I was here as some freak show exhibit."

"They wouldn't take you, too unusual." Lily smirked, pushing playfully against his arm.

He returned it, not bothering to dry his hands. She gave a shriek of surprise before clapping her hand over her mouth to stifle the remainder. They heard the conversation beyond dwindle for just a moment in response.

They continued in silence. He rubbed a rag along the dishes, cleansing them of food and spittle, his mind turning all the while, before he laid them in front of her to dry.

Minutes ticked by, heavy with the unsaid words between them. Words he couldn't bear to leave unsaid any longer. Severus picked up a glass to distract himself, shoving his rag inside it.

"Lils…" He sighed. Why did her name feel so funny in his mouth all of a sudden? Why did the words he wanted to say seem so jagged around the edges? Why was he so afraid of them cutting him?

"Sev." She prodded him onwards before sliding the cup from his fingers, forcing him to look at her.

He looked first beyond her shoulder, accounting for the members of her family, making sure they were in place and not about to disturb them. This hadn't been his plan. Not here, not today, certainly not with half eaten food between them.

He found her eyes next. As green as the pine that lay in the room over, green as holly leaves and mistletoe, and her hair as red as the berries of each. She was the embodiment of Christmas wrapped up in a pretty bow, a present he had wanted for so long, but had always been denied.

"I...I like you."

Lily stared, the movements of her hands coming to a halt. What was it that passed? One breath? Two? Had he grown a year in the time he waited for an answer? He saw something out of the corner of his eye. A grey hair? It wasn't out of the realm of possibility, he aged a little more the longer she took.

"Sev." She began finally, her voice not something he had heard before. She laid a hand against the exposed skin of his arm. It was so warm that he felt frigid beneath it. Frozen in anticipation. "I like you too. I thought you knew that."

"No." He shook his head vehemently. He would get his point across. He would not tamp down these feelings any longer, not when she stood beside him with questioning eyes. "I don't mean as a friend. Merlin, you're a great friend, but—"

"Sev." There was his name again, this time with a laugh. "I know what you meant. I feel the same."

The same. No, she couldn't. Him?

He shook his head again. "I must be in a food coma, that's it. You're talking to me from the beyond. There's no other—"

"Oh, shut up already." Standing on her tiptoes, Lily leaned towards him, closing the distance between them and demolishing any hesitation he might have had.

He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought of this moment, dreamed of it even. That there were nights when her beauty led him from consciousness and woke him again in the morning. Love. Is that what they called it? Then he had certainly fallen into its depths.

She was all he had expected and more. So warm against him despite the goosebumps that dotted her exposed arms. Enveloped in the scent, the taste of dinner that they had shared. His arm found its way around her, his wet hand pressing into the fabric of her dress, surely soaking through.

He wanted to hold her there, a flower in his arms, the softness of her petals against his skin. His lips. When she finally broke away, she took all the air in his lungs with her. He inhaled before running his tongue along the skin of his lips, tasting her again.

Severus dragged a hand across them, wiping away any lipstick she had left behind. He looked into her eyes, finding his delight reflected there. "That was…" Unexpected. Mildly inappropriate. Better than he had ever asked for. There wasn't nothing good enough to fill in the dotted hesitation. Nothing that could describe just how great it had been and how badly he wanted more.

Lily nodded, seeming to understand. To agree. "That was."

He drifted from the clouds above that had encircled him, coming to earth once more. To the running water, his rag that had been discarded, the dishes that still needed to be washed. With another blush in his cheeks, he turned back to them. He had become a candy cane in this household, his face alternating between red and its usual white.

"When you two are done dilly-dallying, we'd like to open gifts in here!" It was Bernard, his deep voice hanging thick in the air, separating them further from one another. Drawing their attention back to the task at hand. To the two remaining plates.

They were silent, washing and drying, Lily putting everything where it belonged. Perhaps they were both trapped in their own minds, replaying what had happened. He was. Maybe Lily was simply too mortified. He couldn't blame her.

He rinsed his hands a final time beneath the faucet, rubbing his palms on his trousers. When he turned away from the counter, her hands came to his, fingers wrapping around his still damp ones. Lingering on their hold. "We do have towels. We aren't entirely uncivilized."

"Yes, well—" He cleared his throat, looking away from her. "It's a habit is all."

"Come on, then." She gave his fingers a tug, pulling him from the room, giving him only a moment to collect his previously discarded coat. "I want to see what you got me."

He groaned inwardly. It wasn't enough, he knew that. Knew that she deserved so much more. That he would never be able to give that to her. He had had to settle for something inexpensive and even then his measly pounds had hardly covered it. Wrapped clumsily in yesterday's newspaper and the trash that was his gift was complete. But, it had given him an excuse. An excuse to spend the holiday with her, and that was a gift he could never put a price on.

Her family was gathered beside the tree, Petunia's attention momentarily captured by the book in her hands, her fingers obscuring the title. Perhaps there was something about her he liked after all. "About time." She scoffed, setting it aside.

Lily rolled her eyes, her lips tightening into an expression Severus had seen far too many times, many of them aimed towards him. He knew, had their parents not been there, she would have had some unfavorable words in return.

Severus watched with a dribble of jealousy as they exchanged presents. Perfume, books, a card from some distant family member with a stack of notes inside. A tool Severus could have never named that Bernard seemed pleased with. Each was given with a burden of love, anticipation as the recipient tore into the wrappings. There was a flicker of wonder inside him, a curiosity at what a holiday season filled with such feelings must be like. He stamped it away before it could grow into a larger flame.

"Sev." Lily held a package out towards him, one that must have been buried beneath the branches for he hadn't seen it. It was soft, moldable, much like the one he had brought for her. "Go on." She urged, anxious for him to open it.

He slid his finger beneath a corner of tape, pulling at it carefully until the end had opened.

"Oh, just tear into it!" She insisted, her fingers twitching as though she wanted to help him.

Severus went impossibly slower, one corner of his lips lifted as he pulled the tape up and off the paper piece by piece. Gradually, it came apart, revealing a mass of black inside. The cloth was folded neatly, soft beneath the dry skin of his fingers. He lifted it, sleeves and trouser legs falling from where they had been tucked and revealing exquisitely tailored clothing.

"They're robes." He said in astonishment, wondering how much she had spent. The fabric alone that they'd been made with must have cost a fortune. "Lily…" Thank you, that's what those words were, right? What someone said when they were grateful? Given the instance, they shouldn't have been so hard to say.

"I know." She smiled back, and he was nearly more grateful for her understanding than what she had given him. Thank Merlin she could read his mind. Some of his thoughts — hell, most of them — were too jumbled to come across his tongue. How he could have hugged her, kissed her if they had been alone.

He folded them — not nearly as nicely as she had — and set them aside. The only thing left beneath the tree was the present he had brought. He wished then that he had brought an excuse instead. That he had forgotten it at home, or perhaps it wasn't finished. Anything was better than the fact that it was now in her hands.

Lily ripped the newspaper into shreds, the same care that he had used less than a thought in her mind. She picked up the gloves first, pure white, with golden trim along the bottom. I shouldn't have picked white. He kicked himself. They'll get dirty much faster, if she even wears them.

As if to prove him wrong, she slid her hands inside, rubbing her fingers together. "I love them." She beamed as she picked up the final piece. A scarf that matched. She wrapped it around her neck before leaning towards him, seeming to forget her family watching them. Her arms around him, she squeezed. Whispered a "thank you" in his ear. He returned it awkwardly, one hand coming loosely to her shoulders.

When they separated, he muttered the words that he had dreaded all night. "I should probably get home."

She nodded, the smile she'd had falling from her lips.

He pushed himself up from the floor on which he had been seated, unwilling to leave the cozy fire, the lit Christmas tree. Her.

"Thank you." He forced, prickles and all. "For dinner, for all of it really." And he was, truly grateful. He had spent the past six Christmases locked inside Hogwarts, have nothing to return home to. The two of them had spent the last six of them apart, Lily returning home each time. It was this year, their final one, that she begged him to come with. He had resisted, appalled by the idea, but now, as he stood inside the Evans' home, he was happy he had done so.

"You're welcome anytime, Severus." Marjorie insisted, Bernard nodding along in agreement. Petunia rolled her eyes. He hoped he was there for the day they got stuck in that position entirely.

He hugged the gift he had been given to his chest, anxious to try them on. The majority of his clothes had been hand me downs, even his school robes. And they'd been feminine. The few things that had been his and his alone could never compare to these.

He stepped towards the landing where his boots had dried long ago, Lily close behind him. She pushed him towards the door, out of sight from the rest of the house. "Meet me upstairs?" She asked in a tone he could barely hear, her forehead puckered in hope, perhaps fear that he would turn her down. "In an hour."

How he could ever deny that request he wasn't sure. He nodded, the largest smile of the night forming on his lips.