I hate you 2

The two gate guards took pity on him, one of them escorting him and his furry companions to the hospital while the other went to find the owner of the menace.

"So how are you finding Konoha so far?" The guard asked, in a desperate attempt to break the awkward silence.

"Troublesome," Harry sighed as he mourned the loss of his sanity, as he clutched his sluggishly bleeding hand to his chest. Hedwig was now perched on his shoulder, glaring down at Shiroko as the cub curled into a ball in his backpack. The decent human thing to do would be to respond to the guard's question in a socially acceptable manner, but he'd just been bitten by prepubescent Draco Malfoy in animal form and was feeling spiteful at the world as a whole.

The gate guard looked even more awkward now, running his hand through his hair as he tried to think of a proper response. After another minute, he decided to address the lump in Harry's backpack instead. "So, you're a summons right? Which contract are you from?"

Oh no, Harry thought as the ball of fur peeked out from his bag. Here we go aga-

He didn't get to finish his thought as a low growl of "SHIROKO" came from behind him and a much heavier weight bowled him over. Hedwig took off with an offended screech and swerved around to look at their attacker while Harry pretended to be the world's most unwilling cushion.

"Byakuya!" A deeper, more human voice shrieked in alarm, "Oh kami I'm so sorry are you okay-"

Harry drowned out the voice as the weight finally lifted from his back and he rolled over to appreciate how blue the sky was. It felt so nice to live and breath again, it'd been so long since he'd been able to appreciate the gentle clouds drifting across the sky...

"Hari-san? Hari-san?! HARI-SAN?!" His view of the sky was blocked as the gate guard knelt down next to his cooling corpse, brown eyes widened in panic.

Harry sighed. It was so hard to get a moment of peace to himself and enjoy the small things in life. Hedwig nipped his ear in irritation and Harry grabbed the hand extended to him to stand up. When he finally stood up, he realized that the hand wasn't the gate guard's, and instead belonged to a chin. It took him longer than necessary to realize that the chin was in fact attached to a head, which had white hair. A lot of white hair.

"Are you okay, Sue-san?" The grandpa had a surprisingly young voice, wait maybe it was a grandma the hair was pretty fluffy so you couldn't really-

"Hedwig!" His beloved, loyal, and resident winged terror decided to bite his ear hard enough to draw blood. Harry turned around and saw the gate guard desperately gasping for breath and the widened eyes of the man before him, and realized that his brain-to-mouth filter must have turned off at some point.

In fact, Shiroko was whimpering as he was held by the scruff by a bigger white wolf, who had the animal equivalent of Molly Weasley's expression after any of Fred and George's pranks.

Another minute passed in awkward silence and the gate guard fell on his side, laughing so hard he was crying.

"Ah, sorry?" On closer inspection, the guy's face really didn't have wrinkles, so there was no way he was that old. Harry stared intently at the guy's face as he mentally cataloged the in fact very young looking features. There were eyebrows, even though they were white, a lot of older people had thinning brows. The same logic applied to his hair, and upon closer examination it seemed more silver than white and was somehow very shiny.

"Ahem." A deep, masculine voice coughed, and Harry blinked in confusion as he snapped out of a daze he didn't realize he'd entered.

"I'm actually very sorry," he let out a long suffering sigh, "I don't know what's gotten into me today. I'm normally not so easily distracted."

The man in front of him looked even more uncomfortable at that. "Ah, that, um, might be the fault of Shiroko over there. His saliva contains a mild paralytic. So when he bit you-"

It took Harry a few seconds to process the words, but by then, her majesty Hedwig the Great had screeched loudly and proceeded to once again divebomb Shiroko. Molly-Weasley-in-wolf-form practically threw her spawn at the angry owl, staring at the scuffle with cold and angry eyes as Hedwig tried to tear the cub some stripes.

Harry sighed again. This time, it was the saddest and longest and most resigned sigh of all sighs. The guy in front of him was frantically spewing out apologies and gesturing something, but Harry was too deeply entrenched in his cycle of exasperation to really listen.

The Potter luck was actually beyond impressive. Maybe instead of actually fighting Voldemort, he should've just written Tom Riddle Jr. onto the Potter family tree and then fate would've done it all for him. Accidentally tripping headfirst into a Japanese shrine while on vacation, waking up in the middle of a deserted island surrounded by whirlpools, getting bitten by a poisonous wolf cub while trying to do an act of goodwill...

Harry didn't know his lungs were capable of giving out an even longer sigh than The Sigh a few seconds ago, but apparently he defied the odds. This caused an even bigger ruckus around him until someone hauled him up in a bridal carry and he blinked and opened his eyes in a hospital lobby. He couldn't even muster up the effort to sigh again at what was happening.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP! HE'S NOT BREATHING!"

Harry decided he'd stop breathing just for the sake of not breathing. And to give a big fat big middle to the Potter luck. The Potter luck wouldn't have a target if he was dead and there weren't any Potters left, ha!

"Sakumo, what's happening here?! You better give me an explanation this second or I'll send you back to your son bald!"

"Um- my summon bit on him accident with a paralytic and he's a civilian and now he's not-"

Harry stared up at the ceiling and gave an internal cheer as his vision darkened around the edges. Screw fate!

"I SWEAR TO KAMI-SAMA SAKUMO YOU'D BETTER MOVE YOUR ASS AND HIS TO THE ER THIS MOMENT BEFORE I CAN STRANGLE YOU-"

Another dizzying rush of something and Harry saw the bright lights of an operation room above him. He decided that these lights were too bright. Harry closed his eyes and decided that now was as good a time as any to take a nap. He deserved it after the chaos he's had to deal with before lunch.

Senju Tsunade and Hatake Sakumo watched in silent amazement as the civilian on the operation table sniffled quietly in his sleep.

"HATAKE SAKUMO WHAT THE-"

"Too loud," their supposedly non-breathing victim mumbled and turned on his side, "wanna sleep."

The next moment, the screams of harried nurses burst into the room and the door slammed open. An elegant white owl swooped in and dropped another white ball of fur on Sakumo, the settled itself primly on one of the machines in the room and started to preen her feathers.