Hello again! Thank you for continuing this journey with me, hopefully you're kind of enjoying yourself. As for an update schedule, I definitely won't be implementing one since I know for a fact I won't be able to follow one. My goal is at least once a month, more if you guys are super interested.

Thank you so much to you guys who reviewed, I wasn't really expecting any on my first chapter. I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far. Like I said before, I'm not totally sure where I'm going here as I planned this story out forever ago and never finished.

Anyways, here's another chapter!

XXX

3 months later

"I really don't think this is a good idea." Peyton states "We need you here. Faith went through the transformation not even a week ago, and who knows who will be next? We need as many of us here as possible." She looks to her sister as Faith shrinks further into her seat.

Anger boils below the familiar pain and numbness that has become my emotions "Are you kidding me?" An incredulous laugh escapes my lips "Are you guys forgetting La Push is my home, you knew from the beginning this wasn't a permanent situation. You knew that I was leaving at the end of August, why are you making such a big deal about this?"

Translation: How dare you keep me from Jared. I haven't talked to him properly since the night after my first moon happened, and I knew it was killing him. It was killing me.

"Kim," Audrey starts in her calm, soothing voice "This was all determined before we realized what this really was, what we are. You realize that the five of us have transformed over the course of three months? Can you imagine how many people will join us this year? We have no idea how many people will become like us or who it will be. We were lucky to get girls who didn't abuse the power…" she trails off, glancing at her sister "Well, not completely abuse the power. We're stronger together. We know little to nothing about this, let alone what will happen if you try to do this alone? This isn't safe." Audrey finishes, crossing her arms over her chest like a disappointed teacher.

I shouldn't have even bothered. Every time I mention going back to La Push I end up in the same position. Of course, it's not like I could easily explain the situation to them. What am I supposed to say? "Yeah… I'm really going to need to head back now. You see, my boyfriend's a werewolf who did this thing they call 'imprinting' on me, so basically, without me in his life, he's useless to his pack. Not to mention I love him so much I'm literally getting stomach aches from being away from him." Sure, it sounds easy when you put it like that. Despite the closeness I feel with these girls, I could never reveal Jared's secret to them. I owed the pack way more than that.

I plop back down on Audrey's loveseat and close my eyes. My life has become my own personal hell lately. Shelby and my sister have been giving me the cold-shoulder lately, with good reason, and I've been forced to shorten, if not reject any calls Jared gives me. Of course, I knew that if I avoided him altogether he would come find me, so I'm constantly having my dad answer his calls or make up excuses as to why I can't talk. I was actually supposed to end things with him completely, but I couldn't bear to do it. No matter how unsafe it is to be with me now.

"I don't see the problem." Sophie, bless her fucking heart, pipes up next to me. When everyone's eyes turn to her, she looks up from her perfectly polished nails and shrugs "What? You really think you'll be able to explain to her dad and sister exactly why she chose to stick around? Guys, you heard her. Her school is over there, her family and friends live there and her boyfriend," wince "lives there. I don't think she'd give that up on a sudden urge to be closer to her roots." She crosses her arms over her chest as well, challenging the sisters to argue with her. It's never a dull moment with Sophie around.

Audrey sighs and rubs her forehead and I instantly feel bad for putting anymore stress on her. She was, after all, the oldest one of us and felt it her responsibility to look after our group. If I'm being completely honest, she's the glue that keeps us all together. Peyton must have been thinking the same thing, being she shifts her patronizing glare to Sophie "I don't believe this conversation has anything to do with you, Sophie, so-"

"Oh, I think this conversation has everything to do with me, Peyton. Since when is this little club under your control?" she counters "Why do you guys get to make all of the decisions around here? This should include all of us, actually." Faith sunk even lower in her seat, if that was even possible.

Peyton was not having any of that. She raises her eyebrows and rests her elbows on her thighs "You really want to go there? You really have the nerve to ask that? How dare-"

"Enough." Audrey states quietly, her bright blue eyes focused on mine. I will her to see my pain, my desperation. I want her to understand how much I'm hurting. It's been hell trying to cope with the hurt caused by the separation from Jared. Not to mention trying to hide it, though I know my efforts are hardly effective. I can feel him like an extra limb; I can feel the loss of him with every inch of my being. If this is what the rest of my life is going to feel like, I'd gladly welcome death.

I notice Audrey's eyes soften and it momentarily reminds me of Emily. Those two really are quite similar. She sighs in defeat "Ok, Kim. I don't want to force you to stay if you are really that passionate on going back to Washington." She gives me an understanding smile and opens her mouth to continue but her sister cuts in.

"Are you shitting me?" Peyton roars, rising to her feet "You have no idea what will happen if she leaves! We need her, A. Who knows what will happen if she goes back home? Who knows what she'll do? You know better than any of us how bad the Call gets! Do you really think she can control herself?" Again, with the condescending tone.

"My control is just fine." I say in an even voice, amplifying my point. If there's anybody in the world with control, it's me. I think I've proven that with the absence of Jared.

Peyton turns her body to face my sitting form "You say that now, Kim but what about when you start feeling the Call? What then? You really think you can endure that kind of pain? Ignore the knowledge of what will relieve that pain? How are you going to refrain from hurting people?" Even with a scowl on her face, Peyton is devastatingly beautiful. I guess to the outside world we all are, but I see us for the monsters we truly are. Well, what I am.

And despite Peyton's bitchy nature and rude comments, I knew she's right. What would happen when I resisted the need of my kind? I have self control. I do. I am right there at the top with Audrey in that category but considering what I am… Could I handle it? I have to. My need for Jared can't be ignored any longer, who knows what will happen to either of us if I don't return?

Audrey closes her eyes and rubs her temples "I see both sides of the situation. It is dangerous for Kim to go back so soon after transformation," soon my a- "but yet, staying here would cause even more suspicion and we need to stay as inconspicuous as possible. The Elders already suspect something and the tribe isn't much better." She opens her eyes and focuses her attention on me once again "You staying here will draw more attention and raise more questions than we need." She looks to her sister "The decision is final. Kim will return to La push."

For the first time in weeks I feel my heart leap with joy. I prepare to jump out of my seat and do a happy dance until Audrey adds "But, visiting will be necessary to ensure the safety of others. I trust you, Kim, and I think out of all of us, you're the best to handle this situation. We just can't risk the lives of others."

I am out of my chair and hugging the leader of our group as soon as she finishes her sentence. Knowing I can freely see Jared within the next week gives me immense joy that I haven't had in months. And it's a very odd feeling. Audrey laughs and hugs me back, her arms easily fitting around my small waist. I've been through more changes lately than my puberty years. Talk about a late bloomer.

Peyton scoffs and I turn in time to see her moving toward the door "I can't believe you two would be so irresponsible. Changes are coming. Something is going to happen. Something big… And you two can't tell me you don't feel it too." We both freeze as Sophie tenses and Faith practically falls to the ground in her desire to disappear "News Flash, ignorance is not bliss. I just hope it's not too late for you all to realize that."

Before she had a chance to leave, I said my final peace "If I stay, my family stays. And we all know my sister's next. I refuse to watch her go through the change." Peyton paused for a split second before turning the knob and slamming the door behind her.

After her sister's dramatic exit, Audrey assured the three of us that Peyton would get over it but to be prepared for tonight's full moon when she's not thinking clearly. On these rare nights, all reason is gone and the only thing left is our emotions. We stayed for a little while longer, making plans to meet at our usual spot and went our separate ways.

Sophie, Faith and I headed toward our houses together in silence, all of us thinking about Peyton's eerie warning. In all truth, we have been feeling a shift in the atmosphere lately. And she was right; we were all ignoring our instincts. That's the irritating thing about Peyton, despite her blunt attitude she was usually right. And today is no different.

But I know I'm right in my decision and until we know what's causing this feeling, I'm not risking my sister's innocence. And because I can't seem to go one more day without seeing Jared.

"So," Sophie says awkwardly, breaking the silence "When are you guys leaving?"

Faith let out a big gust of air she had been holding in for a while. I stick my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and look up at the setting sun. It wouldn't be long now "Friday. My dad wants to get back a couple of days before Lani starts school." I turn my attention to Faith and spoke to her for the first time since our little conflict "You okay?"

We're all more than a little protective over our youngest member. Me, more than any of us. Not only was she the sweetest addition to our group, but she reminded me so much of Lani and the relationship I was missing with her. I guess I felt like I could make up for it by protecting Faith. She didn't deserve this fate. None of us did.

Faith shrugged and hugged her cardigan closer to her chest "Yeah." She said in her sweet, flowery voice.

It was only last week that Faith had gone through the change. It was a huge surprise to all of us. Each of us was expecting my sister or local prom queen Vanessa Weston, not an innocent 13 year old girl. My change was even expected according to Audrey and Peyton, and Sophie came a few weeks after me which we had all anticipated. Why Faith came next was an absolute mystery to us all. We tossed around ideas for hours after Faith's first Call, only to draw a blank.

I was the first to snap out of it, as usual. I blink up at the dark sky and wonder what time it was and where the others were. The last thing I remembered was singing along to the familiar song and feeling an unfamiliar presence. I remember looking to my right, at my blue-eyed sister and knowing we were about to initiate another addition to our clan.

We all retreated as one into the darkness of the rocks on the cliffs we often frequented. One lone figure came to view; she seemed entranced by the water, by the moon, and the song we were singing. I looked to my left- at my black eyed sister, and we both examined the newest member to our family.

I remembered thinking she was small and had skin too fair to be from this side of the cliff. Nevertheless, The Call was never wrong. Her fine, dark hair whipped around her petite body as a gust of wind blew through the waves. The moon was at its peak now. We knew it was time.

The four of us slowly crept behind her as she looked down to the base of the cliff. Then, the initiation began. The last thing I recalled was jumping in after her as my sisters did the same.

I rolled onto my hands and knees, searching the bottom of the cliffs for any sign of my group. My eyes landed on a moving figure dressed completely in white about a yard away from me. I stood as Audrey laid flat on her back with a hand pressed to her forehead. Her long, raven black hair flailed behind her head as the moon shined on her flawless caramel skin. She opened her bright blue eyes as I stood above her and held my hand out for her to take. She smiles gratefully, hauling herself up and dusting off her white shorts.

She opens her mouth to say something but I'm too eager to share my knowledge "It's not Lani." I stated simply.

Audrey looked at me as if she's about to question a small child "How do you know?"

Without speaking, we both headed toward the other side of the cliff "Lani's hair isn't as long as the girl last night and her skin is darker. The new girl is whiter than sour cream."

Her eyes widened "You remember?"

That was the first time I realized I was different than the others. No, I didn't think with reason during The Call but I remembered the basics. Apparently, that wasn't a very common thing.

"Don't you?" I asked stupidly, not yet understanding why she wouldn't recall our newest "sister". We never talked about our experiences during the full or new moons and even though I never understood why, I didn't bother to ask. I didn't think it was because no one remembered.

Audrey stared at me. Before she could say anything else we heard a distant but loud "Fuck!" She gave me a look as if to say "We'll speak about this later," and we took off toward the agitated voice.

It was, of course, the oh-so wonderful Peyton picking seaweed out of her hair, again. How that girl always manages to get that stringy shit in her hair is one of life's greatest mysteries. "How the hell am I supposed to fix it now?!" she pretty much screeched, yanking the last piece out of her dark locks "It took me a week- a WEEK- to get the salt smell out of my hair. And that was after twice as many wash-rinse-repeats I usually do. God fuck me dammit! How do you two always look so damn good?" she is the queen of condescending tones.

"Peyton!" Audrey whispers harshly "Stop shrieking before somebody hears you!" Very good, Aud, way to quiet her down before she starts screeching like a fucking cat.

"Fuck that!" she says louder "I don't give a shit! I woke up in the Pacific fucking ocean and have no idea what has been happening the past four hours and I'm covered in something that looks like the Jolly Green Giant shit out. I am pissed."

Sophie's voice hid my lifeless laugh "Jesus Christ, Peyton. Talk a little louder, would you? I think China could use a little of your insight." She rubs her face with her palm "Anybody know where the newbie is?" she asks as she wrings out her hair. Well. Aren't we responsible.

"Shit." I muttered as Peyton and Audrey exchange a look. We take off at the same time but different directions. Sophie and I ran around the west side of the cliff while the Small sisters rounded the east. We were heading toward the sharp, jagged rocks that were homed at the bottom of the giant cliff. As we climbed over one of the many gigantic boulders, I spotted a small, dark spot leaning against one of the sharp rocks.

I squinted into the night that was slowly turning to morning "Is that her?"

"I don't know." Sophie tied her hair up into a loose bun and added in her bored tone "Let's check it out."

I've tried to forget the sight of the sweet 13 year old that sat curled up in a ball in front of me. It was an image that constantly haunted me and reminded me what the needs of our kind make us do. Her knees were tucked into her chest and she rocked back and forth, either from the cold or her fear. I'm still not sure. She was wet, looked like a drown rat to be honest, and her teeth were chattering slightly.

We both stood frozen for what must have been five minutes strait. I felt ice run through my veins as we stared at the scene in front of us.

The young girl, too beautiful to be fully human, looked at both of us with tears in her eyes "P-please. I-I don't know w-what happened." Sobs wracked her tiny body and I felt my heart wrench "Where am I? Why am-m I h-here?" She buried her face in her hands and continued rocking. Her cries were violent and surprisingly loud for someone as small as her.

I felt Sophie's eyes on me and realized it was my duty to take control of the situation. Hesitantly, I crouched next to her and put my hand on her knee. She flinched back clumsily and fell against a rock, still crying uncontrollably. I looked back up at Sophie and caught the look of pity in her eyes, something unusual for my emotionless friend. Our eyes meet as a warm gust of air sweeps through the air.

"Find Peyton and Audrey, we can't do this alone." Her only response was a nod as I turned back to the young, devastated girl in front of me. She reminded me of a wounded bird, scared and alone.

Despite her shaking figure, I could already see the changes taking place in her small body. Her skin glowed like the moon without stars and her eyes were bright, enhancing the yellow tint to her brown irises. The body on this girl looked too mature for her age, her breasts fuller and curves more defined. I felt a pang of sorrow for her. I knew her life would never be the same.

And then I saw it. I saw what I hated the most about what we were. Out of the corner of my eye, a pale, lifeless body lay unmoving next to the water's edge. The young girl's sobs were drowned out by my thundering heart as I fought the dizziness threatening to overwhelm me.

My back hit a boulder and my breathing increased. I was distantly aware of the beautiful girl's cries but my mind was racing. That was the first time I realized what the nature of our kind can make us do. Here, sat a girl no older than my sister with a dead man splayed next to her. She was supposed to be texting during class, getting into fights with her best friend and begging her father to let her go out with a boy next Saturday. She wasn't supposed to be responsible for taking a human life.

That's the thing, I remember thinking. It doesn't matter who you are or what you've been through. A change in fate or destiny will take your life into an entirely new course. You can't stop it or prevent it. You have absolutely no control over it. The best you can do is continue down the path chosen for you and hope for the best because in the end, you have no say. That's what scares me more than anything.

XXX

Going back to my Aunt's had become a chore for me. I love my family, as previously stated but lately things have been… complicated. No. Saying my situation is "complicated" is like saying the tornado affected Dorothy slightly. So, yeah. A big fucking understatement.

My life outside of my little group consisted of three things. One: hiding from my sister and cousin's death glares. Apparently, completely abandoning your family for a new group of friends whom are disliked by most of the tribe is frowned upon. I did not get this memo.

It hurt. Like hell, actually. I missed having long conversations about stupid shit with Shelby. I missed staying up late playing Speed or reading some magazine about how to have a 45 minute orgasm. I missed sharing looks with my sister whenever dad said something completely face-palm worthy or arguing over things we didn't remember five minutes later.

Two: avoiding my father's questioning looks. I am an open book. Swear to God, everything I'm thinking or feeling is broadcasted on my face. Almost everybody can tell what's going on in my head. My father is no exception. The Kimmy I've become is not anything like the dramatic, outspoken Kimmy I used to be. And he not only knows that but that there's something else going on in my life that's out of my control. His inquisitive looks also have to do with goal number one. He doesn't understand why I've been ditching my family for girls I had barely had a conversation with before the summer started.

Third and most painful: dodging Jared's calls. At this point, it wasn't just Jared trying to get a hold of me. I had numerous missed calls from Emily, Rachel, Paul and Jacob. Not to mention a very questionable message on my machine from Leah.

Of course, I had no choice but to ignore their pleads to talk with Jared. At times Old Kimmy would whisper that I do, in fact, have a choice. I could easily ignore the rules of our group and pick up the phone. The thing is, I know it's for the best. What we do… the effect we have on others is too dangerous. I could make someone do something without even meaning to, and I couldn't live with that.

So, needless to say, I kept to myself quite a bit. I spent most nights staring out of my window, trying to ignore the everlasting ache in my chest. It was all I could do to get out of bed the next morning.

My group was the only human interaction I encountered since my fateful "fall". This is really quite pathetic considering they're not all that human. I kind of feel like Michael Jackson after the whole pedophile trial thing. Although that was a load of bullshit to me. I mean, how easy was it for him to convince the family to leave him alone? Hmm, tell me, would you rather see the man who supposedly "took your child's innocence" go to prison or become a few million richer? I would think you'd want to see him rot in a cell but I guess not.

Nevertheless, I don't get out much anymore. Not that I want to, of course. I'd prefer to sit here and fantasize about Jared. About what we would be doing if he was here with me. How he would slowly run his hand up my thigh while his mouth worked at that sensitive spot on my throat. When I gave a light tug at his soft hair, he'd bring his mouth back to mine while his hot hand continued its path up my leg. I'd moan his name and he'd growl in return as his hand finally reached its destination.

His fingers would stroke the outside of my underwear, wet with anticipation. I'd get fed up with his teasing and would roll us over so I had the upper hand. My hands would move on their own, pulling his boxers down to free the part of his body that gave me the most pleasure. He'd moan my name and slide my panties down so our members could reunite. Just as I moved over him-

"Kim?" a voice breaks my wet daydream.

I jump and turn in the desk chair toward the voice "Yeah?" I reply roughly.

Shelby stands in the doorway, her sweet face a mask of determination as she enters the room, shutting the door behind her. My cousin hesitantly sits at the edge of my sister's bed across from me.

I suppose this is how Emily feels around Leah, unsure and awkward. While our situation isn't nearly as messy and heartbreaking as theirs, similar feelings are applied. I stare at my cousin, realizing we are in two completely different worlds and I wish with everything I have that I could be in hers.

She finally breaks the silence "You're leaving tomorrow." Shelby states simply.

I nod slowly "I am."

She looks at the wall above my head "I don't… what the hell happened, Kim? Everything was fine. Everything was normal and then you slowly stop talking to us, your own family?" she stands before me as she continues to rant "I mean, who does that? Do you know how worried your dad is? How long him and my mom talk about what might be going on with you every night? You know the looks Lani gives you when you're not looking? She misses you, Kim. She needs you, don't you get that?"

She starts to pace before me "At first we thought you were just missing your boyfriend, we understood. Then you start looking sickeningly tired, we thought you weren't getting enough sleep. When you started hanging out with Audrey and Peyton was when Lani and I knew something was up. You're not an attention seeker, Kim and those girls have been in the rez's spotlight for some time now. Why would you put yourself in that situation?

"The most disturbing thing had to be when you woke up one morning looking like sex on legs. Who can go from having the look of an innocent high schooler to some Victoria's Secret model?" she stopped pacing and stood right in front of me "It sounded disturbingly similar to Peyton and Audrey's case."

I took a shaky breath and ran my fingers through my silky hair. I didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't very well come out and tell her about us.

Shelby slowly lowers herself in front of me and takes my right hand in hers "Kim, whatever is going on, you can tell me. You're… you're like my best friend. It kills me seeing you like this."

Her voice is so sincere tears spring to my eyes. I look up at the ceiling, memorizing the paint patterns. I've always wondered how they got there.

I swallowed back the knot in my throat as I looked at my cousin again. Letting out a slow breath, I detached her hands from mine and run them through my hair again. She looked at me warily as I stood and paced with a hand to my mouth.

I open my mouth to speak, not knowing what's about to come out "I don't know what to say, Shells. I can't tell you the truth but I'm not going to lie to you."

Shelby throws her hands in the air "What the hell does that even mean?!"

"It means that I can't tell you anything. Believe me, Shelby, I want to. I'd like nothing more than to talk like we used to but so much has happened-"

My cousin springs to her feet so fast you'd think she was Tigger from Winnie the Pooh "That's the shit I'm talking about, Kim. I am so sick and tired of trying to cut through all this bullshit. I just want to know what happened. I don't want to gossip, I'm not trying to get info for your father or the tribe, I actually care, Kim. I'm scared as fuck for you. Why can't you just trust me?"

I felt my resolve weaken as her voice breaks and tears spring to her dark brown eyes. I wasn't expecting her to break. Shelby was always known as the happy-go-lucky girl next door. No matter the obstacle, she kept her head held high and a smile on her face. In my opinion, that's exactly what's wrong with the world. Too many people smile when they're sad and frown when they're happy. In my opinion, everyone would be better off just laying everything on the table. Of course, that's a little hypocritical coming from me.

Nevertheless, I hold great respect for my cousin and the fact that I haven't seen her cry since her father's funeral four years ago tore at my heartstrings. I had caused her heartache.

I shake my head violently, trying to ignore her tears and fighting my own "Its not that simple. This… this is bigger than you and I, Shells. I literally can't tell you anything… if you know… if anything were to happen to you…" I fought my tears. I fought the exhaustion and depression that was taking over my life. I fought it with everything I had. The darkness that threatened to consume me was so close to taking over it was hard to breathe.

I started hyperventilating. My heart beat rapidly in my chest as my knees gave out and I fell onto my sister's bed. All I wanted to do was confess to Shelby and the rest of my family what happened. I wanted to go back to La Push, to Jared. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me, the only place I ever felt completely safe.

Shelby was staring at me with concern instead of anger. I looked into her eyes "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. You have to know that this wasn't my choice; I didn't want any of this to happen. You're my best friend and I never wanted to hurt you or Lani or anyone. I wish everything could go back to normal, I do, but I can't reverse what has been done. It's out of my control."

My breathing is still labored as I stare at my cousin with hope. I know my apology probably won't mean much without an explanation but I hoped it was enough for her to forgive me for the time being. She really is my best friend and I feel sick about hurting her.

She looks at me for a few minutes before looking out of the window to her left. She stares at the night sky for a moment before looking back at me "I don't know what happened this summer, but I love you. I don't want to lose you so if that means dealing with all of this closed captioning then… ok. The secret will be an obstacle but..." she shrugs her shoulders and gives a sad smile "You're my family"

We stare at each other for a long time, letting the weight of her words sink in. I don't know who moved first but, in an instant, we were hugging. I held her tight, smelling the tanning oil on her shoulders, and feeling her silky hair against my hands. And for the first time in months, I felt like things might just be ok.

Despite the change and the mystery it carries, I can't help but feel this new sense of hope. Every once in a while, even on your worst day, there will be a good moment. No matter how small or insignificant it may seem, keep it in a pocket of your coat or maybe in a jar on your desk because you need to know that there are and will be better times. You need to remember how in these moments, you feel all warm inside. Like you have just drank a hot cup of tea. Like a small fire has been ignited inside of you. You must hold onto this warmth and never let it go.

XXX

Sooooo whatcha think? Like it? Hate it? Confused? Leave me a little something to read.

Again, I don't really know when the next update is coming. I don't know if I like the next chapter I have written, I think I'm going to rearrange some things and edit the shit out of it.

In the meantime, leave me something to read?

Xoxo Lils