AN: Wishing all writers and readers an enjoyable event, and offering continued thanks to our host for his support. Happy holidays, one and all. Much love, K

Chapter 1

Kate's captain and the rest of her team had already gone, taken off for people and places personal that Monday night, and the bullpen around her at the 12th Precinct was left blanketed by a hush as still as that of a vacant church.

It'd been a day much the opposite, a toilsome day in the universe she inhabited, its hours dragging almost as if in punishment for what only it knew had taken place in the hours of the weekend before. Well, what only it and Rick knew. He'd been in the bed, too, after all. More than that, he'd been the one left bloodied in the battle that'd been the aftermath, sadly by friendly fire.

He never showed up that day, nor did he call, text, email, or utilize any other form of communication to let her know as much. When she woke at 5 a.m., or, more accurately, finally pushed her body off the couch at 5 a.m. because she'd hardly slept worth a damn, a part of her-the part awash in guilt-actually hoped she wouldn't have to see him, but when wouldn't passed into couldn't, the ache of how they'd left things began to gnaw at her heart with even greater ferocity.

Despite the weariness her case and her anger with herself had set into her muscles and bones, she didn't want to go home. Home was where the bed was, where it'd happened and happened more than once.

In her work was where Kate hid from scary things, as flawed and foolish as that logic was, considering what she came face-to-face with there every day. Funny how, over and over again, swallowing the poison of the worst humanity had to offer proved easier a task than admitting her true feelings. And, given some of what Rick had said before he'd walked out on her, it wasn't as though she'd been doing a great job of hiding them, anyway.

She turned, glared with defeat at the puzzle pieces she had pinned to and scribbled across the murder board she'd been glaring at for three days, and it only served to feed her frustration. Her bag of theories was empty, as was Rick's chair, sitting there like a flashing neon sign of her failures, and one of the two had her reaching for her phone.

"Sorry, I didn't expect you to answer," she offered in apology to her therapist for her less than graceful salutation. "It's late."

"Neither of us works a nine-to-five job, Kate. I have paperwork just like you do. What's going on? Is everything all right?" Burke asked, equally surprised to find her on the other end of his line, regardless of the hour. They'd met for a regular appointment just the week prior, and it was unusual for her to reach out between sessions.

She hadn't told Lanie about what'd happened, not yet. She would, of course, but she needed the weight of it off her shoulders without the oohs and aahs, first, and Burke already knew enough about her-about her and Rick's… circumstance-to understand that.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Do you, um, have some time to talk, maybe? I know I'm not scheduled for-"

"Yes, Kate, I can make time." He consulted his calendar, found himself with a later start the following morning. "I can see you early tomorrow. Would 7:30 a.m. work?"

She agreed with thanks and hung up, pulled a highlighter out of her desk drawer and buried herself in a fourth pass of phone and credit card records. Even with the modicum of relief Burke's accommodation brought, she still wasn't ready to go home.

xxxx

"You're not going to sit?" It wasn't the first visit to Burke's office that she hadn't, but he'd learned she only paced when she was particularly worked up about something. He waited, but acknowledgement never came. "Would you like to tell me what's going on, Kate? I don't think me trying to guess would serve either of us."

Kate hands were balled up into fists so tight that even the fingernails she kept trimmed to nothing were digging into her palms.

"I slept with Rick." She was already facing the door and seriously considered running, but to where? She could've run forever and never been able to get away from it, not that that was even what she really wanted. "We slept together, this past weekend, after Ryan's wedding."

"I see. And you're feeling what about that?"

She spun around, snapped at him. "I don't know what I'm fucking feeling about it. I don't know how it happened. I don't know how I feel about it. Fuck, I don't even know if he's coming back."

"Kate, sit down, please. Sit down and take a breath." He thanked her when she acquiesced, managed it without sounding patronizing. "When you're ready, can we start at the beginning here? It's clear that whatever happened was more than that singular event."

She wore heels and kicked them off, tucked her feet up under her in the oversize chair. The beginning was the easy part. It was the very real possibility of the end that had a lump wedged in her throat.

xxxx

Three days earlier, Rick was standing in his bedroom closet, his daughter working to straighten his tie while being bombarded with a host of grumblings over her decision to ditch him at the last minute as his date for Kevin and Jenny's wedding to attend a concert instead.

"Get real, Dad, we all know-Gram, too-you should've asked Beckett to go with you from the beginning. Now you'll both be there alone. Do you know how many hookups happen at weddings?" Alexis asked sounding like she had statistics at the ready.

He flicked her a look brimming with fatherly disapproval. "Okay, now the only wedding you'll ever be attending is your own-and even then." When she stopped fidgeting with him, he stepped around her for the full-length mirror. "The old man's still got it," he cooed at his reflection.

"How does Beckett feel about old men?" she teased. "That doctor she was with definitely wasn't old."

Rick set a stray bit of hair back off his forehead. "Gee, thanks so much for bringing him up, but nice try, daughter of mine, but you have not succeeded in your quest to rattle me. After all, look who's still standing, and in dapper fashion, I might add." There was something almost sinister in his tone, certainly swagger.

"All right, I need to go," he said with a glance at his watch. "I'm not sure when I'll be home. Ryan's Irish. Who knows how wild this reception could get? Text me after the show, so I can guilt-trip you some more between drunk leprechaun jokes."

Alexis moved in behind him, set her hands and pushed, the way he often did with her in her socked feet around the loft.

"Bring some cake home for me. I'm your daughter and, though I'm deserting you, the rules say you have to love me and pocket me some in spite of it. Besides, this is going to work out better. I can feel it. You'll be thanking me later."

He plucked his keys from the kitchen counter and dropped them into his jacket pocket. "Sounds like something I'd say that Beckett would roll her eyes at me for," he replied and knew he was right. What neither of them could know in that moment, though, was just how wrong Alexis would turn out to be.

xxxx

"I guess I should just be grateful my mother wasn't available to fill in," Rick joked to Kate as they stood together in the church's entryway before the ceremony. "The woman weighs all of four pounds, but she could probably drink Ryan's entire family under the table. Imagine the gift I'd have to give to make up for that scene."

"Like mother, like son, Castle?"

"Well, if I'm being honest, I'm more like six or seven pounds, and I might be able to show up a cousin or something. Stick around for the show, Detective," he said in an overdone come-hither voice, when his eyes suddenly crinkled at the corners. "I just realized. I'm sorry I haven't said this already, but you look beautiful, Kate-really just… beautiful."

It hung just above her knee, the dress of simple grey she'd chosen for the affair, one that hugged her elegant body in estimable service, and one that pleased not only its wearer for its generosities, but also, as evidenced by Rick's steadfast focus, the only other person she'd thought about when she'd slipped into it that afternoon.

Kate's fingers tangled together from the surge of nervous energy that instantly coursed through her. How profound the shift in her body's response to his proximity, to his gaze, to his soft words, since it'd secretly submitted to its want of his, and the manifestations of that shift were becoming tougher to keep hidden.

"Thank you, Castle." Self-consciousness and self-assurance grabbed hold of her in equal part. He didn't know it, but he possessed a unique way of inspiring both at once. "You do, too." Her chin dropped and Rick giggled a breath at the sweetness of her fluster. "You know what I mean," she pointed out without need.

"So, what'll it be," he asked and presented a hand, "your pew or mine? Since neither of us is on someone else's arm, I'd be honored if the beautiful detective would accompany me inside."

Kate slid her hand into his, felt more than a friend or a partner ever would with their union. "You don't cry at weddings, do you, Castle? A gal's got a reputation to maintain."

"Never at them, no," Rick said as they made their way in as one. "Usually only afterward and when they're mine."

xxxx

Nearly all of Kevin and Jenny's invited guests from the 12th were seated around the same circular table at the reception hall, save for a few who were still within earshot, which made for something of a rambunctious little cop corner, once the alcohol started to flow.

Though Javi and Lanie both arrived at the ceremony with dates of sorts-its own bit of melodrama, it turned out-they nonetheless ended up at the table beside one another, his cousin and her doctor friend chatting it up, while Lanie did the same with Kate.

"So, are you going to ask Castle to dance or what? You should. It'd be good for you two to practice," she commented coolly around a sip of champagne. It wasn't the first splash of gasoline she'd tossed into the fire that evening, and it surely wouldn't be her last if her glass continued to find itself full. "Don't give me that deer-in-headlights look. You know we're going to be at one of these for you guys someday."

Javi shoveled a huge bite of cake into his mouth like he knew it was the last food he'd ever eat. "No kidding," he chimed in, continuing to dig at the mound of vanilla and raspberry on his plate.

"Would you just stop it, Lanie?" Kate attempted to order more than ask, though she knew full well her best friend would do no such thing. Her eyes slid toward Rick, who, thankfully, was locked in conversation with the chief of detectives. "I shouldn't even waste my breath. You're as bad as he is. Neither of you listens to me."

"Who am I as bad as, your future husband?" Lanie asked with a snicker, Javi jumping into the chorus. "Girl, what is it going to take for you to get it through that pretty little head of yours that none of us has enough time in this life to play things safe? You already made out with the guy, and you said you liked it. You know he's into it. What's the damn problem?"

"Whoa!" Javi blurted out and attracted attention. "Who'd you make out with? Castle? You made out with Castle?"

Kate let her eyes close. Lanie elbowed Javi. Rick's head whipped around.

"Okay, I heard my name and something about making out." He tapped his chest. "I have a pocketful of mints at the ready. Who's game?"

"Dude, you're smoochin' on Beckett and you didn't tell us? What the hell?"

Rick looked at Kate, who appeared seconds from shooting steam out of her ears. "First, Esposito, there isn't a blow to the head hard enough I could take that would ever make me forget I was lucky enough to be granted that pleasure. Second, you have frosting on your lip. Don't waste it. The stuff is gold."

Kate opened her eyes again with the offhand tribute. Even seemingly without trying, he could still get her.

"Can we stop talking about this, please?" she begged of the three. "There isn't even a this to talk about."

"You just keep telling yourself that," Lanie slid out of the corner of her mouth. "Tick, tock."

"Whatever. I'm going to get more cake," Javi announced and walked off, left Kate and Rick sitting there silent, each wondering if the other was also now playing out that night in their mind, that kiss in the alley that hadn't been and never could be enough.