Hello everyone! I've missed writing fanfic, so hopefully this one might get the creative juices flowing again!

This idea came to me after S10:Ep 07 when Steve lost his mom. My heart literally broke when this happened because Steve has lost so much since the series began. By S10:Ep 8, it was like things were back to normal and we didn't see ANY of the aftermath that would have taken place in the "real world". I mean SERIOUSLY?

There is a big gaping hole in the story line, in my opinion, so I'm going to try to fill the void (And I'm hoping the shows writers will do the same thing before the season ends; They need to tell us their version of how this has all affected Steve.)

I've used some of the dialogue from the episodes when Joe and Doris. Copyright infringement is not intended and is only being used for reference.

Also, this is a Steve/Catherine centric story, so please don't read if you aren't a McRollins fan.

Enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts! 😉
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Steve was sixteen years old when his father sent him off after he thought his mother had died in a horrible car accident. In a matter of months, his world and everything in it had changed: His mother was dead and he was now separated from both his little sister and his dad. So, he did the only thing he could at the time to relieve the frustration building inside of him: He rebelled and stole a car.

It hadn't taken long for him to be apprehended and arrested. It was a night Steve would never forget…..but it hadn't ended as he expected.

Now…years later…sitting under the oak tree with an ailing Joe in his arms, Steve expressed his gratitude that Joe had stepped in and helped him.

"That night changed the course of my life, Joe. If I hadn't gotten off with that warning, I never would've gone on to the SEAL's…..or done Five-0. I realized that night that someone believed in me…..Even though I didn't believe in myself. That's it. That's what I had to thank you for."

Joe's gaze pierced Steve's soul and seemed to see right through him:

"Have you lost your mind, son? You've thanked me every day since with the man you've become…..and the work you've done. Don't you see that?"

Moments later, as Joe was breathless, he'd said, "I couldn't be prouder of the man you've become."

Sensing his master's distress, Eddie jumped up on the bed and started whimpering and nudging Steve softly with his nose. Steve woke suddenly disoriented and in a cold sweat. He sat up and looked around before realizing he was in his own bedroom with his dog by his side. He reached over to stroke Eddie's back and took some deep breaths to calm his racing heart. Eddie gently moved forward to give Steve a lick on the face and whimpered again.

"Yeah, boy…It was another bad dream."

Steve looked towards the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was 4:00 a.m. so he'd slept for 4 hours. It was better than some nights, but still not enough. Huffing in frustration, he laid back down on the pillow and didn't make Eddie get off the bed as normal. He picked up the remote for the tv in his room and turned it on.

"What d'ya say we see if we can find something to put us back to sleep, boy?" he said as he rubbed behind Eddie's ears. The dog let out a sigh in response and put his head down on Steve's lap.

Truthfully, Steve didn't know if he wanted to go back to sleep because his sleeping hours had been full of heartbreaking dreams from his life ever since he'd lost Joe….and now his Mom. It was as if his mind was reminding him of every moment and reminding him of what he'd lost.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he thought of his last moments with Doris again.

He saw her face.

He heard her words.

And he felt like a complete son of a bitch for not believing in his mother when all she was trying to do was make things right for Mary, Joannie…and him.

Mary and Joannie would still be fine financially. Aunt Deb had seen to that and with the money his mother had left in the account for Joannie, they would be taken care of. No one knew it, but he also had accounts set up for Mary and Joannie as well as making them beneficiaries on substantial life insurance policies he had taken out for himself.

Yes, they would be fine; but knowing that his actions helped lead to his mother's death haunted him.

Settling the channel to a "Magnum P.I" episode on HBO, Steve finally fell asleep around 5:00 a.m.

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Junior's alarm went off at 6:30. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he followed his morning routine: A quick swim…..A quick shower….coffee and breakfast.

As soon as put his coffee into a travel mug and was making his way to the front door, Eddie came down the stairs.

"Hey, buddy," Junior says as he rubbed Eddie's head. "Is he still sleeping?"

Eddie gives a soft bark in response. Junior shook his head in amazement of the bond that had happened between Steve and Eddie. For a man who said he never needed a pet, Eddie had become Steve's savior in many ways.

"Do you need to go out?" he asked the dog.

Eddie gave anther soft bark before running to the back door.

Junior followed him with a smirk on his face. "Okay, buddy…..Go out…and then we're gonna let him sleep as long as he can. Okay?"

Eddie wagged his tail in response before going out to do his business. When he came back in, Junior gave him a piece of ham (his favorite "treat").

"Okay, boy. You keep an eye out…..and let Steve sleep. Okay?"

Eddie's tail was wagging and he panted happily in response before making his way back upstairs. Using his nose, he nudged the bedroom door open again before settling on the carpet on Steve's side of the bed and started to go to sleep.

Eddie's head popped back up when he was awakened again by Steve's moaning. Steve's head was moving from side to side again as if trying to shake his mind from what it was seeing. Eddie instinctively jumped onto the bed.
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Mary was already asleep, but since Steve was older, he was allowed to stay up a bit later. One of his favorite parts of the day was when his mom would come into his bedroom and read to him. They were currently making it through Moby Dick.

As she continued to read to him, his eyes grew heavy.

"I know not all what may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing." Doris read.

Steve yawned a very sleepy yawn as Doris closed the book and kissed his head.

"That's enough for tonight, baby." She said.

"But what does that mean, Momma?"

Steve felt his mother's arm tighten around him before she let out a sigh and leaned down again to kiss his forehead.

"You'll understand it someday, sweet boy. But for now, just know that I love you…..and Mary….and your Dad….SO MUCH. No matter what happens, please don't ever forget how much I love you."

Her arms tightened around him again and he felt her choke back a sob.

But he was so very tired, so as he drifted off to sleep, he felt her give him one more kiss. "I love you so much, baby."

The scene in Steve's mind changed. His mother was on the floor of the warehouse after being stabbed. He wasn't ready to lose her. She couldn't die. She just couldn't!

Reaching a shaky hand up, Doris touched his face.

"I love you," she'd cried. "I love you SO much! -I'm sorry, baby…I'm so sorry!"

"I love you, Mom," Steve had answered right before she died in his arms.

"NO!" he screamed before waking up again. Frustration filled his heart and guilt rushed through his soul as he realized once again how his actions had helped lead to his mother's murder.

Looking at the clock once again, Steve resigned himself to the fact that it was time to get through another day.

Another long day where he would immerse himself in his work and try to forget about the demons haunting his dreams.

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The door to HQ swung open as a very familiar face entered. Danny's gaze moved from his computer screen to the door and a smile broke across his face. He stood up quickly to go out and greet the guest.

"Well hello, beautiful!" he said as he opened his arms for a hug.

Catherine returned the hug…..and the smile. "Hey, Danny. Long time no see."

"Yeah…..it's been too long. So what brings you back? Or should I say who brings you back? And if you're looking for him, he hasn't made it in yet."

Catherine's face saddened. "Can we go to your office to talk?"

"Sure….Let's go."

Danny closed his office door and the two sat down on the couch.

"How is he?" Catherine asked.

Danny sighed. "Well, before I answer that, let me ask you a question. I'm assuming you heard about Doris, right?"

Catherine nodded. "Yeah. I would have been here sooner, but I had something to finish first. Plus, it took awhile for the intel to reach me where I was located. I came as soon as I could. So how is he?"

Danny looked out the window into the common area of the office and looked as if he was trying to figure out exactly what to say.

Turning back to Catherine, he said, "I'm not gonna lie….He's not good, babe. This time is different. It's like something inside of him has completely died. I mean….I don't think he's sleeping or eating either. And he won't talk about it. He just wants to work and bury the grief, so to speak."

"I was afraid of that," Catherine said sadly.

Both of them turned towards the HQ doors opening again as Steve walked in. Catherine's heart twisted painfully as he immediately made his way to Danny's office. He looked so broken and defeated. He opened Danny's door and stopped when he noticed her sitting on the couch.

"Cath," he said breathlessly.

Catherine stood up to face him with her familiar greeting, "Hey, sailor."

Tears filled his eyes and he willed them to stay put. He was not going to break down, dammit! But as she walked towards him with her arms open, the tremor on his chin gave him away. Her heart broke inside of her as he pulled her in for a crushing hug. No other words were necessary as she felt the intense grief rolling off of him in waves.

"God, Cath….It's good to see you," he choked out even though his grip on her didn't loosen and she made no move to let go either.

"Let's go to my office, okay?" Steve looked like he was afraid she would bolt at any moment which caused the pain in her chest to tighten. She knew some of this pain was her fault…and she knew it was time to fix that.

"Of course," she smiled at him. "That's what I'm here for."

Steve took her hand as if he was afraid she would change her mind and led her across the hall to his office. There was no mistaking the surprised looks on the rest of the team when they saw Steve and Catherine emerging from Danny's office, but there would be time to explain later. Right now, he just wanted to get alone with her and talk.
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So what do you think? Want more of this one? Let me know your thoughts!