Plug and Play, a legend of zelda fanfic

The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.

Plug and Play

NOTE: This takes place at an unspecified time towards the end of The Voice. It probably won't make much sense to you if you haven't read it.

$ Initialising boot-up sequence...

$ Starting essential services...

$ Some services could not be started, please notify system administrator

$ Calibrating IO services...

$ No IO devices connected, switching to wireless

$ Reticulating splines...

$ Loading GUI...

$ No GUI installed, continuing with CLI

$ Starting OS...

$ Welcome, please enter login credentials

$ Authentication failed, please try again

$ Unknown command, 'fuck you you piece of fucking shit graargh!', please try again

$ Override key accepted, logging in as 'master fucking hacker'

$ Boot-up sequence complete. Hello, master fucking hacker. Please enter commands.

$ No directory with the name 'secret classified shit' found, please try again

$ No directory with the name 'the good stuff' found, please try again

$ No directory with the name 'dull fucking name for awesome stuff' found, please try again

$ Changing directory to 'hobbies'

$ Changing directory name to 'snore'

$ Listing files in directory 'snore'...

Sheik sat on the floor in the middle of the old, abandoned Sheikah outpost, his eyes closed as he explored the odd, isolated network he'd found inside. This appeared to be some sort of research station, though he'd yet to find anything interesting other than a ton of papers on the dullest subjects he could imagine, including one on the benefits and drawbacks of changing to a different oil for lubrication purposes.

Mostly useless, but he saved it all anyway and uploaded it to the general network.

(He did save that lubrication one for personal use later, though.)

Still, a disappointing result. No blueprints for powerful new machines, no innovative improvements to existing ones, no way to create anything useful. Just dull, dull, dull conversations between researchers and stupid slap-fights over grammar.

(Anyone who complained about ending sentences with a preposition was automatically a complete loser, in Sheik's mind).

No treasure trove of information, this, and frankly he wasn't surprised. The tip about this place had come from Robbie, after all, and if there was one thing Sheik could always count on when it came to that bastard it was that Sheik would always, somehow, get the short end of the stick...or sharp end of the scalpel, depending on what sort of mood the little gnome was in.

At least it hadn't been far away, barely an hour and a half walk from inn he and Link were staying at.

(Suck it, grammar!)

He probably should have mentioned that he was going to check it out to Link, but then the Hero would insist on coming with him, and that wasn't acceptable.

Because Sheik wasn't some helpless waif in need of protection. He was a warrior too, damn it, and had plenty of tools with which to protect himself. Few things could handle a blast from a Guardian cannon, after all.

Besides, Link had his own business to attend to in the area. Mostly resupplying, which for some reason he insisted on doing by hunting and foraging himself, instead of buying the stuff they needed from the merchant conveniently lodged at the same inn. Link were skilled at both those things, but he could get very...absorbed in his task. A perfect time for Sheik to slip away and do the job on his own, really.

...and to get out of having to forage as well. He hated doing that. Digging in the dirt...so uncivilised!

Still, this really hadn't been worth it. Some data had been salvaged, but Sheik didn't understand why an entire station had been dedicated to this...nothingness. Sure, the Sheikah had a tendency to get very obsessed with minute details sometimes, but they never established outposts for no reason or with no purpose.

So, what had this place been?

Well-hidden, for one. Tucked into a small, narrow canyon that, if you had no idea what to look for, would've looked perfectly normal. It even had its own power source, still disconnected from the Sheikah Network or the nearby shrines.

No, this didn't make sense at all, and Sheik wasn't happy about it.

He crossed his arms and frowned, taking in the central chamber of the outpost, where workbenches and tool racks took up most of the space. The Sheikah would have worked here, but on what? There were no records stating anything of interest had ever been built or worked on here, and Sheik would be damned if he believed this had been a purely academical or theoretical workspace.

His sensors didn't reveal anything out of place in the walls or ceiling, and the floor was...well, a floor. Solid, with no hidden compartments that he could see.

He sighed and stood up, wondering if he should just pack it in and kick Robbie's ass for wasting his time when they got back to the Domain, but...that'd be admitting defeat for his detective skills.

And that was not on.

He wandered over to one of the workbenches tucked up against the wall. There was a suspicious empty space, untouched by tools or materials. Just...empty.

Could mean something was supposed to be there. Could also mean this particular Sheikah was a weirdo who needed an empty space on his desk. Could also also mean the Sheikah was a bastard who wanted to make things difficult for whoever came after them.

"Ass," Sheik muttered, thumping the wall with his artificial arm.

There had probably been some sort of mechanism at some point, but centuries of decay had rusted the metal hinges to the point of nothingness, and the tiniest vibration would have set it off.

The terminal popped out of the wall with no great fanfare, the bottom slamming into the workbench's surface, right in the middle of the empty space. And then the workbench broke apart, sending rotten wood and tools flying every which way, showering Sheik with the detritus of the ages.

Such a thing would probably have annoyed him greatly (and it would, later, when he realised just how much dust he'd just been coated in), but right then all he could focus on was the self-satisfaction of knowing his theory of success that involved just hitting everything and everyone until they did as told was valid...but also the now-broken terminal in the wreckage pile that had once been a desk.

"Shit," he muttered, crouching down to inspect the connection point. There was no response from the wireless, but the thing was still lighting up despite being mostly in pieces. "Huh, guess the tech really can take a beating..."

This was really odd. The research station's network had been self-contained, not connected to the larger, Hyrule-spanning one. And here was a terminal which was most definitely not connected to the station's.

A self-contained network within a self-contained network.

Curious. And Sheik had no way of connecting wirelessly.

There was only one thing for it, then.

He reached up and flipped his ear up. It felt odd, but that was the only place he had any sort of wired connection point. He found an available data cable and pulled it out, trying not to shudder too much at the sensation of the thing un-spooling within his head. He found the terminal's entry point and inserted the cable...and was greeted by another login point.

$ Welcome, please enter login credentials (don't even try, Ren)

Sheik didn't have time to bother with learning names, so he went with his tried and true override script, which did all the brute-forcing for him, allowing him to focus on other, more important things.

Like napping.

A far superior way of making time pass to hibernation mode.

$ Override accepted. Welcome, Rin. If you're Ren, log out this instant, you intellectual property-stealing thief!

Oh, good. The slap-fight continued even in cyberspace. Fan-fucking-tastic. There was even a series of papers, written separately by Rin and Ren, that seemed to be dedicated to debunking each other's work. It went on for quite some time. Years. It ended with a single paper on the best way to maintain Guardian joints, seemingly published jointly.

What was fantastic, though, was the contents of this Rin person's other files. Blueprints of all sorts, both new and old, and a big, fat folder titled "Project Preying Shadow".

How much better could it get? Sheik had been hoping for something like this. And such a cool name, too!

"Encrypted?" he muttered. "Fuck!"

It'd take years, possibly decades to try and brute-force the algorithm used to encrypt the files and information contained within the project. The only thing that wasn't useless to him right then and there was the executable.

In hindsight, starting it was not one of Sheik's brighter ideas.

$ Initialising Preying Shadow...

$ Scanning for compatible hosts...

$ Host 01 - n/a

$ Host 02 - n/a

$ Host 03 - n/a

$ Host 04 - n/a

$ Host 05 - n/a

$ Host 06 - n/a

$ Host 08 - available, due for maintenance

$ Establishing connection...

$ Connection established. Initialising neural stream. Please ensure that you are lying down.

Wait, what? Stream? Lying down? What was going o-

Everything went white.

His target was close. The tracks were fresh in the mud. Tired, now, based on the gait.

Link kept his breath quiet and steady, and continued crawling through the underbrush, careful not to disturb the plants around him too much. Too much noise, and it'd scare his quarry and then he'd have to repeat this whole thing all over again.

There, just ahead. A buck, and a beautiful one at that, its fur shiny and perfect, speckled near it its hindquarters. Its antlers had several branches, indicating this one had been around for quite a while. Almost a shame to take it down.

Link bet it would be delicious.

Coupled with the tubers and other vegetables he'd foraged earlier that morning, the inn would be having a feast that night.

He could almost taste it already, watching in silence as the buck bent down to drink from a small stream, still panting from the exertion. Honestly, missing that first shot had been embarrassing, but the run had been invigorating at least.

But it was over now, and Link slowly rose to a crouching position, still hidden by the tall grass and shrubs around him, carefully drawing his bow and nocking an arrow. He raised the bow and drew back the string, taking a deep breath and holding it, aiming for the buck's heart, and-

The buck snorted and moved, continuing down the stream a little, conveniently blocking Link's view of it behind a tree.

Damn it.

He'd have to move around the clearing now-there was no other way to sneak up on the animal without revealing his position. Any deeper into the woods now, and he'd lose it in the thicket...not to mention he might get lost in here.

He pulled back out of the underbrush and got himself back behind the trees around the clearing, moving along the rocky hillside, a remnant of a landslide that must have happened years ago, if the clear lines of the cliffs ahead were any indication. He moved along the trees and found a perfect spot between two tree trunks. The buck was standing there, still drinking, surely getting ready to move on. Link nocked his arrow again, aligned his aim with the buck's heart, and-

The buck stiffed, turning its head towards Link's position. Then it took off, running. Link should have loosed his arrow, but he too had noticed what spooked the buck.

The ground was shaking. Specifically, the ground he was standing on was shaking. He turned, and saw the entire hill vibrating, the trees whipping back and forth, thousands of little stones and pebbles coming loose and falling.

Another landslide?

No, something...from beneath!

The pincered arm smashed through the soil first, flailing wildly like a snake caught in a desperate fight...and then the rest of the Guardian exploded out of the ground, its head swivelling wildly as its mad eye scanned its surroundings in apparent confusion as it pulled its body out of its grave...and tipping over.

Link would have laughed at the sight of the Guardian tumbling down the hill if it weren't heading straight for him. As it was, he barely had time to hurl himself out of the way before it crashed through the trees and into the clearing, throwing tree splinters, soil, and water in all directions with its spectacular crash.

Climbing to his feet, Link saw the Guardian lying on its side in the middle of the once-beautiful clearing, its legs flailing in an attempt to right itself, rusty metal shrieking wildly. Link reached for an arrow, realising he'd dropped his quiver in his mad scrambled to avoid getting crushed.

Great, a bow with a single arrow and a knight's sword against a Guardian.

The thing pulled itself into the right orientation with little grace, head still swivelling slowly, as if taking its surroundings. Good, maybe it was broken and confused? That meant Link had a chance to slip away.

Or so he thought. He really ought to have learned to look down to avoid conveniently placed, dry as fuck branches whose single purpose in existence is to give away people like him. Unfortunately, he didn't, and the snap felt loud enough to have woken all of bloody Hyrule.

It certainly drew the Guardian's attention, and Link felt his stomach plunge as the swirling eye landed on him...and the entire fucking machine gave a shriek as it started moving.

All of its legs.

At once.

Again, Link would've laughed at the big machine tripping over its own legs, but experience had taught him just what these things were capable of.

So he ran.

And so did the Guardian, once it regained its balance. Link didn't even watch where he was going, every neuron in his brain screaming at him to keep running, to avoid the big fucking thing crashing through the trees behind him, primal fear driving him forward. Any minute now, it'd acquire him and activate its laser. He'd hear that nerve-racking beep beep beep go faster and faster until that high-pitched whine sounded, and subsequent explosion tore him to pieces.

Only once did he look back, and that was to see if he'd managed to put any distance between himself and the damn thing at all, but it was fucking keeping up with him! Even half-running, half-dragging itself through the soil, it was keeping up, looking like a big, drunk spider!

And the eye...the fucking eye was focused solely on him, seemingly its only target, to the point where its massive head was bumping into the boughs above, tearing the poor trees to pieces with its ungraceful, lumbering movements.

Still no laser, even though it should've had plenty of time to charge it up and fire it multiple times already. Maybe it was defective? Thank fucking Hylia for that, if so! It still didn't leave him in a good tactical position, but at least he wasn't about to be turned into a cloud of dust right away. Though, if the alternative was that or being mangled to pieces by those arms...well, maybe he'd prefer the quick and easy way out.

That was a mental debate for later though, as he realised he was rapidly running out of woods to run through...but stood to quickly gain a river and a waterfall. The woods were too thick on either side to run through without giving the Guardian significant lead, and the cliffs on the other side of the sudden drop were slick with water from the falls.

Just his luck, really, the only option was to jump.

And hope that the stupid machine wasn't dumb enough to do the same.

And also add a little prayer that he wasn't about to jump into a shallow as fuck basin and break every bone in his body. Mipha wouldn't let him die from that but he'd still experience the pain of it!

The edge was rapidly approaching. He looked behind him. The Guardian was closer, still tearing what must have been a massive trench along the forest floor behind it. No laser, just a very determined eye focused on him...and a single arm reaching out to grab him.

Fuck. No.

"Argh!" he shouted, hurling himself off the edge of the cliff and tucking his limbs in, drawing his breath and holding it as he plunged into the freezing basin below the falls.

The Guardian barely managed to stop itself from going over the cliff as well, hastily wrapping two of its arms around the nearest tree trunks, nearly tearing them out of the ground with its weight, about half of its body going over the edge before it was able to pull itself back. The moment it was apparent it wasn't about to fall, it let go, its legs collapsing under its body as it hit the ground...and sat there for a long moment, its eye staring intently at the basin far below.

There was movement. The quarry had survived.

The Guardian gave a low-pitched hum and rose shakily to its...feet? Claws?

Claws.

It rose to its claws and lumbered ungainly back the way it had come, its coordination lacking. In a move that might have been deliberate or accidental, it hurled a snapped tree trunk at the ground, turning it into splinters.

Link dragged himself ashore, shivering. It might have been the height of summer, but this river was fed with meltwater from the mountains, and absolutely freezing. At least the Guardian hadn't jumped after him. Or maybe that'd have been a good thing, since the thing would've just sunk to the bottom of the basin.

...or walked along the bottom to chase after him.

He shuddered, either from the cold or the thought of that spindly arm reaching for him. He couldn't stand those things. Looking past the nearly unstoppable murder machine part, they were just so...creepy!

He looked up at the cliffs he'd jumped from, unable to spot his exit point. Just forest, forest, and more forest, all around him. He had his bow, his single arrow, and his sword.

He'd survived with less.

The question was, would the Guardian still be trying to follow him? Or did its protocols state that it should do something else? A Guardian usually lost interest and went back into hibernation if Link remained hidden for long enough, but this one was acting so strange and erratically he suspected he couldn't count on its brain (or whatever it had instead of one) would be all there.

A thought struck him. The village. It wasn't that far away from where the Guardian had been dormant. If the Guardian's protocols were set to continue patrolling the area, it might stumble across the village...and the people there were only used to defend themselves against weak bokoblins, not corrupted weapons of war.

Damn.

Whatever he did next wouldn't matter unless he dealt with the Guardian first. Innocents would die.

He had to take it down before he could go back.

He looked down at his meagre arsenal again. Easier said than done. If only Sheik were here-he'd blast the damned thing to pieces with his own cannon.

...Link wished he had a Guardian cannon now.

Maybe Sheik had noticed the disturbance by now through the network and was on his way? That'd be a relief. If that were the case, Link swore he'd never volunteer to go hunting and foraging to get a little peace and quiet away from his lover ever again. He'd stick with Sheik through thick and thin...and loudness.

There was a lot of that last one.

Well, he couldn't sit around and daydream all day. He had a Guardian to hunt down. He rose to his feet and made to walk along the shore of the basin...and paused. His boots were squelching. He bent over and took one off, pouring out seemingly half the basin's contents. Put it back on, did the same with the other. A tiny fish had tried to make its home in there.

Link shuddered, and this time it was definitely from the cold. He'd have to build a fire and get dry if he wanted to-

The ground was vibrating again, with a rhythmic thumping reminiscent of...footsteps.

A loud snap from somewhere within the woods...and Link saw the treetops moving and swaying as something approached him with great speed.

If this is a hinox, Link thought, I'm going to be very upset.

It wasn't a hinox. It was the Guardian.

Fucking thing was faster now, its legs moving in a little more concerted manner than before. Its gaze locked with Link's, and the Hero wanted to groan.

"Seriously?!" he shouted, readying his bow as he walked backwards along the basin shore. There was a large group of standing rocks nearby he could use for cover, and a cliff face he could scale while the Guardian struggled with the rocks.

The Guardian paused at his outburst, but quickly began moving towards him again. Link raised his bow, happy that its intense focus at least opened it up for attack. He'd done this dozens of times by now, and while it wasn't a permanent solution at least he could confuse it for a bit.

He aligned his last arrow with its eye...and let go of the string. The arrow sailed through the air, his aim true. It was probably the best shot he'd ever made under such stressful conditions. He should have turned and run for the rocks, but he wanted to see the hit, to confirm that he could safely turn his back on it temporarily, to-

Its conical head swivelled a few degrees to the left, facing the basin, just enough to take the eye out of danger. Link's arrow harmlessly dinged off its head. Adding insult to injury, the shaft broke, the arrowhead landing somewhere in the water, never to be found again.

"Oh for f..." Link cursed, turning and running for the rocks as fast as he could, weaving through them and trying to confuse his pursuer. He reached the slick cliff wall, its surface so wet that he'd refuse to climb it any other day, but desperation fuelled his recklessness, and he threw himself at the task. His fingers found tiny cracks to wedge themselves in, and he began to pull himself up the rock wall, scuttling across it like an insect.

Any moment now, he'd hear the Guardian below him, the beeping as it finally gives up on catching him and instead decides to blow him away...

But there was nothing. No thumping, no crashing, no screeching. About halfway up the fifty-foot wall, he chanced a glance down and behind him, and spotted the Guardian still standing where Link had hit it with the arrow.

The machine wasn't even looking at him! Instead, it was staring into the water of the basin, its eye locked with its own reflection. Definitely broken, Link concluded, if it thinks its reflection is a target...or a fellow Guardian.

It lowered itself to sit on the ground, a low-pitched whine coming from its internals. Was it powering down? If so, Link was in luck. He didn't pay it any more attention, even if the whining noise almost sounded plaintive, like a mournful call for attention.

It was a machine. And one under Ganon's control at that. All there was to do was destroy it. Nothing else. Link made a risky jump from set of handholds to another, and while he stuck the landing it knocked a few pebbles loose, which fell clatteringly to the ground below. It wasn't that loud, but evidently noisy enough to draw the Guardian's attention again.

It gave another shriek and exploded with motion as it tried to catch up to him once more...and struggled navigating the standing stones, as Link predicted. Its movements were far from precise enough to go about it quickly, and he'd have plenty of time to finish climbing up this-

The Guardian reared back and threw its body against the stones, smashing through them like a ram, sending debris every which way.

Oh shit! Link redoubled his climbing efforts, his lungs and muscles burning as he climbed for dear life.

The Guardian had reached the bottom of the cliff in no time at all, and while Link was close to the top there was no telling what it'd do to get to him. It could just smash into the cliff and the vibrations would throw him off, easily, and that'd be the end. Already he could feel its metallic pincers cutting into him-

There was no crash, no smash. Just skittering noises. Link threw his arm up and pulled himself over the edge, taking a moment to catch his breath before looking down...and screaming bloody murder as he spotted the Guardian scaling the wall after him.

Why was this thing so fucking persistent?!

He should have brought the Master Sword on this little trip, but no, she'd refused to be tarnished with something as simple as hunting. If he survived this, he'd start using her for chopping wood the next time he got his hands on her!

The Guardian lunged for its next hand...claw-hold? Claw hold.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the point of view), the rock it found was brittle and came loose, and the subsequent unbalance was too much for it to correct, and gravity enacted its terrible vengeance on the Guardian, pulling it back down to the base of the cliff.

Link didn't wait to watch the impact. He rolled to his feet and ran as fast as his feet would take him, back into the thick woods above the basin. The Guardian wouldn't stay incapacitated for long, but at least he'd get a bit of a head-start this time. And time to prepare for...

The hunt!

At the bottom of the cliff, the Guardian was in a bit of a predicament. It had landed on its back, with two of its spindly legs lodged under its body, the remaining four unable to find something to grab and right itself. It was a sad sight, like a turtle flipped onto its back. The Guardian gave another low whine, and then redoubled its effort, its eye turning red, legs flailing wildly, its head moving back and forth on its base, rocking itself from side to side. Little by little, its bulky body began to move, and one of its trapped arms was freed, this one within reach of a standing stone. It grabbed and pulled itself up slowly, until it was on its side, managing to roll on the rim of its body towards the wall, at which point the other arm came free, allowing it to finally right itself.

It looked up at the cliff wall it had failed to scale, releasing some built-up engine pressure with a loud hiss. Then it visually inspected its claws and arms, finding them in good order, and began its climb once more.

But this wasn't the mad scramble to catch up with its quarry from before. No, this was a slow, deliberate climb. The climb of something that realised its next fall might be its last and doing everything in its power to avoid that. It took longer, much longer, but eventually it too had scaled the cliff. It looked around, finding nothing but more forest...and a fresh set of tracks in the dirt.

The Guardian whined and took off again, smashing through the treeline, in hot pursuit.

In Link's opinion, this Guardian was officially the worst thing he'd ever encountered. Regular Guardians were bad enough, and lynels were something he just plain avoided when possible, but this particular Guardian...he had never met something he hated more. Well, maybe except for Revali, but that was his past self's dislike, not his current one's.

The Guardian just would not stop. He'd realised not long after entering the woods again that it was still pursuing him. The one good thing about that fact was that the Guardian was not subtle in its hunt, about as graceful as a drunken bull in a glassware shop, really. He didn't care consider how many trees it had destroyed since waking up just...eugh, mere hours before.

As such, knowing he was still being hunted, Link had tried to set traps. Given his lack of resources, these had amounted to little more than improvised rope traps made with strips of bark. And it was far from good rope.

He'd made six of them before he realised just how futile of an effort it was, that no hastily made rope would contain a Guardian, and had moved on to his next plan. He'd found a small ravine with a very nice set of boulders above it, and thanked Hylia profusely. He hadn't much time, but he'd managed to position himself before he heard the Guardian coming. It was a distinct sound, like a symphony of destruction bearing down on you as the feeling of hopelessness fills your very soul.

He waited, listening to the skittering sounds of its legs as it came closer and closer, the Guardian coming into view below...with six loops of bark rope around its legs, one around each. It was like it was insulting him on purpose now! Luckily, it paused as it came across Link's lure.

His tunic. One of the more comfortable in his possession, which he enjoyed wearing when out hunting. He'd taken it off and left it in the middle of the Guardian's path, hoping to elicit some sort of reaction. A regular Guardian would just ignore it, but this one was...odd, and wouldn't you know it, the thing paused in its track and bent down to look at the article of clothing like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

Link braced himself against the biggest boulder of the bunch and pushed. Fucking thing was heavy and refused to budge. He braced himself again, and pushed harder, his every muscle seizing up with the effort, his vision blackening, and the veins in his neck and forehead feeling like they were about to burst.

The boulder moved, and Link nearly went with it over the side. He caught himself just in time, and watched the boulder fall down...and crashing directly into the Guardian's head with a loud, metallic clang.

Success!

The thing pitched forward, burying what passed for its face into the dirt, legs writhing in confusion at what had just transpired.

Link drew his sword and jumped into the ravine, knowing each second counted. If the Guardian managed to upright itself before he could finish it off, he'd have to come up with a new plan...and he didn't have any of those! His boots pounded against the dirt, racing towards the machine.

He was too slow!

Just as he came within reach, the Guardian righted itself and stood up...albeit shakily. There was a sizeable dent in its head now, the cone-shape warped. There didn't seem to be permanent damage, but the impact had definitely confused it a little, as its head continued to swivel around frantically, but failing to alight its gaze upon Link.

There was nothing for it, then. With a war cry, Link launched himself at the machine, swinging the knight's sword in an attempt to sever some of the limbs so he had fewer things to worry about.

The fucking thing dodged his swings like they were nothing...or lurched out of the way, based on its movements. Even as out of it as the Guardian appeared to be, it managed to pull its legs away from Link's swings before the sword made contact, even stepping a little back to put some space between them. Link knew this was his last chance, that if he didn't put the Guardian down now, he'd breathe his last in but a moment.

"J-Just die!" he growled, trying to thrust the tip of the sword into the Guardian's base, knowing the electronics there were sensitive (or so Sheik had told him). No luck. The Guardian jumped (fucking jumped!) backwards and out of range.

All the while, the eye had finally focused on him, and Link swore he could already hear the beeping of the targeting laser. One last daring attempt. He drew his blade back and charged at the Guardian, intending to stab the thing right in its crazy eye, putting it down for good.

There was a hiss of released pressure and an odd whining sound, but he was too far into his attack to stop now.

One of its legs decided to do it for him.

Or rather, the leg Link himself tripped over. Time seemed to slow down as he saw another leg, with its tipped claw come rushing at him. This was it; this was the end. He'd wasted his second chance, and there wouldn't be a third. He braced himself, waiting for the feeling of the claw piercing his skin, tearing him to pieces for-

CLANG

Link blinked, realising the Guardian's claw had closed around the blade of his sword, and was pulling at it. Trying to disarm him.

Oh, hell no!

"Let go!" he shouted, trying to rip the blade out of the Guardian's hold, but that only made the machine grip it tighter.

Too tight.

There was a warning pinging sound, the only sign of metal fatigue, which felt deafening. And then the sword broke, the blade snapping off cleanly.

Link stumbled back, staring at the now useless hilt in his hands. Then he looked to the Guardian, its dented head swivelling and focusing on him, the blade still pinched in its claw. Somehow, one of its legs had snaked its way through the tunic, and now looked like it was wearing it, like a grotesque marionette. Link stared. The Guardian stared back.

Several moments passed, the silence only broken by Link's rapid panting, and the machine's internal mechanisms clicking. The Guardian hissed and moved forward.

Survival instincts taking over, Link hurled the now useless sword hilt at its eye and took off running in the opposite direction, not even looking back at the sound of the metal banging against the Guardian's head. It didn't matter, he heard its skittering legs soon after, crashing through the trees behind him. He chanced a single look back, and all he saw was its legs, one wearing his tunic, the other still clutching at the broken blade.

Great, he thought, now it can stab me too!

He lost track of time as he led the Guardian on a wild goose chase through the woods. What else could he do? The thing was fast, but not very graceful, and as long as Link kept leading it through the parts where the trees were thickest, it'd be slowed down...but not enough for him to slip away.

Above, the sky had darkened to a deep orange colour, the sun having begun to set. Once it had set and night fell, Link was done for. He'd be blind in the dark, and there was no time for him to make a torch. The Guardian could just follow him with its sensors, no problem.

He was running out of energy, too, the almost constant sprinting across uneven terrain taking its toll. He was bleeding from a multitude of small cuts and scrapes, courtesy of the rocks and trees he kept scrambling past. The Guardian just smashed through whatever it couldn't go around, and Link was sure there was a spectacular trail of destruction behind them.

This was not the way he'd hoped to go. He wasn't really keen on going at all, honestly, but when his time came, he'd hoped to be an old man resting comfortably in a bed, with maybe someone there to keep him company as the moment approached.

But no, the only company he'd have was apparently a Guardian completely fucking obsessed with him...and that had still not used its bloody cannon!

Fucking thing must be broken, he surmised. Otherwise it'd have turned me into dust already!

He'd take that over being ripped apart any day!

His lungs burned from the effort of running for so long, and his vision was tunnelling fast, his body finally starting to give up on this never-ending chase. Any moment now, he'd stumble...and if he fell now, he doubted he'd be able to start running again. Hell, he probably wouldn't even be able to get up-just lie there and accept his fate. Maybe the clumsy Guardian would crush his skull by accident and give him a swift end.

Oh, if only...

In the end, he didn't stumble, but he was nonetheless stopped by a dead end-a sheer cliff rising dozens of feet into the air, the wall stretching on in both directions.

I could climb, Link thought, even if he couldn't see a single good place to start, not a single foothold. I can climb, I can escape, I can-

The Guardian smashed through the thin treeline behind him, upending an impressive-looking stump whose roots ran deep, like it was nothing.

And then it stopped, a few feet away. Link turned around to face it fully. There'd be no climbing the wall-it'd grab him before he could even find a decent place to start. But...it wasn't doing anything, either. Just...standing there. Staring at him. Dumbly. With its dumb face and its dumb eye. One leg was still wearing his tunic, another gripping the broken blade. Otherwise...it just stood there.

The frustration and rage built up quickly in his chest, and Link found himself the angriest he'd ever been. This was so unfair! He'd been hunting! And then this stupid piece of shit, defective and broken, decided to wake up and make his life hell, and it didn't even have the decency to end it quickly!

"What the hell do you want?!" he screamed at the Guardian. "If you want to kill me, just kill me already! Get it over with!"

The Guardian...was surprised? It took a step back, waving its tunic-wearing, blade-wielding legs at him, but not taking any offensive actions yet.

"What is it?!" Link continued to shout. "What the fuck are you doing?! Just do it, already!"

The eye turned red, and Link's heart stopped beating for a second, expecting the vaporisation. Instead, the Guardian let off a loud hooting sound and...began to stomp around? It moved back and forth in front of Link, waving its legs around, trampling the ground beneath its feet, smashing tree trunks. It even ripped one cleanly out of the ground, hurling it clear across the small clearing, where it smashed to splinters against the cliff.

And it didn't stop for quite a while. It kept stomping and whining, destroying random bits of forest but not taking a single threatening action towards Link. Then, suddenly, it was over, and the Guardian collapsed to the ground, like its legs were refusing to keep it upright any longer, wilting and stretching across the grass.

It gave off another whine, and this time it sounded...mournful. Sad. Plaintive. It was almost like it was throwing a tantrum.

And not just any kind of tantrum.

It was a type of tantrum Link had seen quite often as of late. It spoke of something with a short temper, or non-existent for that matter, and a low threshold for destroying things...and ending as quickly as they began.

Kind of like...

The realisation struck Link like lightning, and while he should have been relieved the only thing he felt was a great wave of nausea. He stepped towards the Guardian, which ceased its destructive rampage and focused on him again, tilting its head slightly in confusion as he came closer, raising a hand. Its legs weaved through the air, but did not come close to touching him, not even when he placed his hand on its body. No reaction. he reached further up, resting his palm on its head, near the dent.

Another noise, this time sounding pleased, echoed within its shell, and Link looked down when he felt something touch his leg. One of its legs, slowly wrapping itself around his. Squeezing gently.

Oh, Hylia, please don't let this be true...

"Sh-Sheik?" he asked.

Another sound, like a trill. A confirming noise. Its eye was blue, focused on him, but there was...intelligence there. Where Link had not seen it before. Or bothered to see.

Which meant...

Oh...

Oh gods...

Link's mind couldn't take any more, and decided to end things before it was too late.

Link passed out.

He awoke again abruptly, roused by a deep, booming sound and a loud explosion that shook the ground. For a moment, all he saw was fire, and felt the heat licking at him. He was covered up by something, something soft and warm and...it was his tunic.

Above, the night sky with its shimmering stars greeted him. He'd been out for a long time, then.

Another boom and explosion drew his attention away from what turned out to be an absolutely enormous bonfire, made with tree trunks, and to the source of the explosions.

Which was the Guardian.

Or, Sheik, he supposed.

He was standing several paces away, his head swivelling, eye scanning the tree lines...there was movement! A deer peeked its head out from among the trees...and Sheik fired. He missed, but it definitely sent the deer running away, disappearing rapidly into the foliage.

For a moment, Link thought Sheik would keep firing, but he heard the hum of the laser powering down immediately after, and the Guardian's body seemed to relax.

If Link wasn't convinced this was Sheik before, this would definitely do it. No one else would consider random woodland animals to be a threat enough to fire a cannon at them.

No one.

"Sh-Sheik," he said, his voice reduced to a croak from unconsciousness and dehydration.

Sheik's head whirled around so fast Link was surprised it didn't snap off from the base of his body, and quickly skittered over to him, lowering himself as much as he could in front of Link, trilling. A bit like an eager puppy, to be honest.

It wasn't cute. Link was still mad.

"Wh-What did y-you do?" he asked.

Sheik had the decency to look a little embarrassed, turning his head away to avoid meeting Link's eyes with his own. Another trill, this one a little more cheerful. Probably making a joke, that he had given Link one hell of a workout, or something similarly glib. The little shit!

"Is th-this what th-the research s-station was about?" he asked.

Sure, Link had been a bit...sceptical about the whole trip to begin with. They were weeks away from the final assault on Hyrule Castle and Ganon, and Sheik suddenly decides to take Robbie's tip on a long-abandoned Sheikah research station possibly containing something to give them an edge? Granted, being able to control a Guardian (or more) was certainly a useful concept, but something must have gone wrong...or Sheik wouldn't still be in the stupid thing.

In response, Sheik gave a non-committal trill and whine.

Link considered what he knew about Sheik and his general behaviour and general approach to unknown situations and locations. There was only one conclusion he could jump to immediately, and he groaned at the realisation.

"You p-plugged yourself into s-something, didn't you?" he asked. "W-Without investigating f-first."

Sheik went suspiciously quiet.

Link groaned, leaning forward until his forehead bonked against Sheik's. It was hard and cold.

"Why d-do you d-do these things?" he asked.

Sheik beeped and trilled, and Link felt one of his legs slithering around him, squeezing in an attempt at comfort.

"I am s-so mad at y-you right now," he grumbled.

Sheik beeped again.

"What d-did I tell you?" Link asked, sitting back up and glaring up at the swirling eye. "I w-warned y-you, about just r-randomly plugging y-yourself into things! And n-now l-look where we are! Wh-What were you thinking?!"

Sheik rose to four of his legs, trilling and beeping, gesturing to the fire and tunic, even to the still-smoking craters of his earlier laser barrages. Like he was...defending himself?

"Wh-What, so you b-built a f-fire, and shot at r-random critters?" Link asked. "That m-makes it okay?!"

Sheik tilted his body back and forth in what was unmistakably a nod. Link felt like a vein in his head was about to pop, but he tried to rein himself in a bit. This was...not an ideal situation, but they would have to deal with it somehow, and that was hard enough to do with only one of them being a tantrum-throwing little toddler. Make it two, and they'd never make it home.

"It d-does not," he said carefully, making eye contact with Sheik to drive his point home. "B-But we c-can talk about it l-later. F-For now, w-we have to f-figure this out. W-We need t-to head b-back, maybe get Robbie-"

Sheik didn't like that idea, if his flailing arms and sounds of grumbling gears was any indication. He even smashed an arm into the ground a few times.

Such a fucking child.

"F-Fine, what d-do you suggest, th-then?!" Link growled.

Sheik stilled, tilting his head a little again. His eye began to swirl a little faster, and he made a very loud trill. Link knew that meant trouble, but he wasn't fast enough to avoid Sheik's legs, which were now wrapping themselves firmly around him and lifting him bodily off the ground.

"W-Wait, Sheik, no, p-put me down!"

Sheik didn't. Instead, he lifted Link higher and, quite daintily, plopped the Hero on top of his head. The dent the boulder had made in the metal made for a good handhold, Link realised, and he felt a pang of guilt over having dropped a boulder on his boyfriend's head.

Sheik prodded and poked at Link with his legs, making a questioning sound.

Link sighed, trying to make himself comfortable. "Y-Yes, I'm g-good," he said.

Sheik trilled happily and immediately set off through the woods, being no more careful about damaging it as he was when coming through the first time. Link felt bad about it, inwardly apologising to the forest spirits for their trespass.

He had no idea how far they'd gone in a day, and could only hope that Sheik knew the way. Granted, all they had to do was to follow the obvious trail he'd left behind, but still...

He wondered what Sidon would have said about this.

Been impressed, likely.

The prince was enthusiastic like that.

They could never tell him about it.

Luckily, the trip went without incident, if a bit slower than Link would've liked. Dawn was approaching by the time they emerged from the forest Link had first entered to hunt. He'd left Maladict at the inn, luckily, so the horse hadn't been left to fend for himself. Sheik turned due east and kept to the treeline as he headed for what Link assumed was the research station, doing his best to keep semi-out of sight. Seeing the Hero of Hyrule riding a Guardian was probably not the best thing for poor civilians at this point.

Sheik took him down the hills, towards a small, rocky canyon that, for all intents and purposes, looked completely barren, with only a small stream running along the bottom.

They reached the edge, and Sheik trilled warningly. Link took that as a sign that he was supposed to hold on tight and did his best to do so. One of Sheik's legs reached up pressed down at his lower back, holding him in place.

They trundled along the bottom of the canyon for a few minutes, and then it appeared. The structure was well-hidden, shaped to blend in with the curves and corners of the canyon wall, and covered in reddish sand and dust to mask its presence further. A rockslide had happened at some point, too, further burying and hiding the building.

The big hole in the side, however, gave it away instantly, giving Link a view of a darkened interior. It looked recent, the metal having buckled inwards under immense pressure and heat.

"Th-That was y-you, wasn't it?" Link asked rhetorically, pointing at the hole.

Sheik didn't answer.

More than a thousand words, and all that.

Well, this was it, then. The hole (and building itself) wasn't big enough for Sheik to come inside, so it was up to him, he supposed. Sheik walked up to the hole and stretched himself to the tip of his clawed feet, giving Link as much of a boost as he could.

"So...what d-do I d-do?" Link asked, reaching for the edge of the opening. "J-Just...unplug y-you?"

Sheik trilled in confirmation.

"And th-that won't hurt y-you?"

The trill was less confident this time.

"Hylia, s-save me," Link muttered, pulling himself through the hole and dropping down to the floor of the research station.

The station itself wasn't very big, but a lot of work had been done here based on the rows of workbenches and shelves of books and other papers. A small eating and sleeping area was located near what had probably been the main entrance (before it was smashed in by the rockslide). Other than that, there wasn't much.

Other than the slumped-over form of Sheik, that is, his ear flipped up and a wire pulled out of his head, which was connected to a terminal of some sort.

Link hurried over to him and crouched down, looking him over. Sheik was breathing, at least, and he didn't seem to be uncomfortable. The bastard was even drooling a little, like he was just asleep. So innocent...and vulnerable.

Link didn't want to hurt Sheik.

But he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel a slight urge to kick Sheik in the ribs for being stupid.

Just a little tap.

Then he remembered that most of Sheik's ribs were made of some sort of super-hard steel, and he'd probably hurt himself more if he tried.

Stupid Sheikah and their stupid tech.

He'd definitely withdraw Sheik's snack privileges for a month, at the very least. He'd get Sidon to enforce it, even.

...actually, Sidon would crack within minutes of seeing Sheik's pout. The Zora was completely unable to say no to Sheik. Or Link, for that matter.

Sometimes that wasn't really a good thing, Link realised.

Outside, Sheik made a loud trilling sound, impatiently knocking a leg into the wall, which had the whole room shaking, dust raining down on them from the ceiling.

"All r-right, I'm d-doing it!" Link shouted. "R-Relax!"

While I unplug you and potentially destroy your mind, he added inwardly as he reached for the cable connecting Sheik to the terminal.

...what was best, a quick yank, or a slow tug?

Had Sheik been awake he'd very likely make a dirty joke.

Right, quick yank and a prayer to Hylia for good measure. He unplugged Sheik in a single motion. For a moment, nothing happened...and then there was a tremendous crashing sound outside as something collapsed against the wall. That was the Guardian out for the count, at least.

Sheik, however, didn't seem to be back yet.

Oh fuck.

What if Link had just destroyed Sheik's mind? What if...what if he was gone? What if-

"Argh..." Sheik groaned, his eyelid fluttering open, the mechanical iris of his left eye making a lot of noise under his eyepatch. His normal eye opened slowly, the pupil dilated and slowly focusing. "Wha' hapen'd?" he slurred.

Link was so relieved he momentarily forgot he was angry, pulling Sheik up so he could hug him to his chest.

"Y-You did s-something s-stupid," he muttered against Sheik's head, ignoring the strands of blonde hair trying to infiltrate his nose. "As usual."

"Hey, I only d'stupid things s'm'times," Sheik replied, pushing half-heartedly at Link's chest.

"All t-times," Link corrected.

"Eugh," Sheik groaned again, and picked at his ear. Link was vaguely aware of a weird spooling sound, and seeing the cable slowly withdrawing back into Sheik's head, and his ear flipping down with a click. "Why the fuck did you keep running?" he asked, achieving a little more clarity and finally pushing Link away, glaring up at him. "I wasn't attacking you."

"W-Would you n-not run from a G-Guardian?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If it wasn't actively attacking me? Hell no," Sheik replied stubbornly.

"You b-broke my s-sword," Link insisted.

"I only meant to take it!" Sheik barked. "Stupid strong pincer...and that was a shitty sword anyway if that's all it took to break it! I'm gonna find the smith who made it and have words with them!"

Link considered mentioning it was one of the swords he'd found in one of the old destroyed Hylian forts dotting the countryside and that the smith was long dead, but decided not to. Knowing Sheik, he'd try to find a way to resurrect them for a proper dressing down.

And no one deserved that.

"Anyway, it worked out, didn't it? I even built a fire to keep you warm after you passed out," Sheik continued. "Kept you safe from roaming bands of wild, ravenous animals...I fail to see what you're complaining about. And don't think I've forgotten that rock you dropped on my head! I may not have had any nerves in there, but it permanently fucked with my sensors! And why the hell were you taking your clothes off?! Again?!"

"T-To distract the G-Guardian!"

"What fucking interest would a Guardian have in your clothes?!"

"It w-worked!"

"Because it was me! I hope to Din that your plan when facing Ganon isn't to get naked because I can tell you right now how that will end!"

Despite his annoyance, Link couldn't keep himself from grinning. The worry he'd been feeling this entire time evaporated in the face of Sheik being his usual, cantankerous self. Easily annoyed and a short fuse, and most importantly not stuck in a massive metal monster body.

Relief flooded him, and he pulled Sheik closer, cuddling him.

"I'm s-still mad," he reminded Sheik. "But I w-want to g-go back now. C-Can we f-fight later?"

"I guess," Sheik conceded. "But we both know who will win."

"M-Me," Link said firmly, standing up and offering Sheik his hands. Surprisingly, Sheik accepted the help, and for once Link didn't feel like he was going to get a hernia from pulling Sheik up to stand. They went for the opening Sheik had blasted into the building.

Sheik gave the now inactive Guardian body a longing glance, but wasn't allowed much time to mourn before Link hissed and pulled at his arm, dragging him away from the research station, leaving the now-dead machine lying forlornly at the bottom of the canyon. Sheik hadn't been happy to be stuck inside it, but...it had been a little fun, too, if he were completely honest.

Sure, suddenly being cut off from the Network was an unusual and isolating feeling, but what he'd gained in return had been compelling in its own way. He'd been dazed and confused, and wondering what the hell was going on, but he'd also felt...big and strong, powerful.

Suddenly seeing Link had been a surprise, albeit a pleasant one, but the sight of his lover turning tail and fleeing at the sight of him was...disheartening. Even more so were his attempts at evading Sheik despite Sheik's best attempts to get him to stop.

It took him an embarrassing amount of time to realise why his body refused to cooperate. Suddenly having six legs to keep track of was a lot harder than he'd imagined.

But he'd been so tall! He'd be able to give Sharky a ride, at that size!

He'd hoped to be able to get Link to stop and possibly somehow explain what had happened, but then the idiot had jumped off that cliff, and then climbed another one and left Sheik in an angry pile at the bottom. At that point he hadn't been interested in playing nice again, especially not after finding that Link had, for some inexplicable reason, started fucking undressing, apparently thinking he'd be able to seduce the damned Guardian, somehow!

And then there was the boulder. Fucking rude. Honestly, Sheik had been tempted to give Link a good thwump on the head for that one, but that'd have to wait until later.

And where was the gratitude for Sheik keeping him safe while he'd passed the fuck out? Nowhere to be found! Never mind that all sorts of voracious beasts had wanted to eat Link while he'd snored the afternoon away! Sheik had bravely held the line against them, but was he acknowledged for his efforts? Absolutely not!

Hmph.

This close, it wasn't difficult reading Link's vitals. They were erratic, meaning he was still upset.

Such a worrywart. Sheik had never been in danger-the neural stream had been quite thoroughly built, and a sudden cut-off would only bring Sheik back to his body. The only flaw being that he couldn't cut it off himself.

...which had been a bit worrying, if he was being one hundred percent honest. But Sheik would've found a solution, eventually. It was mere chance that Link had been nearby when he woke up in the Guardian body.

He'd have handled the situation with calm and grace, otherwise.

...still...

He cleared his throat, but Link didn't seem to notice. He did it again, loudly and pointedly, and Link paused, still refusing to face him.

"...thank you," Sheik said quietly.

"Wh-What?" Link asked, his tone impatient.

"Thank you," Sheik repeated, louder. "For...saving me. I could've handled it myself, really, but...you saved us a little time or whatever, I guess."

Link was quiet for a little while. Then he sighed and turned to face him, a wry smile on his face. "Y-You're welcome," he said. "J-Just...d-don't plug y-yourself into random t-terminals again, okay? Y-You can't always kn-know what'll happen."

Sheik nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm grounded again, aren't I?"

"N-No."

He paused. "No?"

"N-No," Link confirmed. "I'm r-revoking your s-snack privileges, though."

Somehow, that cut deeper than the grounding. "You can't do that!" Sheik shouted, his voice echoing throughout the canyon. "That's torture, that is!"

Link turned around and kept walking, not dignifying it with a reply.

"I'll tell Sharky!" Sheik warned him.

"He'll agree w-with me," Link said without looking back.

He'll cave, Sheik thought. I just need to smile at him and he'll cave.

"I'll ask P-Paya and Bazz t-to help t-too!"

...fuck.

Sheik spent the rest of the journey sulking and plotting a way to return to the research station sometime, maybe after the war. There had to be a way to perfect this Guardian connection, somehow. And then there'd be nothing to stop him from becoming a perfect killing machine.

Link would never be in danger again, when he did.

The End