A/N 1: Look up and listen to Markiplier's 'I don't wanna be free' from the 'A Heist with Markiplier' series on Youtube for the best experience.

-OxOxO-

She trembled in fear. This was horrible, and she wasn't sure that she had ever done something as terrifying as this.

"Honestly, why are you so nervous? This is your first time. For how long you've been an adventurer, that's positively wonderful. You should see some of the other people…"

The man in front of her nodded. "Ah, you aren't exactly thrilled at the idea of being anywhere near the other, more… frequent visitors, are you?"

She nodded quickly, and he rolled his eyes. "Honestly, they wouldn't do anything like that. All the real criminals get locked up in solitary confinement for as long as it takes them to reconsider their life choices and become an Adventurer or something low-level and easy, and all the real nasty criminals are either executed by the nobility or sent to the front lines. You have nothing to worry about."

She glared at him as her fear evaporated. "I know what he's like. Going anywhere near him is just asking to get hit on by literal dirt."

The man across from her opened his mouth, for a moment. Maybe he wanted to defend who she was talking about. Maybe he thought she was being too harsh. Maybe he thought that scumbag had a redeemable quality.

His mouth snapped shut after a moment. "…is Dust really that bad?"

She scoffed. "His name is now known throughout Axel as meaning 'so low he hit bedrock and decided to learn Explosion magic to keep digging'," she spat back with a raised eyebrow.

Gerrard winced, but he recovered enough to sighed tiredly. "Maybe you should pay back your debts next time?"

Gerrard winced again as he saw her blood pressure rise. "ME!? You want me to pay my debts back? What about Dust? How come he gets to ignore his debts, but the moment I miss one measly check in, I get dragged here?"

He shrugged. "He's better at convincing people they should defend him and that he can defend the town. Lends a bit of credence to the idea that you should treat other people to ale sometimes, doesn't it?"

She knew he didn't mean it to sound mocking – his face was the image of shining, slightly nervous helpfulness – but she didn't care.

Ash was sure that a vein or twelve were popping out of her forehead at this point, but the Head of Axel's Police just snapped his fingers, and two policemen walked up behind her and pointed at the door.

Ash pouted and spun around. They led her through the place, towards the area that was called 'the recreation center.' Or, that was what these two told her it was called.

The door opened, she was shoved in, and it was locked behind her. She sighed, and-

She blinked rapidly, trying not to rub her eyes or pull out a few of her magically-altered, bright blue hair. What-

As one, everyone in the room turned to her. Dust – in typical, black-striped prison attire – was standing in front of a very androgynous, generic… person. Behind him, a slew of people were standing, generally attempting to look menacing as they all sized up the androgynous person next to Dust.

Dust walked towards her, and she noticed a few more things. He had an odd tattoo on his neck, his blond hair was slicked back, he'd grown something of a beard, and his every step seemed to have an extra skip to it. He moved with a certain grace he never had, something she guessed was due to his always being drunk.

"Well, well, well. Lookie what we got 'ere, boys."

Ash rose from where she had been thrown to the ground. "Dust, what the hell are you doing? You don't have an accent."

He paid her no mind. "Well, it's lookin' like we've got another one of themses prisoners to sort out."

Ash continued to stare at Dust incomprehensibly, and he groaned – still in that funny accent. He spun around, and gestured to the others.

He began to tap his foot on the ground, and the sound echoed around the small, enclosed area they were currently in. Ash could see more beyond the room they were in – what looked to be a mock-Church, a shower, a small grassy plot of dirt, and a few beds – through two tiny windows in the brick.

Suddenly, the lights in the room dimmed, and Ash looked around wildly. "Dust? What the hell are you doing? I swear, if you touch me, I'll have every female in the guild band together to castrate you."

She continued to try to look around, when light began to stream into the small enclosed area through one of the windows.

"Break out? Of this place? Why would anyone… wanna break out?"

The light shined down on Dust, who was lounging on a table as four other inmates spun him around. No longer was he facing the wooden door leading out into the larger part of the recreational area, but towards her.

He got off of the table, and…

All thoughts of trying to say that she hadn't mentioned a breakout – she was only here for the afternoon to teach her not to be tardy – were replaced by the urge to say something much more satisfying.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she said. She tried to find the generic looking person that Dust had been eyeing angrily, but she couldn't.

"The outside world, recoils in fear," he began. The four other inmates in this room were snapping their fingers, and he continued to… sing.

"Thinking if they slip up, they'll get locked up in here."

Another of the windows opened, and he began to snap along to a beat she couldn't hear, and he was also including body and hand gestures to drive home his actions.

"You're killing yourself to make ends meet, while I'm working on my tan and kicking up my feet."

Suddenly, she was pushed from behind. The wooden door was pushed open. She saw the generic looking person pulling up the door, but her vision was pointed toward Dust as he walked past a group of prisoners who were continuing to provide a beat by snapping.

"You can't beat livin' in prison, there's always something to do. And you know who's paying – everybody but you!"

He gestured towards a shower, where a heavily bearded man – an adventurer she recognized – was toweling off. "Every day I wake up to a nice hot shower-"

"If you expect me to join you, you'll be sorry for hours," she added. He blinked in shock, for a moment, and then he grinned.

The others took their hands off of her as she pulled away, and she followed Dust towards the grassy patch of dirt, where some prisoners were using sticks as if they were swords and lifting weights.

"Poke some dudes, and lift weights in the yard," he said as a squinting-adventurer walked towards a lifelike and life-sized painting of the Head of Axel's Police.

"Maybe blow off some steam, scare old man Gerrard!"

Another adventurer, who had what looked to be heavy weights on his arms and legs, danced across the tiny spit of earth. "And there's nothing, more exquisite, than when I get my 7-hour Succubus visit!"

Ash felt her eyebrows crease – Succubus? – but Dust hurriedly dragged her towards the bedding area, where all the prisoners were now gathering. "Come on and meet the gang!"

"There's Hartford the Pickle, and Shitface Frank, he makes the best hooch wine in his toilet tank." Ash tried not to grimace too much as Dust leaned down and plunged his head into the aforementioned toilet tank.

She blinked as the snapping stopped and everyone began to take a moment to breathe. Before she could ask, he was back up, and she gave him a look of supreme disappointment.

The tattoo? Made with a marker or pen, judging by the way it was melting off of his skin.

His beard? Completely fake and made of… tiny clippings. She didn't want to know where he'd gotten them.

His hair? Completely ruined.

He blinked, and then a lazy grin spread across his face and he stumbled towards the last of the prisoners. "Uh… there's Bumbum-"

"I told you never to mention that, you stupid degenerate."

"-and Tanya-"

"Hey! Don't compare me to that loli! I'm not flat or short or mean and angry!"

"-and Sparkly McGee, and everyone one of us scumbags agree:"

The other inmates inhaled deeply, as did Dust, and…

He collapsed. Ash could see that he was grinning and smiling stupidly to himself and generally probably imagining a fair number of them naked or giving him undying praise or showering him in money.

The other prisoners looked around, and just as it looked like they might disperse while cursing Dust…

"I don't wanna be free!"

Ash turned to see that the generic looking prisoner Dust had been trying to intimidate had jumped up on one of the cafeteria tables. They all looked at them, and…

Ash jumped up onto one of the beds. "I don't wanna be free!" she echoed.

They stared at her and smiled widely as the other prisoners grabbed plates from the cafeteria and used them as props.

"Leave me in luxury," she and the generic prisoner shouted.

"Leave me in luxury!" the others echoed them as a chorus.

They grinned at her. "Why try a getaway,"

She grinned back at them. "When hard time is only a day?"

They were singing together. "I've got a trash pedigree."

"I've got a trash pedigree!"

"But here we're nobility." they sang again, jumping across tables and beds to touch down near the center of the room.

"Hey Pa, look at me!"

"I always think about the world beyond," they said as they grabbed her hands. She grinned back, singing, "I'll go apologize to my mom."

"No! I don't wanna be," he said.

"Free! Not the life for me," she replied.

"No! I don't wanna be…"

The others began to pull out more props from under their beds. The painting of Gerrad was broken open to reveal a horde of white and black canes. The beds were turned over to reveal snazzy top hats.

They handed them out, and the beat began again, all of them together.

"…frrrreeeeee!"

"Of these amenities!"

"If I tried to live this good out there…" she said, looking to her partner.

They grinned sheepishly. "I'd have to be, a… ten thousandaire?" they finished as confusion crossed their face.

Ash grinned. They weren't any good with money, just like her?

They continued the dance routine, and she spun them in her arms into a dip, staring into their eyes. "This is where I wanna grow old…"

They grinned back at her. "So I'm just praying, I don't make parole."

She brought them back up and hugged them, and they giggled. "Cuz I don't wanna be free!"

Everyone was staring at them, and Ash took the initiative, leaning in for a quick kiss-

"Alright everyone! Back in your cells, maggots!"

Ash looked up to see…

She felt herself growing pale. The female policewomen.

Terrifying, ruthless, and terribly dangerous to anyone that dared to get on their bad side. She gulped and tried to-

"That's the one!"

She sighed tiredly and let go of the generic looking adventurer. "Maybe next time?" they asked.

She nodded quickly as one of them walked towards her. "There you are! Why didn't you tell me you had to take out a loan to settle our bet? If you needed more time-"

She glared. "I didn't want to bother you."

They rolled their eyes and gestured towards the door. She gave a passing kick to Dust, and then, they were gone.

Ash would spend the next few hours talking to Sabrina and going over the need to have good money management skills. She wasn't all that interested however.

Maybe Dust wasn't all bad. She wouldn't have met that prisoner if he hadn't done that whole musical number, after all.

-OxOxO-

A/N 2: Mostly Canon.

The singing probably isn't, but the events – Dust taking a newbie named Ash around and showing them the ropes, and her falling for another prisoner – are. It won't affect the plot at all, but Omakes aren't really supposed to, are they?

A/N 3: I think this is a good start to that Omake series I promised, right? A bit of music, fun, romance, and lighthearted BS is always good. Keeps me from wading too deep into the cesspools of sadness that future chapters of Third Time's the Charm creates.

-OxOxO-

The Song:

The outside world recoils in fear

Thinking if they slip up, they'll get locked up in here

You're killing yourself to make ends meet

While I'm workin' on my tan and kicking up my feet

You can't beat livin' in prison, there's always something to do

And you know who's paying - everyone but you!

Every day I wake up to a nice hot shower

If you expect me to join you, you'll be sorry for hours

Poke some dudes, and lift weights in the yard

Maybe blow off some steam, scare old man Gerrard

And there's nothing more exquisite

Than when i get my 7-hour Succubus visits

There's Hartford the Pickle, and Shitface Frank

he makes the best hooch wine in his toilet tank

there's Bumbum, and Tanya, and Sparkles McGee,

And every single one of us scumbags agree:

I don't wanna be free (I don't wanna be free)

Leave me in luxury (Leave me in luxury)

Why try a getaway

When hard time is only a day?

I got a trash pedigree (I got a trash pedigree)

But here we're nobility (Hey Pa, look at me)

I always think about the world beyond

I'll go apologize to my mom

No! I don't wanna be

Free! Not the life for me

No! I don't wanna be...

...freeeee

Of these amenities

If I tried to live this good out there

I'd have to be a the thousandaire

This is where I wanna grow old

So I'm just praying I don't make parole

Cuz I don't wanna be free