Disclaimer: I don't own ToAru or any characters associated. (I do own all characters in here that are not from To Aru and my own depictions of the characters, explanations, etc.)

Nice to meet you all! This story starts out with Accel dealing with something he never had to before: injuries and a power downgrade. From there, we're time skipping through the different arcs and finally to settle post-WWIII at my own alternate timeline. That's where I plan on adding a whole romance/friendship segment of the story.

My inspiration? I'm a new Accel fan (2019), and I've relented over wanting more in-depth character development and exploration of Accelerator and Last Order due to it lacking in-depth in the light novels, manga, anime, etc. Curious what you will think so please review!

I am also sprinkling in other characters from the series, such as Yomikawa and Yoshikawa. I'm going to do my take of Mikoto (she comes into the story from Ch 7) who will more than just a plot device.

I TAKE REQUESTS. If you have an idea, want something to happen, want some form of exploration somewhere, bestow your greatness upon me in PM. I love making friends and I'll def take what you say into consideration.

Chapter Playlist:
My Demons - STARSET (credit to the lyrics used below)
Crossfire - Stephen

—

Not with a Bang

Mayday mayday the ship is slowly sinking

They think I'm crazy, but they don't know the feeling

They're all around me

Circling like vultures

They wanna break me and wash away my colors

To the sound of birds, a groggy teenager roused into a state of waking. He drifted through a form of consciousness, grasping that, of course, he hadn't died. It was not so easy to kill the #1 level five ESPer in Academy City. Puh, what a ridiculous thought even. Wait, died? Confusion brushed over him like soft sheets that smelled of lavender, and as much as he tried, he could not gather enough devices to surmise why he might be thinking like that—why he felt...was it relief? A beat passed in ruptured thought and a crack of wings sounded outside at the bird's take-off. The shrill call of their song ended without conclusion.

So he opened his eyes. And the world was all too bright—it was blinding. Immediately, he felt something ranging on regret, but threw out the feeling as soon as it surfaced. Meaningless. Useless. Squinting his red eyes at the white blur surrounding him, slowly, it came into focus. He saw a ceiling with LEDs that were currently dimmed, for which he was glad. There wasn't much detail he could gather from his pereforial from where he lay so he tried shifting his head to see— A pang hit him that wasn't quite unlike the sensation when a certain hero's right fist connected with his face. Was it...pain? It scratched faintly up his neck in a jagged and preventative way, protesting his attempt at turning. Come to think of it, he couldn't feel much of anything before that. His entire body had been completely numb. Shock hit him and he felt his heart start to race in wild confusion. Like a trapped animal, he didn't hesitate to use everything he had to fling himself upright and search the room for answers.

White walls, white linoleum, white sheets, and so many machines replaced the chirping floating feeling he had at first observed. The wires were all connected to him. A whining was heard, and for once, it wasn't the brat; it was mechanical beeping, measuring, producing. He felt short of breath and the room looked like someone had taken out its drain, but he tightened his focus and grit his teeth, hearing commotion sounding outside the door. His hands that had hoisted him up to lean against the cold bed rail now gripped the sheets on either side of him, bunching the delicate fabric up as if it would lock him down to one spot, lest he be sucked into the blackhole that was eating the room. Damned if he'd lose to some fucking dizzy spell just as soon as he came to. Fuckers. You don't just press the off switch on a monster.

The door opened, but the commotion of it felt like a bomb went off. His lips parted for more air, but he couldn't seem to even out his breaths or understand why it felt like he was in the fray of artillery fire. It was just footsteps. He blinked and felt a freezing cold hand touch his forehead. Wait, touch? Who would just reach out and touch him? His confusion seemed to reach a precipice and the look of utter bewilderment glimmered in his eyes. The hand that was on his forehead withdrew and words were happening, but it sounded like someone was trying to talk to him under water. It was gibberish—the fuck was this bitch trying to speak to him in piglatin for… He tightened his jaw further, trying to think of words to communicate that would relay the fact that she wasn't making any goddamn sense, but only a muffled groan came out as he unknowingly listed to the side.

Everything was dimming and he stopped trying for a second, exhausted while his mind took a turn on the hamster wheel. As hard as he tried, he just could not come up with a conclusion to anything he observed. He could not understand what was happening—not really. He was only able to feel when something lightly tugged at his elbow. A pupil darted to the side, trying to gather in data that stopped somewhere at IV. Something was being injected, he observed, but before he could even try to go further with an inquiry into what it might even be, his heart suddenly slowed down and a more absolute fogginess hung over the room as it slowed its crazed vortex. His anxious breaths evened out and he barely noticed when someone else—two others showed up.

["Thank you for saving me! Misaka exclaims with gratitude as Misaka hopes you can hear her."]

As soon as he saw her, he didn't need to think to know. For the first time since panic had set in, he came to a singular realization that was so strong, it made every fiber of his being spark.

He had saved her.

Everything else vanished, but her brimming hazel eyes that latched to his. A ghost of a smile fell to his lips as a quaking hand reached and dropped atop her tiny head. A heavy weight she now bore, but instead of flinching away, a warm hand graced over his, holding it there so it wouldn't slide off. She was saying something more, but he could not understand, and his lips fell slack, forming a frown. He shifted his gaze sideways and noted a short, stubby man that looked like a fat, aged bullfrog with a concerned look on his face. He also began to make sounds that were supposed to be in language, of which he just could not grasp. A wave a panic spread through him again, but felt subdued and instantly crushed, his red eyes became dazed and hooded, and his hand was slipping from Last Order's head, but he had forgotten it was even there. She was scrambling to hold it there, reaching up with the other hand. The frog's voice reverberated in his head and it felt like something was crushing his skull. He drew in a shaking breath, somehow sensing it was likely important to hear this, but it just made no—

His body dropped like dead weight and he nearly face planted into the side rail of the bed, but was caught by hands. He felt them situating him back down, but his vaguely cracked eyes barely processed the light he was trying to read—trying so hard. Little did he know as he lost consciousness, the frog-faced man was telling him not to try and think so hard.

"He woke up?" Yoshikawa inquired, placing the Scientist Daily magazine she was reading tenderly down onto her lap. Her usually flat eyes had a hopeful light in them and she leaned forward in anticipation that was slightly unbecoming of a scientist that was not kind at all. But perhaps, they were both changing. Her and Accelerator.

"Yes, but…" The frog-faced doctor, who had tried to introduce himself as Heaven Canceller to Accelerator's broken mind, sighed as he approached his other patient.

"But…" She tried to continue for him, but second guessed herself, almost wishing not to know. Albeit they had all survived, surely there was a cost that needed to be paid. Accelerator had even unconsciously been able to set calculations up to keep her alive while they both bled out—while he lost his computational abilities and verbal function, he still... He hung onto her until she reached the operating table. She was alive because of his unfathomable abilities. Last Order was also alive because he had exceeded limits that never existed in the first place. The #1 level five ESPer of Academy City was truly terrifying, which is why it made sense that he was bridled into a human weapon void of emotional connection, empathy, and lack thereof. Well, until he had refused to kill Last Order. Yoshikawa had even told him to…

"It seems my prediction was correct. It did not look as though he was even able to recognize where he was without knowing so in advanced. He recognized Last Order though." He frowned and shuffled his tiny feet, looking closely at her. "The girl is beside herself."

Yoshikawa was looking at him measuredly, but with an ounce of anger. She had not known Heaven Canceller to end a sentence without a solution. He was toying with her—trying to draw something out of her. Worry? Is that what he wanted, well!

"Ara, perhaps you should send her in here. Watching a cripple all day long must take its toll on the poor child." Cold. Hard. Calculating. As was the scientist that was a part of the Level 6 Shift Project. She raised her chrome eyes, a bright fire glinting in the corners as she hinted that the white-haired teenager was a lost cause. And then, she smiled, laughing softly and wincing when it pulled at her chest. "I've never known you to look so concerned. What of the device you mentioned—connecting to the MISAKA network?"

"I wasn't sure if you recalled. It's in process now, but it's going to take a lot of tests and another surgery. He's certainly giving me a workout."

"Then why are you in here talking with me?"

"Can't an old man check on an old friend?"

She raised an eyebrow and oho-ed, "I should be the least of your concerns."

And there it was: the worry he was looking for and counting on. It was right there faintly shining through her eyes when she looked up at him. She looked like she was about to plead again for him to go, but instead, she shut her eyes and leaned back as if she knew what she had just shown to him. She couldn't have possibly have known though, for he had determined more than just the surface level worry. He saw that Yoshikawa not only wanted to save his life, but she wanted to make a bet on him. She believed in his redemption. And it was his job as a doctor to make that possible. That was all he needed to know. If he were to actually save the boy, he had to make sure of quite a few things first.

"You have nothing to worry about."

A soft breeze was blowing through. Last Order was staring at the wind like she could see it, but the wind had no color or qualities the human eye could decipher. She saw instead, calculations of its quality, measurable in all mathematical ways currently known. She was a self-aware near-machine, careless to that fact—more concerned to the fact that the wind was going to make him cold: her savior.

"Accelerator, whispers Misaka as Misaka stands up to close the window." What if he was hot though? She stared at the window as if asking the inanimate object to figure it out for her. "Are you cold? Misaka asks while Misaka sighes and compares you to an inanimate object."

His hand twitched and his lashes fluttered. The little girl immediately clammed up and flew to his bedside, leaning over him and covering her mouth with her hand. She knew she had to be quiet and behave, (as she was told this many times by hospital staff), and she wanted to be on her best behavior for him. She also knew of a way she'd be able to communicate with him, as told to her by the Gekota doctor. He had tasked her with something.

Her eyes were doe-ed when he slowly woke, gathered himself, and sat up before he was able to notice her. He, again, looked so confused and conflicted that her worry brought tears to her eyes. She climbed onto the bed with him, careful not to jar him in any way. Lightly, she pulled his head to her chest, wrapping her arms around him and intertwining her fingertips with the back of his knotted, white mess of hair. She saw his eyes close as if he took comfort in the motion, but she was sure he was just too worn out to fight her. She was about to wear him out more though, regretfully.

She held him tightly, touching the back of his head that was furthest from his wound, and activating her level three ESPer ability to try and stimulate his damaged brain. It was a test—a necessary one that was her mission, and for a little girl, she took this very seriously.

"It's Misaka's turn to save you, Misaka says as Misaka does a deep dive into your psyche."

Accelerator was overcome with little buzzes and zaps in his head. It felt like chemical reactions were happening and mini explosions were breaking out inside his brain. Suddenly, he realized he was in a hospital. One of the jolts sounded like a gunshot and a lump formed in his throat as he recalled being shot in the head while… His eyes snapped opened and he tried to pull away, but something else was holding him in place. He saw the brat and grimaced. What was she...hugging him?

Last Order seemed to notice his clarity returning through one open eye while in deep concentration. She was only level three so she could just barely focus all her energy on giving him basic operating capabilities. It was all she could do. It was basic. But that was why Dr. Gekota was going to create a device that was able to channel the MISAKA network for her. Basically, she was currently acting as an electrode through her own fingertips. But her savior was looking more and more agitated instead of grateful.

"Misaka doesn't think you heard her before, but Misaka wants to thank you for saving her, Misaka exclaims while focusing really hard so you can understand her!"

For the first time, he had heard words he was able to interpret and felt the mini explosions continue in his head. He opened his mouth to reply, shut it, sighed, and then growled in an exasperated and tired voice, "Why are you hugging me, brat." It wasn't a question; it was a warning. Yet as soon as the words left his mouth, the door to the room swung open, and he recognized the frog-faced man as the doctor. Ah, so that's what was happening. He had been shot in the head right when he was stripping the last of the virus from Last Order's mind. The bullet that should have blown his brains all over the pavement, he was able to deflect before it entered his brain. What was it a damaged frontal cortex or was it— He hissed in immediate and earth shattering pain that blended the colors in the room together and ate black at the sides of his vision. "Fuuckkk..."

"As I said, though you couldn't understand me then. Don't try and think too hard. You need to control your thoughts or you will succumb to the injury by overwhelming the low capacity of your brain function. Your brain is a special one, as it allows you to calculate on a nano level even while unconscious whilst you were losing your processing function, but don't push it," the doctor said making his slow approach and tapping at the empty bag that hung next to the IV fluid to make sure it was completely empty. That bag belonged to the morphine drip that had run out quite a few hours ago, purposely waking up him and keeping him lucid enough for said test. He had to be in pain though, but it was necessary suffering if it would allow for him to be even remotely normal again. "Are you hearing me?"

That pissed him off. In fact, everything was suddenly pissing him off. In the LED shade that Last Order's arms provided, he glowered at the doctor like a vicious animal that was trying to be coaxed back into a cage. Like hell. He went to move away from her again, but felt a jolt that made his muscles feel tense and rubbery. He didn't like that either. This whole fucking thing. Offhandedly, he even wondered if maybe it would have been better if he had gone out with a bang, saving the brat as his last act.

"Yeah, I hear you," he eventually murmured, taking a while to formulate words and bury his thoughts.

"Good-good," he replied, putting a light hand on Accelerator's shoulder. "It seems this may be the direction we are able to head in, but first, let me explain." He studied the boy's eyes to make sure he was following. They were seething, but had a level of intelligence in them that surprised even him. He continued.

"When you were shot in the head by Amai Ao, you received serious damage to your frontal cortex that will affect your mobility, speech, calculative and conclusion-drawing abilities. I'm afraid the neurons will never recover. You'll be able to observe, but you won't be able to do anything about it or perhaps even realize what you are observing."

"So what does that mean?" Accelerator spat out dispassionately without thinking it through. Well, the frog doctor said himself not to think too hard. Then he should be more damn clear when explaining what was wrong with him. How was he going to live like this then—become a fucking vegetable—rely on everyone else to keep him alive? Just pull the damn plug. This was too much already. Plus, scum like him didn't deserve a second chance, despite the dormant vested hope that surged between his thoughts. His heart began to clamber violently against his chest. Was this the end—the end of the great Accelerator? Was this how he was going out... in a hospital, making decisions with a brat stimulating his brain so he could even think clearly? Fuck that.

"It means you'll be a vegetable."

Accelerator's heart nearly stopped in his chest and the machines responded in tandem. He hated that despite his blank expression, the wailing of the machines were giving away his inner monologue. He felt like he was going to throw up and he felt so weak that Last Order had to suddenly grab him harder to hold him up so as to not lose the connection. The doctor side-glanced at the data being shown on the screens and looked back at him with concern.

"I know it's a shock, but you need to relax. And I need you lucid so I shouldn't give you more benzodiazepine." He squeezed the boy's shoulder and let go, glancing at the displays again that kept firing off. Accelerator was verging on a panic attack, maybe now wasn't the best time… It was to be expected at least—even Academy City's #1 was still human after all. But still, if this continued it would be severely damaging to his recovery and could be adding further strain and damage to the injury. He decided to communicate it, even while not aware of how he would take it. He had a syringe ready if necessary.

"If you try and think too much or too hard in this state, you will end up causing more damage to your brain by over exerting its capacity. You could end up in even worse a state than you are now if you keep pushing so hard."

He was hearing the words, but with Last Order's help, his thoughts were coming in like comments on a viral social media post. His eyes were literally shaking. In fact his whole body was shaking and he felt so, so cold—like ice was running under the surface of his skin and into his bones. It hurt. It hurt so bad everything started to have a glow. He was hyperventilating and he couldn't stop thinking about not thinking and trying to put up walls on his own habits that were trained into him since day one.

"It means you'll be a vegetable." So was he to continue living like this? It was like telling a dead person they were going to be stuck with not existing. Should he have just killed Last Order—should he be regretting it right now with how things ended up fucking him over? Why hadn't he let go when the bullet was whistling towards him as if in slow motion—why had he continued recalibrating her mind until the very last second? Wait. Recalibrating her mind. How did she know he had saved her? Did fucking Yoshikawa tell her? No, that scientist wasn't one to share information obligingly with children. What then?

He was clutching his head at this point with all the strength left in his fingers, breath strained and uneven as his veins raced with an emotion he was not at all familiar with. Fear. it gripped him with violent, black tendrils, laced with barbs of no escape. It's skeletal reality reflected through the eyes of every clone he had slaughtered in cold blood. Had he even been afraid before? Had they all felt like this—all 10,031? During the experiments, when he reflected that first bullet without even trying, had she felt this chase of inevitability clutching at the fabric of her being and dragging her under? This was something he couldn't deflect. In fact, he could never deflect again. He was lucky now that he could even have educated thoughts. And yet through the corpses and stricken terror, something still stuck. A question. One of the questions he asked needed an answer before he became a vegetable again.

"How do you…" Something pinched and stuck into the side of his neck.

It was better to inject him there rather than in the IV. The doctor was looking for a quick result and was planning on putting the test they were performing with Last Order on hold for now. His patient was going into shock and he wasn't sure if his heart could hold out.

Last Order stopped sending signals and let go of her grip on Accelerator's head. He sagged onto her lap, red eyes glazing over. With just the last bits of electricity left stimulating his speech, he finished.

"...remember me?" Everything went black.