Hello! Thanks for your patience and everything! There are a few things that go on in this chapter, but the first is that we see some of the conversations that Naruto and Hinata had. Since there is not strikethrough option for ff, please just imagine any sentence fragments from Hinata as crossed out. Special thanks to everyone who has recommended my fic to the r/narutofanfiction!

You seem tired.

My neighbors had another screaming match. Loud.

What do they fight about?

Living in a hellhole. Having kids. The two are related. I wish they would just move out already.

My condolences.

?

Sorry, but without guilt.

don't worry. does it get loud having a family all live in one place?

The compound has a decorum of silence imposed at night. It is supposed to promote contemplation. And act as a security measure.

that sounds boring.

It is unav

It gets lonely.

Naruto tilted his head and brought the scroll closer to his nose. The scent of old paper tickled his nose.

When he and Hinata first started talking, he would approach their written conversations like homework because he understood them to about the same degree. And then, even when he could get the gist without trouble, he read them just to fill his hours at home. And then because he could hold the pages to his chest and gently hug them when it felt like he might otherwise drip away and become a stain on the floor in his empty apartment.

Now, he read them mostly because they hurt. Like picking at the indents on his cheeks or talking to the monster.

"What were you going to say?" he muttered, squinting at the crossed-out words. Hinata crossed out a lot of her words at first, but she had slowly dropped the habit. This single phrase, from such a short time before everything went to shit, was odd. Sighing, he picked himself off the floor and tore apart his apartment to find his pocket dictionary. It took a few swears, but he found the right radicals for the incomplete kanji.

Unavoidable.

Naruto frowned and brought his scroll to the kitchen table. Hinata talked about things without ever really talking about them. She had gotten better about it, but she still said the most when she said very little.

Unavoidable. She couldn't change it. It was something she hated, but couldn't off-set. Why not just finish her sentence? Why cross it out?

And then Naruto realized that he would have challenged her on it. He would have said that she could make noise. She could cause mayhem. She could force people to change just by being loud and obnoxious enough.

He wouldn't have understood. Having no one meant he never faced consequences. Not ones he cared about. He could choose his hurts.

Hinata just wanted to minimize hers.

Unavoidable.

She wanted to change. She wouldn't. And therefore it didn't bear talking about.

Biting at his lip, Naruto considered the upcoming graduation exam. It was almost a month away. He qualified for this one. He had put in the work and brought up his grades and trudged through the academy with his head down. Some days, he forgot that he had ever made a friend.

Naruto rubs at his cheek.

The students in the year above him were cramming for graduation. Naruto didn't get the same lessons. He didn't have to go on the survival outings that the graduating class had in place.

Hinata's cousin did.

they give orphans last names sometimes. even if theres no parent. if you dont have a last name its a clear sign that you come from nowhere. then no one wants anything to do with you

You don't think Uzumaki means anything?

i will make it mean something. but i don't think its a parental name. there's one uzumaki on the memorial stone, but she's the only one. i think they gave me her name because there was no one else who had it.

How did you find her name?

The old man. he pointed it out one day. said that I should bring honor to it by being a good ninja.

I am often told the same. I think it is a Kohona custom they teach to ninja. If you live to a certain age, you are obligated to repeat it.

gross. I would probably just tell people to bring dishonor to their names. just to keep life interesting, ya know?

I think names are often What if she is related to you?

the old man could have said so. he didn't.

He could have been understating the matter. Or being subtle for whatever reason.

I never met her. She's never met me. Just sharing a name means nothing.

But do you want it to mean something?

not really.

"Come on," Naruto groaned. "Be mean. Say anything."

The monster gave no indication it noticed. Naruto kept nagging for its attention, but it resolutely ignored him and offered no distraction to his big plan.

"You'll get bored eventually," Naruto challenged.

The bait went untouched, and Naruto grimaced before he blinked out of the sewer. He fiddled with his old kunai holster. He had used it to carry around his scroll and brushes, and it felt lopsided to wear it again. "Quit stalling," he whispered to himself. With one final sigh, he wandered through the courtyard. Like he predicted, Hinata was back in her old spot now that she didn't have to deal with her cousin.

Naruto tossed his scroll in front of her. She tensed, looking up with wide, dull-mirror eyes.

Her hair was shorter. She had a new jacket.

"Hey," Naruto greeted cheerfully. He gave his brightest grin, baring his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut. "It's been boring, ya know?"

. . .

"I missed you," He tried again. "How have you been?"

Without a word, Hinata ducked her head and swayed to her feet.

She walked away.

Naruto took an aborted step after her. "That's it? It can't even be a secret anymore? I never wanted to get you in trouble. I'm sorry."

His scroll laid on the ground, covered in dust. He shouldn't have minded. He threw it there himself.

"I'm your only friend and you can't even look at me."

Hinata didn't pause as she walked away.

Naruto gritted his jaw. His nails bit into his palms, and he wasn't really talking to Hinata. The heat spilling out of his mouth is something he learned in the sewer. "Fine. I don't give a shit." He turns away from Hinata's retreating back, he drawls, "Next time you want to help, maybe don't be so useless that you do more harm than good."

He left his scroll in the dirt.

Why can't people be kind?

Because other people suck.

Girls tease Sakura about everything. Her looks or her intelligence or the way she speaks. Because it isn't physical violence, there's nothing to be done. I hate that. It just only breeds more cruelty.

Sakura rubs it in their noses. She likes being the smartest.

You don't get it. It's hateful.

I'm not saying she deserves it. She just invites it.

It makes a whole environment where no one feels safe.

it must be nice to feel safe. it must be nice for that to ever be an option.

You are being

Why are you

Do you always feel this way?

what way?

Resentful.

No. It's new. I don't like it either.

He didn't apologize.

"You feel shame," the monster noted. Its grin was razor-slick. "Isn't that quite unusual?"

Naruto blinked. The pipes dripped and hissed. Murky water sloshed around his calves. He swung his arm out in an arc and chains reared up from the water. They slammed into flesh and fur in a whirlwind of metal and iron. They bit into the monster like a pack of wild dogs.

Naruto didn't have any control. It was nice that something defended him.

The monster screeched in pain and outrage. The pit in Naruto's stomach shrunk. He no longer wanted to gut himself over being unwanted.

"Everyone can tell that you're here," Naruto said as he stalked forward to the bars of the cage. "That's why they hate me." He scales the bars to poke and prod at the seal.

He didn't really believe his words. It just felt good to say.

Moving through the aisles of the grocery, Naruto debated the merits of buying vegetables. Iruka kept mentioning their nigh religious importance. The mythical 'nutrients' might help him graduate. However, soft things usually rotted before Naruto remembered they existed.

"Do you know how to cook?"

The monster remained motionless. It hadn't bothered to speak for two weeks.

"Yeah," Naruto said dully. "Me either." He picks out a pepper at random, and then a radish, and then some bamboo shoots. He didn't entirely know how they would fit together, but he would make something edible. He could just douse it with ramen seasoning and call it a day if he got desperate.

He ambled to the counter, arms piled high with ramen and milk and random vegetables. The line had grown since he wandered in. In front of him, an elderly woman tapped her foot impatiently. Curiously, Naruto leaned around her, precariously balancing on one foot and craning his head.

The customer at the counter was desperately patting at her pockets. "I just had it," she mumbled to herself. She had quite a few groceries piled into cloth bags. One of the straps had been replaced with braided rope and sewn into the fabric. "It must have fallen," she said. "I had it."

"We're about to close," the shopkeeper said.

"Can't I just check again? I know I walked in here with it."

"We're about to close."

Naruto's own wallet had grown very plump over the past few weeks. He hadn't been in the mood for pranks. Grocery hauls that big were a full-day production, but he had enough to cover some of it. Plus, she looked incredibly stressed. Losing money was one thing, but it always compounded into something bigger.

Naruto reshuffled the food in his arms and grabbed Gama-chan. "Hey, miss, I got it."

The relief on her face flickered to life and died in the span of a second. Her eyes widened in recognition, and she leaned back. Like he was contagious. Like he would bite her. "Ah," She stuttered, "No. That's alright. I'll-I'll figure it out. Thank you."

"I have money."

"No," she repeated, already turning back to the counter with a stiffness in her shoulders. "Thank you, but I have it handled."

She didn't have it handled. Naruto wasn't made of money, but he knew how much of a pain going home without food could be. He often lost track of time and ended up getting takeout on nights where he was supposed to cook. He just wanted to help.

He wanted to help. And everyone wanted to pretend he didn't exist.

Naruto sneered, annoyance flaring up. "You're holding up the line," He said, staring her down as she collected her empty bags. Her eyes were very brown. "I was paying for the privilege of leaving before Mr. Shopkeeper withers up and dies."

Mr. Shopkeeper glared at him for the disrespect, and the customer blanched, and Naruto whirled away to step back into line, his nose in the air. He ignored the rest of the conversation. He dropped into the sewer and waits out every dirty look and the detached way that people avoid acknowledging he exists.

He blinked, and the store was nearly empty, and he didn't feel like paying anything to anyone. But he did. He went home and sliced a pepper into his ramen. It tasted fine.

"No one wants to say it," He told the monster. He sat cross legged in the water. "They all know. But kids don't. When I henge, no one can tell. There's nothing weird about my chakra. But they all know."

Naruto looks at his hands and tries to see some difference in them. Are his nails too sharp? His veins too green? "How do they know?"

The monster didn't answer. It didn't even shift.

So he did something stupid. He wrote everything down. He listed out every possible reason, every detail, every slight. He held the pain each moment brought close to his chest; not to exploit it, but to grow detached to it. To grow immune to the pangs it set off in his chest.

And with it all written down, it hurt how obvious it was.

The sewer in his mind was dim. Green shadows and amber lights. The outline of the monster's muzzle nearly blended into the background, but Naruto trudged forward though the water for a closer look. He had always thought it looked canine. The paws were more human than animal. The same opposable thumbs. He couldn't tell how many tails laid hidden in the depths of the sewer.

"What are you?"

The monster in the cage cracked open a single red eye and stared down at him. "You already know."

Naruto crossed his arms over his stomach and looped his hands into the fabric of his pants. "Why are you inside me?"

"Because you were born to bear my hatred."

AN: For some reason, theres no strikethrough option for FF which sucks.