Trigger Warning: This story will explore anxiety and depression in depth. There are no graphic depictions of self harm and I will make it clear if that changes, but it still may be triggering.

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy."
-Kurt Vonnegut

When Jade woke up later that morning, she did so naturally, with no alarm or annoyingly persistent boyfriend armed with coffee and kisses. She heard soft clicking beside her and rolled over to see that Beck was awake, sitting against the headboard and reading something on his laptop. He didn't notice she was awake until she curled closer into him and leaned her head against his thigh, pressing a kiss to the area closest to her lips through his flannel pajama pants. His hand automatically moved to her hair and started stroking it gently.

She squinted hard to see what he was reading- no glasses or contacts just yet- and her heart sped up when she saw that he was reading an article about anxiety. Once she had caught her breath last night, she had told him the specifics of her diagnoses; she had Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Persistent Depressive Disorder, and mild Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. She had also told him more about her medications, a cocktail of antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, and SSRIs. Those, added to her birth control and the pain meds she took during her periods, left her with three separate pill organizers filled to the top with tiny, colorful pills.

Beck had handled the news with an ease Jade wasn't expecting, at least in the sense that he never once considered ending things. In another sense, he took it pretty hard; he cried almost as much as she had, apologizing over and over for not realizing she was hurting and for anything he might have done to make it worse. They had finally fallen asleep around four AM, holding each other as tightly as they could.

The overwhelming love and admiration Jade had felt for her boyfriend came back in full force when she read each of the tabs open on his laptop, seeing that he was researching her illnesses, medications, and even how to help her cope.

"Morning, Love," he said softly when he had reached the bottom of the page. He closed the computer and tossed it gently towards the foot of the bed, letting Jade lay her head more fully in his lap.

"You're amazing," she whispered and he shook his head, not that she could see.

"No, I'm the idiot who went out with you for three years and never realized how much you were dealing with. Hopefully I'll do better this time."

"You already are."

They skipped school that day and spent the morning watching all of the feel-good movies that Jade actually liked. There weren't many, but they did exist, mostly in the forms of musicals and sci-fi. Around noon, they went out to get smoothies, taking the long way home so Jade could listen to more of her music. They played Guess Who?, Scrabble, The Game of Life, and several rounds of Uno. Beck went along with all of Jade's improvised 'rules' and just generally let her do whatever she wanted. He actually had a lot of fun and kind of felt bad for fighting her so hard on stuff like that before.

They brought Jade's phone on their trip to get smoothies, for music and for safety, but otherwise didn't touch their phones all day. Beck knew he would have a few texts and maybe some missed calls from Tori, but he pushed the thoughts away in favor of focusing on Jade. She seemed okay. Light. Happy. He knew there would be good days and bad days, but honestly, he would go through hell with Jade for a few good days like this.

It turns out, the very next day was one of the worst Beck had seen. She was completely silent all morning, refusing all attempts at conversation and glaring at him when he tried too hard to get her to respond. He noticed her tapping her fingers aggressively on anything that was close, her thigh, wrist, arm, book bag, desk, chair, lunch tray. He tried once to hold her hand when he caught her doing it, but she ripped it out of his grasp quickly and immediately moved as far away from him as she could get without actually leaving. When she wasn't being silent, she was yelling at people who most definitely didn't deserve it and threatening to commit impossible acts of violence whenever she was even mildly inconvenienced.

He found out quickly that she was trying hard not to scream at him, hence the silence, but reached a point where she couldn't stop herself if he pushed her too hard. He knew she hadn't eaten at lunch and was trying to get her to agree to stop somewhere on the way home. At first she actually said no, then just shook her head, and eventually stopped responding all together. He must have suggested one too many places, though, because she suddenly started yelling more harshly than she had in the entire two weeks since they got back together.

"Seriously, Beck, just stop! I don't wanna go anywhere! God, could you leave me alone for like five seconds? Being with you is exhausting. I swear, if I had the energy, I'd wrestle the wheel away from you and drive us off a cliff!" She sat back in her seat with a huff, crossing her arms and legs way too tightly to be comfortable.

"I-I'm sorry, J. I'll stop now, alright? We can talk when you're ready."

Normally, he would yell back or, at the very least, keep badgering her. But that had broken them up and he wasn't about to risk that again. Maybe it was better to try to understand. To give her space and time and let her work through her emotions without adding any more fuel to the fire. Maybe it would work better that way.

The rest of the evening was completely silent. Beck followed Jade's lead and spent a few hours doing homework before making Ramen noodles for dinner and watching Wheel of Fortune (him on the couch and her on the bed) until it transitioned into The Price is Right. At that point, Jade switched the TV off and pulled the comforter over herself. Beck cleaned up the dishes and turned the lights off before stopping awkwardly in the middle of the room, suddenly unsure of himself.

Before the breakup, they would still fall asleep together during fights. It kept them from getting too emotionally distant or overtired, as those things tended to make an argument worse. Before, he would have had no problem crawling in bed next to her and wrapping an arm around her waist. Before, he wouldn't worry that it would make her uncomfortable. But now, he couldn't help wondering if the space would help her. Deciding that he didn't want to risk making the situation worse, Beck tugged an extra blanket out from under his bed and curled up on the couch. He would give her space, but she could always close the distance if she wanted to.

He wasn't really sure how long he spent staring at the RV ceiling, but he knew that it was at least a few hours and that he hadn't once managed to fall asleep. That turned out to be a good thing, though, because it meant that he was fully awake when Jade got up from the bed and shuffled over to him, the comforter wrapped around her shoulders. The couch was small, so she tossed his blanket onto the floor (because she knew he would be too hot with two) and climbed on top of him, burying her face in his chest. He wrapped both arms around her almost automatically and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Love you," he mumbled, finally noticing how tired he was.

"Sorry about today." It was so quiet, Beck wouldn't have been able to hear if she was even slightly farther away from him. He kissed her hair again.

"S'okay. I can take it."

"I love you. Seriously. Thank you."

One more kiss and they were both out cold.