Equal Opportunity Hatred

"I swear to god if you don't get me my goddamn sweets…!"

"...I'm gonna punt your tiny ass off the continent without your sword and get them myself!"

Okay so maybe I was just the slightest bit upset.

It's not like it's been [27 hours 43 minutes 36 seconds] since I last had something sweet to eat. That's no reason to bite anyone's head off.

It's not like Alice and her new child entourage had eaten up my food supplies for 2 days, forcing me to make even more for me to carry.

It's not like Alice, after a long day of beating up children and feeding them to shut them up, decided that it was a moral obligation of mine to have an unlimited supply of delicious sandwiches while eating the last bits of my supply, and had the nerve to threaten me with death by semen drainage.

I mean it is a duty to carry sandwiches, but threatening me was straight up, Not. Cool.

I'm not salty.

Shut up.

"Get in line bookworm. I'll send him to the Monster Lord herself if he doesn't get a move on." said Alice sharply whipping her tail through the air. "We either get food, or we get a move on. You have a Monster Lord to beat. I'm already half inclined to send you to her now."

Sending a glance her way I found my thoughts… redirected towards her concealment of her identity as Monster Lord. And the maddening question: Why?

Everyone knows of 3 of the Four Heavenly Knights: Alma Elma. Discount Tamamo-no-Mae, and Granberia. The last one Eru… Era? Erabeauty?

Anyway, they wreak havoc whenever and wherever they damn please. I wouldn't call their actions malevolent, sans the enslavement, murder of soldiers, tyrannical rule through fear, and typical monstergirl superiority complexes.

Y'know typical fantasy setting stuff.

"Why all the hostility? We're going to be solving the Happiness Honey case when we're ready."

With the notoriety of those three you'd think people would at least have a hint as to who the Monster Lord is, but not a single person knew her name so far, or even hinted at the fact that she's important besides Granberia.

"I'm ready now. I've BEEN ready since it was first mentioned. You're the one who wanted to chase 'banneditz'."

"Can you stop saying that? You'll lose what few brain cells you have being an idiot."

"Ironic coming from the one who first said it out loud." I sniped back at her.

"Seriously what's with you?" "You're somehow even worse and more aggressive than usual today"

"I'd like to point out that I'm like this everyday so something like this should be of no surprise to you."

"No. Luka is right." SHE SAID HIS NAME. HOLY SHIT SHE ACTUALLY SAID HIS NAME. "You aren't nearly this aggravating on a regular basis."

"I don't know what to tell you other than the fact that I have been deprived of my sweets for approximately [27 hours 44 minutes and 16 seconds]. I also have no sandwiches to eat in the interim since SOMEONE…" I shouted, reinforcing my glare on the glutton. "...ate them all. I have neither the will nor the patience to even begin to make more to feed the black hole you call a stomach."

Sweets are a serious business for me. I'd fight Ilias, and win, if she got in the way of my pursuit of sweets. That's how serious it is. And normally I'd not only get my ass whooped if I tried something like that, but probably penetrated afterwards.

A pervert like her would use a strap on to dominate sinners if she felt it necessary. Maybe a few whips and chains while she's at it.

...that took a hot turn out of nowhere.

"Alright, alright already. We're going…"

There wasn't much in the way of conversation, though with the cycle of imagining sweets and my thoughts of Alice, conversation with me was basically impossible.

I could joke around as much as I want about her being a mysterious character, but she's still a viable threat if she ever chose to be? Why is she even here? The easy answer is likely related to food or something. Her idea on being heroic often involved foodstuff and killing monsters. Approving of the former behaviour, and scornful of the latter.

I couldn't wrap my head around it.

But cleavage and boobs wrapped around my head.

"Oya? What cute little human men."

"The fu-?!" I squawked being wrapped further into a warm embrace.

"Hold still." she whispered into my ear. "I'll keep you in this sweet embrace of honey.

Something hot and heavy oozed onto my shoulders, some of it landing in my hair. She mentioned honey?

More and more of it dripped onto me, and I struggled a bit, accidentally taking a dollop of the golden viscous liquid, an admittedly careless move having my mouth open for that. It is what allowed her to french kiss me.

Sweet. Unbelievably so. Whether it was the honey or her tongue I don't know. But what I do know is that I've never had anything like this before.

And I craved more.

So I embraced her, deepening our lip lock until I couldn't taste anymore of the sweet honey.

And then my tongue started to wander. Lapping at her lips with relentless fervor.

She was sweet...

"What were you thinking Roxas?"

"Honey. I'll accept no further questioning." I looked off to the side staunchly avoiding eye contact with the self righteous midget.

"She was demanding that you let her go! It looked like you were attacking her instead." I could feel the ugly snarl crossing his face. "I thought you were better than this. You're one of the most devout followers of Ilias. How could you betray her like that?"

Alice in her ever mysterious way smiled in a way that it didn't reach her eyes. "Hypocrite. Entirely unwilling to let monsters have their way with you, yet assaulting the first bee girl with a bit of honey."

An eyebrow raised at the attempt at my morals. "I did not assault her. She poured honey on me and then French'd me. I then proceeded to lick as much honey off of her as I could."

Alice snorted ungracefully. "She clearly wanted your semen. Why didn't you give it to her and receive honey as a gift."

"I didn't exactly ask her to cover me and herself in sticky fluids that taste good."

"Bee girls lick honey off the men they capture. It's a thing that they do. It would have mixed well with semen." Eyeing the many sticky wet patches on my pants. "Speaking of which-"

"Denied." I crossed my arms in defiance. "You already get free sandwiches. What more could you possibly want."

"Roxas. Monsters don't really need to eat food. Semen remember?" Luka hadn't seen it, but Alice had clearly looked off to the side. A very clear admission of guilt that they didn't need semen THAT much.

"But it isn't their only source of nutrition. The only monster I'd excuse for only eating semen are the succubi, since they at least treat their offerings fairly well. Or rather, the suicidal idiots called volunteers."

Alice's expression didn't change, but with the way her tail had seized up I could tell that she knew she had been busted. Could she look any guiltier?

Though with Luka glaring at me, I don't think he noticed the guilty twitching. "That doesn't excuse your behavior. You were way out of line. Attacking monsters isn't something we do when journeying to beat the monster lord." Because it makes perfect sense to go on a journey to beat someone up without getting good at beating people up.

On the other hand… "You're right, I guess."

Silence. I could hear him blinking in confusion. "I am? I mean, of course I am. You were definitely in the wrong for attacking her like that."

"I know. I said that." Pointedly staring at him.

"I'm just… surprised you'd admit to being wrong like this." he looked at me as if unsure as to who I really was. "I didn't think you would EVER apologize for being wrong with your… y'know…" He trailed off as if I was supposed to know what that meant.

"Your obnoxious know-it-all attitude piled atop your human supremacy arrogance." Alice supplied for Luka leaving him aghast. "Or is it your greedy self centered habits, and slothful nature?"

"I'm not a supremacist." I corrected her. "I only see myself as above pretty much everyone on the planet at this point. Attacking a Bee Girl in the hopes of harvesting the honey attached to her is something that should be beneath me." I paused, putting a bit more thought on the matter. "At least she lived by the end of it, if only slightly traumatized, so everything's fine now."

"Just when I thought he was learning." Luka are you crying? Why are you looking at me like I disappointed you or something? "Don't worry, I'll reform you yet."

"Good luck with that." Alice is munching on… Is that one of my sandwiches? I thought I ran out of those. "You're better off trying to slay the Monster Lord at your current level."

How often are you going to reference yourself Alice? Or better yet, how often will you be poaching my sandwiches, Alice? My wallet is going to start crying if you force me to buy anymore supplies.

Happiness Village, in a nutshell, is a farming village. Iliasville was a village of all trades, selling lumber, livestock, crops, and being a religious haven. It was closer to being a town but lacked major landmarks other than the church.

If I'm to be perfectly honest, being isekai'd and stuck here for months was agonizingly miserable for me. I lacked TV and internet, and many of my references and opinions would likely be held as heretical.

Not all of it is very conducive to world peace.

This farming village, littered with beehives and log cabins, was the very bane of my existence. A place of farmers that don't seem to have a real sense of trade since every 'house' had a beehive or two next to it. They harvest honey, and some livestock but other than that it doesn't appear they have much going for it.

"Nothing seems out of place here really." Luka spoke bringing my thoughts to the real world. "I can't really tell what the problem is."

Alice does her signature scoff, meaning she's already dismissed any further comments as idiocy. "Idiots. That's only with a passing glance. Look at how many men there are in the village." At a cursory glance you could tell there weren't very many men, if any at all.

"Now that I look better I can't see the men beyond kids." insert ironic joke on height. "I'll ask the women about what might be happening."

But if you look close enough you could notice they aren't exactly built like women either. Shoulders being a bit too broad to belong to the gender of lithe frames. Arms and necks the size of tree trunks and no chest to compensate for their size. Or if they did, the chest was too bulky and obviously fake. It's not that there were no men, it's that they're being abducted for a reason, they're hiding away to avoid something.

I might not consider it my problem that the men are being forced to crossdress for a reason unknown to me. To get a handle on the situation we'd need bait, me and Luka being obvious choices. Luka being dressed somewhat like a Hero is less likely to be abducted with the higher strength requirement that comes with the territory of being called a Hero.

Say what you want but he does have the stats to back up his title. He just doesn't use them properly half the time, and lacks the proper skill to fully utilize them.

I'd use myself as bait, but as I only had a sheathed Iron Sword that I didn't know how to swing properly, I'm the same dead weight as before, but now I happen to have a decent melee weapon but lack skill to use it offensively. And I refuse to be bait without a means of protecting my (hopefully intact) virginity.

"Hey! You there!" said one of the burly women. "Are you traveling companions of the Hero?"

"Yeah?" I said, not exactly sure how to proceed with this conversation. Looking towards Alice, already in human form, she didn't seem particularly inclined to help out here. "You need something?"

"Waaaahaahaaaaa." A young boy screaming in a shrill voice squirmed in midair as he is carried by a harpy.

"We've got a bit of a monster problem. I just wanted to make sure you knew before I got to safety myself" said the man(?) before running off into his own house.

Huh. Well that was nice of him/her. Unnecessary but nice.

"Hey Alice, are yo-" and she's gone. It shouldn't be a surprise by now, yet I am. It's probably because of how abrupt it can be at times.

Whatever. I'm sure Luka needs my help by now.

The Harpy then descends young lad still in grasp before dropping him safely on the ground.

"Alright now that I've let him go, you'll have to come with me now. We'll make big and strong children together."

Observation is becoming a quick and easy thing for me. Fluid motions to get the notebook in hand to the correct page and pen to paper.

[Harpy: bird thing. Acts more bird than human, prone to flights of fancy. Short attention span?]

It was a short prompt detailing all my thoughts from what I've immediately seen from her.

[Luka goes forward with a simple slash, no active skills.]

[The harpy flies out of his range.]

...Did he forget that she was part bird? Or does he get some tunnel vision during battle?

"Nyeehee! Try and catch me darling ~~❤" she even playfully winked at him from up above.

Even if he was an idiot, I suppose he's not very good with mocking from complete strangers. I could see him baring his teeth like some feral dog. "ROXAS! Give me a boost!" He's then barreling towards me as fast as I've seen him go.

Boost? OH! I see what he's doing.

I drop my pack as quickly as possible and throw it away as to not have it in the way. Just as he jumps I hold out my arms as if I were to bump a volleyball.

In hindsight having a person jump into my arms was a bad idea, as I'd expect it to be. Which is to say not all. I'd give the Hero the boost he needed to reach the harpy who went out of her way to taunt him after his attempt at a first strike. I was to boost him up into the air with my own strength as well as his own jumping power.

His strengths were in his power and mine were in my intelligence. Giving him that boost would make it easier for him to reach his target but impossible to keep standing straight.

I fell back, my head hitting the ground.

From here my account of things is hazy at best. But I will recreate things to the best of my ability with the help of 3rd party references.

Feeling the push back from Roxas, I had also kicked off from the resisting force, letting me jump higher than a regular wall jump would have.

Since a regular attack wasn't going to cut it, I'd thought I'd try my hand at this…

"[Aerial Strike: Demon Decapitation]" I shout, managing to get close enough to actually land a blow.

[Critical Hit! Luka deals 121 damage!]

I did it! I landed a powerful hit in one move… but I forgot to think of a landing strategy.

Feeling gravity pulling me back down to Earth, my thoughts weren't focused on me and the also falling Harpy taking more damage than necessary, possibly dying, or even being crippled. I instead thought of how much trouble I'm going to get into trouble with Roxas and Alice over a probably reckless and dumb move.

What was surprising however was feeling someone catch me and give me a softer landing than I expected. Even the harpy who was frantically flapping her wings in all directions suddenly fell on her behind in a softer manner than I expected.

What on earth happened there? Did she manage to right herself just as she fell? And who caught me?

Now that she's down I might as well take this chance to seal her now.

[Luka charges, slashing forward. He missed.]

The Harpy squawks, managing to scramble away, getting her bearings enough to fly above me again.

"You big meanie. All I wanted was for you to be my husband."

"Just get out here." Creep, though the word went unsaid.

She pouted, before taking off in the opposite direction of me… Swooping down to pick up Roxas.

[Harpy has escaped. Luka gained 80 EXP!]

"What happened? Did you drive her away?!

"Yeah but-"

"Amazing..! How'd you do it?" asked a younger girl approaching me from behind.

More and more of them came pouring out of their houses. All of them came to admire and praise me. But I couldn't find a single man out of everyone there, and very few boys there.

"What are you doing?" Alice intervened, not only catching my attention but actually making people keep their distance. I'd say I've never felt more glad to have personal space than now.

"Right Alice, we need to go. She took Roxas." I ignored how she grumbled about how 'we really didn't need that thing' in favor of turning my attention back to that crowd. "Do you know where she might have taken him?"

They shuffled about as if concerned about the place he might have been taken.

"There's a settlement out in the woods." said the old woman who also had the crowd of women part for her. "If you plan to go there and save your friend I must ask you a favor, as the acting village chief."

Acting village chief... does that mean that the Harpies kidnapped the original village chief as well?

"Offloading your problems onto us as well as abandoning the children in your village? You really do have no shame do you?" Alice is munching on another sandwich now holding Roxas's satchel. I'm sure he would NOT be happy to find out that happened and maybe it'd be best not to mention how exactly that happened.

"Alice, you can't pick up his stuff and eat out of his bag while he's in trouble we need to go after him."

"Why?" she asked. "Helping out your friend is all well and good but why would you help these people who have no interest in taking care of their own, or even moving to help in any manner?"

"Because I'm a hero!" I ignore the tiny voice in the back of my head reminding me that I hadn't been baptized. "I'm here to protect them even when they can't protect themselves."

"Idiot. They aren't even trying to protect themselves. I'm willing to bet that they haven't put in the least bit of effort into saving their own men."

I would have disagreed with her. They were villagers with husbands, fathers, and workers. It wasn't that they were unwilling to fight the harpies, but that they were too weak to. Surely they had tried by now, right?

I would have argued in their defense, if it weren't for the oppressive silence, the awkward shuffling, bitten lips, and furrowed brows of frustration.

"No way..." I involuntarily muttered aloud. "You haven't done anything about this at all?"

"You wouldn't understand." said the old acting chieftain. "You are a hero, blessed by Ilias, against the Queen of the Harpies we'd have no choice against our neighbors."

"So where are the other heroes? Surely you must have had a few passing through already." asked Alice, leveling a glare at the people. "You haven't attempted finding your loved ones, haven't visited the harpy village, and won't protect your children. Why should we help you with a problem that has a relatively easy solution?"

More shuffling. More frustrated grumbling. If this goes on much longer it might turn into a riot against us.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I'm going to save him, and I won't force them to come with me. I just need to know which direction to go in in order to find their village."

Pulling out my map I find the area where this village is currently located.

"The harpies village should be around… This area in the forest. It's how they aren't spotted when returning to their homes."

A hidden village? Would it be filled with plenty of fighters? But that harpy from earlier didn't look very strong… she was only concerned about trying to… mate with me. But maybe it might have been just her.

"I'll be going with you." said one of the women in the crowd. "I do appreciate you helping us but it wouldn't be right to send the 8th Traveler willing to help us into a dangerous situation by himself."

I'm the 8th person who's tried to find the men who lived in this village?

This… might be a bad idea. Especially if these women insist on coming with me.

"I'll go too." said a younger girl. "I won't forgive them for nearly kidnapping my little brother!"

More and more of them began shouting their agreements picking up tools and weapons to use for a fight. It wasn't a lengthy process, but with the way they held them it was seeming like a worse and worse idea to bring them along with me. It looks like Alice incited a riot instead of getting them to repent for their inactions.

"Okay so here's the plan…"

I wouldn't say I was unconscious for half the day, but more like unresponsive. I hadn't had an idea on what was going on in Happiness Village besides Luka had prevented a small child from being kidnapped and that I had been kidnapped in lieu of the small child.

I wasn't unaware of my surroundings but my head wouldn't stop swimming long enough for my body to respond properly. It might have been a concussion or something similar, having hit the ground as hard as I did. I didn't even check to see if I was bleeding or anything, my thoughts were swimming in mud and I don't think I was moving in a way that was entirely comfortable.

Before I knew it I was laying down, I could tell at least that much. My head was covered? Smothered? I could still breathe so maybe I was bandaged? My head wiped clean with a warm cloth, and the fog around my mind grew a bit hazier.

I was being tended to, I thought to myself. My thoughts were getting clearer but I couldn't make complete sense of them. I knew that they were my thoughts but I was detached from them. They were my thought spoken in a different voice and a different tone.

I needed coherence. So I'd need to figure out my basics:

My name is Roxas, I was born in Iliasville, with a pair of scholars for parents who died of illness when I was young. I was born a librarian the moment I fell in love with those books.

My name is NOT Roxas, it is my pen name. My parents are alive and well, and I wouldn't dare call them scholars. I've had a distant relationship with them for as long as I could remember. I've hated libraries and their books filled with content no one could help me understand with covers that didn't belong to me.

My name is NOT Roxas. It is my pen name when I became a mediocre writer after leaving highschool, pursuing dreams I didn't fully believe in. I'm in a world with common sense so warped that monsters exist her and think that consumption of the male human flesh is fine.

I'm in a new world, not my own.

The fog in my head cleared up the more I thought of my background. I wasn't a librarian, I was a chronicler for now. I was traveling with Luka to find coexistence between humans and monsters, loathsome though that thought may be.

My head was clear however. And I could not see the space around me. I was in a wooden house, and not a standard one either, as I could see a bit of leaves and twigs sticking out from the au naturale ceiling.

Touching the back of my head I winced, feeling a bit of pain.

"You shouldn't move so much, you took a pretty nasty fall." the harpy, most likely the one who brought me here.

There's no way I'm still in Happiness Village. Their houses were pretty shabby in my opinion and they weren't intune enough with nature to have houses like this. "Where am I?" I ask her.

She seemed a bit confused and then I could see the lightbulb of an idea switch on. "I brought you back home after your accident hunting for food."

"I was… hunting?" I ask trying to keep the incredulity out of my voice. Did she really think I had amnesia or something? Is it because I'm not exactly frothing at the mouth to attack her for nearly kidnapping a small child?

"Yeah, we were hunting together and you had been surprised by… a bear! No matter how many times you shot at it with your crossbow it wouldn't go down. I was trying to get you to run but you were so manly trying to beat it down, but it had knocked you into a boulder and well here you are!"

Her improv would have worked on a gullible and amnesia riddled me, but since I wasn't either I could say that idea was contrived and lazy. Fighting a bear? Me? I'd probably do something like that if I was confident and had a weapon but beating it down with nothing but a crossbow with no bolts on me? How stupid would I have to be?

"So then who are you?" I asked playing along for now.

She beamed a wholesome smile this time around. "I'm Lenora, your beautiful and loving wife."

...what?

The Harpy village was about what I'd expect from what little I saw of Lenora's house. Houses interwoven into the trees, rope ladders leading to the ground and birds of the human shape kind being the majority of the population. With so many female birds, I was going to notice the equally large number of men too.

'So this is why there weren't men in the other village. They needed more men to make up for the difference here.'

Something to keep in mind. Monsters have an infinitesimally small chance of giving birth to a male. Maybe a 0.01% chance of doing so and that doesn't even include the cases where there's a complication during birth.

This is a Harpy Village, hidden within a forest, with men who have families waiting for them while they raise their own families in these woods.

Their wives and daughters are going to be sooo pissed if they find out.

An omake for you.

Is it canon?

...maybe?

Holding onto the heavy book and my hand shaking with adrenaline, I couldn't help but wonder how everything had led up to this point.

Alice had been sucking me off in my sleep. While I'm sure any guy would be thrilled for that to happen having someone wrapped around your most precious thing while I was sleeping so comfortably is… terrifying to say the least.

I also think I just blue balled myself. But my life comes before my libido.

"shitshitshitshit. What am I going to do?" I'm panicking. Not loudly enough to make anyone find cause for concern but my frantic unnecessary hand movements probably weren't helping me calm down at all. "

Looking at her I could see her hand twitching and the minute moments indicating she was ready to ball her hands up into fists.

When you hit someone in the head with a heavy object, they aren't immediately unconscious. It's more of a light concussion. Letting my guard down to panic more would likely end with me getting choked the fuck out and semen drained.

Not today thot.

Twice, thrice, four times. I slammed the book into her head again seeing her feign unconsciousness before she actually slumped down into actual unconsciousness.

I am sooo fucked when she gets up.

Okay so where was she staying last time?

We rented out two rooms, I think. It'd be for the best to drop her off at Luka's room. Probably on top of him if he's asleep already.

The easy part would be getting around unnoticed. I couldn't quite tell what time it was, but the moon was high in the sky, softly illuminating the world. A quick peek into the hallway showed that the lights were dimmed and the matron of the Inn also unconscious a few doors down.

Slowly he started dragging the heavy Lamia and her 12 foot long tail to the next room over. The door was (thankfully) unlocked and allowed me to nudge the door open without too much noise.

Slowly, slower, yet even slower I kept pulling until I reached the bed, where I all but threw her next to Luka. Bringing her tail up to coil around him to make it seem natural was all part of my plan.

If she remembers this? I'm fucked. If not? I can pass this off without any further inconvenience.

Then leaving the room I saw the still prone matron on the floor.

...

Damn it. I just HAVE to have a conscious.

Bringing her into my room was easier due to a lack of tail that dragged. Sharing my bed wasn't, she had decided to be the big spoon that night and I found myself being cuddled.

I didn't hate it but I was really feeling the mental and physical exhaustion. From dealing with things that give me boners but no real release. I wasn't going to wake the lady next to me for a quickie to get over it either.

Hypnos took his time pulling me into the dream realm that night.

(A/N OMAKE):

The alcohol slowly drained from the author's room no longer completely enveloping him.

He laid therefor 1 day, then 2. Before he knew it a whole month passed.

He continued laying there. Only the barest twitching indicated he was in fact not dead.

As the last drops of the yellow unknown liquid went down the unseen drain a card popped out and landed softly in his hand.

This took a lot longer than it should have.

Why did it take so long?

I COULD tell you why... but you already know why.

I hate this story.

Another card along with a glass of water and two pills that are known to cure hangovers appeared.

Not actually but...

I do have negative feelings attached towards this.

And I haven't felt like I'm going to stay true to the character if I solely focus on this.

Was focusing on other stuff for a while.

tl;dr not abandoned but feeling burnt out.

The author who hates referring to himself as the author rolled over and mechanically downed the pills and water without getting up. Another card floated down onto his lifeless eyes from the brain void.

I won't be doing this often, but the bad disease is affecting my ability to write.

Or rather it's affecting my ability to work

Or rather it's making me broke.

Or rather I feel like shit right now.

Which means you get content again.

Missed my monthly upload.

Will make up for it.

Hopefully.

The laptop with the 5k word document on FFN gave off the glow that would terrify any lesser writer.

'It's too short.' He would have said. 'They're expecting more.'

Looking over at the calendar. JUNE 2020

"Whatever. I'll just upload and try this again."

The editing was slow paced. Somewhat sloppy but he did it without moving from his initial roll over.

He hit UPLOAD

"Hopefully I'l get emails for reviews again. Or for story updates. Or anything..."

Man... what a drag...