Well.

This was it.

The time had finally come, after all these years.

The Demon King was going to legalize murder for the next ten seconds.

He never thought it would come to this…

CRASH!

Upon groaning loudly and confirming that yes, the things in front of him were really happening, he shook his head and tried to bury his face in not only his hands and arms, but also inside the flooring of his castle.

No, he had known this would happen one day. Of course he'd known it would, with the company he kept. That was why the documentation legalizing murder for ten seconds after it was passed was sitting in his office, just begging to be used every time he had to deal with them.

It was unavoidable, though. He just had to murder everyone else in this god damned room, because-

"Holy fuck, are all of your collective ages twelve and collective intelligence equal to a particularly active rock?!"

He blinked as the chaos died down, and he sighed as he realized he'd said that out loud. Well, there was nothing for it. It was regrettable, but he just had to murder-

"Father," the patient and annoyed voice of his daughter sounded in his ear. He took a deep breath, and then settled into his seat.

"You know what?" he asked rhetorically. They all shut up quickly.

No one answered his rhetorical question, and he continued on. "I'm going to find some fucking drugs, and alcohol, and steal Celestina's 'secret' stash, and get abso-fucking-lutely wasted. Hopefully, I'll finally keel over, but on the off chance I don't, see you chucklefucks later!"

He jumped out of his seat, and his daughter immediately grabbed his arm. He bit down on the urge to begin weeping, but he allowed himself to be guided back into his seat

He took another long, drawn out sigh, and he looked around the table.

Sylvia had been slinging food across the table at Ragcraft, who had shifted into the form of a Many-Tentacled Horror to retaliate effectively. He had responded in kind, shifting his arms into a Chimera's substitute for tentacles.

Verdia was egging them both on and trying to brazenly hit on Celestina, who had recently arrived back from her hard retraining. She had been ignoring the Dullahan, smoking quietly, and threatening to use her Dark God's powers to enslave him after her usual 'blow smoke in their face' tactic didn't work due to his head not being where anyone else's head would be.

Wolbach was simply staring down at her ruined milkshake with a dejected expression. It was contaminated with bits of meat and salad, and it looked thoroughly unappealing.

Most of that – and the ruining of the refined air of this meal – had been prompted by the NEET coming in and stealing half the food, ruining the lunch the Demon King had carefully arranged.

He resisted the urge to growl louder than he already was growling. But, of course, they'd been staring at his hard work like it was ammunition well beforehand, so that idiot's intrusion-

The Demon King sighed tiredly. "Fine. You all want to ruin my lunch? We'll skip it. See how you all like that…"

He slammed his hands together, and a wave of fire reverberated across teh table instead of any sound, igniting the food and burning it to ash in moments. Ragcraft and Sylvia both sighed dejectedly before sinking into their seats, while the rest began to settle down and at least keep their commentary below a level he could hear.

He sent a glance towards Wolbach, whose body sagged as she realized it was time for business. "We couldn't find my other half. About all I could find was the place where I sealed it, but it's been broken again. It's long gone…"

The Demon King sighed and sent an angry glare at Sylvia. The man rolled his eyes. "Hey, it wasn't all bad. I finally figured out where the location of the secret weapon that grants invulnerability to magic. I'll need a Barrier Killer, but I can definitely access it and destroy them!"

The Demon King blinked, for a moment, and then he grinned. Finally, a bit of progress.

With Hans nearly done with the damn Axis Cultists and Sylvia one step closer to killing the Crimson Demons, two of some of the more… unconventionally powerful groups opposing him would be gone.

He sighed happily, gripping his daughter's hand. She squeezed back twice, and he inhaled deeply.

His wife had done much the same thing when she had been helping him run his Kingdom… which was what his own child was doing now.

He scowled, for a moment. Was he… being unfair to her and holding her back?

His thoughts were swept aside by Wolbach's voice. "How are things with Hans going? Is Alcanretia really going to be completely contaminated?"

He raised an eyebrow towards his daughter, and she began to quickly give a report. "Hans says that he's almost finished. His starting early really helped, especially after they were understaffed after some other contamination with… Tokoroten Slime?"

The Demon King blinked and shook his head in confusion, and looked to his daughter to make sure that she hadn't… misread or misheard a report somewhere. Who would pour that disgustingly sweet stuff into a hot spring? And who had enough of that stuff to even do something like contaminate the hot springs of Alcanretia?

His daughter looked up from a small booklet of her's and nodded, and he tried to think about what that could mean…

He briefly tried to contemplate it being the opening move of someone else's plan to contaminate the hot springs… before deciding that he had more important things to worry about and that Hans now had something else to investigate when he finished with his current task.

She continued after clearing her throat. "Ah… anyway, they needed help, and as… someone not in the Cult and working his way up the chain of command, they promoted Hans with the stipulation that he had to at least listen to their attempts at conversion. They've been bombarding him with conversion attempts disguised as fake robberies and accidents every morning, sermons about the virtues of the Axis Cult every lunch, and letters every evening, but the… snacks you sent were able to tide him over. For now."

He sighed happily again. This was all good. Hans doing something rash would likely end up in more problems than he wanted, and as long as he kept feeding the slime…

Ragcraft had reported earlier that Elroad wasn't declining anymore. That would have ordinarily been very very bad, but Ragcraft's sources were also convinced that many nobles were going missing.

Personally, he didn't care why they were disappearing – all-expense-paid vacations, executions, and sacrifices to a God of the Lower Classes were all theories – he was just happy that Elroad remained moderately unstable because of it.

They would recover eventually, but they'd be weaker for months, if not a year or two.

Celestina's arrival was also a good thing. Slipping her into one of the cities on the front wouldn't do – her identity was well known anywhere near the front, and she would be recognized there – but sending her somewhere remote to work her magic would result in more humans – some willing and some less so – to use as spies.

Speaking of whom…

Celestina blew a ring of smoke in Verdia's waist-height face, and then she sliced through the silence. "Hey, where is that 'Evan' kid you mentioned? We don't often get new hires around here," she said, talking to his daughter.

He rolled his eyes. "I told you, that's classified information, which means-"

"'ONLY I AND VERDIA GET TO KNOW.'"

He jerked back in his seat as his daughter, Ragcraft, Celestina, Wolbach, and Sylvia all shouted the phrase as one, their expressions ranging from bored to annoyed.

He glared at them as they gave him a completely innocent look. Was he really becoming so predic-

CRASH!

The door at the far end of the room was blown open, and they all looked towards it, their hands drifting towards their weapons, if they had any. No one was supposed to interrupt this meeting.

But someone had. A ten-foot-tall Demon, taller than anyone there, sank to a knee. "My King! Succubi, acting as messengers, have arrived! They bear news from… Tanya von Degurechaff!"

His eyes widened, and he cast his gaze beyond the Demon to those standing beyond the doorway.

From behind the Demon, he could spot three Succubi shaking like leaves on a branch, if that branch had somehow managed to steal all of a Dragon's loot and make it five feet out of its roost before being caught.

Silently, everyone at the table put on haughty, inscrutable, mysterious, or intrigued expressions. They crossed their arms, stared at them, smirked evilly, and let their power out to swallow the Succubi whole.

No matter their differences in opinion, nor how some of them were wondering just when he would finally kick the bucket so they could take over, he and his generals liked to act like all-knowing masters of power, masterfully manipulating all in their path.

The three quickly stepped around the Demon that heralded their arrival. The Demon King turned up his nose. "You may leave them here," he told the guard.

It quickly left, and the three shaking leaves began to shake harder as the Dragon bore down on them.

Then, he stopped for a moment, looking up and down the table, looking for… something.

Then, when he couldn't find it, he smirked happily. Usually, this was the point where Vanir would say something disarmingly happy or helpful, robbing them of their image and giving him potent disappointment to feast on.

He wasn't here now.

Surprisingly, not a single one of the leaves bowed. Instead, the smallest Succubi among them brought a letter out from the leather bag at her side. With a shaking arm, she handed it to Sylvia, who occupied the seat closest to the exit and farthest from him.

The Chimera took it and slid it across the table. The Demon King was momentarily thankful that he'd cleared the table with a wave of fire, or it would have been illegible from sliding through mashed potato, grease, and various alcohols

His daughter picked it up and presented it to him. He took it and grasped at one of the steak knives at his side, opening it.

He read quickly. He-

His growing smirk was quickly destroyed as all the others abandoned their images of imperious, powerful beings to crowd around his chair in an attempt to read it over his shoulder instead of waiting for him to speak.

Suppressing a sigh, he skipped down to the end, only to grumble as Wolbach let out a squeal of delight. "Finally! My other half has been located! With that, we can…"

She trailed off and made to grab the letter. The Demon King held it away from her, splitting his attention between holding her off with one hand and reading the letter held in the other. Finally, after reading the opening once more, let her have it. She flattened it against the table, and the others crowded around her.

She began to laugh maniacally. Though the Succubi were all looking at her with frightened stares, the others were all smiling fondly at her, and she ignored them all.

Celestina picked up the letter from the table and raised an eyebrow towards the Goddess. "Can you take some poor girl's pet Chomusuke away from them, though?"

Wolbach spun around and glared at her, and the Demon King tried not to groan as they sized each other up for what felt like the thousandth time.

Wolbach and Celestina had a… tumultuous love-hate relationship. One served a nearly defunct Goddess that was running around somewhere, and one was a nearly defunct Goddess.

Just as Celestina recruited followers among the citizens of the Demon King's lands – and failed often, since Wolbach was… right there – Wolbach tried to entice Celestina into abandoning Regina to work for her because Celestina hadn't heard from her Goddess in many years, and she might as well serve someone closer to her.

Wolbach even sabotaged many of Celestina's attempts at gaining followers by regaling those crowds who flocked to Celestina with stories of her interactions with Regina herself, many of which weren't… awe-inspiring.

Wolbach turned up her nose at Celestina. "I never named that mangey fleabag! In fact, he was supposed to be waiting for me and Sylvia, sealed up and ready to be killed. I guess someone must have released it, although…"

She swiped the letter away again, looking it over. Her eyebrows creased, and the Demon King sighed.

She was finally past the part where Degurechaff's 'assistant' had written about the 'other half,' and on to the part about Hoost.

She glared at him. "You were using one of my minions without my permission?"

He chuckled nervously. "Ah, well… he mentioned a contract, and he may have told me everything about it. I thought you'd appreciate getting more use out of him without explicitly ordering it."

She threw the letter in the air, and Verdia managed to catch it between his teeth.

His expertly thrown head continued to arc through the air as Sylvia and Ragcraft tangled with his body, shaking him around while arguing with each other.

"As the Leader of the Intelligence Division, I should-"

"As a REAL General, I-"

Verdia's head eventually hit a wall, bounced off the ground, and rolled to a stop next to the Succubi, where it continued to try and read the letter, with the three Succubi's combined gazes nervously eyeing the tangled group of Generals and the head in front of them.

Wolbach stared at the Demon King in the eyes as he raised a less-than-delicate eyebrow. "I do appreciate getting some extra use out of him, but Hoost was a friend more than he was a Demon for my use. I don't appreciate people using my friends."

He shrugged noncommittally and he let a smile grace his face, making sure it didn't reach his eyes. "Hey, I don't appreciate a lot of things too. It seems I'll have to live with them for just a few years longer, though."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as she paced away from him, and he continued to give her back the condescending smile she deserved for what he knew was coming.

"Honestly. When will you get over what Heaven did a few hundred years ago? It's in the past."

She spun around and aimed an inquisitive stare and an innocuous smile at his face.

He raised an increasingly irate eyebrow at her and smirked angrily. She knew it was more than that.

It had always been about more than that history.

But if she was going to get nasty, he'd respond in kind.

"Oh? Well, the Axis and Eris Cults both performed inquisitions against followers of two currently defunct Cults. Shouldn't you and Regina forget about that, since it's in the past?"

He saw enough rage and indignation in her eyes to remind him why she was a Goddess of Violence, and he stood impassive.

She'd asked for it. He wouldn't back down to the likes of her.

She deflated. "All this talk is making me worn out…" she sighed. She quickly left, probably to find a warm bath, and he was reminded of just why she was also a Goddess of Sloth.

The others all paused in their lighthearted squabbling as Wolbach slammed the doors open again. He used their sudden silence as an opportunity. "Wolbach. Do not go after your other half. You are needed for The Anniversary. After the seventh day of the first month, you may go after it, with our reinforcements. Until then, stick to peppering the front lines."

She made no sound indicating she had heard him, but he could sense her direction as being towards her room and not the exit. Relieved, he turned to the others. "That goes for you all as well. Stick to the front lines. Train the new undead. Do not die."

They all nodded their understanding. He motioned for the letter, and Verdia, after retrieving his head, handed it over quickly. With a look, they all left, muttering to themselves and scheming. Soon, it was just him, his daughter, and…

He blinked. Oh, right the Succubi. He took up the letter once more-

He grimaced at the saliva and teeth marks on it from Verdia, but he shook that off and scanned it again.

Right, there was a question or two there…

He looked at the Succubi. "Tell her that we appreciate her attempts at finding the newest Reincarnate. If it is true that Heaven has not sent anyone else down since then, and might not be able to, then tell her that keeping things that way is best," he said quickly.

He was sure that a reincarnation of that magnitude would put Heaven out of commission, and while he wasn't exactly sure how Degurechaff could keep that state of affairs in place, he was sure that he'd find out eventually, either from her or from Evan.

He could wait. As long as he got results, he didn't care enough to devote his limited resources to finding an answer when he'd eventually get it from her or Evan anyway.

They nodded, and he grabbed his daughter's hand as he sent a glance towards the giant curtain covering the mural painted across the largest wall in the rectangular room.

Behind that curtain, the heavens were painted. Constellations, stars, the Sun and Moon, as well as the planets.

Twenty years ago, he had allowed the persecuted denizens of Belzerg into his country. Painstakingly, he had gone through the refugees, resettling the innocent, giving the vengeful weapons and a direction to march in, and hiring the intellectuals.

Artists. Astronomers. Mathematicians. Archmages.

Though many of them died due to age and from the complete blackout of information from their Goddesses – undoubtedly caused by their sealing in that stupid village – their work lived on.

Behind that curtain, five celestial bodies were coming into alignment. The five planets currently surrounding their Sun, in fact. Soon-

"Uh… Mister Demon King, sir?"

His eyes, blazing, eyed the Succubus who had spoken. Pink hair, bluish eyes, a nice – not stacked, not flat – pair of breasts, a few sweet looking tattoos…

By all means, a regular, run-of-the-mill Succubus. And here she was, calling him mister.

He chuckled. "Yes?"

She opened her mouth. "Um… I was wondering…"

She seemed to be trying to figure out how to say it, and he let her. If he put words in her mouth, a misunderstanding would undoubtedly develop, and he'd learned long ago that misunderstandings were Eris's lifeblood in tripping him and his forces up.

She took a deep breath. "Um… why aren't you all… you know… feasting on the corpses of your enemies? Attempting to trick everyone into giving you power instead of being… not entirely horrible? We… we know most Demon's don't actually trick people often, but… well, people talk. Even if you aren't a Duke of Hell, you're still…"

The Demon King blinked, and then he shook his head. "Then, I suppose you guys have been around longer than Degurechaff has, if you've had time to build opinions like that?"

She began to pale considerably, but he shook his head. "No, I don't blame you!" he stated reassuringly. "It's telling that their propaganda is so effective as to turn even Demons who should know better against me."

He stretched out his arms, curled them behind his head, and sank back into his chair as his daughter smiled at them knowingly. Many had had this conversation with him – the ones he'd had with refugees two decades ago and Verdia five years after them sprang to mind – and it hadn't gotten any less fun, despite how long he'd been doing this.

"Alright, how about this… how do you guys think I get food for my troops, huh? Or for myself, even."

They blinked, and he tried another one. "Have you seen much of my land? And how it isn't a… ah, what was the wording… oh yes, a 'stinking, sulfurous pit of unbreathable air, meant to bring about Hell in Belzerg?'"

He chuckled. "That's one of my favorite pieces of literature against me. I don't like the smell of sulphur anymore than most Demons."

He leaned forward. "I may not have many humans in my employ – Celestina is famous for being the only one – but that's only if you don't count 'undesirables' who are nearly human, if only different looking. Like the numerous beastmen races."

He stood up. "Chimeras, Ogres, Trolls, Goblins and Demons of every kind also call my lands home, as do some Elves, Dwarves, and other creatures. And while some of them have to feed off of emotions, many of them need something more substantial."

He shrugged lightly. "Thus, if I was as monstrous as the Eris and Axis Cults claimed, I would be a Demon with subjects and slaves, instead of the King of a nation."

They were still staring at him, though the idea that he wasn't the incarnation of evil itself seemed to be sinking in. He shrugged his shoulders. "We don't even kill everyone in Belzerg, either. Do you know how many border towns we don't destroy? While it's true that we have a treaty forbidding the action and that they provide us emotions, but they have no real strategic value."

"Now, if I could end the war by slaughtering a few thousand innocents in the border towns and then marshal my forces to stave off Wiz, then I would," he quantified quickly. They sent him skeptical stares, and he hurriedly continued, "But killing them does nothing. The nobles always have more to throw into place. Instead, we let them live, and they learn that everything the nobles and royals and Hero Candidates of Belzerg say isn't the gospel truth… and our resident Doppelganger sometimes gains informants searching for a better life, no matter how much of a marginal increase it might be."

The Succubus before him opened her mouth, for a moment… before shutting it again. She turned to the other two.

The flat one – and Jesus, was she flat – gave the one who'd asked the question an uneasy smile. "At least we know Tanya's scarier than he is?"

He raised an eyebrow at that bold proclamation. "Oh?"

The small one gulped, but she did address him. "Uh… yeah. This proves that she's scarier than you. By a lot."

His other eyebrow joined the first in attempting to hike to his hairline. "Really? Nothing I could do could-"

"Definitely not."

They soon fled out of the door after delivering their pronouncement. They could have been trying to avoid some display of ferocity, but their words seemed to ring… very true.

He frowned. "Daughter, make sure to get Evan to talk to Degurechaff a bit, and maybe scout out Axel, no matter his reservations. It would do to know what someone like that is doing, even – actually, especially – if she's indicated that she might side with us."

She bowed her head, and he was left alone in the room. He stared up at the window where his work room was, overlooking this room. He turned his head and saw the giant curtain.

He breathed in. Soon, the Anniversary would be upon them. It would never be soon enough – that would have been decades ago, when this madness started – but it would be soon.

And as he continued to envision the end of the war, Wolbach was thinking to the future as well.

Soon, she would be whole again.

Powerful enough to have her revenge on the Eris and Axis Cult. They called her a Dark Goddess? Oh, if the layman knew what they had done to her precious followers…

But it mattered not. Soon, she would avenge her followers, and Wolbach wasn't sure if she would wait until the Demon King thought it was a good time.

No, she wanted her power NOW!

-OxOxO-

Tanya sighed for what felt like the thousandth time. She knew that she hadn't actually done it a thousand times – she had only been needled 25 times exactly – but Aya's constant complaints were beginning to progress from annoying to grating.

She cast a quick glance at her side, and she calmed a bit. Viktoriya hadn't yet given in to the woman's jabs. If Tanya's friend could manage that, in the face of the woman's attempts at rumor-mongering, then Tanya cou-

"And also, are you two Axis Cultists, or-"

"THAT'S IT!"

The woman shrieked as Tanya stalked towards her, and while Shizuka seemed to be panicking, Takashi was as calm as always.

When Aya realized that he wasn't worried, she snickered. "Boy, it really was a good idea to pick up ol' Taco boy here. He's our built in Degurechaff insurance!"

Tanya's gaze turned towards Takashi, wondering if he appreciated the nickname 'Taco boy.' He didn't even look perturbed by it, instead choosing to shrug at her words and looking at Tanya. "I wouldn't stand in your way if you felt a need to punish her for that."

Tanya smirked as Aya picked up her pace. Tanya rolled her eyes. She had-

"With pleasure."

Tanya blinked and turned her head towards Viktoriya, who cracked her knuckles. She took off after her, and Tanya sighed tiredly, mentally wishing they had captured their prey already.

It was not some monster, or a criminal, like Chris, or even the Undead Mage hanging out in Verdia's castle. No, they were trying to get the Crimson Demon.

After a week of trying to find the small girl – during which time Tanya learned from Luna that the girl was avoiding Tanya, deliberately – she had finally decided that catching her out on a quest would be her best chance of cornering her.

If she was avoiding Tanya, then it was quite possible she had no idea about the creation of magical items… and Tanya would have been forced to relive L- Loria by that 'Friendship' Crystal for nothing.

She would be upset if Megumin proved to be a dead end, and furious that she'd relived that for nothing.

Of course, if Viktoriya found out, she would… probably start feeling rather murderous, if Tanya was honest with herself.

She felt an odd mixture of embarrassment and… some warm feeling as she considered Viktoriya's actions in the past week.

Ever since they'd gone to the Succubi's shop, the Russy woman had been throwing suspicious looks at anyone that so much as glanced at them, even if it was just to say hello. Tanya was… honestly touched by her concern and she had been shown, once again, that whoever married Viktoriya would wind up with a fiercely loyal and wonderful woman at their side.

Still, it was starting to get a bit stifling. Tanya didn't know exactly how to tell her to stop without upsetting her or making her start to cluck like a mother hen over Tanya and her… memories.

She shook her head, and she felt Takashi tap her shoulder.

"You alright? You seem…"

Tanya tried and failed not to stiffen, though she was able to keep walking.

Every time she was asked by Lorelei and Viktoriya if she was okay, she began to remember it all over again and again an-

And she really didn't want to think about it that much, even if it wasn't causing her to… shut down like before.

Hopefully, the lack of complete shutdowns was a sign that she was moving past it.

Tanya shook her head and nodded quickly. "Yes. I talked about… Loria. With my friends."

He blinked, and then he nodded back. "Alright, then. I know what that must have taken," he said, sending a quiet look towards Shizuka, who was currently occupied with staring happily up at the clouds and speaking to one of the Monster Baiters.

Tanya might have lashed out at someone for saying something like that sounded like a useless platitude, but considering that Takashi had literally seen most of her memories thanks to the power he had owned before she had made him renounce his contract, she was willing to assume that he had to talk about what he'd seen in her head too.

She frowned as more adventurers began to arrive. He'd had the memories of her past for less time than he had, but he'd talked about them first?

Grumbling, she watched as the two other Monster Baiters and other parties acting as protection arrived on the plain to find that the forward parties – which included that Rex fellow and his friends as well as Mitsurugi's troop, among others – were standing around trying to to stare at where Aya was frantically running from a leisurely jogging Viktoriya.

Since Viktoriya could have easily overtaken the woman – with or without magic – Tanya called it a leisurely jog, but quite a number of the forward party seemed to be swooning at the sight of them chasing after each other as if…

Tanya rolled her eyes at them.

Tanya stopped next to Rex as Viktoriya finally finished the farce by tripping the woman up and berating her. Tanya eyed Viktoriya for a moment.

Today was oddly hot, considering it was getting ever-closer to winter, and Viktoriya had decided to leave her jacket open instead of zipping it up. A necessity in this weather, though it seemed that all of the forward parties thought that her jacket being open was an invitation to stare at her t-shirted torso brazenly.

She turned her head and, to her surprise, found that Rex was staring at his party and not at Viktoriya. He seemed to be fed up with Terry's brazen, and Sophie was beginning her own speech against Terry's seeming inability to control his rapt attention to the women chasing after each other.

"I'm glad to see that at least one of you can keep your dick in your pants," Tanya spat.

As the reserve parties finally arrived – which included the one that Aqua, Kazuma, and Megumin were a part of – Rex nodded absently, until he woodenly turned to stare at her. The others that were watching Viktoriya scold Aya all sent Tanya a guilty – but not sorry – look.

Tanya sent them all a bright smile. "Hey, it's not like I can force you guys to fight all the oncoming monsters alone and unsupported, right?"

They seemed to reel back as one, but Tanya didn't let her smile waver.

As they all began to obtain a sudden interest in inspecting their shoes or practising their whistling skills, Viktoriya finished. Aya was brought back, and Tanya began to watch the five… Monster Baiters go to work standing still as other adventurers surrounded them for protection.

Tanya sighed as the far-off treeline began to shake. Were the five people who had drank that monster-attracting potion acting as bait for monsters? Yes.

Had Tanya been around quite a bit of – to put it mildly – 'coarse language' and bleak and disgusting humor because soldiers often used said humor to cope with the reality that they could die at any moment? Yes.

Did that mean that someone with the humor of a twelve-year-old should get to name the role those five were playing in the Monster Rush or that she could take the name in stride? No, it did not.

Still, Tanya couldn't change the immature name without frivolously using her power as Governor, and the five of them seemed to find the name amusing enough not to object to being called Monster Baiters.

Ugh.

She shook her head as the treeline stopped shaking. From what Takashi, Aya, and Shizuka told her, this was pretty normal.

Every Monday morning, most of the adventurers got together for a 'Monster Rush.' Though this event wasn't necessary – it seemed the Undead Mage's forces weren't strong enough to stop monsters from appearing like Verdia's – everyone enjoyed the training and money they were able to get.

Monsters would charge from the treeline, attempting to kill Aya and the other four Monster Baiters. Other adventurers would keep them from doing that, killing anything they could get their hands on.

The treeline broke. Tanya saw that hordes of goblins, dozens of Rookie Killers, dangerous animals and giant bugs in writhing masses, slimes, and even a small dragon were approaching.

Tanya would have found all of that just a tiny bit intimidating, if it weren't for the fact that everyone was… organized.

Prepared.

Waiting.

"Alright! Crusaders, Warriors, and anyone else that can take damage: up front and center! Keep all the smaller stuff distracted while the Rangers pick them off! Thieves, focus on distracting the larger stuff while the Mages prepare their spells! Priests, focus on buffing the front line units and the Rangers! Megumin, get ready to destroy the monsters that are still coming in from the forest!"

"Understood! Soon, all will witness the awesome power of my grand destruction!"

"Ha! This is the perfect job for a Crusader! At the front, making sure that no one else is harmed!"

Tanya shook her head as she readied her rifle. Viktoriya was also staring at the commander of this little expedition in bewilderment.

Was it Mitsurugi who was so expertly able to command their forces, with his experience in the thick of battle against the Demon King?

No. He was currently fighting against the Dragon, shooting scathing looks at Dust who was attempting to… converse with the beast? Mitsurugi and Dust's teammates were standing in the back, shouting encouragement and occasionally picking off the stray beast that tried to approach them from behind.

Was it Takashi, with the memories he had gained from flashing through Tanya's mind fueling such tactics?

No. He was standing next to Aya and the other Monster Baiters, making sure that the monsters that could approach from under the earth didn't touch her and the other Monster Baiters. Shizuka was doing much the same, except she watched the air for Vultures and Crows.

Was it Rex, coming into his own as one of the few people who wasn't a Hero Candidate who seemed like he might achieve something on the front lines besides dying?

No, he was fighting against a group of Rookie Killers that seemed to be trying to resist the Monster Baiters' pull, if the way they seemed to be considering retreat was anything to go by.

No, it was Kazuma. The NEET.

Tanya shook her head. Was he really a NEET, or was that story a ploy designed to keep Tanya from taking him seriously? She knew that this world's job system and 'experience' were similar to any fairly unimaginative RPG, but could experience with video games so easily translate to a situation like this?

If his being a NEET was true, it seemed so. While he occasionally took down a monster or two – even using Steal on Goblins and the like that managed to get the upper hand on inexperienced adventurers, always stealing their weapon just before any humans died – he seemed to be quite at home directing people around to combat the monsters.

If this were the Empire, Tanya bet he might have even had a decent chance at becoming a low-ranked officer.

But.

By all accounts – including his own, occasionally – he was a NEET, and one of the worst kinds of NEETs too: A layabout that did nothing but browse the internet and play games and drag down society and jack off to anime titties.

She shook her head. For now, she needed to focus on the enemies in front of her.

Giant Frogs were quite a bit more resistant to bullets than humans, after all, though enchanting the bullets with Explosive Vaporizations certainly fixed that problem.

A Giant Frog, a dozen Horned Rabbits, two One-hit-Bears, and a Rookie Killer were torn through in only a few minutes. Tanya checked her surroundings, and found…

Nothing. Viktoriya was currently off in the distance, watching Lorelei's back while she dealt with a Rookie Killer on her own. The Monster Baiters and Rex were doing well. Dust and Mitsurugi weren't dead. And-

"Shut it, you stupid Crusader! Keep doing the only other thing you're good for besides your slutty body!"

"Kyaa~!"

"And you! Stupid, idiot Goddess! I just told you to buff the people in the front and the Rangers! Why are you messing about with the Mages!?"

"Hey, get your filthy hands off me, you NEET! I'm proving my superiority over the weak, pitiful Eris Cultists and endorsing the Axis Cult by making the Mages strong enough to best any of the people on the front line-"

"I was right! You are an idiot! I should never have brought you down here! Any of those cheat items would be a thousand times better than an idiot that claims to be a Goddess!"

"I am Megumin! The number one Crimson Demon and wielder of the most destructive forces known to the world! Tremble before my almighty power!"

"Hey! I AM a Goddess! Don't you dare start thinking that I'm not just because I'm not in Heaven! I have trillions of followers-"

"There aren't that many people on Earth, there's no way this place has that many! You're a lying, stinking, money-draining piece of-"

"At least I don't wake up the woman sleeping next to me while I masturbate-"

"EXPLOSION!"

As the shockwave of displaced air from the explosion washed over her exceedingly flat stare, Tanya nodded to herself.

Ah.

Welp.

Nope.

Tanya turned on her heel, ignoring the growing fireball, the sounds of Darkness being beaten by the few remaining monsters, and of Kazuma and Aqua screaming at each other and at the Giant Worms that Megumin had apparently missed.

She was not getting involved with that… farce of an attempt at fighting monsters. Not right now, anyway…

Then, Tanya remembered that she was supposed to be getting an answer from that Crimson Demon, and that, with Kazuma, Aqua, and Darkness distracted and the target in question immobile, she could easily get what she wanted.

She spun back around, her smile at her fortune in the situation being destroyed by a sigh of disgust at the sight of Darkness charging the last remaining Giant Toad and flinging her armor to the side as Kazuma tried to ignore Aqua's whining and save the noblewoman at the same time.

"Uh… Tanya?"

For a moment, Tanya really, really wanted to ignore the call for her attention, but both Dust and Mitsurugi had said the same thing at the exact same time, which meant that she really did need to attend to whatever they agreed needed her attention.

Slowly, she turned around.

She blinked in shock, for a moment…

Then, she sent out a burst of static using a Communication spell over a particular frequency. Tanya doubted that Viktoriya was currently using that frequency – neither of them had needed to utilize that spell in their months of being here.

Still, if she was, Tanya would appreciate it, considering the giant, fuck-off sized Dragon that was behind Dust and Mitsurugi.

It appeared that Tanya had misjudged its size when it had been charging at them all at the beginning of the battle, considering it was not small, but bigger than the guild by a wide margin.

Tanya had taken down a Dragon before, however. As long as Viktoriya got here, and she used Dust to sate its appetite for a few moments, she would be able to-

"Ahem. Uh… I happen to know a tiny bit about Dragons," Dust said as he eyed her warily. Tanya looked to Dust in surprise – wasn't he the type that wanted nothing more than to run from danger and live his life as a hedonist? – but here he was, with his back turned to the Dragon.

His friends seemed to be reacting appropriately, at least. They were standing a good 50 yards away, along with a crowd of onlookers who seemed split between watching the Dragon – and taking bets on how long Dust would last – and watching Kazuma try to corral what equated to feral cats on catnip.

She shook her head and looked to Mitsurugi, who just shrugged. "Don't look at me. I was all for using the Cursed Sword Gram, forged by the Gods and given to me to slay all evil, to smite the Ancient Dragon before it did too much damage, but…"

Dust stepped between Tanya and Mitsurugi. "No, it's nothing like that! I…"

His open mouth quickly snapped shut, and, ignoring a skeptical Mitsurugi, he leaned towards Tanya with a conniving look on his face. "Don't ask about the whys of this situation. It falls under our non-disclosure agreement."

"Have you got enough money to pay me back?" Tanya shot back. He did still owe her money. He nodded assuredly, and-

WOOSH

Tanya blinked and looked up at the Dragon. Had…

Had it just snorted? As if it thought the situation was… humorous?

Tanya stared at it for a moment, until she shook her head. Of course it hadn't. It was a Dragon. "Whatever. What was it you wanted to tell me?"

Dust rubbed the back of his head. "Ah… I think – I am no expert on Dragons, after all – that the Dragon was brought here by the Monster Baiters, as well as the faint scent of one of it's slain kin."

Tanya raised an eyebrow at what Dust continued to tell her was what he 'thought' the Dragon wanted. "It was resisting the pull of the Monster Baiters during the other Monster Rushes, which is obvious, since it wasn't here earlier and there's been a quest out for its capture for a while, until the person who killed a Dragon showed up in town. It decided to come down, and it…"

He rubbed the back of his head. "Well, it wanted to avenge it's fallen kin, but it was… convinced to try and negotiate to avoid a similar fate?"

Tanya raised an eyebrow at him, and Mitsurugi seemed to be skeptically boring a hole into the side of Dust's head with his eyes. He didn't flinch in the slightest.

Tanya pinched the bridge of her nose. Dragons were often depicted as being haughty and arrogant in fantasy books – kind of like a certain lying not-god – but she supposed, if it even was like that, that even the most arrogant could be brought low eventually. "I only helped kill a Gold Dragon in Elroad alongside the Princess of Belzerg. You don't have to worry about Axel, as long as you refrain from breaking any laws."

WOOSH

Tanya stared up at it again, and just as it seemed to wink at her, Dust cleared his throat. "Ah… well, it probably said that it was going to stay up in the mountains and near the quarry for a while, trying not to attract any attention so it could remain alive. It… also wants to know if it could trade?"

Tanya opened her mouth to ask him just how she was supposed to facilitate something like that – and how the hell she was supposed to get people to trust it without Dust acting as an 'unreliable' translator – but then she eyed it's nostrils once more.

She made sure to stare Dust in the eyes. "What could some overgrown, fire-spitting lizard know about trade?"

Her gaze immediately shot up to the Dragon, to catch it glaring down intently at her. Tanya smirked and decided to ignore Dust and speak directly to the thing.

"It depends on what you want to trade, of course."

It's glare morphed into shock, and it let out a little growl of… frustration. She looked to Dust.

"Uh… he's got lots of gold and jewels, as well as magic information," he replied uneasily.

Tanya looked up again… when a thought occurred to her. She looked up at the Dragon and grinned widely. "If you can tell me about making esoteric magic items, I think I might be able to ensure that you can conduct all the trade you like."

It blinked, before looking down at Dust at letting out a small huff. He blinked at it, stared incredulously at Tanya, and then spun towards the Dragon again. "I'm more scared of her than I am of you, but that's just because I'm a squishy human. You can't be-"

It snorted again, and Tanya spun around towards where Kazuma was – finally – getting his party under control. He had Megumin on his back, and they were marching towards the rest of the onlookers, who were probably ready to head back.

She opened her mouth, and then she scowled and sent another burst of static out using the Communication spell. Where was-

"I'm here, Major-General!"

Tanya controlled her flinch as much as she could and spun around to find that Viktoriya was standing just behind her.

She sighed. "Don't sneak up on me like that! You can tell everyone else to head back. I'll be here conversing with Dust and the Dragon."

She nodded, and Tanya threw in an extra order as she realized that Mitsurugi seemed to want to hang around. "Go back with them. Be sure everyone gets back alright, and… find someplace to have a bit of fun on your own."

She only took a moment to nod quickly and begin marching back to the others. Mitsurugi was heading back with her, speaking amiably with her as they strolled.

Tanya felt a brief flare of jealousy, and she quashed it. She was getting better at that, honestly-

WOOSH

Tanya stared into the distance and turned around to find Dust staring at her as innocently as a Dust can.

Tanya shook her head and cleared her throat. "Now… what can you tell me about magic rings and gender-switching items?"

The Dragon and Dust both blinked at her, but Dust quickly turned a very disturbing shade of green-white. "Oh Eris… I thought… and that question… a bad dream… or a horrible nightmare…"

The nodding Dragon, thankfully, didn't seem to be anywhere near so childish. Tanya nodded back.

That was good. If she got good information from this Dragon, then she could make sure that Megumin wasn't trying to cheat her by giving her false information.

-OxOxO-

Darkness whistled a jaunty tune to herself that she remembered from one of the plays she had attended with her father and her newest 'eligible partner.'

It was hard not to feel carefree. Besides her father insisting on her finding a husband to marry and… Chris, things were wonderful. She had a party she adventurered with often, more friends than she knew what to do with, upgraded equipment thanks to all the quests, and tons of fun!

Her prayer to Eris thanking her for helping her find Tanya was obviously a bit preemptive. She would need to include her newest friends the next time she thanked Eris for helping her find Tanya.

She pushed through the doors of the guild, gleefully twirling about. That Monster Rush had been exhilarating, and though she had taken a short stop back at home – to assuage her father's fears that she wouldn't come back from one of them – she was now back at the guild to feast with…

She blinked, casting an eye around herself. Where was her latest party, anyway?

Her friends had begun quickly getting through their paperwork and meals after finishing quests recently, though Darkness hadn't really noticed until now.

Honestly, the only thing she could distinctly remember from their meal last night, besides how fast it had been, was Megumin complaining about not being allowed to drink and Kazuma and Aqua looking ready to give in to her complaining.

Darkness had needed to step in to avoid Megumin ruining her chances of developing further, which wasn't working as a deterrent as much as it used to.

She continued to look around, and just as she was about to get worried that they were nowhere to be seen, a voice spoke up. "Uh… they're over there, you know…"

Darkness turned to her side to see a duo – they looked similar enough to be brother and sister – and followed their vaguely annoyed pointed fingers with her eyes.

Those eyes landed on a veritable sinkhole of worry and guilt, and Darkness looked at the young pair. "Who are you talking about? That couldn't be…"

She blinked, and she realized that the sinkhole was, in fact, just Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin all staring down at the bar and surrounded by empty glasses and lazily circling flies.

Darkness opened her mouth to ask just why it looked like all three of them had lost a party member – she was perfectly fine, and Aqua was purported to have learned all of the Archpriest job's skills, so she could have even been brought back to life.

Instead of speaking, however, she remembered when she had probably looked like that, when she had been convinced that Tanya was a spy for the Demon King… and Chris had taken advantage of her sadness to trick her for the first time. She grimaced and looked back at the male member of the helpful duo.

Sure, Chris had now proven herself – conclusively – to be an enemy, but that didn't mean that Darkness couldn't learn a thing from her. Of course, Darkness would ask them what was wrong out of genuine concern for them, instead of Chris's attempt at… tricking her.

"Thank you…" she began, trailing off due to the lack of a name associated with the duo's faces. The boy blinked, and pointed to himself and his sister. "We're Rize and Reiner! Twin adventurers ready for anything!"

He deflated. "Except, you know… weird stuff. Like explosion-obsessed Mages and receptionists expecting us to go fight in the Capital despite our measly six months of experience…"

Darkness nodded and thanked them again as she slowly began to trek towards Aqua, Kazuma, and Megumin. Slowly, she began to hear their conversation.

"…C'mon, just a little bit. I'm of legal age. I want to forget about what we did just as much. I don't even have the thought of exploding anything to distract myself…"

"Hell no. We shouldn't give you alcoholic stuff. You're too young… besides, shouldn't you take responsibility for your actions?"

"Yeah. Explosion obsessed loli, take care of that stupid Demon before she decided to stop playing around and eradicate us for witnessing a moment of her weakness…"

"No! It isn't entirely my fault. Wiz-"

"Hey! Don't blame Wiz! If you had just accepted that stupid title and stopped trying to provoke her, we wouldn't be… like this. Speaking of which, have you…"

Kazuma swung his head around to try and look for something, only to find himself face-to-face with…

"G-Gah! She's…!"

He blinked, trying to focus. They had blonde hair, but they were dressed in yellow and had a sword, which meant…

He turned away. "Oh. It's only Darkness. Never mind. We're still safe…"

Darkness blinked and then sighed happily. Oh, to be dismissed so easily… and what would happen if she were to wed a man as alcoholic as these three currently looked…

Kazuma, ignoring Darkness's grunts of pleasure, turned back to the bar to continue nursing his drink. Honestly, how were they supposed to apologize to Degurechaff?

Aqua had already gone on one-too-many rants about how powerful that loli was, and how she had supposedly killed thousands using all kinds of spells and dozens without even using magic.

That Megumin misunderstood her rants to mean that she had killed thousands of monsters was probably for the best.

He sighed. Still…

His expression fell again. Maybe he should go find a gambling den to hide in and spend his money? He almost never lost when he wasn't drunk, and even inebriated, he would probably still win…

Darkness finally came down from her fantasy – which ended right as her alcoholic husband kicked her out of her own mansion until she had used her body to earn him 1,000,000 Eris – and shook her head as Kazuma snorted.

He smiled as he finished shaking his head. 10 points to Kazuma for using a complex word – 'inebriated' – that has more than three syllables. What-

"Ahem. What has depressed you three so much? I honestly can't even begin to guess."

Darkness turned to a surprised Megumin and pointed at her weapon. "You just got a new staff that you've been eyeing, and you got to shower in a deluge of experience thanks to the Monster Rush." Megumin glared at Darkness while stealing looks at Kazuma and Aqua's empty glasses, searching for even the slightest bit of untouched alcohol.

Darkness turned to Aqua. "You have eaten, and you're obviously drunk. That means you probably even have money, too." Aqua glared at Darkness, mostly because Megumin seemed to be angry at the Crusader, which meant Aqua probably should be too, but she wasn't hearing all that well at the moment…

She turned to Kazuma. "You got to get tons of recognition and talk to a bunch of women while they politely ignored how you were leering at them to try and get some insight. Shouldn't we be happy?"

Blushing, Kazuma glared at Darkness, because… damn, they had known that whole time, and he hadn't even been able to charge them money or panties for his advice? He should make sure not to get fooled like that.

Darkness weathered their united assault – mostly because Aqua and Kazuma's glares looked like they had been constructed with rough, uncut stone considering how sloppy they were, and Megumin's was too distracted and pouty to be all that intimidating – until they sighed as one and turned back to the bar and ignored her.

Darkness turned to Megumin – Aqua spilled secrets like it was the water in her party tricks, and Kazuma's lips became as loose as Aqua's when he had a bit of alcohol, but both seemed to be rather maudlin today – and raised a delicate eyebrow. The Crimson Demon shook her head.

That resistance didn't last long, though. "Fine! Darkness…" she trailed off. She stood up from the bar stool and left her staff resting against the bar while she fiddled with the brim of her hat.

Darkness's annoyed expression shifted into a concerned one. Megumin rarely got serious – or, serious like this. She was usually very angry when she was seriously defending her Explosion magic.

"We… or, I guess it was… mostly me… anyway, a person was accidentally harmed thanks to our actions. I challenged them for a title as a Crimson Demon and an Archmage, and the… challenge went in an unexpected direction that even I, an unrivaled Crimson Demon, couldn't have guessed."

Megumin wondered why she couldn't have just had a competition on who had the coolest poses and sweeped the annoying girl's legs out from under her with her own amazing poses. Really, it wasn't likely that-

Kazuma and Aqua both snorted in unison at the words 'we' and 'our' – they weren't at fault this time, really – but they made no other effort to contribute, besides bringing Megumin's spirits down even further. Darkness sent Megumin an encouraging look, and she fiddled with the edge of her cloak while tilting her head down to obscure her eyes with her hat.

"I… how would one apologize to someone for… making them relive… an attempted raped…"

Darkness's eyes widened at the shame and guilt mingling on Megumin's face – quite rare for her, whose usual response to embarrassment or a challenge usually involved twenty mentions of her singular spell. Darkness shifted in place, a faint blush appearing as she did.

That didn't reassure the Crimson Demon in the slightest, and Darkness held up her hands. "Well… first, you would listen to them thank you for being allowed to relive such an exhilarating experience-"

"She's not a slutty failure like you, Darkness!" Kazuma bit out. Darkness blinked…

And she cleared her throat as Kazuma muttered an uncaring apology. He also seemed… oddly serious.

"Ah… anyway… um, how bad was it…?" Darkness asked quietly.

Megumin's face was hidden by her lowered hat, but she didn't seem to have recovered at all. "I- It was… pretty bad. Like… she was literally shown the scene through magic…"

Darkness was silent for a moment, and Megumin began to jibber-jabber quickly. "It's… I couldn't imagine him ever actually doing it, but if Bukkoroli or anyone else ever actually messed with my sister, or the Axis Cult had even less restraint towards me and Yunyun…"

She began to mutter under her breath about it being a bad week and lethal anticipation, but Darkness just continued to stand there in silence. Kazuma and Aqua's empty glasses – even the ones they had just been drinking out of – and refusal to order another round told her they were listening in, and Darkness gulped.

Who could they be talking about? And, more importantly, should they be discussing this in the guild?

Sure, they were at the bar when very few other people were, but it wasn't like everyone else in the guild couldn't glance over, see that they were having an important-looking conversation, and decide to eavesdrop…

Darkness cleared her throat. "I… am not exactly sure how you would go about that, but a sincere apology is probably a good start. Gifts might be seen as… diminishing, and I suppose you have to hope they don't report you to the police…"

That tidbit seemed to scare them the least, if Darkness was any good at judging their faces. She might have been curious as to just who this was, that the police scared them less than hoping for mercy, but-

"Hi Darkness! Nice to see you here! You talking to your new party?"

Darkness turned around and sighed in relief. She'd be able to sort it out. "Tanya! You've seen a lot, right?" she asked happily. Tanya had a lot more life experience than Darkness did as a sheltered noble.

Curious, Tanya nodded slowly, and Darkness began to speak to her in hushed tones. "So. Someone in my new party has a question they need help with answering. It seems that Megumin-"

"W- WAIT!" Kazuma shouted. Darkness turned to him, as did Tanya, and his indignant expression quickly morphed into a nervous one that searched for excuses and scapegoats.

The other two also looked very nervous, and Darkness blinked in surprise at how… worried they looked, but he started talking before she could ask why they seemed to be filled with trepidation. "Ah… say, Darkness. You never told us you knew Tanya."

She blinked again, but Tanya answered for her. "Well, I did get here before you all. I adventured with Darkness, Viktoriya, and that two-bit criminal Chris. Did you know that Darkness thought I was a-"

"Regular old Mage and not an Adventurer! Weird, right?"

Tanya blinked as Darkness jumped in front of her, finishing her sentence and begging with her eyes that Tanya not interrupt her. Tanya stared…

Then she nodded. Darkness hadn't told them that she was a noble yet, had she?

She had only told Tanya in an attempt to prove that Tanya was a noble, after all. She was probably cagey about the subject, but…

She glanced over Darkness's shoulder at the other three. Kazuma probably didn't know about the whole 'blonde hair, blue eyes thing,' but shouldn't the other two…

Then, she thought back. Tanya, Darkness, Dust, and Luna, of all people, were the only people with even slightly blond hair they interacted with on a regular basis, and only she and Darkness had blue eyes…

Then, she remembered what she knew of the three of them. And what she had seen them do in their time here. And what they had done only an hour earlier.

Yeah. They might not know.

She nodded and smiled knowingly at Darkness, who sighed in relief. They were staring between them suspiciously, but they did eventually nod in acceptance.

Then, Darkness glanced between her new real friends and her old real friend. "Wait…"

"How do you all know each other?"

With how pained her expression looked, Tanya must have immediately taken off her clothes and dove into the nearest pit of sewing needles. Aqua was choking on her alcohol, Kazuma seemed to be looking for a lemon to suck on instead of whatever he'd put in his mouth to make it pucker like that, and Megumin was trying and failing to put up a brave front.

Tanya was the first to open her mouth, but she wasn't the first to speak.

"Ahem. Ah… Degurechaff. We're… um, sorry for what happened."

Tanya turned her gaze on Kazuma. He didn't look earnest, but he did look uncomfortable and… sorry.

She turned her gaze on Aqua, who… wasn't paying attention in the slightest and was instead looking at the menu. She hadn't quietly been listening to their conversation, but deep in thought about what to order next.

Kazuma quickly dug his elbow into Aqua's side, and when she stopped coughing, he sent a look – not even a glare, but an expecting look that looked like it didn't belong on the NEET's face – towards Megumin.

Aqua complained. "Hey, don't hit me, you NEET. Bartender! Get me ano-"

Aqua soon found her forehead connected to the palm of an increasingly irate Kazuma. Before she could burst into tears, her gaze was jerked towards Tanya by the hand on the back of her head.

She quickly swatted his hand away and stared at him in confusion. "Hey, what are you doing? I thought we agreed it was the crazy-"

Kazuma raised a hand, and the goddess flinched, expecting a hit to the head…

"Steal."

And Aqua's purse disappeared from her waist.

"I am completely and utterly ashamed of the actions of this small member of my party," she said radiantly while staring into Tanya's eyes. "I would never do anything like that, what she did in no way reflects my values… and even The Atheist doesn't deserve that."

The last part was muttered while she turned her gaze towards the ground, but before Darkness could puzzle out what that title meant, Megumin stood and struck a pose.

"My name is Megumin! The Number One Crimson Demon, a Slayer of Demons, and… a contender for the title of Best Explosion Mage…"

She trailed off at the end, sighing heavily and crossing her arms. "As such a powerful, wise Crimson Demon, I would usually stick to my morals until I went down in a blaze of glory… but I don't think there would be anything glorious about not apologizing for something like this. So… I am sorry for what happened and my actions that caused it."

Tanya stared at them all. Kazuma's head was bowed, and he glanced at Aqua, occasionally pinching her when it looked like she would grow too bored with the situation despite his stranglehold on her money.

However, Megumin was by far the most sorry-looking.

Her head bowed, Megumin hat held in front of her while her staff was propped against a table. She looked ready to bow lower than Kazuma.

All the while, Darkness's gaze, switching between her current party and the leader of her first party, was growing confused and concerned as she reached conclusions she did not like.

"Of course I forgive you."

"…Huh?"

The united sound of four people uttering the same confused noise broke into their four wildly different trains of thought.

"WHAT?! But… you're the Devil of the Rhine! Why aren't you tearing her to pieces and using said pieces to instill terror in enemies and allies alike?" Shock. Aqua.

"Tanya… you're accepting an apology… but if they made you relive being… then you…" Continued confusion. Darkness.

"Aha! I knew it! As a fellow Archmage, I should have expected you to acknowledge the sacred words of a rival immediately!" Hurried acceptance. Megumin.

"Are you sure? I can't imagine that's easy to for… I mean, maybe you'll want to do something later?" Skepticism. Kazuma.

Tanya frowned. Kazuma seemed just as skeptical as Viktoriya and Lorelei were that she was over it and ready not to take revenge, though he showed nothing near the amount of concern either of them or Darkness did.

She shrugged. "Well, it wasn't like you did it on purpose… although…"

Their differing expressions soon crystallized. Aqua, Megumin, and Kazuma looked to be filled with just as much trepidation as Darkness's was with confusion.

She smiled widely. "While I do forgive you, the newest laws that I established are very clear that causing harm – whether physical, mental, or magical – to another person, no matter who they are, results in an inquiry into whether jail time or fines are appropriate. I should follow the law and report you three."

"…Truely, a Demon in a human's skin. Aqua was right."

"Ah, remember, Megumin is the one that insisted on having that little show off."

"Hey! I suggest you remove that suggestion if you don't want to get blown away!"

She blinked at them – and at the fact that Darkness still looked to be staring intently at her in concern instead of offering to take their place in between moans – before rolling her eyes. "I'm not feeling very convinced. How about you all offer me some kind of… incentive, like a gift? Or some kind of compensation?"

They turned towards Darkness, irate and glaring. Tanya blinked owlishly. What-

"Stupid slutty knight with tarnished morals in tarnished armor. Should have told us to go looking for a gift. Should have known better than to trust your words."

"How could I, the smartest Crimson Demon in Axel, have been convinced to listen to the advice of a simple, neanderthal in Crusader's clothing?"

"Hey, maybe if you offer yourself-"

BONK!

Aqua doubled over as Kazuma and Tanya's united fists shut her up and made her regret almost revealing that Tanya was into girls.

She nodded at Kazuma, understanding in both of their eyes. "You're free to go. If she promises not to spill my secrets, she's off the hook."

He nodded back. "I still have her money pouch. She will."

Darkness – who had come down from the fantasies prompted by their insults – and Megumin stared at the two of them as they spoke. "They get along too well," Megumin stated.

Darkness nodded. "Do you think she'll convince him to be productive and sadistic, or will he get her to join him in his laziness and vulgarity?"

"AS IF!"

They stared at each other in shock, but Tanya sighed and shook her head and stared at Megumin. "Come on. We're having a little conversation about making magical items."

She blanched, for a moment, before flaring her cloak out. "Of course! As compensation – and not in a way that admits defeat in our contest yesterday – I'll help you in-"

Tanya grabbed Megumin's flared cloak, ignored her choking, and dragged her into a lonely corner of the guild. Aqua's cries echoed through the room for a moment as Kazuma dragged her off as Darkness followed behind him, uncertainly staring between them, Megumin, and Tanya.

"Now. I need some advice on making magical items. To start, let's discuss rings."

Megumin nodded wholeheartedly. She would show no nervousness or fear in the face of her rival, the one she was sworn to-

"I need to create three rings of 'High power' using a variety of gemstones and metals that I have already procured. One needs to be…"

And Megumin was blown back by a startling amount of detail that she would have expected from only a Crimson Demon.

Eventually, Tanya had to take a breath, and Megumin stopped her before she could get started again. "Hey! Wh… Where did you get all this information, anyway?"

Tanya blinked. "Well, I used 'A Thousand Different Components for and Enterprising Archmage' as a reference to start, but-"

"Wait, you used a third grade textbook as a reference guide?"

Tanya tilted her head. "Textbook? I thought it was made by Crimson Demons?"

"Of course! It was used as a third grade textbook, though. More impressive, enchanting books can be found anywhere in my Village, and the fact that you think so highly of something so basic is… well, what I mean to ask is if you're…"

Megumin trailed off, at the end, suddenly looking a lot more inclined to treating Tanya softly.

Twitch.

Megumin stared at that damn piece of hair – unrestrained by her hat, which she didn't see much use for, considering the Circlet of Power was in the container with the rest of them. Tanya raised a slightly irate eyebrow, and Megumin backtracked.

Of course, she couldn't backtrack too much – she had her pride, no matter what had happened to this Degurechaff – so she simply crossed her arms, turned up her nose, and ignored Tanya's smoldering glare.

"Of course those are possible! Through the quality of any gem or metal acquired by any other than the best miner in the Crimson Demon village is bound to be variable, any Crimson Demon with the correct skills should be able to-"

"'A Crimson Demon with the correct skills?' you can't make it for me?" Tanya asked as a headache began to form. Honestly, if this-

"Yes!"

Megumin declared the word, nodding confidently and not noticing the tired annoyance Tanya was sending her way. "Though I know a lot about the processes involved in making magical items, I couldn't make either of those kinds of rings, even if I wanted to! I don't possess the skills, I don't have the skill points, and, of course, I would never sully myself to use magic for any purpose besides casting Explosion!"

Tanya raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you use some kind of invisibility scroll to sneak up on us during Hoost's battle?"

She didn't even acknowledge Tanya's question. "However! I know of someone in the Crimson Demon Village who definitely could make those things!" she shouted.

Tanya raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" That was more than she was expecting from her at this point, if she were honest.

"My Father, Hyoizaburoo! He is the most skillful magic item craftsman in the entire village!"

Tanya's eyebrows rose. She chose to ignore the odd name and focus on what mattered. "Really? What kind of work has he done?" she asked.

She was now vaguely aware of what kind of skills would be needed to make what she wanted, thanks to that Dragon. This would be a good way to determine if she should go to him or keep waiting.

Megumin nodded again, opened her mouth…

And seemed to deflate. Tanya blinked.

Well. Even Chuunibyou drivel wasn't assured.

"Ah… how familiar are you with Wiz's products?" she asked.

"Intimately. Is…"

Tanya advanced on Megumin, making the lonely corner feel even more abandoned. "Is he the one that sells Wiz all of that junk?" she asked in a low tone.

Megumin nodded slowly, and Tanya felt herself grin down at the girl. "Good. I've been meaning to have a… talk with whichever fool provides Wiz with her products."

Yes, for a long time, Tanya had wanted to find the person who was either doing horrible business with Wiz, or who had just as bad business sense as her.

Wiz hadn't said much, but Tanya was sure that her business would pick up a bit more if she would just learn to apply some kind of logic to her business.

Of course, no matter how much Wiz tried, she still seemed to fail horribly. Tanya was fairly sure she had just as bad Luck as Tanya did at this point, if any of Lorelei's advice about the stat was to be trusted.

Regardless, even just improving the quality of Wiz's products would have to help her business. That meant tracking Megumin's father down…

And while Tanya contemplated just what she would try to say to Megumin's father, Megumin's eyes widened. Was she…

Was she threatening her father? The way she was staring off into space while grinning, the way she'd said 'talk,' and the way she seemed so… self-satisfied all seemed very… indicative.

Megumin, eyes narrowed, cleared her throat. "Anyway. If you know of Wiz's product, then you know all about how they have pretty… negative side effects."

Tanya sent a sarcastically astonished look at the Crimson Demon. "You can utilize understatement?" she asked, amazed.

Megumin rolled her eyes, let out a huff of air, and graciously chose to ignore the sarcasm. "Anyway. As long as you don't mind the side effects-"

"Why do those side effects exist?" Tanya asked bluntly. Megumin winced.

Megumin crossed her arms and stared down Tanya.

Who stared back evenly with a raised eyebrow. She wasn't backing down.

Megumin opened her mouth, poised to ask exactly why she should reveal the secrets of the Crimson Demons…

Then she remembered why they were having the conversation.

Megumin touched her fingers together and mumbled a response. "Ah, well… as you could probably guess from the Friendship crystal, my family doesn't have a lot of money, so my father is forced to, uh… make his revolutionary, world-changing magic items with fewer skill points and worse materials than is… advisable for items of their caliber… so he cuts corners to save money and makes it possible."

Tanya stared Megumin down. She didn't seem especially happy about being financially strapped – who would be?

So if Tanya went to him, it was entirely possible anything she had him make would be rendered near-useless, if even half of them were like the things in Wiz's shop – like the 'Friendship' Crystal, perhaps.

Of course…

"He could make better things, though, if he had more money and materials?"

Megumin nodded quickly. "Of course! He only puts in flaws purposefully thirty percent of the time!"

Tanya facepalmed, and Megumin shrugged. "Hey, he's the wizened, magic item artisan. He needs to be mercurial and eccentric."

Tanya rolled her eyes. "I assure you, he doesn't, but… whatever. Now…"

She trailed off, looking over her shoulder. No one was watching them – it seemed that this corner of the guild was actively being ignored for some reason – and she faced Megumin again. "Could your father build a magic item that alters the body-"

"Absolutely not."

Tanya blinked at the speed and brevity of that response, and Megumin, her stoic stare fading, glared at the ground. "I've already asked. Multiple times."

Ah. She wasn't staring at the ground, but at her breasts and body. An honest mistake for Tanya to make, and she felt the smallest bit of kinship with the girl, for a moment.

She cleared her throat. "Are you sure? What if I-"

"He would never. He is a Crimson Demon, resolute in his ideals. A Crimson Demon, unyielding to external pressure. A Crimson Demon-"

"How about for a few million Eris?"

"He'd do it in an instant."

Tanya rolled her eyes only a lot and then grinned. "Good. That means I can keep him quiet…"

Tanya wasn't exactly sure where she would get that much money for her own usage – new durian quests, killing the Demon King or a General or something of that nature? – but she would. She was so close…

Megumin blinked and tilted her head at the girl. Something about that statement about keeping her father quiet seemed… odd.

And then the earlier parts of her conversation caught up with her, and she wondered if Degurechaff would only be using money to convince her father to do what she wanted… and not other forms of persuasion.

Tanya turned around. "Good. Well Megumin, thanks for the help. I have one last thing I need to ask of Kazuma, and then I'll be off."

They went outside, only to find… nothing. It seemed they had wandered off.

"Do you know where Kazuma might be, Megumin?"

She shook her head and said she would be retiring to a room she was renting. Tanya nodded her off and then began to search for Kazuma, Aqua, and Darkness.

She had a quest for him.

-OxOxO-

Viktoriya glanced down. This was it. Her final chance.

She rolled the dice, hoping, watching…

"And… it's a Yahtzee!"

The crowd watching broke out into roaring cheers, and Viktoriya grinned at the five identical dice staring up at her.

"You sure are lucky…" her current gambling companion said, trailing off. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at Mitsurugi.

After walking back with him from the Monster Rush, she had asked if he would meet her at one of her favorite gambling spots.

After going back to Alderp's mansion – though that only seemed to be half true now, with how much it had been renovated – and changing into something more… eye catching – distracting her opponents was far too easy here compared to in the Empire – she had met him there and proceeded to demolish all the regulars who recognized her and still thought they had a chance.

While Viktoriya much prefered playing cards, she wasn't adverse to testing her Luck in dice games, and this one was particularly fun, especially considering how easy it was to roughly calculate the probability of getting certain dice.

She stepped away from the table and adjusted her hair. "Yeah. I used to play cards in my spare time on the front. I'm pretty Lucky!"

She rubbed her head and chuckled as they walked towards a darker corner. "I got us so much extra cash and supplies that way that everyone called it our 'treasury.'"

She sighed longingly. She wouldn't ever want to be away from Tanya, but she did wish sometimes that the others could have followed them.

Or even Elya! Having her around for advice would be great…

She was dragged out of her memories of her friend quickly. "Oh? Do you miss those times, during the war?" he asked.

She nodded a bit and said nothing else. He seemed content to sit and wait, and Viktoriya sighed and leaned forward.

"I do, but I don't want to focus on those things anymore. I want to focus on the future, so…" she trailed off.

She just had to say it. A few quick words, and it would be done.

"Ah, finally getting to why you asked me to ditch the others?" he asked sardonically. She blushed, but he chuckled and waved her concern away like smoke.

"No, no. It's fine. They can be a bit… stifling sometimes."

Viktoriya raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Have trouble managing two girlfriends?" she asked suddenly.

He blinked. "Wha- Oh, you…"

He began to laugh, but she just raised an eyebrow, hiding the vindication she felt. She could ask him… even if he seemed to be laughing at the idea of either girl being his girlfriend.

He eventually managed to stop chuckling. "No, no… neither of them are my girlfriends. The notion is…"

He chuckled again, and Viktoriya shrugged. "Okay. I just wanted to know because…"

She stumbled over the words again, and when she looked up, she found him staring into her face knowingly.

She blinked, confused. There was… something in his eyes that reminded her of someone trying to bluff but…

She shook her head. "I wanted to know if you'd like a date?" she asked, letting out the tension she had felt growing every time she thought about this drain.

She continued to stare him in the face, and he leaned back, letting a look of extremely exaggerated puzzlement mark his face. "A date, huh? I don't know…" he said, false hesitation ringing in his voice.

She blinked, and, all of a sudden, it seemed like there wasn't a reason to be nervous at all. He hadn't rejected her or anything…

And, really, wasn't she building it up just a bit too much? It was just a regular, normal date.

Anxiety gone, Viktoriya rolled her eyes fondly. "Oh come on. Keith or Dust or Kazuma wouldn't take more than a second."

He raised an affronted eyebrow. "I don't know much about them, but I do know enough," he said with a grave shake of his head. "Would you really ask any of them on a date? Because if the answer is yes…"

She shook her head sharply, once, and then shivered. Yeah, no. She'd never ask any of-

"Did someone mention wanting to date me? I guess I should have expected it, but for my popular period to have arrived so soon…"

Viktoriya cringed and turned her head to find Kazuma leaning over her, staring down past her eyes in a way Mitsurugi hadn't dared to. She saw that Aqua was in the background holding onto her face and fake-crying, but Viktoriya couldn't exactly bring herself to care much about the Goddess with how Kazuma's face seemed to be drifting downward to the area his eyes were glued to.

Viktoriya rolled her eyes and didn't give him a warning as she kicked out a foot with the intention to wound his shin.

Amazingly, he moved out of the way just in time, recognizing the presence of Mitsurugi before he turned back to her. Viktoriya sighed.

"No, Kazuma, I'm not asking you for a date. Leave us alone before I decide that testing Heal would really be the best use you have."

He blanched and was gone in a flash. Mitsurugi thought about asking about that…

Before deciding that the looks his teammates were sending him from the top of the staircase down into this gambling den meant he only had a few seconds. He smiled gently at her.

"Sure thing. How about… we meet at the guild in four days around… ten in the morning. Sounds good to you?"

Twitch.

Viktoriya nodded quickly, and, while Mitsurugi quickly got up, she turned to see that Tanya was staring at them. "Oh, hi Tanya. What do you need from me?"

She blinked rapidly, looking between them rapidly. She cleared her throat rapidly and turned away rapidly. "Nothing. I was just coming to tell Kazuma something. See you back at the mansion."

She was gone in a flash, and Viktoriya turned to see that Mitsurugi was leaving.

She looked up the stairwell past him to see that his teammates were staring down at him angrily. He tossed a sheepish smile and a wave over his shoulder, and Viktoriya sighed and settled into her seat.

Well, it was done. She was going out on a date. With a guy.

For the first time in her life…

She sighed. Wasn't she supposed to feel… happy?

Though, Mitsurugi didn't feel like 'the one,' or anything.

Viktoriya shook her head, wishing that Elya or her parents or even the other members of the 203rd were there to help her. She was twenty-four and hadn't ever even been on a date, much less been in a relationship.

Then she shot up. Maybe Lorelei would know! She mentioned having a boyfriend, right?

She was gone in a moment, and Tanya turned back to Kazuma and Aqua after letting her gaze linger on her.

"Kazuma."

She bit it out with more force than she should have, but she didn't want to think about what she'd just seen.

He froze and spun around. "I told you, I'd get her to promise to shut up about your…"

His nervous speech trailed off when he noticed she wasn't angry. "Oh. Was…" Then, he groaned, attempting to rise from his seat. "Did Megumin do something?"

She shook her head. "No. But I have a quest for you involving her."

Kazuma blinked, and then-

CRASH!

"Hey, you stupid NEET! Don't push me out of my-"

"Shut it! I want more money, and she's supposed to be the Minister or something, which means she makes loads more than you do! Being mean to you probably earns me points with her, and she needs a chair anyway!"

It did, but she wouldn't be letting him know.

"There's a seat next to you that's open, NEET who died pissing himself! As if anyone else would want to sit next to-"

Tanya rolled her eyes as Kazuma silenced her with a handful of money, once again happy that she hadn't taken Aqua down with her. "Megumin's spell is a nuisance."

Kazuma nodded and didn't interrupt her with either a moronic defense of the indefensible or a falsely witty attempt at sarcasm.

"If you get her to stop using the spell around Axel, I'll pay you a bit for every Explosion she detonates that can just barely be heard from the town."

She wanted to make sure that she was still using it, after all. If she didn't, there was no telling what could set her off.

And, of course, if she couldn't hear it, Kazuma could claim that he had done his job without doing it.

He grinned widely, but she quickly brought out paper after paper. "Of course, I do know about Wiz's 'Drain Touch,' spell."

She had bought fifteen more explosive potions and promised to come up with more products in exchange for being allowed to watch. Tanya hadn't learned it – she still needed more skill points for everything – but it seemed to be novel.

Why use the spell in battle? Draining an opponent's energy was fine, she supposed, but getting close enough to use it would mean a bullet or knife would be much more direct methods of defeating an opponent.

Why use it to regain energy? Manatite was much more efficient for that purpose, and though Wiz was the only shopkeeper dumb enough to carry it in bulk in a town of beginners, smaller, less pure pieces weren't too tough on a pocketbook, especially if they could save your life.

She shook her head. "Anyway, you'll only be paid for the first explosion every day, and you're not getting anything if she detonates stuff close to the town or uses it more than once."

She slid the papers towards him. "More is detailed here. Sign when you're ready."

She waited, for a moment, and contemplated the deal she was offering. It really was easy work for him, it got Dust doing something and not annoying people – he was listening for Megumin so he wouldn't have to pay her as much – and it would keep people from bugging her with complaints about it interrupting business.

Many birds with a single stone… although, should she maybe specify Crows, considering how they'd been attacking her?

"Megumin probably won't appreciate it."

She glared at him. "And? Just give her some of the money or convince her not to. It doesn't matter to me, as long as she's not here."

He took only a few more moments, and then he signed it with a flourish. Tanya smiled, and turned around…

Only to spot the area Viktoriya had been sitting at and asking Mitsurugi out on a date…

She groaned. No, she wasn't interested in her beyond her stupid body's hormones, Viktoriya wasn't gay, and Tanya wasn't going to potentially jeopardize their relationship by asking.

Although…

Hadn't Viktoriya and Lolisa and Lorelei promised to stick by her? They could just ignore such a stupid question, if it turned out to be… misplaced-

She shook her head. Hell no, was the answer to that. There were some things that couldn't just be ignored…

But was a question like that really what would break an eight-year friendship apart…

Tanya grit her teeth, spun into the seat Viktoriya had been sitting in, and glared at the bar.

The barman finished serving Kazuma and hurried over to take her order. A bit of alcohol would certainly help her forget about her desires that weren't feasible in the slightest.

No, she'd focus on how the town was progressing, how the Demon King wasn't attacking, how Megumin was being reigned in, how she had coffee, and how…

"Nothing could possibly go wrong."

She blinked, cursed, and then violently sat down in her seat. She would regret saying that out loud, but not right now.

Now, she wanted to get drunk and forget… her fleeting, hormone-induced, unattainable feelings and remember what was going well. Undoubtedly, they had some stronger alcohol here than the stuff they served in the guild.

-OxOxO-

Kazuma watched as the barman walked towards Degurechaff, and he looked speculatively at Aqua.

"Hey Aqua. I've got a question," he began in a low voice. He watched Aqua clamber onto her original seat – she had been sitting in the seat on the opposite side of him during the conversation – and gulp down half her beer before glaring at him with flushed cheeks.

"NEET who pushed me off of my chair to talk to that Demon, speak to me with a more dignified tone befitting a Goddess such as myself."

"I'm gonna to buy you more alcohol."

"I don't care about your tone that much, actually."

He dismissed her words with a roll of his eyes. "Whatever. What were you saying about that Sasha girl asking that… Tsumigaru guy?"

Aqua blinked slowly. "Oh, that Demon's helper, Viktoriya? Yeah, I was saying that it was weird that she was dating him when she so clearly wants to fuck Degurechaff."

Kazuma blinked and was glad he hadn't had a sip of his own drink yet. What?

"What?"

"Oh yeah. Everyone in Heaven knows about it…"

She giggled. "Half of the time the Windbag was interacting with the world they were in, he was trying to make sure that neither of them acted on their feelings."

Kazuma just listened as she nodded to herself. "Yeah, if they'd realized it, they would have been too happy with each other to spend their time being depressed by the war and by his constant attempts at converting The Atheist, so… he spent a lot of time making sure they were not together."

"You have no idea how much fun I had laughing at how oblivious they are! If belligerent sexual tension exists, then they're the poster children!" she practically shouted, laughing all the while. Kazuma nodded to himself… and signaled the returning bartender for more with a wave of his hand.

He blinked at Kazuma. "What was that hand gesture… thing supposed to mean? Do you want more? I can't read minds, you know."

Kazuma sighed dejectedly as yet another of his attempts at seeming experienced and confident was once again dashed. "Yes, more, and stronger than what she's drinking now."

He nodded uncertainty and Kazuma grinned to himself, rubbing his hands together as Aqua drowned herself in alcohol.

He kind of felt bad for the both of them, considering his own interaction with his first crush…

Then he looked down at his hands, and then past them to see his plate. Or, rather, where his plate would be if it weren't buried in paper. He scoffed.

She hadn't even asked if he wanted the job. No, acting as if she were above conversation, she'd just assumed that he wanted it and that he'd take it.

Which he would, of course. There was good – and, more importantly, easy – money to be made.

He shook his head and nodded happily as Aqua continued to thank him for the drink. No, this would be something he could use… if worse came to worst and he ended up in prison.

He wasn't sure how far his Luck extended, but he didn't want to test it among hardened criminals, and her threats of locking him up to keep him safe might turn out to be not-so-hypothetical in the future.

And, if he ever really needed money, he could just offer her the information.

It was foolproof!

He blinked and sighed in relief. Thank goodness he hadn't said that out loud! Raising flags like that would have definitely resulted in the universe biting him in the ass later.

Content with his plan, he watched Aqua drink and hoped that she would forget that tidbit of information in a flood of alcohol.

Knowing her Luck, she'd reveal it just as he was trying to use it, but, knowing his own Luck, maybe this would give him just enough leeway to use it first.

-OxOxO-

"So… you aren't really interested in her?"

Mitsurugi nodded and ignored how very… well, overtly sexual this situation could look to observers.

Usually, being constrained to a bathroom stall with two women would be the apex of any prepubescent boys imagination, and the fact that they didn't wear much even when fully clothed didn't help that image.

Of course, his musings about what normal prepubescent boys would daydream about was his best guess. He wouldn't know.

The powerful sword wasn't the only reason he was different from most people, after all.

He nodded. "Of course not. If I was, our contract would have deprived me of… well…"

They didn't care about the fact that he was trying not to gag violently at the thought of being reduced to the equivalent of a Ken doll in terms of number of penises.

For a moment, he wondered where they had even gotten a contract like that, before he shook his head and smiled at them. They merely continued to stare him down before sighing.

"I suppose…"

As one, the pair of girls turned and exited the stall, giving Mitsurugi a moment to breathe.

Honestly, how those two could keep up their guise so well was beyond him. He had a hard time keeping it together.

Still, the pair of Noblewomen-turned-Axis cultists had each other. Just as they wished they had his power, he wished he could find another guy – preferably a Mage for team composition, but he wouldn't be too picky at this point – to have a meaningful relationship with.

He was reminded of his date… and the question that Viktoriya had asked him before asking him for a date…

He began to chuckle again.

As if! Those two had met him in the capital when he had accidentally stumbled upon a discrete demonstration of their relationship during one of Iris's parties.

When he'd reacted with understanding instead of disgust or an attempt at blackmailing them to let him 'join in,' they'd asked to come with him.

Not even for protection, really. They wanted to learn how to defend themselves, sure, but they were mostly tired of being asked by suitor after suitor for marriage. Their families were beginning to grow angry, but if they just disappeared, well…

So he'd pretend to be oblivious to the way they hung off of him, and everyone else was actually oblivious to the way they got handsy with each other when 'fighting over him.'

Not to mention what they got up to when no one was looking, or when they were all out on a quest with no one watching their every move.

It helped him ward off any rabid fangirls – who would be just as clingy, self-serving, and horny as his teammates pretended to be – that he wasn't interested in, no matter how varied they were, because he was gay.

He continued to laugh to himself, taking care not to get too loud.

Plus, he got to laugh – mentally in the moment and uproariously when he was alone – at everyone who thought that he was actually so incredibly dense. He really did have a hard time with that aspect of the charade – how did people actually think he was some kind of obtuse isekai protagonist who didn't know the meaning of attraction?

He'd expected to get called out by some fellow Reincarnate for the obvious fabrication, but they just… believed him. And every time someone cast a gaze filled with pity or jealousy at him from the way his teammates were fighting over him, he had to work overtime just to keep himself from doubling over laughing and giving it all away.

His laughter at the inside joke only he and two other people understood trailed off with a final sigh as he exited the stall and bathroom in quick succession. If only Aqua, the Goddess of the religion that welcomed homosexuals, could direct her to someone he'd like…

He shrugged. Oh well. When he finally defeated the Demon King he'd use his wish to get a soulmate.

Until then, however…

He sighed again as he thought of his upcoming date.

Or, rather, interrogation.

Oh, he would hide it – and he'd hide it well, considering he'd hid his sexuality from his parents for close to seven years – but he was figuring out if those two were racist, sexist, homophobic Nazis, once and for all.

Degurechaff was already working towards the levers of power – she was the Governor, she knew dozens of people from all walks of life who could act as informants, and she had done… something to get the guards and police to work together and stop taking bribes, from what he could see.

And though he'd acted like his 'normal,' oblivious self when they'd killed Hoost, he wasn't blind enough to think that the amount of time it had taken for her to kill that Demon on its last legs was reasonable.

He nodded to himself and quickly left the inn on top of the gambling den. Yes, he'd figure it out, one way or another. And, when he did…

He groaned. He'd have to take them on. Somehow…

He looked up at the sky with a determined, resolute sigh. He'd find a way.

One way or another.

-OxOxO-

Eris picked at the corner of her desk, thankful that the pain was gone for now.

Her… Break had been going painfully, and it hadn't in any way died down.

She had, thankfully, contacted her Most Faithful – Cardinal Gabel Montgommery, the highest ranked Archpriest of the Eris Cult and its leader for well over two and a half decades – and instructed him in a vision to figure out what was happening and put an end to it, one way or another.

He was, as usual, subservient and fast-acting, utilizing his powers to begin inquiries.

He hadn't found anything, but Eris's own attempts at finding the cause of her pain – visiting as many areas as she could in her mortal form to figure out if there was dissent and then using the prayers from that area to corroborate her findings – had eliminated the capital and most of the front lines for the cause.

She glowered. She had a sinking feeling that it had started with Axel – the one place she was completely unable to stay in thanks to The Atheist's efforts, and the place at the center of the area that had posters of her up declaring her a criminal.

She sighed happily, even as the pain began to build up again at the bottom of where her stomach would be if she were human. Her efforts at turning Mitsurugi were…

Working. He was slow to distrust Degurechaff – what he knew of her personality and his faith in humanity as a whole were holding the process back – but she was slowly chipping away at his belief that she was an odd and powerful Adventurer chosen by the Gods and Goddesses to help defeat the Demon King.

She massaged her temples. The rumors of her being an Axis Cultist were currently buried in the back of his head – and wasn't He being helpful in teaching her ways to use Mitsurugi's relative agnosticism to still affect change in his head? – but it was still progressing.

She looked over at the wall of loose paperwork sorted into cubbyholes labeled with different subjects, many of which involved the Reincarnates. It would have been nice to use someone else to destroy The Atheist, but they were all too important to the defense of Belzerg to send behind lines.

She grimaced, both from the mounting pain and from angry disappointment. Elroad was beginning to pour more resources than it ever had into Belzerg – Revi was a devout believer in her, and as long as he continued to be a believer and distanced himself from The Atheist, his attempts at centralizing Elroad's power and supporting Belzerg would continue to work beyond the wildest projections of him and his advisors.

She tapped her forehead. Maybe getting other nations to help more – like the successor states of Norse, or even the Free Cities on the southern coast – would shore up Belzerg's defenses?

She nodded to herself. Her hand shook as she wrote – the pain was continuing to build – but she was suddenly distracted.

Her desk, made of wood, had a small patch of metal grafted onto it in the upper right-hand corner. There were screens there, and it might have gone unnoticed save for the round yellow button and the small, nearly unnoticeable light at the center of the metal.

A small, nearly unnoticeable light on her desk that was quickly and silently blinked red.

She blinked back at it, for a moment, before-

She took in a deep breath and smiled beautifically. Resisting the urge to laugh maniacally was hard, but this gave her more than enough energy to ignore both the pain and her urge.

Eris didn't know what she had said, and she didn't particularly care. All she knew was that Tanya von Degurechaff had verbally dared the universe to wreck her, and Eris had no problem acquiescing to that taunt.

She pressed down on the yellow button next to the blinking light and sank back into her chair. Even the pain couldn't detract from how much she was going to enjoy grinding her Luck into the dust.

Sure, Aqua had horrible Luck, but Eris didn't hate her technical superior. Annoyance at her antics and the work she created was to be expected, but hate? No.

The Atheist would have to pull off something miraculous in order to avoid having a Luck stat larger than either of their boobs.

-OxOxO-

A/N 1: So here we are. I have literally nothing written after this besides an incredibly rough outline…

I'm not going to promise any kind of schedule, because we all know my record with those. Instead, I'm going to go on a bit of a break to reread everything I've written with a pen and pad in hand, and I'm going to take notes.

I need to get all the storylines in order, figure out what I've left to hang, and decide where this is going to go. Hopefully, I'll get everything in order before too much time passes.

Oh, and I'll probably (finally) post it to SpaceBattles. Hurrah!