What If? The Afterlife of Severus Snape.
Chapter One
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.
Everything burned, fire consuming me from the inside out until -
I awoke from a strange nightmare to aching shoulders, fire hot against my cheek and the acrid stench of... pickled toad guts?
My eyes snapped open. I was still bleary-eyed and the object before me almost filled my entire field of vision, but even if I was half-blind, I wouldn't fail to recognize a pewter cauldron when I saw one, nor the stone floor of the Hogwarts Potions Classroom.
Apparently, my normal roving the castle as the war entered its final stages had resulted in me passing out before I got back to the Headmaster's Office. I would have to remember to allow myself a little more sleep. Blinking to clear the muck from my eyes, I gathered my robes together and got to my feet.
There was only one cauldron in front of me, but a thick silvery-blue liquid simmered inside. It didn't so much as bubble and was so smooth I could see the ceiling reflected off its surface.
I frowned. That coloration with the pickled toad guts together… 'Draught of Morbid Emotions? No, that would be bubbling by now. Perhaps it could be... no, he wouldn't." My blood boiled. 'That fat idiot.'
I wordlessly summoned Asphodel and Wolfsbane, knowing I had only ten minutes at maximum before the dungeons would be filled with toxic gas. 'Really, what incompetent moron leaves something like that just sitting unattended?'
The ingredients hadn't come yet, so I cast the charm again with twice the power. Surely even Slughorn would keep all the basics handy, especially if brewing -
"It isn't Chloriferous Concoction."
My head snapped up. That was not the gregarious babble of Horace Slughorn. It was soft and had a feminine lilt to it, yet there was confidence, someone who thought they knew what they were doing, the most dangerous sort of dunderhead.
I peered warily at the brew and cursed. A known potion was one thing but an experimental one could be even more dangerous. As soon as I fixed this disaster-in-the making, she would get at least a month of detentions. Hell, maybe I could make the Carrows happy for a change - even Longbottom wasn't this stupid. "Then what are the ingredients of this idiocy you have created? Tell me before you get everyone in the castle killed!"
Rather than react with fear, worry or even defiance though, the woman laughed, a light sound that was like a musical rhyme half-remembered. "It is not an experiment, just a potion with ingredients that would not be available to you in the world of the living."
'The world of-' I turned to face her.
She had dark skin, like some sort of wood, with short hair of similar color and an upturned nose, all underneath black robes little different from those of the Hogwarts students, I noticed these features absentmindedly, because they were normal, mundane. It was her eyes that drew my attention and revulsion. Lily's eyes had been unusual, a shade of green like that of an emerald which, incredibly rare to see, but they were still normal eyes otherwise.
These were silver eyes, but not in the sense of the iris being silver. It was as if someone had scooped out her eyes and replaced them with two eyeball-shaped pieces of silver, each gleaming with low light. Not human.
A chill went through me, the room cold in spite of the fire's warm blaze. I drew my wand on her. "Who are… What are you?"
She sat on Slughorn's desk, looking almost normal with her legs crossed daintily and hanging over the edge. Her eyes flickered to my wand for but a moment before dismissing it with a tilt of the head, as if it were no more than a thin stick. "I am here to help," she said, "and as for who I am… my name is Lavis, and you might consider me someone with a duty to fulfill."
I took a step back and to the side, putting the cauldron between us but not getting so close that she could spill its contents upon me. As I did, I weighed the possibilities. She was claiming to be from the world of the dead... She could be lying. There were a great many magical creatures in the world but... none of which looked like that. That didn't mean it couldn't be a trick though. Perhaps it was a charm, but it would take a true mistress of the art to make the eye fit perfect and gleam in such a manner and why would they bother anyway? No. Another monstrosity created by Voldemort? Pettigrew had received a fully-functional silver arm… a set of eyes wasn't out of the question.
I decided to gamble, deliberately hardening my voice and using the silky-smooth tones that I knew only made me seem more dangerous. "The Dark Lord has absolute trust in me, Lavis, so why have you come into my castle?"
Rather than arguing though, she merely sat atop the desk. "How about, rather than I trying to persuade you, you open the classroom door? You'll understand your situation better when you see what has become of Hogwarts. Don't worry," she folded her hands in her lap and I got an impression of minor amusement in spite of her stoic demeanor, "I'll wait right here."
She worried me, a claim that only a few in my life could make. She might seem to mean no harm, but I was well aware of how easily cruelty and malice could be hidden behind a kind face. Yet her suggestion didn't seem to be too dangerous and at least if the door was open, I could retreat if need be. Not letting her out of my sight, I opened the door and let it swing wide.
It was the castle dungeons but nothing like I'd ever seen them before. What looked like it might have been the entire contents of the Forbidden Forest had made its way inside of Hogwarts. Twisting branches dug through the walls like vines, moss and leaves carpeting the floor and dribbling from the ceiling was a blue liquid that glistened with tiny flecks of silver.
But even that seemed small in importance in comparison to the bones. The skeletons of the dead littered the floor, the staircases, even impaled upon the walls.
My knees buckled. How? Everything I had worked to protect in an endless struggle. It was all gone, only a ruined graveyard remaining.
"What... what happened?" I croaked, trying desperately to make sense of this nightmare Hogwarts had become. Had the Dark Lord attacked? Dumbledore had been certain he would, but even Voldemort seemed to have some attachment to the castle. He would never let it lay in such a state. "Who did this?"
"This isn't the Hogwarts you recognize," Lavis said, calmly sitting right where she'd said she'd be. "This isn't even Hogwarts at all, not truly. It is a reflection of many things, but most of all, it is a reflection of you."
"A reflection of me..." I aimed my wand straight between her breasts. "No more games, woman! Tell me what is going on or I will make you talk."
She peered at me and her eyebrows knitted together. "Would you truly do such a thing?"
Would I? If it were to protect the people of Hogwarts or to save Lily's legacy... "I have done worse."
"Ahh," she nodded in acceptance, but for a moment sadness flickered across her cherubic face. "Severus Snape, this isn't a real place. It exists, but it is not part of the world of the living. You see, the final battle took place last night. Voldemort is now dead, once and for all."
I heard Lavis' words but they washed over me like the tide, dragging me along in their wake. 'Voldemort… defeated?' It seemed hardly possible, a fantasy that had come to life. I had been working toward this day for so long, my entire life growing up in the shadow of the Dark Lord. Even during the calm between the two wars, I had been preparing for his return. Now… it was all over. I felt wetness trickling down my cheeks and wiped it away to find tears.
To hear it was over… In truth, I had given up on this day ever coming, my continued struggle one of duty and atonement rather than hoped for success.
To actually reach this point, I hadn't been ready for it but it was a good unready, a moment of such unexpected joy and relief that it threatened to overwhelm me. What would come next? What would I do? I had spent my whole life fighting. Now, I could live.
Except I couldn't. 'The world of the living', those were the words she said at the beginning.
Flashes of emerald eyes and venom burning my body from the inside out called from my memory, and I knew the truth. It hadn't just been the cauldron's flames that had me feeling as if I were ablaze. I closed my eyes but held my wand steady. "I did not make it, did I?"
"No, I'm afraid you did not," she said. Her voice was soft as if she were concerned of what I might do or say.
She needn't have worried. There was no anger in me at her words, no fury. Deep down... no, it wasn't that I had never planned for what would come after Voldemort was defeated. It was that I always knew in my heart that I wouldn't live to see that day. I waged a long, bitter war from the shadows in Lily's name, to protect her legacy and now I had won retribution for her. My life was complete, just in time for it to end.
I looked at the woman. "Did I die well?"
"Yes, you died bravely, very bravely."
Her words lit a speck of warmth within me. Only a few times had I been called brave. Usually, it was something along the lines of 'That Great Sniveling Coward.' I glared instead though. Even my reactions so far had been too revealing. "Hmmph, bravely, but did I succeed?"
She tilted her head in confusion. "You died fighting for what's right, never giving Voldemort the secrets he so desperately needed even at the cost of your own life, and guiding Harry to do what was needed. Surely that is more important than whether you succeeded, isn't it?"
I glared at her ridiculous naivety. There had been far too many times where I did something close to the right thing, only to have it blow up in my face. After so many near-successes turned to crushing failures... "Dying bravely but pointlessly is just that, pointless."
She shook her head and closed those silver orbs with a sigh. It made her look almost human. "For what it is worth, you did succeed. You gave Harry the memories needed to figure out what he needed to do to defeat Voldemort. Then he saved everyone who was still alive."
That freed me of my fears for the world of the living... but that was just that, the world of the living. I was dead now, my body left to rot away like the bones that surrounded us. What would happen to me now? It had been years since I had needed to ask someone for help, but I swallowed my pride and said, "So what happens now?"
She peered at me and the expression on her face gave the feeling of someone who knew me all too well, that they knew my secrets without me even telling them - I resolved not to reveal them all the same. Spending years working with Dumbledore made it clear how that sort of 'knowing' was as much illusion as reality.
Finally, with a wave of the hand, the door shut gently and she said, "You are here, for, as some might say, the next great adventure…" her expression darkened, "or rather, you should be. Unfortunately, although your heroic actions allow you to merit what comes beyond... your past prevents you from doing so."
I digested that. So my mistakes had followed me even here. Part of me wanted to rage at her - hadn't I done enough? - but then I remembered Godric's Hollow and the bodies within, only one child surviving, all because my craving for acceptance and power, and my lust for something that was never mine had blinded me of the consequences until it was too late. No, some stains would never wash out. "So what happens now? Am I to be a ghost, I suppose?"
"No. Instead, we want to give you a chance. Your salvation does not lie in misery or a tormented future, but rather in fixing the mistakes of the past. You have the chance to make one change in your life, only one, and live it based as if you had made that choice originally."
A second chance… I had spent years wishing, regretting, damning myself for the foolish mistakes I had made, the failures that only compounded with the years. What if? What if? What if? It had almost driven me mad sometimes, and to hear this being's words now, promising what I had dreamed of for so long… I narrowed my eyes. 'Unless it was another trick…' I hardened my heart. "And what change are you referring to? What would you have me do?"
"That is not for me to decide." She inclined her head. "You pick that single change, be it however small or large and live the rest of your life based on the results."
"You say live. How could I live while only making one change? If you know even the slightest bit of my past, you know there are many things I wish I could do differently."
"Because you won't remember any of this... Let me explain more clearly." She pointed at the Potions Classroom's chalkboard, closed her eyes and with an elegant wave of her hand, a dark red line began tracing its way straight across the board. "This line represents you, and how your life went from start to finish if no changes were made from your original life." She waved her hand again. and halfway through the first line, a second line diverged from it, continuing on its own path, this one pale green. The difference was shallow at first but eventually, the two lines ended up in completely different parts of the chalkboard. "If you changed one thing and one thing only, over time, that could result in a vast change. Once you decide the change you want to make, you will be brought into that world and forget everything that happened in your old life. The change will happen and you will live your life until you reach its end."
The offer was amazing, incredible even… too amazing. "And just where do you fit in all of this?" She might look close to human but that did not mean she was, nor that her goals were to my benefit.
"I am here to observe. I have no stake in this, so I will aid you and help you reach the goal you desire. You only get one chance, so I am here to help you make the right decision." She said this smoothly but a little faster than before.
She was lying, or at least not telling the full truth, of that I was certain. "So I get to make one change, and the life I lived changes based on it," I said slowly, and she nodded. "But that leaves one question, just what help could you be? I can consider how I would want to handle my 'woeful past' all by myself. I have no need for your aid." I sneered deliberately. mockingly and the way her jaw tightened made it clear that even to this strange being, it did not go unnoticed.
Still, she maintained her cool demeanor, saying, "I can show you alternate worlds, worlds where you did just one thing differently, worlds where you made the choices you wished you had made. That way, you can see what will truly happen if you choose a possibility, see the results and then find the best one."
I narrowed my eyes at her, but it was a distraction to unsettle her as I considered her proposal. She might have some treachery in mind but the idea was tempting and I was curious. I tested her. "If I say yes, can I change my mind later?"
"Should you wish to make that decision yourself, you certainly can, Mr. Snape, but if you will allow me to aid you, I will help you make the right choice, not just falling prey to impulse." She tilted her head. "You know the dangers of that, yes?"
My blood boiled at the reference, however oblique, to the many, many poor decisions I had made in the past. I ground my teeth together but managed to keep my temper, if only just. "And what if I just decide to skip this, to throw you out and go on to my reward. How would I do so?"
She froze where she sat, her eyebrows knitting together. Finally, she said in the same soft tones. "If you truly wish me to leave, there is little I can do to stop you. Simply announce aloud that you are ready to make your decision, state the change you wish and it will be done."
I looked at her, not at her eyes, but at the way her upper body drew inward, her jaw was set and her arms were wrapped around herself. She might play at being unaffected but this was something of importance to her. Why? I didn't know, not yet.
I considered simply saying no. I had faced enough lies and manipulations, trickery and deceit to last me an entire lifetime, yet I stayed my hand. Perhaps it was that very familiarity and sense of normality in a very strange world, perhaps it was loneliness after a year where the only person who really knew me was a portrait or perhaps I simply wanted to get her help. It might have been all of the above, I couldn't say.
What I did say was, "I accept your bargain."
Her body visibly relaxed and, for the first time since she'd started speaking, she smiled. Her full, pink lips gave it an almost sensuous cast. "Very well, then dip your wand into the cauldron and I will show you a world that might have been."
I hesitated but did as she was told, and as the wooden tip broke the potion's surface, everything changed.
Author's Note: Hey all. I've been doing a lot of writing of late and, while the vast majority is indeed original fiction, I have still made the time to try to do some new FanFiction.
This story has been kicking in my mind for years, but I couldn't quite come up with a good concept for it until now.
I'm sure some of you recognize the similarities to my previous fanfic 'What If? The Purgatory Of Lily'. While it does have a similar concept, rest assured that the plot will be a rather different one.
For those who want to help, while I have come up with some of the possible worlds and choices that Severus will see, I am certainly open to suggestions in the reviews.
The rule is simple: tell me ONE single choice in his past that you want SEVERUS to have done differently.
As an example, in the next chapter, Severus' counterpart chose not to inform Voldemort of the prophecy, and thus, the world changed.
P.S. While this is indeed a new story, it's not coming at the expense of finishing Letters From The Dark. I'm at roughly 4k words rough drafted for the next chapter there, and it's going to be quite the powerful one if I say so myself.
P.P.S. I think I could use some cover pictures for my work. Any ideas where to obtain good ones?