He's at the 118 station, lounging on one of the couches with his phone in his hand. He's feeling good, really good in fact. Since he stopped the street fighting and has been going to a regular MMA gym, things have been looking good.

Since that night too.

He went to Buck's house and to make things short, Buck and Eddie are officially together. Speaking of Buck, he is supposed to be going home to him in about an hour.

He bids farewell to the team and he drives to Buck 's apartment. They both agreed to have a night in without Christopher since he has the weekend with his abuela and his tía. Eddie beams as he sees Buck's apartment complex, he's getting butterflies in his stomach.

Eddie opens the door with the key he has and begins rummaging through the kitchen fridge. He pulls out a Natural Light Strawberry Lemonade Beer bottle from the back and looking for Buck. Everything around him is dark but the bathroom light Is on. Eddie smiles slightly as he approaches the bathroom but is stopped when he sees there's a mixture of blood and water mixed on the floor. He enters, fearful of what he might find. He drops the bottle and it shatters on the ground when he pulls back the bathtub curtain.

Buck is lying under the water with his wrists slashed and he arms tucked into his sides. To someone else, it looks he just fell asleep in the bathtub, but Eddie can't move. He can't help him.

He's frozen, but he does let out an anguished sob and scream.

{~} {~}

Eddie wakes up frantically in a bed, he looks around him and sees that he is in someone's apartment. He freaks out knowing that it is Buck's. He freaks out when he turns to his right but the bed is empty. He lets out a sob when he realizes that it wasn't a dream, Buck is gone.

The one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with isn't here anymore.

He feels cold hands on his face, bringing him back to his reality, he hesitantly looks up and sees piercing blue eyes staring down at him.

"Evan?" Eddie asks hesitantly, hoping to whoever is listening that this isn't some cruel, terrible, panic induced hallucination.

"Yea it's me. Whatever you dreamed about wasn't real" Eddie lets out a sad cry as he pulls Buck closer to him, taking comfort when he feels Buck's heartbeat against his forehead. He feels arms wrap around his shoulders and a hand being buried in his sweat-slicked hair.

"Let it out Ed, let it out." Eddie cries and cries and keeps crying until nothing but dry heaves are coming out. He feels Buck wiping the tears and snot off of his face with some tissues.

"Do you want to tell me what happened Ed?" asks Buck after he places a kiss on Eddie's forehead and continues carding his fingers through Eddie's hair in a soothing motion. Eddie tries to speak but only a wheeze comes out.

"Shh take a deep breath for me, Eddie. It's ok, just breathe. We don't need to talk about it right now. Just breathe for me." Buck says adjusting his hold Eddie so that he's lying on top of him while Buck is lying down. Eddie relaxes at the sound of Buck's heartbeat and the sight of clean unmarred forearms.

The images of them in the dream flash through his mind, and he tightens his hold on Buck. They lie there in the silence, but it's Eddie who breaks it first.

"I had a bad dream...but it felt real...so real...too fucking real" Eddie stutters as he explains what he saw. His fears personified and his guilt...coming back full force in the comfort of sleep. Haunting and taunting him about how powerless he is when it comes to his Evan.

"I-I actually thought you were gone, and I couldn't do anything about it...god I was so useless, I just watched you in there, and I couldn't help you at all. I-I let you die" he feels Buck's hold tighten on him and a kiss being pushed into his messy hair.

"You didn't let me die. It wasn't real, I promise it wasn't real. I'm still here." Buck sits them both up, but Eddie can't look him in the eyes, afraid that he won't see anything is he does. Buck sense this and simply grabs Eddie's hand and flips his arms over.

"See? There's nothing there. I'm ok love. I'm ok, I'm still here." Eddie says nothing as he places kisses on the forearms. When he's done Buck places his hands on both sides of Eddie's face and places a soft gentle kiss to his lips. He pulls back, rubbing gentle circles on Eddie's cheeks. Eddie finally looks up and sees blue eyes full of love and concern.

"You're ok. I'm ok. We're both ok." Buck says as Eddie pulls him in for one last hug.

"Everyone is coming over soon. Let's go get ready for them."

{~} {~}

Eddie was able to get through the rest of the morning, but he isn't sure how he did it. He constantly kept looking up and Buck and feeling a sense of relief when he would see him sweeping or cleaning the kitchen counter. They cleaned the apartment to get ready for the team later.

Buck shared with Eddie how he wasn't feeling ready about the team coming over to see him.

Especially since he revealed so much about things he wanted to keep to himself.

"I didn't mean for those things to be revealed. I was hoping no one would find out." Buck says once they are having their coffee at the kitchen island after they thoroughly cleaned the apartment and opened the windows to let the warm breeze filter through. Eddie reaches across the island and grabs Buck's hand. Buck grabs back.

"We're you just going to keep them to yourself? That isn't healthy Evan."

"I know it wasn't healthy, it still isn't but it just felt easier than reaching out to someone. You all were so mad at me for the lawsuit, and I get why, but once it was dropped, I still felt worse and worse. It was building and I knew it was going to spill over sooner rather than later." Buck lets out a bitter laugh.

"Hell, last night...just before you came in...I-" Buck can't finish, he hates dealing with so many emotions in one sitting. Eddie's squeeze of the hand brings him back to reality and is able to ground him.

"Last night I was thinking of what the point of it all was if everything I've ever worked for never wanted me back in the first place. What was the point of fighting for everything is it wasn't worth it? I thought that since the only man I ever loved didn't want me why should I-" Buck's rant is cut off when he feels himself being pulled into a hug. His face is pressed against Eddie's chest and is secured by his arms around his body.

"Don't. Ever think that I will want you to leave. I never want you to leave me. Stay with me. Stay with me and Christopher and never leave. You don't need to feel all of these doubts, and if you do, I'll tell you over and over that the things you are thinking aren't true."

Buck simply sits there, being held by the one he never thought he could have.

{~} {~}

The day goes pretty fast, which only adds to the anxiety of Buck. He tries to steady his nerves, but he can't. Then he hears a knock at the door and he seems to freeze. He knows everyone is on the other side of the door. Eddie guides Buck to sit at the kitchen chairs and gives him a soft fast kiss. Eddie says he'll answer the door and just try to relax. He pushes a glass of water into his now empty hands.

{~} {~}

Well...this is...awkward to say the least. Everyone shuffles in and no one knows how to begin the conversation of making things right. Buck opens his mouth to say something but nothing come out. Surprisingly it was Bobby who broke the silence.

"Buck, you have been reinstated to active duty for the 118. You'll be getting a call from the chief tomorrow. You'll be back at the 118 later this week where we can keep an eye on you." Bobby says at Buck and everyone expects Buck to jump up and cheer. To say thank you and they won't regret taking him back.

But he does none of that. All he does is sit there with wide eyes and with an expression that he's barely holding it together.

"Buck? You ok there man?" Chimney asks as he sees the expression on his face. Maddie and Eddie are instantly by his side.

"Y-yea I'm fine. A-are you serious right now?"

"Yes Buck. I'm serious. I'd thought you be happy about this. You got your job back. Isn't that why you sued us in the first place?" Bobby asks, getting straight to the point. Buck really hoped that they would avoid this part.

"I dropped it."

"I know you did"

"I'm still having trouble figuring out why you would even sue us. We're your family Buck. And-and we missed you. I mean you choose your job over us man. I thought what we were was better than that. I thought we were a family Buckley." It hurts to hear Bobby say that to him. But he understands where he is coming from, but they don't understand where he's coming from, and he hopes that he can explain himself to them. Buck is about to explain himself when someone else spoke up.

"Cap at least give him a chance to explain himself. He gets and understands where you're coming from, now it's his turn to tell his side of the story." Eddie says as he takes Buck's hands that were behind him in support.

"Before you do, is it true?" Hen speaks up from behind Bobby and Chim.

"Is what true?"

"Everything you said to that woman when she was going to jump...was it true?" Hen asked hesitantly. Buck hesitantly nods yes.

"Yea it's all true..." Buck says as he feels his cheeks go red in shame and he lowers his head slightly, unable to look at anyone in the eye. He feels the hand of Eddie come up and rest comfortably on his side. He feels slightly better as Maddie squeezes his hand. She has a look of confusion, not knowing what the team is talking about.

"Buck...why didn't you tell us all this stuff was going on in your head?" asks Athena who was next to Bobby, having heard the story from Bobby. Concern etched in her features and Buck feels a sense of calm washing over him when he sees the emotions in her eyes. He knows that he could go to her.

"Would any of you have listened? Without telling me to get over it or suck it up? Would anyone of you have truly listened?" No one says anything to that but they didn't have to because there's a knock at the door. The door opens to reveal a woman with bleach blonde hair and a single blue strip sticking out at all ends (Riley Blue's hair from Sense8).

"Yes?" asks Hen opening the door.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize Evan had company" before she could leave Buck called for her to come through. This mystery girl walks through the apartment and goes to Buck.

"What's up dude? We missed you at karaoke last night. I told everyone that you had other stuff to do. Anyway I'm here to grab my chips that you never gave me" After tossing her purse on the couch she rummages through his cabinets and finds the chips he bought for her yesterday.

"You're gross for liking that shit. Everyone this is my friend Rebecca Williams" everyone in the room notices that Buck has a relaxed smile on his face. Becca waves at everyone and introductions are made. Then she turns to Buck continuing the conversation.

"So this the team you were talking about? The one with the lawsuit?"

"Wait you told this random person about our case? Is there anyone else you told about us before you dropped this case" asks Bobby in disbelief.

"I'm not a random person Captain Nash, I'm Becca with the 99th station in Beverly Hills. Buck and I have known each other for almost 4 years. We met at school at the Southern Cali EMS Training Institute." she turns to Buck "I told you never to go through with the lawsuit. Still can't believe you dropped 7 million fuckin' dollars! Like holy shit that's more than we will ever make in our lifetime combined. I would have taken the money and ran off to Chicago"

"Why Chicago?"

"Cause that where they film Chicago PD and plus, I heard they have decent wheelchair accessible homes for Jayla. She misses you by the way. She misses her Uncle Buck's pancakes. Apparently, her dad keeps making them wrong"

"W-wait, you were offered money Buck? 7 million dollars?" Hen asks interrupting the conversation between Becca and Buck.

"Yea...before the...conversation at the store and the woman...I had gone to the lawyer's office and he said that the city was offering me 7 million dollars as settlement...I obviously didn't take it, It was never about the money, I just wanted to be back with you all. I couldn't take being so alone anymore".

"But Buck, you weren't alone, you had us" Chim says pointing to himself and the others in the room.

"I know I do but...ugh forget it" Buck says sitting back up in his seat. They don't get it, they'll never get it.

"No what is it Buck? We understand-" Chim gets cut off by Buck, finally standing up from his chair.

"No, you don't understand, you guys don't get it. Ever since I was crushed by that firetruck, everything that I need to be, the one...the ONE thing that I am-was good at was gone. Without the job I have nothing. And I know I have you guys but outside of working and our occasional gatherings, we never see each other...like at all. I used to think that you guys were my family...but all this time away from you made me realize...that we...at least me with you all...we're just friends...I saw you all as my family because I was so used to seeing you all the time...but now this is the first time that I been with all of you in one place that wasn't work..." Buck says as he finally, but silently lets the small tears that have been gathering in his eyes fall.

He covers his face and turns his face away from everyone. Eddie sits Buck back down in the chair while Becca refills the empty glass of water for him. She puts the glass of water in his hands and asks him to drink slowly, so as not to choke. They were all surprised to see how gentle Eddie was being with Buck considering what happened at the store yesterday.

They weren't expecting Eddie to give Buck a kiss on his forehead, whispering quiet things to him.

Becca and Maddie smile at them, something knowing passing in their eyes.

"Did we miss anything?"

{~} {~}

After explaining what happened the night before, the team was a mix of emotions. One thing they knew for sure was that they are grateful to whatever was out there that they still had their boy with them. Hen steadies herself and then approaches Buck who is still sitting on the chair and was able to be talked down from an anxiety attack by Eddie. Hen places her hands-on Buck's shoulders. He looks up:

"I'm sorry Buck, we'll do better this time" Hen says as everyone gather around Buck to hug him. They promise the same thing.

"We're sorry. We appreciate you more than you'll ever know, and we will spend every day proving it to you" says someone. But Buck is so overwhelmed by all of the familiar support around him, he doesn't catch the owner of the voice.

He finally feels loved.

{~} {~}

"See that wasn't so bad" Eddie later says as they are settling into Eddie's bed. After everyone had left, Eddie drove Buck back to his house to see Christopher.

It was the first time Eddie saw Christopher smile brightly since the tsunami.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here for you buddy. I won't leave you again" Buck had said after he scooped Christopher up and gave him an over-due hug.

"I guess not..." Buck says quietly after a moment. Although it's dark in the room, Eddie can still hear the hesitation in his voice. Eddie frowns and places his hand on Buck's face, gently holding it and rubbing his thumb on his cheek.

"Evan what's wrong hermoso? Talk to me" Eddie says as he feels Buck scoot closer to him and immediately finding comfort in his arms.

"Nothing...it's just that...I never thought I would be so loved before..." Buck says and Eddie can hear the small smile in his voice. Eddie tilts Buck's face so he is looking up and carefully kisses him. Buck can feel all the love being poured into this one single kiss and it almost takes his breathe away.

"Never doubt it mi vida never doubt it. I'll love you enough for the both of us until you're ready to love yourself again"

Buck drifts off in the arms of the person he loves while hearing a familiar soothing tune.

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