A/N Noa here, back at it again with the same bullshit as usual. This time, we're giving The Rising of the Shield Hero (AKA, Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari) a shot, because my new job leaves me without access to the internet, with extra cash to spend on light novels to keep me entertained during my breaks!

Yeah, after going through the entirety of Goblin Slayer and having nothing else to read, I decided to finally give the Shield Hero a try and…well, that's how we got here.

Disclaimer for the whole story: I don't own Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari/The Rising of the Shield Hero, or anything related to it.

All I own is whatever comes out of this fic, so have fun reading!

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…

Looking back on it now, I haven't lived that long of a life. Twenty-four honestly wasn't that old, though it certainly felt like it at times…

No matter—not much I can do about it now, seeing as I've died.

How?

I honestly don't remember…

Maybe it's for the best.

Whatever happened couldn't have been any good, so I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I don't remember anything about my death. All I know is that shortly after my death, I was reborn.

I was stuck in the body of a newborn infant, unable to do anything else but wail at the top of my lungs. It really sucks to be a baby, so I wasn't surprised to find myself often sleeping the days away, crying whenever I was hungry or when I had soiled myself.

Teething fucking hurt and learning how to talk again was annoying. I consider myself lucky that I had taken two semesters worth of Japanese. God knows just how much more annoying it would've been, had I not known basic Japanese. It wasn't much, but to little ol' me, it made a fucking difference in giving me a head start with my new parents.

Although, I feel like I might've screwed myself over, considering how eager my parents were to introduce me to academic subjects after that. On the bright side, at least I wasn't bored… On the downside, I did suffer socially, due to how often my parents would brag to the other parents whenever I was taken outside to the park to play with the other children.

I…didn't make many friends because of that. Actually, I didn't make any friends at all. Anxiety and my parents' inability to shut up about their gifted child locked me out of a lot of interactions I could've had with the other children. And it carried over noticeably when I started being left at a daycare.

It's…really hard to interact with other children, when you're so god damn awkward, especially when those same children are told to stay away from me by their own parents. As a result, I was often on my lonesome, either coloring in pages to a coloring book, or just playing with some building blocks.

When I was four years old, my baby brother, Takahiro, was born. He was such a small thing, with black hair that was just as messy as mine and green eyes that shone brightly in the light. When I placed my finger in his hand, he grabbed it with his tiny hand.

Th-Thump!
I felt my heart skip a beat, my cheeks heating up with a blush. I never had a younger brother before, having been the youngest sibling instead of the oldest. It was a new experience for me, and so I did what I could as I peered at him through the bars of his crib.

Father was usually busy with work, staying out late to meet important deadlines. Unlike Father, Mother was always home, being a housewife that was content to do all the cooking and cleaning. Often, I found myself being asked to help out around the house.

With nothing else to do, I went along with what Mother asked of me. I helped her with the cooking and the cleaning. Sometimes, she asked me to watch over Takahiro while she went out to buy groceries.

That should have been my first red flag.

But I ignored it.

Looking back at it now, it's really fucked up that an adult could leave two children home alone. No matter how brief the trip to the grocery store was, it still doesn't change the fact that she left an eight-year-old in charge of someone who was half their age. It might have helped that Takahiro was distracted by the story I was reading to him. Even so…this isn't normal.

Why did I let it happen?

I should have known better.

But I didn't.

It's why I never said anything whenever Mother sent Takahiro my way so that I could take him out to the park. I didn't even question how often she would encourage him to come to me whenever he had issues with his homework. Sure, it was annoying at times, when I had homework of my own to do, but…I thought that was normal.

And maybe it was normal, but in the long run…I should've noticed that something was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

It didn't hit me until I entered middle school. That was around the time that my grades went down as a result of finally reaching new territory. No longer was I ahead of everyone else—not in physical education, nor mathematics. All I really had going for myself was English, for obvious reasons…

It was to be expected, since most of what I'd known had its limits within a Japanese school setting. At the very least, I was still within the top thirty, but…that might as well have been a death sentence for my parents.

I got scolded a lot after that, which sure did wonders for my rejection sensitive dysphoria. It felt like I was dying from the inside, from how much my chest wouldn't stop hurting. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from crying.

It was an issue I had in my past life that carried over into my new life. ADHD can be a pain in the ass, especially when paired with depression and anxiety. My parents weren't helping at all, what with their harsh behavior towards my grades worsening my depressive moods and causing my anxiety to spike to debilitating levels.

Takahiro was the only one who treated me normally… He was the only one who was there for me when Mother and Father finally gave up on me.

I didn't score high enough on the entrance exams, due to the burnout I experienced from the amount of studying that Mother and Father forced me to do. And while I did manage to get into a decent high school (which should at least say something about my efforts), it still wasn't what Mother and Father wanted from me.

So they fucked right off, while I was left to my own devices…which was just a smartphone I got at the age of ten. It was my only source of entertainment, because Mother was very strict on what it was that I watched on TV. I mean, there were only so many books I could read to pass the time, especially when you're made to watch over your younger brother.

Midway into my first year of high school, my phone finally crapped out on me. I went to Father for a replacement, but the bastard had the gall to tell me that I had to pay for it with my own money. He tells me this, just shortly after buying Takahiro a new smartphone.

I see how it is.

And yet, I didn't really hold it against Takahiro. It wasn't his fault that our parents were now playing favorites. Instead, I went job-hunting and found myself working temporarily at a maid café. I quit after the first week, not liking the attention I was getting from customers. The pay wasn't worth the harassment, so I left after receiving my first paycheck.

See ya fucking never, Master.

I decided to take my chances at a nearby daycare. I was already used to watching over Takahiro, so I thought that there wouldn't be much of a difference watching over other children.

I was wrong…

So very, very wrong…because not all children are like Takahiro.

Some children like to be absolute troublemakers and pull on my ponytail when I'm not looking. Others like to make me the dog whenever they were playing house. And quite a few of them like to throw tantrums when things didn't go their way.

It was like looking at the Ghost of Christmas Past, just staring me down as I was reminded of my past life. I was a terrible child—how did Mama put up with me?!

How?!

I asked myself that, as I dealt with the children who were most like myself when I was their age. A few times, I wanted to cry…by the end of the month, I did.

It happened so suddenly, when I was completely on my own after a coworker bailed out on her shift in order to go on a date with her boyfriend. It was on a day that the daycare supervisor called in sick. I was up to my neck in children, watching over toddlers that my coworker was supposed to watch while I cared for the older children.

The anxiety and stressed build up over a short period of time, eventually reaching a limit when a toddler almost got hurt after climbing up a shelf and causing it to topple over. I managed to keep the shelf from falling onto her, but the situation itself was too close for comfort, that it just…pushed me over the edge.

I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. I had a job to do, and even if I didn't, it wouldn't even be right to leave all these children on their own. Still, I just wanted to run away…

I tried telling myself to keep it together, that I only had to work for a few more days before I could quit. That's when I found myself surrounded by children, their tiny arms wrapping around me as they did their best to calm me down. A few of them even apologized to me, saying that they never meant to make me cry.

It was so surreal, but…

I don't hate this.

I got a raise after that day, as an apology for the hell I went through, watching over so many children on my own. My coworker got fired, however, for neglecting to show up on a day that her attendance was mandatory. Good riddance, I find myself thinking before grabbing a book off the shelf to read to the children.

It's nice, having so many children at my side, now that they've stopped pulling me in every direction. Some of them still do act out from time to time, but not often enough. All it takes is for another child to remind them that if they keep it up, I'll cry again, and they just stop.

I usually get a flower crown or even a messy drawing as some sort of apology. It's cute…

What isn't cute is finding out your coworker goes to the same high school as you, and has her friends pick on you for getting her in trouble. Like, geez, if you didn't want to get in trouble, then maybe you shouldn't have ditched work for your boyfriend…

Not that I care, since I now have something to do after school each day. Sure, it's annoying to have a second-year student on your case, but it's easy to forget all about that when you have a group of children wanting your attention.

I know I told myself that I was going to quit as soon as I got my new phone, but…I stayed. To be honest, being a caretaker isn't that bad of a job. It has its ups and downs, but otherwise, it's nothing I can't handle. It's certainly better than being stuck in a house, under the scrutinizing eye of Mother. Even now, nothing I do is enough for her.

Meanwhile, poor Takahiro is getting pushed more and more towards his studies. I'm doing my best to alleviate some of the stress he's dealing with, but there's only so much I can do when Mother refuses to let me near him while he's like this. By the time I was finally allowed near him, it was already too late.

After being sent to a famous prep school, Takahiro finally snapped under all the pressure of studying. He started acting out, dyeing his hair a different color and acting like a typical Japanese delinquent. It's disgusting how easily Mother and Father were able to give up on Takahiro, calling him a failure like me.

By then, I was in my second year of high school, still dealing with petty bullies and a part-time job at a daycare. With all the extra cash I had been saving up, I started buying otome games and manga. Occasionally, I'd buy DVD sets of anime and manga that managed to catch my eye. And the less said about my light novel collection, the better.

Please don't ask.

I…might've gone overboard, so I ended up taking a second part-time job at a cosplay café. So back into the maid outfit I go!

Okaerinasaimase, goshujinsama!

At least this time, the pay was worth the hassle…and it was a weekend job, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. That still didn't make my face hurt any less from all the smiling I've forced myself to do around customers. Though, come summer vacation, I threw all that smiling out the window. The daycare I worked at had given me time off for the duration of my summer vacation, so I decided to make the most of my free time by working more hours at the cosplay café.

It was the biggest mistake of my life, because there's only so much teasing I can tolerate on a weekly basis—especially if it's from customers. Honestly, I was expecting to get fired, except…that didn't happen. In actuality, I got a raise, because there was something charming about my resting bitch face that brought in more customers than usual. Apparently, I had that tsundere appeal that now made me a favorite amongst regulars.

Can I go back to childcare?

I miss my kids and their adorable antics…as chaotic as they can be at times. I mean, I certainly prefer their shenanigans over the rowdy teenagers and grown-ass adults I have to deal with at the café. Once—just once—I had to make use of the personal safety alarm I kept in my bag.

I got another raise after that as a sort of bribe to keep me from quitting. I mean, I wasn't planning on quitting to begin with, but hey—more money~!

It's nice having money…

Too bad Takahiro doesn't understand the appeal, with the way he tried to get me to quit after that incident. Thankfully, I was able to get him off my case by letting him walk me home after work. It's honestly cute seeing him act so worried for my wellbeing.

At least someone cares…

I went back to my usual work schedule at the end of my summer vacation. My school life resumed without any issues, besides the ones that already existed… And then my classmates decided that they wanted to do a cosplay café for our school's cultural festival.

Lame!

Once—just once—I'd like to be part of a haunted house. Instead, I got shoved into Danmachi cosplay as Hestia, because no one else wanted to wear it. I gave my female classmates the stink eye as they tried to tie the blue ribbon under my nonexistent boobs, wondering who in the fuck thought this was a good idea.

It certainly got a few laughs out of my classmates. My ex-coworker and her friends made it their goal to get as many people to see me in this outfit so that they could poke fun at my cosplay. It worked at first…until a group of boys that were rather popular with the student body showed up and decided that my cosplay was more cute than pitiful. That, in turn, got everyone else to shut up about my nonexistent boobs and instead, talk about my moe appeal.

So I came out of that experience with a handful of fans on my side. Not what I was expecting, but hey—it could be worse.

And it did get worse!

My somewhat quiet existence at school took a hectic turn when I started getting bullied by some jealous girls. It was like something out of a shoujo manga, except worse.

It's worse because it's fucking real.

Apparently, some girls felt that I didn't deserve the attention I received during the cultural festival. Of these girls, was my ex-coworker, who was absolutely livid that I managed to attract the attention of some popular boys. As if my existence didn't piss her off enough already, it turned out that she had a crush on one of those boys.

Why me?

And I was doing so well, just staying out of everyone's business. And then this bitch decides to fuck up the last two years of my high school life. For fuck's sakes, she's graduating this year!

Get off my dick!

Since I was already used to dealing with that bitch and her friends, I didn't have to worry about my shoes or books getting stolen by anyone else. I made it a habit to always keep them on me—just in case. It certainly paid off, though it only pissed off my ex-coworker and the other girls.

That's how I got a bucket of dirty water thrown on me while I was sweeping the floors of our classroom after school. I had trash thrown at me, graffiti all over my desk, and at one point, I got locked in a supply closet.

It really sucks not having any friends, because I have to rely on others to get me out of this mess on their own accord. Which is…almost never, because no one wants to get involved with Moss Eyes—that's what they started calling me, by the way.

Green isn't that common of an eye color around these parts, and my sharp eyes give me this resting bitch face that makes me look like I'm about to stab someone if they so much as piss me off. It's…probably why I wasn't able to make any friends, apart from my parents effectively sabotaging my social life as a child with their arrogance. The reason I bring this up is because my ex-coworker pointed a pair of scissors at my eyes after I got jumped in the girl's restroom during lunch.

That…that wasn't funny—I can't even make any jokes. That shit fucking terrified me, and I'm honestly glad that all that really happened is that they cut my hair into a short, choppy mess. I thought I was going to lose an eye…

I cried after that, catching the attention of our school's student council president—who just so happened to be one of the boys who got me into this mess in the first place. Like, sure, he's a nice-looking guy, but I'm not exactly in the mood to get into any relationships—not with the way my parents are. I wanna get out of that house first before I try my luck with love.

Anyways, that incident brought the end to the bullying, with my ex-coworker getting expelled and the other girls being suspended. I got a bunch of written apologies from them, but I didn't really bother looking at them, since I can tell they weren't genuine. They still call me Moss Eyes from time to time, but otherwise, I'm left alone.

Mother criticized me for my short hair, ignoring the fact that I had been bullied.

It's not like asked for this to happen!

Of course, that didn't stop her from acting like I did. And the reason why was because she set me up on an omiai.

I'm only sixteen—what the absolute fuck?!

My own mother arranged a marriage interview with a grown-ass man. He was a wealthy man that Father had befriended during one of his business trips. The two had talked over drinks and when the man had mentioned his terrible luck with women, Father had the most brilliant idea to introduce me to him. When he brought this up to Mother, she was all too eager to accept.

Unbelievable!

I have never been so relieved to have had my hair cut in such a traumatizing fashion, because that's what turned that man away from me, saying that I was too tomboyish for his tastes. Mother scolded me afterwards, with Father just giving me a disapproving look—as if I ever looked for his approval.

I need to get out of this house…

Takahiro started reaching out to me after that, giving me the opportunity to drag him into my hobbies. I wanted him to give him an outlet for his stress, since Mother and Father were no fucking help. And honestly? I just wanted someone to talk to, since I don't have any friends…

It worked a lot better than I was expecting, so now I have a dating sim buddy to talk trash about overused tropes and scenarios. He started smiling a lot more, and laughing, too. He still dyed his hair and acted out, but mostly out of spite towards our parents.

I don't blame him.

I started saving up my money after that, being a lot more mindful about my spending habits. I paid more attention to my studies, hoping to improve my grades in ways that could land me a scholarship that wouldn't leave me reliant on parents for college tuition. Takahiro did the same, not wanting me to leave him behind.

God, I wish he hadn't said that…

Now I can't leave him behind—I just can't…

I guess it's back to jobhunting again.

Because I needed to set aside some savings for Takahiro—just enough so that he could get by when I eventually leave. With my current schedule, I had to focus on part-time jobs in the evening, which…didn't leave me many options. So here I am, in the Red Light District, having an interview with the owner of a hostess club.

No one must ever know!

My reputation is at stake, so I can't afford to let anyone find out about this. For that reason alone, I had to dip into my savings to buy a whole new wardrobe, with make-up and circle lenses to make it more difficult for anyone to recognize me. I bought a high-quality wig to hide my short, choppy hair, making it look as though I had straight, black hair that was long enough to reach my hips. The wig had bangs that were cut straight across, with mid-length strands that framed the sides of my face. It gave me this sort of doll-like appearance, which instantly caught the eye of a very wealthy customer during my first day of work.

Thankfully, he wasn't that creepy of a guy, in that he wasn't trying to get me to sleep with him. He just…liked talking to me. I…don't know how to feel about this.

Just keep that money coming.

I only have to deal with this shit for four more years, when I'm old enough to drink and am legally considered an adult. It's rough, but…I think I can handle it. Sure, it's difficult finding any time to study and sleep, but it's certainly better than being forced to go to another omiai…which happened anyway, because Mother thinks that the only thing that I'm good for is becoming some rich dude's wife.

I had visible shadows under my eyes by the end of my second year of high school. I managed to keep my grades up, and now that Takahiro had an outlet for his stress, he was able to focus enough on his studies to make a noticeable comeback. Of course, Mother and Father were skeptical, but this isn't about them—they can fuck right off.

I was in the top ten of my class when I graduated from high school. I managed to land a decent scholarship to a nearby university, but I still had to live with Mother and Father. Regretfully, I had to quit my part-time job at a daycare—I just wasn't making enough money there and I needed more time to study and sleep…

I still had to go to omiai from time to time, which prompted me to keep my hair short and choppy. I kept make-up removal wipes on me, to wipe away the foundation covering the dark circles under my eyes. It made me look less appealing to whatever marriage candidate my parents were trying to set me up with.

Just two more years…

University life was a lot easier to get through when you have a good idea of where you want to go. In my case, it was chemistry—why chemistry? Because it's what I knew best from my past life. It certainly made the classes a lot easier, though I still had to force myself to study.

Thankfully, Takahiro was there to help me out when my depression tried to kick my ass to the curb. He was also there to bail me out when a confrontation with a customer at the hostess club I worked at got a little…handsy. Yeah, Takahiro forced me to quit after that.

While he was at it, he also forced me to quit working at that cosplay café—which I was about to do anyways, since that job was really wearing me down. Now I had nothing else to do but study and otherwise, just dick around with the videogames and manga I had. Takahiro was happy to have me around again, since he was getting lonely.

Mother and Father regained their hope in Takahiro, since he became the top of his class and even managed to get into a good high school. You can imagine the unwanted comments I got from them, for not being able to do the same.

Whatever…

At least I don't have to worry too much about Takahiro when I finally leave this place. He still had that trust fund I made for him, as well as the abundant allowance Father was giving him for his good grades. I got a share of that, too, since I had a hand in that…though Father would prefer not to acknowledge that.

On the day of my twentieth birthday, I skipped out on the omiai my parents set up for me. I had collected most of my belongings before I left the house that day, leaving the rest for Takahiro to keep for himself. I messaged him on his phone, informing him about the trust fund I set up for him to use when he was old enough to leave Mother and Father. After ensuring that I would answer any questions he had for me in the evening, I turned off my phone and made my way to the Red Light District.

I'd be lying if I said I never expected to find myself here again, because there are a lot of places here that still hold my interest…like love hotels.

Did you know it's cheaper to spend the night in a love hotel instead of an actual hotel? I sure did, because my interests are all over the fucking place when it's three o'clock in the fucking morning. Praise be to my past life's random YouTube binges.

I picked the fanciest love hotel and checked in…at least, that had been the plan before I bumped into a group of four girls who were discussing which room that they were going to stay in. They looked like they were around my age, dressed in fashionable clothes that looked pretty expensive—nothing like my boyish-looking hoodie and jeans.

A gyaru with blonde hair and tanned skin looked away from her friends, her gaze falling on me. A wide smile crossed her face as she clapped her hands together and asked if I wanted to party with them. So that's how I found myself getting drunk with a group of girls who were all too eager to welcome me as their new friend.

They were runaways, like me, and tonight was a special occasion for one of the girls, because she managed to land a high-paying job that finally got her out of the net café she had been calling home for the past year. They all knew each other because they often ran into each other while jobhunting.

At least two of them had worked as escorts, which explained why they felt so comfortable around love hotels. The gyaru who had reached out to me had connections with the owner of this particular love hotel. She took a long drink from her fuzzy navel before asking me if I knew how to cook.

The reason why she asked is because the owner of the love hotel was looking for another cook to help out in the kitchen. Not many people were willing to work in the love hotel industry due to the stigma around the industry. I, however, did not give a shit about that and after drinking my third glass of Peach Fizz, I asked immediately about the pay and when I could start.

That got me a few laughs from the gyaru. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me in closely. She clinked her glass against mine before downing the rest of her drink.

Things got pretty wild after that, no thanks to one of the girls deciding that they wanted to watch something, only to remember at the very last second that we were in a love hotel. Whoever was in this room previously had forgotten to turn down the volume, so I just about choked on my food when my ears were blasted with the loud sound of inappropriate moans.

So that was how Yumi found out I was a virgin. Yumi, by the way, is the name of the gyaru who hooked me up with a job. The other girls were named Haru, Momoka, and Atsuko. By the end of the evening, I knew more than I probably should about these girls…but I don't mind. Because for the first time in many years, I finally made some friends.

It didn't take me that long to adjust to my new living conditions. The owner of the love hotel allowed me to live here while I worked for him. All I had to do, besides pay a bi-weekly fee, was change rooms every three days. The owner had a business to run and the last thing he wanted was for a room to stay blocked off from potential customers.

Honestly, there aren't that many downsides to living in a love hotel. The rooms were always clean, as were the bathrooms. The beds were always soft, and sometimes, the room came with an indoor pool. It was nice having such a cool place to kick back…ignoring the sex toys and condoms I would find all over the place.

It's a love hotel—what else were you expecting?

I still had classes to attend at my university and while the distance there from the love hotel was a lot farther than I was used to, it wasn't anything that I couldn't handle.

Yumi made it a habit to check up on me, forcing me out on outings with the other girls on our days off. It's thanks to her that my hair was slowly making a recovery from all the short, choppy haircuts I had given to myself to deter any marriage candidates. Maybe in a few months, I'll be able to pull it back into a ponytail again.

Maybe.

Takahiro often called, wanting to make sure that I was doing okay. He was the one who gave me the news that I've been disowned. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been expecting that, though what actually surprised me the most was how hurt I felt from knowing that I've been disowned.

I drank my sorrows away that night, waking up the next morning with a massive hangover just hours before an exam. Despite my reckless actions, I managed to pass the exam—though just barely.

Work wasn't all that difficult, especially since I was given free meals during my shifts. My cooking has improved immensely since my first day, to the point that I managed to get a promotion after three months. Yumi arranged a party that evening with the rest of our friends, wanting to celebrate the progress I've made.

During one of Yumi's drunken tirades, I found out the reason why she reached out to me that day. She took one look at me and decided that I was someone that had to be protected. Because no one had been there for her when she needed help the most…

"You shine the brightest when you're with friends," she tells me, her hand gently caressing my cheek. "Like a polished gem… You have so much potential—never forget that, okay?"

I took her words to heart, letting them guide me through the next few months as I focused on my studies. Whenever I found myself feeling down, those words gave me the nudge I needed to keep moving forward.

I can do this.

Six months into my new and improved lifestyle, I finally found out why my name sounded so familiar. It happened as I was at the library, walking through the aisles when a book landed on my fucking head.

"Ow!"

Tears sprang to my eyes as I stumbled back a few steps. My vision blurred momentarily, and my gaze shifted downwards to see what it was that had hit my head. It was a hardcover book, titled, The Record of the Four Holy Weapons, which sounded like something out of an isekai web novel. Curious, despite my throbbing head, I knelt down to pick up the book. I skimmed through it, barely paying any attention to its contents. I stopped on a blank page, wondering briefly about what was supposed to here.

Then, without any warning, my world faded to black. I'm not sure what happened, but when I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at a group of men dressed in robes.

What the fuck?

My thoughts were so jumbled up, that I couldn't make out what the men in robes were saying as they talked amongst each other. I quickly got onto my feet, taking note of the glowing circle that was beneath me. I was on some sort of altar, with three other people besides me. My blood ran cold when I noticed the weapons that they held in their hands—one a bow, another a sword, and the last, a spear.

Oh no…

I swallowed hard and forced myself to look at my left arm. Sure enough, there was a shield attached to it. And after twenty years of being reincarnated into a different world, I now knew why Iwatani Naofumi was such a familiar name.

Well, something went wrong.

I forced myself to smile, screams echoing within the depths of my mind. I didn't want to be here—I literally just got my life together after dying and getting reincarnated! I am not in the mood to throw all of that the fuck away to save some world I barely even know.

I'm already off to a brilliant start as the Shield Hero.

Please just let me go home.

"Come on. Let's go." A young man with long, blond hair and red eyes extended his hand towards me, snapping me out of my thoughts with his voice. He smiled at me, which was…strange. From the looks of the spear he's holding in his other hand, this dude is the Spear Hero and…I don't ever recall him being so nice to the Shield Hero.

What the fuuuuuuck.

I let out a yelp when the Spear Hero decided I was taking too long and reached out to grab my hand. His grip was strong, and his hands were rather big in comparison to mine. Even he seemed to notice, from the way he made a comment.

"Were you always this dainty?" Dude, do I know you?

God, I wish I knew more from what I read in the manga (which wasn't a lot to begin with…). A part of me regrets not buying the light novel when I had the chance. Then again, I did take one look at the harem tag and decided that it wasn't worth the purchase after giving the manga a shot. Like, I don't exactly hate harems…I'm just tired of them because it's always the same damn thing. It gets boring, and the last thing I want to read about is harem in an isekai setting.

Isekai and harems don't mix, unless you're Bakarina.

God, I actually wish I was Katarina Claes instead of Iwatani Naofumi… I mean sure, she's got a lot of flags to avoid, but hey—I rather that, than be accused of a crime I never committed.

Oh fuck—that's a thing!

Beads of sweat were rolling down the side of my face as I stared at the old man that reclining in his throne.

"My name is Aultcray Melromarc XXXII, and I rule these lands." Neat, I don't give a shit—I wanna go home. "Heroes, show me your faces."

And I guess that's our cue to introduce ourselves.

Hi, my name is Iwatani Naofumi and I wanna die!

I don't really mean that, because I already died once.

If I die again, do I get reincarnated again?

I have no idea, nor do I want to find out. At this point, I'd do just about anything to go back to the love hotel so I don't have to listen to the king explain everything that's going on with this world. I'd even dive under beds for used sex toys and condoms if it means not having to listen to this old guy ramble on.

After what felt like hours to me, the old man finally had us introduce ourselves. You'd think he'd let us do that earlier, but apparently not…

The first one up to introduce himself was the Sword Hero. He wasn't that tall of a person, with short, black hair and blue eyes. He had fair skin and a rather pretty face like a typical bishounen I'd see in shoujo manga or the otome games I've played.

"My name is Amaki Ren, age sixteen," he introduced himself. "I'm a high schooler."

That explains a lot about his height. Ren was likely long overdue for a growth spurt. He's a lot like Takahiro, who hasn't exactly grown since he entered middle school. Grant it, he's had a few centimeters on me for quite some time, but I'm not that tall of a person to begin with, so…

Gosh, teenagers are so tiny these days.

The Bow Hero stepped up after Ren. "I am Kawasumi Itsuki, seventeen-years-old. I'm in high school as well."

Itsuki had light, brown hair that was wavy and gold-colored eyes that were most peculiar. And despite being older than Ren, Itsuki was shorter than him—I think we might actually be the same height. I would check, buuuut…that'd be awkward, considering that everyone's eyes were now focused on me.

"I'm Iwatani Naofumi." I tried my best to keep my voice steady, which was difficult when under the disapproving gaze of Aultcray Melromarc XXXII. Knowing that he hates my fucking guts just makes it all the more difficult. "I'm a twenty-year-old university student."

I could tell that Ren and Itsuki were having a hard time believing me. Like, yeah, I'm short—but I'm not that short! And after all the shit I've been through, I don't think I have that much of a baby face…

As far as I know.

I've gotten used to being treated like an adult since I first started working at that hostess club.

That…that's not something I should be proud of.

Okay, I am in serious need of some therapy if I want to get past all these issues caused by my neglectful parents.

Good luck finding that here.

Pushing all those thoughts aside, I turned my attention to the Spear Hero, who has not said anything since we entered the throne room. His face was blank, as though he was lost in thought.

"Hey!" I jabbed the Spear Hero with my elbow. "Introduce yourself!"

The Spear Hero blinked a few times. "Oh. My name is Kitamura Motoyasu. I'm twenty…"

"Twenty years old…?" I thought the Spear Hero was supposed to be the oldest out of us four.

Well, shit—there goes whatever foresight I had…

"No—I'm twenty-one, I say!" Okay, false alarm—we're still in the clear.

"You a university student too?" Come on—prove me right! I need reassurance that I'm not thoroughly screwed as the Shield Hero.

"Well…" Motoyasu closed his eyes as he grinned. "I'm actually a Love Hunter!"

What.

"He's clearly unemployed," Itsuki felt the need to comment.

"No—he's probably an escort." I mean, it only makes sense. I've seen my fair share of male escorts while working at that love hotel. Motoyasu wouldn't be out of place amongst them. "He did call himself a Love Hunter…"

I still don't know why he did that, but I'm trying to make the most of his outburst because it's not matching up with what I know.

Keep it together—we're still in the clear…I hope.

"Now then. Ren, Motoyasu, and Itsuki…correct?" And just like that, the king's already ignoring me.

Just like Mother and Father.

Man, I miss my past life. Sure, I still had a lot issues, but my parents at least gave a shit about me…

How much longer do I have to put up with these guys?

I just wanna get going, so I can buy Raphtalia and peace the fuck out of here. At least she won't ignore me…wait—

Isn't she like a child right now?

…

…

Oh my god, I have to get her out of that cage!

Get on with it, you old man!

Too bad the Spear Hero, Motoyasu, decided to throw everything I knew about The Rising of the Shield Hero by scolding the king for forgetting about my name. Now it wasn't the fact that he was standing up for me that threw me off, rather—it was what he said to the king that made me question everything.

"Don't you forget Father's name!"

Excuse me?!

…

…

…

A/N SO THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY RISING OF THE SHIELD HERO, BUT RATHER, REPRISE OF THE SPEAR HERO.

Meaning we have a timelooping Motoyasu who is about ready to buy a lot of Filolials and mess with the timeline. He's here on his first loop, but there's something he hasn't quite noticed just yet about SI!Naofumi…

Like the fact that she's an SI, or the fact that she should be referred to as Mother, instead of Father. That's where I got the idea for the name of this fic, so let's see what sort of chaos comes out of this.

Also I'm not the only one writing fem!Naofumi fics, because this all started when I fell into the rabbit hole and it continued further, when friends ChibiFoxAI and ShirakiNagi decided to follow me down. So here we are, publishing our fics at the same fucking time.

This effort is brought to you by the bread and bitter discord chat, where we're all enablers and isekai hell is literally the name of our writing channel for potential fanfics of any isekai. By the by, because this is a self-insert, that means Naofumi has ADHD, depression, and anxiety. Naofumi is also panromantic asexual, so…if you're expecting things to be hella straight, then I don't know what to tell you guys. Assume no one is straight unless I say so, which I rarely ever do.

That's about all I have for now. I'm about ready to go check out the fics my friends wrote. Feel free to send them love and maybe leave a review if you want. We all crave validation, and it certainly helps keep us motivated.

Until next time, everyone! KD out! XD