This is done for the sake of parody and shouldn't be taken too seriously. Any flaws or critiques in this are either exaggerated or don't really reflect how I feel. Made for fun, hope you enjoy.

I own nothing.

"Alright." One Pink Diamond said to herself as her Pearl followed behind her. "The other Diamonds clearly don't see me as an equal, so I'm going to start a rebellion just between the two of us to scare off the other Gems on Earth." She shifted to her Rose Quartz form. "So come on, let topple an empire together!"

"Ah, shouldn't we get more than one Gem to begin this rebellion, my Diamond?" Pearl hesitantly asked. "I'm just a Pearl, which is not made for the intent of battle, and you have an entire court of Gems willing to do anything at your beck and call."

"No, they're too far into Homeworld's system, they'd never listen!" Rose argued. "Well, maybe Spinel would, but I left her in the garden because she was sooo annoying.."

"Wait, you're not going to take the chance at getting another ally just because she's annoying!" Pearl spat back.

"Yeah, but.."

"And where is she? I haven't seen her in years!"

"In the garden where I told her to stand still, but that..

"And you left her alone?! I thought you were better than the other Diamonds!"

"I am, but.."

"What about me? Would you leave me alone for years just because I was annoying.."

"Never, your my friend.."

"And Spinel wasn't!?" Rose didn't have the courage to argue back. "So here's a bright idea, why don't you take the chance to grow your army by bringing alone the master shapeshifting impossible to touch gem that's loyal beyond belief before you leave her alone for centuries to the point where she'll want blood thirsty revenge just because you were a little peeved off by the WAY SHE WAS DESIGNED WHICH WAS IN NO WAY HER FAULT." Even for a being that didn't need to breathe, saying that all in one go was quite the impressive feat."

"Uggh, fine."

later

Spinel waved goodbye happily to the fleeing gems. "Wow, this new game of tag is amazing! I didn't know soo many gems loved to be poofed!"

"See, what did I tell you?" Pearl smirked as she and a grunting Rose Quartz watch from afar.

"I'm going to start dating humans now just to annoy you."

"What?"

"Nothing."

How Steven Universe The Movie Should Have Ended.

FWRD

The Diamonds surrounded Steven as he got up on the Warp Pad. "Come on Steven, we've done everything you've asked. We even watched those old princess movies for our introduction of you!" White complained.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the effort, it's just that you all creep me out. Bye!" Steven warped away.

"We're following him, right?" Blue insisted.

At the house.

"They think you're going to move in with them? After they ripped out your Gem?" Connie asked.

"Well, it's not like I haven't forgave people who've tried to kill me before." Suddenly, a bright light from the warp lit. "Oh no, run!"

All three Diamond now stood in the rubble of what use to be Steven's house. "Seriously, what a mess. This is exactly why you should live with use Steven." Yellow Diamond scowled as she held both Steven and Connie in her hand. "How can we live with ourselves if we allow our youngest Diamond to wallow in something so destroyed and cluttered?"

"Why do you think we thought no other Gem was able to live here?" Blue added.

Connie just placed a hand on Steven's shoulder as he groaned into his palms. "Suddenly I'm hating my Mom both more and less now somehow."

FWRD

Spinel's injector hung over the four heroes as she made her annoucement. "Hey! Are you Steven Universe?"

Steven nervously replied. "Ah, no?"

"Oh okay." Spinel hopped down to his level. "You wouldn't happen to know where he is?"

"Actually, yeah, I can take you to him." Steven continued. "In fact, if you follow me to this exact spot where I'm standing, he'll appear immediately."

"Oh, gee thanks." She fell for it. "This planet maybe a pile of pebbles, but at less the people are ni.." She didn't get to finish as she was poofed mid-sentence by Connie's sword, who had just road in one Lion.

"It worked! Thanks Garnet, for using your future vision to tell about Spinel's attack."

"Well, we were singing about how nothing was wrong with the world, which was essentially inviting Murphy's law to our doorstep. I just wanted to be safe." Garnet smirked.

"And it's a good thing Lion somehow always knows where I am and is completely comfortable with letting me ride him in fights." Connie added.

"Yeah, it's like he's more comfortable with you riding him than me riding him." Steven concluded. "Lion, I thought we were buds?"

"Rrrrr."

FWRD

Steven could only stare in shock as Spinel poofed the Crystal Gems in front of him. "Guys! Aw man, her song was too catchy for us to completely focus on fighting!"

"Aw, what's the matter Steven? Miss your friends?" Spinel mocked as she shifted her hand into a horn. "Too bad you're not going to see them ever again!" She blew in her hand and made the injector release all the pink liquid inside it into the Earth.

"What did you do!?"

"If you have to ask, than you'll never know!" Spinel sprang away without another word."

Later

Spinel with in some sort of pub area surrounded by other villains such as Aku, Bill, and Lord Boxman. "So I left him there powerless to deal with my bio-poison alone without any friends. And the best part, he still doesn't know who the hell I was! Ha, isn't that a good enough joke for ya, Pink!"

"Here-here!" The villains cheered. "Heroes are soo annoying!" Aku added.

"Oh, tell me about it." Lord Boxman took a drink from his mug. "Especially all these child heroes that keep popping up."

"No, a hero isn't annoying when their children, they're annoying when they keep smiling all the time." Bill said as he burned a shooting star symbol.

"Ohh, I never give up, I'll save the galaxy with smiles and kindness, bleh." Lord Dominator mocked from behind. "I mean, what's up with that?"

"Now you know what it's like to live in my universe." Lord Tirek spoke.

"So, exactly when should that Bio-Poison start taking full effect?" Lord Boxman asked.

"Hm." Spinel checked a comically big watch she shapeshifted on her arm. "Right, about, now."

All the villains laughed again until they realized she wasn't joking, but by then, the earth had caved in and engulfed them all, aside from Bill and Aku, who just floated endlessly in space. "That kid has some serious spunk."

FWRD

"Don't worry Ruby, I got you!" Steven yelled as his amnesic red friend was about to be shattered from above. He did everything he could to summon his shield, but nothing happened. "Oh yeah, my powers still don't work!"

Smash.

"As I predicted." Sapphire watched in agony, and cried over the fait of Ruby.

"I could've grabbed her." Steven groaned as Spinel tried to be helpful.

"Why didn't you?" He asked

"Because your my best friend! And friends always have to ask before they receive." She stuck out her tongue. "Geesh, it's like you don't know how friendship works or something."

FWRD

"As long as you exist, I will serve you!" Pearl exclaimed, making a light bulb go over Steven and Amethyst.

"That's it!" Steven turned to his dad. "Dad, I need to.."

He was stopped by the sight of Spinel choking his dead until he turned blue and stopped breathing. "There! You don't get any deader than that!"

"Spinel!" Steven yelled as Pearl sank into a deep depression in the corner that Amethyst tried to coax her out of. "Why did you do that?!"

"Well, she said as long as he existed, so killing him was the only logical thing.."

"Since when do you run on logic?!" Steven yelled. "I had a whole clear plan where I would fuse with my dad and become this super beefy 60s-90s rock star and use my magical voice to inspire her and get her back to normal!"

"Gee, that's a little far-fetched, don't you think?"

"Whatever, now I have to use the trauma I just experienced to cry over my dad's dead body and bring him back as a pink zombie!"

BUT THIS IS HOW IT REALLY SHOULD HAVE ENDED

"I'm powerless, my family is essentially gone, and the entire world is in danger! What am I suppose to do!" He gasped at a horrible realization. "Do I have to call the Diamonds?"

"Your the only one with.." Lapis started, though Peridot interrupted.

"Actually, that's probably the best option." Everyone stared at her. "What? This is era one technology. That's an injector. Who else but the Diamonds would know more about what's happening then them?"

"Huh." Bismuth's eye's widened. "Sorry Steven, but she has a point."

"Uggggh, Fine." Steven rolled his eyes, have because of his low options, the other have being Spinel's never ending hug around him.

"Don't worry, your best friend will be here for you." Her innocent smile was enough to make entire armies crumble.

"Spinel, if today didn't entirely suck, I would actually be happy."

later

"Its a good thing you told us about this right away Steven." Blue held him a little to close for comfort as they used their mech to carry the injector away. "We wouldn't anything to happen to a place that meant so much to pink."

"And this little rascal is who tried to kill you?" Spinel swung finger to finger on Yellows hand. "I don't know if I believe you. She's way too innocent to destroy anything."

"She's like Pink if she actually put effort into colonizing." White cooed the little pink Gem, though her wide smile really put Steven off.

"So, you think you'll be able to help my friends?" He got back to the topic.

"Of course, reverse engineering era one tech is child's-play now." White reassured. "We'll get rid of the Rejuvenator's effects on your friends soon, but for now, we have something urgent to discuss." All the Diamonds placed their eyes on him.

"What's more important than my friends?!"

"Your safety, of course!" Blue answered. "You've announced yourself all across the universe! Who knows what other dangers are out to get you."

"Which is why we've decided to move to earth for your own good!" She patted his head.

"But.."

"You mean I get to live with my best friend and my new friends!?" Spinel hugged Steven, which the Diamonds just ate up.

"I love this Gem. Let's adopt her!" Yellow demanded.

"Isn't this swell Steven." Blue said as Steven came close to a breakdown. "Now we're one big, happy family, just like Pink wanted!"

"Does it matter at this point what I want?"

All three Diamonds: "NO."

"And so the Diamonds pretty much moved in with me, and coming here is literally one of the few remaining moments of freedom I'll ever have again." Steven banged his head against the table he shared with Dib Membrane and Dipper Pines.

"Wow, that has to be a lot to deal with." Dipper pitied him.

"I don't know, aren't you the guy that forgives everyone and befriends pretty much every other guy that tries to kill you?" Dib raised an eyebrow.

"I HAVEN'T FORGIVEN THEM!" Steven lashed out. "Why does everyone always assume that? It's hard enough to keep things civil, and now I have to put a smile on for them and pretend like nothing bad happened between us! You can't imagine how stressful that really is."

"Yeah dude, imagine if you just immediately forgave Zim for everything he's done."

Dib shuddered at the thought. "Point taken. It's just, you're usually so positive about these things. It's just a little weird seeing you a little more, cynical about it."

"Yeah, almost as weird as you and Gaz getting along like actual siblings." Steven countered. "Since when does she do that?"

"Again, point taken." Dib sipped some of his own drink. "So what're you going to do now? Seems like you've covered all your bases by this point."

"Pretty much. I mean, the only gem that hasn't warmed up to me was Jasper, but I'm certain nothings going to come out of that." Steven waved off. "I guess all there's left to do is figure out where I'm going to take Connie for our date next week.."

"Wait, you two are dating?" Dipper gasped. "But you didn't even say anything, all she did was kiss your cheek."

"Yeah, we do stuff like that all the time, no biggie." Steven shrugged.

"But you didn't even have that awkward moment when you realize that you were in love with her." Star Butterfly came up with her boyfriend Marco Diaz. "And neither of you ever dated anyone else or even shown interest in another person."

"Do we need to?" Steven asked. "We spend nearly everyday together, she knows me better than anyone besides the Gems, we've always been affectionate to each other.."

"But your best friends!" Marco exclaimed. "Shouldn't that be weird?"

"No? I mean, if you're going to date someone and you want to make it work out, doesn't it being your best friend make it a little easier and better?"

Everyone at the table laughs. "Hah, try telling that every show ever!" Star nearly fell down.

Aang came to them next. "I don't know, he has a point. Me and Katara got together."

"Yeah, but that was at the end of your series, and you two were really the only options for each other." Korra stood next to Aang. "And don't even get me started on the romance in mine. Do we really need to make this a big deal in any of our lives? It really seems to only lead to trouble."

"Maybe you all just need more emotional maturity. After all.." Connie came from out of nowhere and sat next to Steven and held his hand. "..that's the main point of our show." The two kids blushed as everyone aww'ed.

"Can we all agree just agree that Pink Diamond mistreated Spinel and we should give her all the hugs we can." Star asked.

Everyone: YES!