I know that I said that I'm done and I am, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone.

Chapter I

Two and a half years after the Blip

There wasn't a day Natasha didn't think about Clint. About the sacrifice he'd made so everyone could come back.

Because of him, families, friends, and lovers were reunited.

Because of him, she was still alive.

She had been ready to die, to give her life, but he'd managed to trick her and he'd jumped off the cliff, taking her place. She missed him so much and she felt guilty every time she saw his family. They were all back, but Clint was gone. Laura had sold the farm and moved to New York, and Natasha was happy that they were so close to her now, but someone was missing.

And it broke her heart that Clint had never met James. That he hadn't even known about him. Hell, Natasha hadn't known about him until Laura had shoved a box with a pregnancy test in it into her hands. A baby had been the last thing that Natasha had needed three weeks after losing Clint, everyone being back, fighting Thanos, losing Tony, and then Steve leaving them all behind to be with Peggy Carter.

It had been a shock, but she had known that she could do this. Clint would want her to have this, would want her to be a mother. Natasha had never thought she would be a mother, had never really pictured herself with a child, but she'd wanted that baby. She had been terrified, beyond scared because she would be all alone, but one look into her baby's eyes and she'd known that they would make.

She'd named her son after Bucky, because he had been such a great help to her during her pregnancy, and after Clint. She'd briefly considered to use Clint as his first name but it had been too painful. James Clinton Romanoff was the love of Natasha's life and being his mother was everything to her. He was loved by everyone and a very bright and happy child.

Natasha looked at her bedroom ceiling, smiling. Clint had changed her life two times. Once when he'd sparred her life and then again when he'd sacrificed his life for hers. He had also saved her son's life that day.

She closed her eyes, thinking about her best friend. She didn't want to think about her other best friend.

She knew that one day James would ask about his father and she had no idea what to tell him. How was she supposed to explain to him that his father had gone back in time, that he didn't even know about his child, and that they would never see him again. She didn't even understand it herself. Steve had left them all. He hadn't said goodbye, he'd just left like the 12 years he'd spent with them meant nothing. She thought that they all had been a family, but it looked like that hadn't been what Steve felt like. They'd lost Clint and Tony, his best friend had been finally back for good, the brother Steve had risked everything for, but that still hadn't been enough. He'd left to be with a woman he'd shared one kiss with.

Maybe Natasha was being unfair. She'd never been in love, so she didn't know what had been going through Steve's head, how much he'd missed Carter during those 12 years, but she always thought that Avengers had meant something to him. She'd thought that they had been his new home and family.

She wasn't jealous, her and Steve hadn't been in love, they had found comfort in each other from time to time after the snap and that was how, against all odds, James had happened. Steve had been long gone when she'd found out about the pregnancy. Would he have stayed if he'd known? Natasha would never know the answer to that. She wanted to think that, of course, he would have stayed, but as it had turned out, she didn't know Steve at all. She would have never thought that he would just abandon them all.

Was Steve married now? Did James have siblings? There was no way that they would ever know.

It didn't matter. Steve had made his choice and they all had to live with it. But he had given them James and for that she would always be grateful to him.

Natasha was glad to be on her way home after a long day at work. She wasn't an Avenger anyone, the Avengers didn't really exist anymore anyway, but she was president of the Clint Barton Foundation for troubled teenagers. She was sure that Clint would have approved of the foundation, and she loved her new job, but she missed her baby so much when she was working. She knew from Pepper and Laura though, that it was completely normal.

The others were still out there, fighting the good fight, but Natasha was done. She couldn't be a mother and live that type of life anymore. And she didn't want to, not anymore. She was happy with her new life.

She unlocked her apartment door and was greeted by Liho, their cat. Natasha hadn't known what to do after she'd found Liho, worried that a cat wasn't good for a baby, but Liho was so gentle and sweet with James. The two were best friends.

"Hear that, buddy? I think your mommy's home!" She heard Bucky tell James and she followed his voice to James's room.

They two were playing on the floor with stuffed animals and James beamed happily when he saw his mother. Her heart grew three sizes. Her baby meant everything to her.

"Mama!" James waddled over to her and she picked him, kissing his sweet face. "Miss you."

"I missed you, too." She buried her nose in his hair to inhale his smell. God, she loved him so much. And she missed him terribly when they were apart. How was she supposed to send him off to college? She was just going to have to go with him.

"Hey, Nat." Bucky stood up and kissed her cheek. "How was work?"

"Good." She smiled at him. She was happy that he wasn't currently working. He was way too often on missions with Sam and the others. Bucky had become a very important part of her life. He had been her rock during her pregnancy and was the closest thing James had to a father. "Has he been good?"

"Of course." He ruffled James's hair who grinned happily. "Our boy is a poster child of good behavior!"

"Sure." She chuckled, knowing quite well how energetic James could be. No wonder, with two serums running through his veins. "Are you hungry? I'm in the mood for Chinese."

"Your usual, doll?" Bucky asked, pulling his phone out. "I'll order while you get out of your clothes?"

"You wanna get me naked?" She teased, letting James down because he was getting fussy.

"You know me so well." Bucky winked at her and left the room.

She chuckled to herself and went to her bedroom to change into something more comfy. Natasha thought about Bucky while she changed. She would never admit it, but she sometimes thought about pursuing something romantic with him. She wasn't sure if she even had that kind of feelings for him, but she felt lonely sometimes. She wondered if having a partner would make things easier. Would James be happier if Bucky lived with them? Would it be better for him if he had two parents? Would she be happier if she had someone who slept next to her every night? Natasha shook her head. Those were dangerous thoughts and Bucky was way too important to her and James to jeopardize that with sex and romance.

James had already lost one father, he couldn't lose another one.

They had dinner in the living room with James babbling about his day and chewing on his spring roll. She couldn't believe that her baby would be turning two in a few months. Kids really grew up so fucking fast. She hated it, she wanted him to stay little forever. What if he turned into one of those teenage boys who hated their mom?

She talked with Bucky about his next potential mission, and the fundraiser she was currently planning until it was time for James to go to bed. Bucky offered to clean up while she got her son ready for bed.

She watched James fall asleep after reading and singing to him with a smile on her face. Everything they said about motherhood was true. She loved James more than anything. He was her whole world and there was nothing that she wouldn't do for him. Liho sneaked in through the open door and found her usual spot next to James, watching over him. Natasha kissed her son's forehead, petted Liho, and walked quietly out off the room, leaving the door a bit open.

She found Bucky in her kitchen, planning on asking him if he wanted to watch a movie with her. She loved her son so freaking much, but she really wanted to watch something that wasn't animated for once.

"Hey, Bucky-" He turned around and she stopped talking. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Bucky? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

He just stared at her and Natasha was starting to panic. Her first thought was her son. Was James in danger?

Bucky sat down at the kitchen table, taking a deep breath. "It's Steve. He's...he's back."