Welcome to the fourth installment of the Baby Lawson AU, this is set between March 1963 (after Lucien's disappearance) to October 1963 (just before Ghost Stories) as Jean reels from Lucien gone missing, Joan grows more, and the Lawsons figure out how to balance being parents while working more with each other on cases. - Dee

I never imagined you dead (I never)

But tell me, are you even aware

That all that we did, you undo?

Iscariot, you fool

Iscariot - WALK THE MOON

The empty paper taunted her as she sat at her desk; she struggled with the decision of how much to write - knowing the people on the other end were waiting desperately for information. How much could she include without coming under suspicion from the government? (Well, more suspicion than she and her family faced already.)

"Mama?"

She turned to see her daughter - the beloved one she'd endured so much to find after the war - holding her own sleepy child.

"Bǎo bèi," Mei Lin smiled and gestured for Li to come in. "Is she finally waking?"

"She is, she's so stubborn."

"You were the same at that age," Mei Lin trailed a soft finger down Yu's cheek.

"Surely not, Mama…"

"Oh yes you were. Though with who your parents were, we shouldn't have been surprised."

Li's smile turned sad and she looked down at the still empty paper in front of her mother.

"What will you tell them?"

"All that I can while keeping us safe."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

Mei Lin cupped Li's cheek with her hand, "The less you know, my treasure, the better."

Her daughter frowned, but she nodded, "In case…"

"Yes, so you can deny any knowledge. I know you don't like this, but it's for your safety and that of your own daughter's safety… unless I can convince you to go to Jean in Australia?"

Li started shaking her head before her mother even finished. "I can't, Mama, not while others can't leave. It's not fair that they don't have those opportunities."

"You are your father's daughter, Li. Please think about it, though; I'd breathe easier if you and your child were safe with Jean."

"I will, Mama, but my home is here in China."

Mei Lin kissed Li's forehead before her daughter left; she was still pondering how to tell Jean all she found out about Lucien's disappearance when Yu ran out into the back garden some time later - she could see her and Li playing around the lemon trees as Yu's laughter carried up to Mei Lin's study.

'If only invisible ink existed,' she thought with a sigh. 'Then I could write whatever I bloody well felt like without them knowing… Lucien would know what to do, though maybe not as delicately as I'm trying to be.'

The image of Lucien rushing headlong into situations made her smile - he hadn't changed all that much from the boisterous young army doctor she'd met all those years ago, but being with Jean tempered some of his impulsive tendencies. Watching her daughter and granddaughter from the window, Mei Lin breathed in the scent of the lemon trees and an idea - a memory of something Lucien told her - hit her.

"Li, darling, could you bring up some of the lemons?"

"Yes, Mama!" Li called back as Mei Lin dug through her desk drawers for a clean pen she could use; she'd get that information to Jean, she just hoped Jean could figure it out.

Jean stood at the sink - sipping idly on her cooling cup of tea as she gazed out the window into the lightening morning. Mei Lin's letter had arrived and while welcome, Jean was at a loss - the letter spoke her worst fears that the Chinese Government stopped looking for her husband and declared him dead.

She couldn't believe it and she sensed Mei Lin and Li were reacting in much the same way, but Mei Lin's letter seemed… lacking. Jean wasn't sure if it was that there was no more information or - and this other option sent a chill down her spine - Mei Lin didn't feel it was safe to put more in writing. Oh, how she wished she could just speak to Mei Lin in person or over the phone, but knowing what she did of her husband's past activities and the growing tensions in Asia, Jean had a feeling that Mei Lin and Li were likely being watched as the ex-wife and daughter of a former spy and military officer.

Private conversations were out of the question.

Matthew's uneven step brought her out of her ruminations and she turned with a soft smile at the sight of her dear friend with a still sleepy-eyed Joan tucked against his shoulder.

"Morning."

"Morning, Jean," he put Joan in her high chair as his friend came over with a bib for the baby and a few small dishes of mashed up fruit. "What's on the menu today?"

"Strawberries, bananas, and peaches. I figured we'd try potatoes and peas at lunch or dinner."

"Alright, Miss Joan," Matthew sat in his chair and scooped up a tiny morsel of the strawberries, "let's see if you have your mum's sweet tooth."

"I'm not the one with a sweet tooth," Alice grumbled as she walked into the kitchen - bleary eyed and yawning as she pulled on her robe.

Jean shared an amused look with Matthew as Alice leaned down and pressed a kiss to Joan's reddening curls; her friend shuffled around to put the kettle on for a fresh pot of tea as Jean started on breakfast for the three of them. She watched Matthew feed little bits of the fruit to his daughter - all three of them delighting in the baby's various expressions.

Joan was a mix of both her parents in personality so far; she was mostly calm and watched everything with her curious blue eyes. A quiet baby, but she wasn't afraid to let people know her feelings on things (mostly tickling, she'd let out a huff of indignation that was all too much like her father). Joan loved to touch everything within her reach and Jean could see that she'd be trouble once she got older.

"She's got your sweet tooth, Alice," Matthew grinned as Joan eagerly grabbed onto the spoon he was using to feed her and gummed it. "All three are a hit, but I think the bananas are her favorite."

"She'll only have my sweet tooth if she likes chocolate," Alice yawned into her cup as Jean put the breakfast on the table. "Thank you, Jean."

"You're welcome."

All of them tucked into their breakfasts - Joan was entertained by gumming the spoon and sometimes banging it on her tray to her immense delight. Her bright laughter and squeals helped to lift Jean's spirits some, but she couldn't help feeling like Lucien should be here to see it; with a faint sigh, Jean watched her goddaughter play with the spoon as her parents ate their food.

"What's troubling you, Jean?" Alice asked as they finished.

Jean nearly muttered a curse - of course Alice would notice her moodiness even half asleep. The pathologist wasn't good with people, but she was eerily observant, and Jean knew better than to hide it from her.

"I… I got a letter from Mei Lin."

"Did it have information?"

She got up and retrieved it from the sideboard, "You can read it."

Alice shared a look with her husband - who gave an encouraging nod - before she slowly opened the letter and read it out loud.

"My Dearest Jean," it began. "I know you have been waiting for this letter and I apologize it took me this long to write it. I guess I hoped that if I delayed in writing that the situation would change, but it has not. They cannot find him, Jean, and do not hope to do so. Our Lucien is missing, presumed dead, and the government assures me they have done all they can, but I hope they are wrong.

"Li and her child are safe, all of us are safe and I will try to find out more answers if I can. Even as I write this, I hope that he'll walk through the door - blustering on about the conditions of the country back roads and how to fix them, but I don't know if he ever will. Li wants to find her father, but I cannot let her disappear too… not when I see how happy her daughter is playing amongst the lemon trees, or how much Yu needs her when she's injured. Li always asks if I know what to do with Yu's accidents and I tell her an old mother's trick: apply heat and pressure with a soft blanket and a warm hug, then seal it with a kiss. She likes to tease me about it, but I know it works every time.

"I am sorry it has come to this and I wish you health for you and your loved ones. I will write if I find out more. Yours, Mei Lin."

Silence echoed in the kitchen after Alice finished reading; Jean sat with her head in her hands.

"I don't want to believe it," she finally sighed, "but Mei Lin wouldn't lie about this, not after everything… but I just… there's something very…"

"Stilted?" Matthew offered and she nodded. "Is her mail being read? I know Lucien's was a few years ago when he was writing to Li."

"I think it might be."

"So there could be more that she's trying to say without trying to say it."

"Exactly," Jean nodded. "What struck me odd was the bit about Li and Yu."

"With the lemon trees and the 'old mother's trick'?" Matthew raised his eyebrows before he turned to Alice. "What do you think, sweetheart?"

Alice was staring intently at the letter - bringing it close to her face as she narrowed her eyes before muttering an "Aha!"

"Alice?"

She thrust the letter under Matthew's nose, "What's this smell like to you?"

"Paper."

Jean hid a fond smile at the exasperated look Alice sent Matthew - its severity tempered by her sleep-rumpled hair and the imprints of her pillowcase still creased into her cheeks.

"And? What else, Chief Superintendent?"

Sticking out his tongue at her impertinence, Matthew sniffed the letter again, "Citrus?"

"Lemons to be exact. Jean, can I borrow your hair dryer?"

"Um… sure."

Alice got up and they all followed her (Joan in her auntie's arms as she continued to gum on the spoon). Pulling out Jean's hair dryer, Alice turned it on and aimed it at the letter; at first, nothing happened and then lines and letters previously invisible on the back of the pages appeared like magic under the heat of the hair dryer. Once she'd gone over every inch of the letter, Alice turned off the appliance and traded Jean the letter for her baby.

"Amazing…" Jean could scarcely breathe, "How did you…?"

"Lemon juice - and milk - dries clear on paper. You can use heat to give it color and make hidden words appear," Alice pressed a kiss to Joan's forehead and smiled when her daughter offered her the spoon. "Thank you, my dear."

"Ah, the apply heat in Mei Lin's original letter," Matthew nodded. "How'd you learn this, Alice?"

"Jack and Phryne had a similar kind of thing pop up decades ago; Jack figured it out before Phryne and she takes great pride in telling the story to see Jack blush about the attention."

Jean wrapped her arms around Alice (and Joan), "Thank you."

"You're welcome, should we see what she says?"

Jean rapidly read the newly revealed letter from Mei Lin - drinking in the familiar slant of the former Mrs. Blake's handwriting.

"She doesn't have much to add, just her suspicions that were too dangerous to write regularly."

"What are her suspicions?"

"That the government might actually be behind Lucien going missing. It says here that Lucien was visiting Li and Mei Lin; Li works as a social worker - focusing primarily with orphanages to make them better for the children. They heard of an orphanage in the countryside in need of medical assistance and Lucien set out alone as Li's daughter was sick at the time. He sent word back to Li and Mei Lin that he'd arrived safely and another message when he was done a week later. When Lucien didn't show, Mei Lin asked for help and declared him missing."

"How does that mean the government is behind it all?" Matthew asked as they walked back to the kitchen.

"Mei Lin says that there are rumors of the government doing something out in the countryside - away from the cities - and I've heard of rising tensions in Vietnam… maybe he stumbled on something they didn't want found out. Mei Lin says she'll investigate carefully."

"It's something at least," Alice shrugged as Joan turned her face into her chest. "Still hungry, my girl?"

"She's got her father's appetite," Jean teased.

Both she and Alice laughed at Matthew's pursed frown while Alice unbuttoned her pajama top for Joan to feed. The phone rang, Matthew answered it while Jean collected their dishes and Alice continued to feed Joan.

"We've got a case, sweetheart," Matthew told Alice once the phone call was done. "Want me to wait for Little Miss to finish?"

"She's almost done, so you can go change while I get her ready for the day. Jean?"

"I don't have to go in until the afternoon for meetings, so I'll stay here with her. If that changes, I'll call Leah."

"Bring her by the station if Leah's not available!" Matthew called out as he walked towards his bedroom.

"He just wants more cuddles," Alice teased as her daughter finished eating.

"Surely it doesn't help his image as a grumpy superintendent to have this bundle of joy in his arms."

She and Alice giggled as they heard Matthew grumble down the hall, evidently he could still hear them, and Alice lifted her daughter above her head to hear Joan's squeals.

"Come on, my girl, let's wind you and change your nappy. Jean, do you want to pick her clothes today or shall I?"

"Oh, I think Joan and I will laze around a bit more in our jammies if that's alright."

Alice smiled, "Of course."

Jean poured herself another cup of tea as the Lawsons bustled around the house - Joan soon back in the kitchen with her godmother as first Matthew kissed Joan's head and then Alice (both following with a kiss to Jean's cheek) as they hurried out the door and into their respective roles of Superintendent and Police Surgeon.

The baby still gummed the spoon and Jean smiled as she bounced her a bit. "What shall we get up to this morning, Miss Joan? Maybe a jaunt in the garden or the sunroom, hm?"

Joan squealed around the spoon and patted Jean's face with her little hands, making her godmother laugh as she held the baby close and kissed the top of her head.

"Oh, Lucien… how I wish you were here…"