AN ok guys with all the craziness that's going on I hope everyone is doing well and keeping safe, its been way to long since I posted and in truth most of this chapter was already written but I just couldn't sit down and write, I've had to deal with some issues nothing I will go in to just really I wasn't in the mood to write or post anything. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and the different take I have decided.

Jaspers POV

Guilt, it was not an emotion I was a stranger too, I had experienced guilt through out my life, the first time was when I made my mother cry, when I told her I was leaving to join the Army, she knew there was no way that she could talk me round and the tears had soon filled her eyes. The guilt had not been enough to turn me around and go back and neither was it enough when I first took a life, Still that had caused me pause, I sat with my weapon staring at it wondering just how many more men would it kill. These bouts of guilt would never compare to the guilt I felt when I took my first human life as a vampire I could feel her emotions as clear as day, her fear and pain was my fear and pain, and yet the pleasure of her blood, I had never felt so high and so low in my life time. Slowly the emotions of my victims and the newborns I was tasked with both training and killing took their toll, I broke in two the human part of me the boy who only ever wanted to fight for what he believed in was shoved back protected from the pain and hate, in his place stood the Major, the vampire, the killer, it was as if everything good got locked away and forgotten about and everything bad was let loose.

It was Peter who started to unlock the cage, somehow he got to know me and a kinship that could never be broken not over distance or time was forged, right there in living hell. He became my second and in the eve after battles he would sit with me as I tried to control the beast within the one fed by all the darkest of emotions and he would tell me that one day we would be free of it, be free from the fighting for blood and territory, he would tell me one day we would only ever fight for the ones we loved. I scoffed and told him no one would ever love me I was a monster he would simply smile as if he knew something and I knew he did. For seventeen years we fought side by side and then I turned the one who would take him from me, I felt their connection immediately I had a choice I could tell Maria and Charlotte would be executed Peter would follow soon after when his soul realised what had happened or I could just treat her as any other newborn after all maybe I was wrong, and then there was the third option I could let Peter have his happiness. It took me only moments to decide Peter was my brother I loved him as such and I would not allow him to lose his future. I knew I would have to plan and keep her safe and the guilt I would feel when I ordered them to fight apart it would be years before I explained why. I received six new scars protecting Charlotte's life but I could not protect her from everything, when I received the list of those who would be culled I was not overly surprised to see Charlotte's name on the list, Maria was insanely jealous and any female that could been seen as a possible challenge and they would be culled before they had chance to realise their own potential. I knew there was no chance that I could talk Maria round and I knew that I was going to receive hell for what I was about to do.

I went to Peter and told him he would be joining me and help me with the culling he agreed he knew how I hated it and he was always there to help me rein in my monster. He saw the list as he entered the barn and I could feel his panic I couldn't look at him, as we started I felt his panic grow, Charlotte was last I had made sure of it, when it was her turn and she entered the barn Peter stood protectively in front of her it was the first time our eyes met that night.

"Head through the west side there's one guard sneak past him if ya can or kill him quickly." I could see the shock in their eyes "Go quickly I will have to report you escaped."

"come with us." I smiled at Charlotte and shook my head

"I can't Maria won't let me leave she would hunt me down you're better off if I stay." Peter moved then putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you brother," We embraced then I felt as if he and his mate were taking a part of me with them "One day I'll come back for ya Brother I promise." I nodded and prayed it was a promise he would not keep. I turned away and listened to them run, I knew it was the right thing and I gave them five minutes before I sounded the alarm.

I was punished severely, She starved me although made sure that there was a blood supply just out of reach, I earned new scars and learned that if metal was heated to high enough a degree it could pierce our marble skin but surprisingly would heal and leave no scar even erasing any scar that was there in the first place, but it was agony because your entire body felt like it was back in the change again, only there was a part of you that was fairing a lot worse, Maria would systematically 'erase' my scars only to re-inflict them, The Jasper part of me was quickly locked away by the war hardened Major part but as the pain got worse and Maria came up with even more unimaginable things to torture me with even he was pushed back. The worst part of a vampire is the animal instincts within they're not actually a separate personality they are just you void of who you are, thats what Maria unleashed. When she saw me feral and untamed she released me, the devastation the Major part of me awoke to made him recoil in horror, after that with no Peter to be there to keep the darker parts of me at bay the worst parts of me found them selves unleashed often, I killed more in those short five years than all the years previous. Maria no longer trusted me and I could feel her scheming she knew that she wasn't safe from one of my out bursts and she also knew that she would be bested if she came up against me, I was distrustful of her and was extra weary if there were more than four others in my immediate presence. She wanted me gone but knew she would have to be careful for if her plan failed she knew I wouldn't, Part of me wondered if she hoped I would do the job for her, I had often contemplated walking into the fires of the battlefield, but my self preservation was still to strong, Peter would later ask me why I didn't just kill Maria myself, I simply asked if he could kill me, something in the venom made us go against that thought, because in truth I had considered it but every time it would be unthinkable to actually do, I would later be told that unless your sire does something like actually try and kill you or try to hurt your mate you will find yourself unable to actually go against them in that way. Hadn't her torture been enough that pain been enough, turns out that was the same thing that kept her safe in that time, the animal instincts are what kept the connection without them we would have no problem killing our sires if we deemed it so and with my animal instincts so close to the surface then, even if I was the strongest willed person I would be unable to follow through unless she had actually attempted to kill me, self preservation being the strongest instinct even that above bloodlust.

Peter found me five years after his departure his gift telling him it was time and he was right, no one came to get me Maria didn't send out a search party only a scout to tell her that I wasn't building any army or planning any sort of attack. My point is over the course of my life I have had a many things to feel guilty about but the guilt over the death of young Bella Swan seemed to eclipse all other forms of it. I actually mourned her, I mourned the fact she wouldn't get to do all the things she wanted or experience the world even the darker parts of it, I mourned that I would not get to know her the way my adoptive family had and in some way I mourned the fact she wouldn't get to know me. I knew Edward and she were not mated but I had felt her love for him and the family, I was not willing to be the one to break her heart it would be less painful for her if she were to be turned her instincts would tell her the truth and she would be so lost in everything else happening it would barely make her pause. I also knew she would be turned because unlike Emmett, Rosalie and Esme, I and Carlisle could hide our thoughts and plans from the gifted two a frank conversation had led me to the truth that Carlisle simply kept them in the family because he saw them as his responsibility and after meeting Bella and realising the extent Edward would go to keep her human he had devised a plan to turn her himself and I had agreed to help him, he knew my slips were not what they seemed he knew I had better control over my bloodlust than the others after all how could I not, My slips were never like Emmetts innocent people going about their lives, no mine were scum of the earth the local man who liked to groom young girls to become sex slaves, the woman who murdered three of her children and was slowly poisoning the fourth, Carlisle had told me about her a look had been shared and by the next morning her little girl was safe from any more harm from her mother. No my slips were not so much me falling of the bandwagon more like stepping off for a few moments here and there, I kept this hidden from the others knowing that it would be easier to see me as the weakest of them and in truth I did not trust Edward or Alice. Alice she had weaved a great tale in my depression and had put a light back on in my world but she did not save me oh no, because who had ever trained her on schooling her emotions had done a lousy job I could feel her deceit from day one and I wouldn't have gone with her had it not been for Peter, He told me that I should go with her, that not only would I find the people I was looking for and I would care about but I would find hope again. You see I was looking for the Cullens before I met Alice I had been told about them from two different sources and although I had tried myself to stop I was finding difficulty.

When we moved to Forks Alice would still pretend we were together and Edward would indulge her but the others all knew and because I didn't kick up a fuss they didn't either, Carlisle came with me hunting on the first day and told me about the treaty he had with the residents of La push although there was no evidence the wolves were still there he told me we couldn't take the chance I nodded in understanding and promised no 'slips' here. Then we met Bella Swan, in hindsight we should have left then, maybe then she wouldn't have been driving to our home when we were no longer there to find.

"Carlisle he was going to attack her I felt it." I was furious with Edward making out to the others that I was the one who was going to attack Bella

"I know son, and now he is insisting we leave her." He sighed "I have agreed but I think you need to go to Peter and Charlotte. They will play it off as your guilt over attacking Bella when in truth you will just be waiting." I almost laughed

"Waiting to come back and turn her." He nodded

"I will inform Aro about the change in plans he knows I have no intention of just letting her fall prey to the laws although I was not surprised when he offered to have her turned himself I think that he is intrigued by her ability to block Edwards mind reading." I smiled Alice and Edwards biggest fear regarding Bella was that Aro might find out about her and would want her for the guard and they couldn't see his decisions unless he wanted them to.

"How long do I wait?" I asked

"Two weeks, I believe will be long enough she will be heartbroken she truly loves him."

"He's her first love, thats always intense, I will return in two weeks and make sure she is moving forward before turning her."

"Well please reach out if you need me." I would have preferred to come back sooner or not leave at all but we both knew the dynamic duo would intervene.

"I'll wait until Edward goes to break up with her, it should set off the right kind of vision." Carlisle chuckled. Carlisle Cullen was not the wholesome good pacifist that everyone thought he was, if he was he wouldn't have survived as long as he has. The truth was Carlisle was a skilled fighter the Voltori had insisted he learn as they saw him as a friend and believed he should be able to defend himself if the need ever arose, he was also not the kind of person to break the main law of our world truth is a human can know about vampires as long as the vampire they learned it from is there to either turn or kill. Carlisle sighed then

"I wish it had not come to this." He stated and I knew while he liked Bella she didn't deserve the fate Edward has forced on her he may like to go on and on that he didn't tell her but the fact remained he had left breadcrumbs to the truth laying around for the very observant inquisitive Miss Swan. On discovering that Bella knew what they were he contacted Aro knowing it was the best way Aro was understanding with those honest with them and had no problem allowing us to manage the situation, It was the ones that hid it that lead to more deaths.

So on the day Edward went to break up with Bella I made my leave Alice called begging me to come back that it wasn't my fault, but I told her it hurt so much I felt so guilty, in truth it was only part lie, as half way to Texas I felt an excruciating pain in my chest and even as it cut off a few moments later there was an echo of it that weighed on me. It reminded me of the pain I felt when mates were killed it worried me for only a moment for if it were my mate killed the pain would only get worse until it drove me into insanity.

I reached Peter's and told him about the pain he gave me a quizzical look and told me it was something but he couldn't tell me what and he would let me know if anything popped up. It was then the phone call came Carlisle had heard news of that Bella had been in a car wreck and that she had not survived. This information hit me hard the guilt I felt was worse than any I had ever felt even through I knew it wasn't my Fault. Peter and Char spent the next few weeks trying to keep me occupied but as time went on I constantly felt out of sorts there was a hollowness in my chest and I could barely stay still it was like I needed to find something but knew I had to wait this was confirmed by peter.

The months seemed to drag on like never before and suddenly even a week seemed like an eternity.

"Come on Jasper, your coming with me shopping whether you like it or not" Char stood her hands on her hips her eyes glistening orange my brother and sister drank from both human and animal as they hated killing innocents if they failed to find someone bad enough or someone dying they would run further out and hunt some predators.

"And why can't Peter go?" I asked I had done nothing but wonder round the house and the surrounding area.

"Cause Major I have a feeling." He said in his normal cocky voice as he appeared taking Char in his arms. "you go with Char and when you come back I know things are going to be different." I could sense his honesty and knew he wasn't hiding anything. If I had known what would change I wouldn't have allowed myself to be taken so far away my guilt doubled I should have checked things out gone back sooner I should have done better.

Peter POV

Approaching the lake I could feel the Majors impatience and I quickly made myself known, double checking my phone, there were no new messages so I prepared myself.

"You're nervous." The Major noted and I took a breath forcing calm emotions to be the only ones. "The last time you did that twelve newborns died." he turned to face me an eyebrow raised.

"Alright Major I ain't going to sugar coat what I am about ta say." Taking a breath "but I need ya to promise that you wont run off when I am done and you will wait till I am done before saying anything." he tilted his head before nodding

"you have my word" that at least calmed me a little.

"Alright well major the newborn she's a bit skittish as ya know she's been on the animal diet since she was turned and I was the first person she has come across since. also I asked about her sire and she became scared and it took her some time and my gift revealing some things for her to tell me why." I swallowed hard "Ya see she was in love with her sire thought they were mates but he came to break her heart revealing she was just a game to him. He...well he..." I paused my anger was strong but I reined it in "He raped her Major before draining her but her gift kicked in and made it so he couldn't hear her heart still beating, he buried her beneath a tree and she turned." The major had started to growl when I told him but I knew what came next would be a lot worse. "Major the newborn... it's Bella Swan" the roar that came from him would have made me piss myself if I was human instead I got down on my knees in a submissive position as I felt his rage wash over me like flames from a fire, I focused on calm emotions as his growling started to calm and I felt his gift pull back. I chanced a look and saw the blackness of his eyes well shit. "Major I need ya to be in control ya don't want to scare her ya don't want to scare ya mate." Another roar only this time when he calmed I could see the Major was in control.

"I will kill them." he hissed

"Ya mate will want to do it Major but I am sure she will let ya help" he growled but I felt safe enough standing back up. "she wanted me to tell ya as it was hard enough for her to tell me, she has got one hell of a shield." I felt something wash over me but it was strange I saw the major look around and wondered if he felt the same thing and then his phone rang.

"Jazzy your future just went completely blank its scared me are you ok." I could see he was holding in a growl.

"yes Alice I am fine its probably just because I am not making any decisions yet." he told her and rolled his eyes when she sighed.

"well when are you coming home its been six months we all miss you and Rose says she won't move back until the family is completely back together."

"I don't know I have this hole inside its just seems to be getting worse I don't know why." it was my turn to roll my eyes the little pixie was an idiot.

"Well why don't you come and speak to Carlisle I am sure he can help you figure out what's wrong." My god her voice was annoying.

"I'll give him a call, I'm just not ready yet." The Major smiled slightly probably imagining what he was preparing for the little bitch.

"Oh ok well talk to you soon love you Jazzy" She said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Bye Alice" he hung up "lets head back" I nodded my agreement.

Bella POV

I sat with a book in my hands my eyes going over the words but not really absorbing them. I was caught in my own thoughts , I trusted Peter even through part of me never wanted to trust anyone ever again there was a larger part that felt connected to him like he was family. Charlotte was beautiful as soon as she entered I could understand why Peter loved her, there was a warmth in her eyes and when she sat down there was something more in her eyes, something that told me she understood. After Peter left she talked at me for a while telling me stories of her and Peter and the Major and then she looked serious.

"Do you know the Major's story how he came into this life" I shook my head intrigued the book forgotten on the seat she smiled I guessed because she had caught my attention. "Well I can't tell you it all not my place but where we started our vampire lives was hell on earth, I had run away from my father in 1902 came across what's known as a scout they grabbed me and took me to their base which was mostly an abandoned farm, The Major turned me and I hated him for it everyone hated him for it and he felt it all, Peter was tasked with introducing us to our new way of life and we were drawn together, I didn't know then that the Major was protecting us that protecting anyone he sensed had mated as best he could, Maria didn't want mated pairs she killed them if she found out about it. I was there just over a year, and then it was time to be culled Peter and the Major had to kill the ones who had lost their strength or the ones Maria felt threatened by. The Major and Peter would rip them apart and then I was called in, The Major told us to run telling us which way to go and we escaped he suffered greatly for that..." She smiled softly and my heart swelled for Jasper for what he had suffered.

"How did he get out?" I asked and she smiled

"Peter went back I would have gone with him but he wouldn't let me, it took four months for him to find the Major and when he did he found a broken man, Maria had broken him released his inner beast, the Jasper you know is the man and it took time to bring him out, but Maria made a mistake she thought the beast would always want the fight the blood the pain but even his beast was tired of it more of being controlled but still he was tired. So when peter went back and offered a more peaceful way the Major took it." She moved over to the couch sitting closer to me "It took years to bring the man out and when we did he suffered on the diet, feeling his victims he was torn, and then he met Alice the bitch! I hated her but she offered him a peaceful life so I kept my hate as hidden as possible, Peter told me later that he needed to go with her she would take him to the ones he had been told about and he would be able to have some peace in his life until it was time, I asked time for what but he wouldn't tell me anyway..." she took my hand and I was shocked but she smiled softly and I wondered why she was telling me this. "I am telling you this because I know you feel broken and maybe part of you always will be but the bigger part will heal you can never underestimate a persons capability to over come great sorrow and pain."I sobbed then and I was in her arms a second later, she stroked my hair down my back and told me everything would be ok.

"I want them dead, I want them to suffer, this anger and hate its burning so hot will it ever die?"

"When they do" she answered pulling back "that's your beast Bella your vampire side it will only be sated when you get revenge but Bella revenge comes at a cost you may find you suffer for it." I nodded in agreement.

"they deserve to die for what they did" I told her she was right the darker side of me was my vampire side and it wanted nothing more than to see them burn it yearned for it and even my calmer side my human side would willing do it.

"And they will, we'll come up with a plan, anyway I heard you have a gift" She smiled brightly "wanta test it out?" I hesitated before I nodded.

We went outside as I didn't want to damage the house standing in the middle of their huge front yard the house stood behind me and Charlotte stood in front of me.

"Ok Bella what we are going to do first is try and see if you can sense your shield if you can it will be easier for you to learn control. "Ok close your eyes take some deep breaths and tell me what do you feel?" I hesitated for a moment before doing as she instructed as my mind cleared and I focused on just breathing I felt it.

"I feel it its like a film all around me only there are two layers of it." I started to push them away from me the two parts were different one was easy to push out like it had no limits I pushed it out and gasped when I felt the presence of two people I knew and in that moment I knew why I was able to trust Peter and Charlotte it was if my shield automatically read the persons intentions. That part was the mental part and I wanted to protect Charlotte's mate and Jasper I could tell it was him somehow, it was strange I could tell there was something more but couldn't identify it. Leaving my mental shield covering the guys I played with my physical shield, Pushing it out I felt it go over Charlotte I felt as it moved round the house it seemed to be malleable and then it snapped back I stumbled as it felt like it hit me and I felt drained me, the mental shield didn't snap back I could feel it covering the guys still.

"Bella that was amazing" Charlotte smiled "come on you need to hunt your eyes are black." she stated she nodded towards the woods and smiled.

Charlotte hunted with me and she told me about her fifty fifty diet I could see she was hoping I wouldn't judge and wondered if she had been in the past. After hunted we started to walk back at a human pace, or what I thought was a human pace but Charlotte explained that even if a human sprinted I was still walking faster. She helped me slow down but I needed to concentrate to walk slower she told me I would get better as I got older and practised.

"come on Bella lets get home Peter should be back soon." as she said I froze she looked at me as panic filled me I looked over my shoulder and back at Charlotte, the urge to run was so strong, I took several deep breaths trying to calm myself to calm myself. "It's ok Bella take a moment." she said and I nodded a thousand thoughts and possibilities ran through my mind in a second.

"What if he hates me?" I asked my voice small Charlotte moved back to me.

"He could never hate you Bella and if he does both me and Pete will kick his ass." She told me and I felt a little better and nodded, we started back towards the house and back to meet Jasper again.

AN I hope you all enjoyed this chapter working on next one so hope to have it up in a few days. xx