A/N: U.S. Army Captain Frank Dux wins more than just matches thanks to the sport of Kumite in this short one-shot from the 1988 movie "Bloodsport".

Tuff Enuff

The television speakers blared as the sound of the crowd went wild and the announcers screamed about the excitement of the concluded match, its importance to everything in the world, and how it could only be topped by the next match. The camera pulled away from the fighting area so that the bodies could be removed while the presenters gushed about the show.

"Don't go away, we'll be right back after this important message!" one of the announcers yelled. A logo of the martial arts league splashed on the screen before it gave way to the smiling figure of a very fit man.

"Hello, my name is Frank Dux. In my career as an Army general and 117-time undefeated Kumite champion, I've seen a lot of...shall we say...cleaning problems in my time." The screen switched to an archival footage montage of Dux fighting various opponents in his seventy-eight years in the sport; putting his foot through the chest of an opponent, throwing someone through the roof of the arena, and hacking off various limbs without even touching the other fighter. The screen switched back to him talking. "That's why when the people of Tuffer laundry soap came to me and asked for my honest opinion, I gave it to them - because you can believe everything I say." Dux flexed into a pose and struck the "death touch" on a box of Tuffer; a laundry tablet popped out of the box as it broke through a hole it made in the side. Due to the camera angle a small spring used to eject the tablet was visible just inside the hole.

The scene shifted again; now Dux was scrubbing the floor of a building with a large sign overhead that said "Poor Orphan's Home" while several thankful nuns stood by smiling. It was followed by Dux sitting in a laundromat casually placing blood-stained pants into the washer. He turned to the camera and explained "Since I rip my shirt off during each competition, I have to buy a new one anyway so there's no point in washing the old one" and shrugged.

The scene changed back to Dux holding two large photographs. The photo on the right showed him holding a pair of clean pants, while the pants in the left photo were covered in various body fluids normally contained within his opponents; an eyeball seemed to be stuck to one leg, while a pair of lips twitched on the other. "This was taken after my 15,000th match. Needless to say I was victorious - you don't lose a match if you want to be undefeated. And no one wants to be defeated by dirt and grime!"

The scene changed and Dux was mopping up the floor of a fighting arena that was smeared with a disgusting swirl of colors whose origins you didn't want to think about; he did so with a short-handled mop while doing the splits. "Nothing cleans the aftermath of a fight like Tuffer laundry soap." He sprinkled the contents of a Tuffer box on the floor and continued to mop. "In the washer, on the floor or even on upholstery nothing cleans like Tuffer." Dux straightened up and gave an exaggerated smile as he surveyed the now clean floor, although close observation indicated that it was in an entirely different arena; the dimensions of the mat were different and even the now long-handled mop was clean.

Dux now stood in front of a display case full of trophies. "So take it from a world champion," he said as he strolled past a small sign that read 'Acme Trophy Shop' behind him "and use what the top professionals use - Tuffer. Tough enough to get my endorsement. Get Tuffer, or get out of the arena!" he growled as he flexed.

The commercial ended and the martial arts league logo flashed on the screen with a loud musical prompt before the announcers returned. "Thanks for rejoining us! Now for an even more exciting match! For the first time ever - at least this week – we have..."

The End

A/N: There seems to be a little, er, disagreement about how true the claims were of the real Captain Frank Dux; regardless, the movie was - at best - greatly fictionalized based on the real story, whatever that might have been.