Chapter 1 Selfishly Dispossessed

We'd been all over the place, just surviving, doing whatever we needed to do to stay alive. We had no idea what happened to the others after the assault on the prison. Beth and I ended up together, though. It had been tough out there, and she wasn't much help at first. She cried a lot. It was irritating. At one point I lost it, and told her she needed to toughen up. That was a bad idea. She cried even harder. After that, I kept my mouth shut and tried to tune her out. I know the girl was probably in shock. Hell, I guess I was in shock too, but I kept it together for Beth's sake.

What the fuck happened back there? How did we all end up separated? Were any of the rest of our group still alive? Rick, Glenn, Michonne? Beth worried about Maggie, I guess. She didn't talk about her much. I worried about Carol. I didn't talk about her either. Thank God she wasn't at the prison, but I had no idea where she was. Rick sent her away before … before . . .

There was a huge explosion, guns firing, walkers pouring through the compromised fence. That damn maniac, the Governor, had a fucking tank for shit's sake. We're supposed to be fighting the walkers, not each other. I felt guilty, felt partly responsible for the whole thing. I could have gone out looking for the Governor with Michonne. I should have, but I chose to domesticate. I chose to ignore the unseen threats, the ones that weren't pushing on our fences. The Governor rolled right up to the prison, easily outnumbering and overpowering us, and my group, my people, my … friends … they were dead. They were all dead, but I wasn't. I guess that was my punishment, to survive and live with the guilt. So I shut down, boxed myself in and said fuck the world. Maybe my saving grace was Beth, keeping her safe, keeping a promise to her father. That would have to be enough.

Things got really rough. Beth and I ran into one of the largest herds I'd seen so far. We were out in the open when it happened, running through the forest, trying to stay ahead of them. We burst through a tree line and out onto a road. There was an abandoned car off to the side. The doors were ripped off, but we tried to start it. Damn thing wouldn't start. Beth started looking through it when we heard walkers approaching. We couldn't keep running. They were too close and there were too many of them. The car was the only thing available so we climbed into the trunk, and not a moment too soon. Walkers were suddenly surrounding us, passing around the car, rocking it, bumping into it. It felt like at any moment they would find us, rip the trunk open, drag us out and … done.

It was like being in a sweatbox, but I don't think we really noticed that much. The alternative was to get eaten alive, so we instinctively didn't mind the heat. The walkers just kept coming, slowly passing us by with their growls and gurgling moans, dragging their feet, in no damn hurry. I could see it was becoming too much for Beth, and I thought she was about to do something stupid. I grasped her arm rather hard, and she looked at me. Her breathing was erratic, as though she was about to scream and run. I put my finger to my lips, gesturing for her to remain silent. I signaled for her to ready her knife, and she did. She calmed for a bit, but it didn't last. There was a moment when I could see the panic in her eyes. She was about to get us killed. I didn't know what to do at first. It wouldn't do any good to hold her. We were already curled around each other, packed inside the trunk. Her lips parted and I could see the scream building in her lungs. I pleaded with my eyes for her to calm, but she wasn't seeing me. She was seeing walkers parting like a school of fish as they swam past our hiding spot. At least that's what I imagined it looked like from the outside of the trunk.

"Please," I whispered, but there was no response.

Tears ran down her youthful cheeks. Her blond hair was glued to her sweaty forehead. I pushed it out of her face and wiped a tear with my thumb. Her eyes darted back and forth with every bump and scrap against the car. Beth was about to lose her shit.

"Beth. Beth, don't," I repeated as quietly as I could so the walkers wouldn't hear me. I waited until she finally broke free of her private hell and looked me square in the eyes. Then I kissed her. I didn't know what else to do. Her lips were quivering at first, and I didn't think she would kiss me back, so I deepened the kiss until I felt her give in. I had to get her mind off the chaos outside. Suddenly, I thought this could very well be the last thing I did. Not a bad way to go, I guess, kissing a pretty girl.

I don't know what happened, but it felt like we were the last two people on earth, and these were our last moments. We both gave in and surrendered to the kiss. Beth somehow got her hand up and cupped the side of my face gently. God, it had been an age since I felt the touch of a female. Her hands were soft, long fingers caressing my cheek, and even softer lips responding to mine. I knew this would be wrong in any other situation, but right now, it felt so right. I found that I couldn't stop myself and kissed her more solidly. She answered with her tongue swirling with mine. The car that I previously thought was our coffin now felt like a cocoon.

"Daryl," Beth whispered as she parted from my mouth. Something in the way she said my name made me snap out of it. This was Beth, the daughter of a man that I respected very much, a man who was more family to me than my own father and brother had ever been. I shouldn't have let myself give in like that.

"You got to keep quiet," I told her, trying to erase the sound of her voice calling my name. I needed to focus. We were surrounded by walkers. What if they smelled us or heard us? I needed to get back into survival mode just in case we needed to make a fast escape. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, and reeled in my emotions.

Beth's eyes were still on me. I could feel her watching me as I brought my bow back up and looked through the scope.

"They don't know we're here," she said as quietly as she could. Then she smiled, suggesting that we continue where we just left off. I dragged my eyes toward her, and her face lightened with hope. No, I thought. The only reason I kissed her was to keep her from getting us killed. If I kissed her again it would have been intentional, and I wouldn't take advantage of her. Besides, we were in no position to be doing something like that. "Don't speak," I said, and I took up my bow again, aiming it towards the slight crack in the trunk lid. I glanced at Beth out of the corner of my eye from time to time. She wore a faded smile. Thank God she wasn't about to panic anymore, but I feared that I'd stirred some harbored feelings.

Back at the prison, I'd been told that she had a crush on me. I thought it was ridiculous and ignored the warnings, but I think I always knew. I'd seen her watching me, or smiling shyly in my direction as I passed by. I thought it was over when that boy, Zack, became interested in her. He followed her around like a lost dog, and she let him. Then, while out on a run, he got killed by walkers. I was the one who chose to tell her that he died. She didn't shed a tear, didn't seem surprised or upset. Instead, she asked me how I was, more concerned about me than that kid. Truth was, no one had asked me that in a very long time. I was honest and told her how I felt, that I was tired of losing people. She hugged me and laid her head on my chest. Her boyfriend was dead, and she was comforting me. I had no doubt of her feelings for me, and I separated myself as much as I could. I didn't want her attention. I didn't want to have to push her away, to tell her it would never work. Besides, my interest was with someone else, my best friend and the one person I couldn't share my feelings with.

It was easy to keep my distance at the prison. I had safety. I had breathing room. I still had hope for me and Carol. Not so easy now, stuck in the trunk of a car, no safety, no prison, no hope. I thought I was about to die. I thought we both were, as we spent the night listening to the herd pass slowly around our tomb. I should never have kissed this young and impressionable girl, but it was either that or let her screams ring out like a dinner bell. I did what I had to do, but I'm not gonna lie … I … liked it too.

Sleep, of course, never came. We were sweaty, hungry, weak and thirsty, but tired wasn't one of them. I'd spent the entire time looking down the shaft of my bow. Beth quietly laid next to me, her knife at the ready. Neither weapon would do us much good if walkers opened the trunk.

After a while, the noise outside began to dissipate. Beth nudged me and I shook my head. It wasn't time to leave the safety of the car just yet. There could be stragglers outside, and any commotion could bring the herd back. So we waited some more.

I don't know how long it was after that, but the sun was up, and the heat was becoming insufferable. I could see Beth was done. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and reached for the red rag I tied around the latch to help keep the trunk lid closed. She untied it and opened the lid. The rusty hinges made an awful creaking noise and I cringed. Luckily, the road was empty. Aside from the bloody trail their oozing bodies left across the blacktop, you'd never have known a herd passed by us.

Beth jumped out first and I followed, my bow at the ready. When I was sure it was safe, I set my weapon down, leaning it against the car. We immediately began searching the car for anything we thought we could use, bottles, wire, broken glass from the mirrors, and hubcaps just to name a few. There was no food, though, and that's what we needed most at the moment.

Once we were done scavenging the car, I threw my bag over my shoulder and picked up my bow. I looked back at Beth. She was ready with her own stash. Then I started walking up the road.

"Daryl," Beth called from behind. I glanced over my shoulder, but I didn't give her my complete attention. She continued. "Daryl, aren't we going to talk about what happened back there?"

Damn it, I knew this was coming. "Nothing happened," I answered, as I kept walking.

"But we–"

"I said, nothing happened. End of story." I spun around and gave her a warning glare. Without waiting to see if she was following me, I started off down the street again. I couldn't deal with this right now. I had too much on my mind already. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to kiss her and fan the flames of her school girl crush, but it had been my call to make.

"Jerk," I heard Beth whisper behind me. Good, I thought. Maybe she'll change her mind about me.

I assumed it was early afternoon. We set up camp in the forest where I'd found a rocky outcrop that would shelter us on at least one side. I gave Beth some rope I'd found in the car and told her to tie the hubcaps to them, setting a perimeter around us. Beth told me she would start a fire while I went off in search of food.

I'd come across two squirrels while scouring the woods. Unfortunately they got away. I rarely missed my target, and never two in a row. Something was off. I'd lost my concentration. It didn't take a genius to figure out the cause. Beth was my distraction. I kept thinking about what I'd started when I kissed her. Hell, I kept thinking about the kiss.

Discouraged, I was about to give up and go back to check on Beth when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. It was a big fat rattlesnake. I found the proper stick with the 'v' shape on one end, followed the snake, caught it by the head, and while it was secure, I cut the head off. It was a decent sized snake, definitely enough to feed two people. When I got back to camp, Beth had the fire going, and I skinned the snake. We would eat like kings that day.

While I cooked the snake, I couldn't help notice Beth from the corner of my eye. She seemed restless, and I could tell she was needing to say something. I avoided her at all costs, concentrating on cooking, not making eye contact, not saying a word. The last thing I wanted was to talk about what happened in the trunk of the car. I was feeling guilty over it. I never should have kissed her. It was wrong of me, but what else could I have done?

"Why don't you talk about them?" she said. "Why don't you talk about anything?"

I ignored her and kept my eyes focused on the flames licking at the snake meat. It was beginning to get a nice char on it. My mouth started watering.

"They could still be alive. I know they had to get out because we made. We survived. Maggie, she's smart. Rick, Michonne, Carl … how can you just sit there and not wonder if they are out there somewhere? We should be looking for them. You're a tracker. I've heard you boast about it. So, put your talents to good use."

Dammit, she was right, and I hated it. Since leaving the prison, I hadn't tried once to look for survivors. At first we were just running, trying to stay a step ahead of the herd, but now that we'd put some distance between us, I should have been looking. Something inside me didn't want to. Maybe I was afraid of what I might find. If I never knew, maybe it wouldn't hurt me.

My thoughts turned to Carol. I missed her. I won't lie. A part of me wished she was here instead of Beth, and had she been at the prison it might have turned out that way. Where was she? Where did she go after Rick abandoned her? Was she alive? I was so pissed when Rick told me what he'd done, but now, I'm thankful. Carol might be dead had she been at the prison. So many were dead now … so many.

The hardest loss was Hershel, Beth's father. He was a good man, better than me, better than any of us. He didn't deserve to die that way, at the hands of the Governor. I felt worst of all over his death. It was brutal. It never should have happened. It was my fault. If only I had followed through with my objective, to find and kill the Governor, then maybe we'd still be safe in the prison. Maybe everyone would still be alive. Maybe Hershel would still be alive. And after all that, after everything that happened, here I was kissing his daughter, who he'd asked me to protect and keep safe. Hershel would be ashamed of my behavior, not just because of a kiss, but because I liked it and it stirred my carnal desire.

The snake was cooked, and after letting it cool a bit, I divided it and gave Beth her half. I settled down to eat my portion of the snake meat, something I actually enjoyed, and I was looking forward to the best 'hot' meal I'd had in days. Beth only picked at hers.

"I need a drink," Beth said, and I threw her a bottle of water without looking at her. She complained that that's not what she wanted. "No, I mean a real drink." I couldn't even begin to figure out what was going through her mind, some kind of rebellion stage. I ignored her. We were out in the middle of the fucking woods. Where the hell was she going to get booze? Beth was getting pissed with my silent treatment, but that was fine. I could deal with her being mad at me if it meant we didn't have to talk about the kiss we shared. If there was one thing I was good at, it was being a dick. That role came easily to me.

"Are you just never going to talk to me again?" she complained, and I kept eating as though I hadn't heard her. "Fine. Sit there and enjoy your meal. I'm gonna go find a drink." She dropped her snake in the dirt and walked away from our camp.

If she was testing me, she would be disappointed. I wasn't going to jump up and run off looking for her right away. I probably didn't have to get up at all. She'd be back in a minute. I waited longer than a minute, eating as quickly as possible. How long was it going to take her to figure out she wasn't going to find a bottle of J.D. laying under a tree somewhere? It was taking longer than I was comfortable with. When she didn't come back, I sighed. "Stupid girl," I mumbled. I uttered a few more profanities, and threw my portion of the snake meat down, picked up my bow and trailed her.

I found her, alright, about to become walker chow. I could see her hiding behind a tree as three walkers approached. My bow ready in position just in case, but I decided to wait and see what she was capable of. Beth threw a rock, making the walkers turn toward the noise, all but one, and it was heading right for her. I aimed my bow, ready to kill it, but I hesitated. At the last moment, the walker turned and followed the others. Beth came out from behind the tree, and was startled to see me there. Our eyes connected, and something changed in hers, from fear to longing, like I was her knight in shining armor. I turned and walked away, and heard her follow me.

"I don't think we should stop. I think we should keep looking," she said from behind. "They can't all be gone. Someone must have survived, and we need to find them." This had been her argument since we were paired up. Beth still had hope, but I'd been through too much loss since the beginning, and the sooner I started over, the better off I'd be. I didn't have the want or the energy to go tramping around in the woods, dodging walkers, and looking for people who were probably dead. In my mind, it was a waste of time.

Beth jabbered on and on while she followed me, trying to get me to engage. What she didn't know was that I'd led her back to our camp. She ran into the strung up hubcaps. "You brought me back here? No. You know what? I don't need you. I can take care of myself. You can stay here, eat your snake, and wallow in your misery, but I'm going. I'm not giving up."

I watched her walk off, and for a moment I enjoyed the silence. Maybe I should let her go, I thought. We obviously had different ideas about what we should do. I always was better off on my own, but I knew deep down that Beth wouldn't last long. I'd made her father a promise to keep her safe. Glancing at our camp, I hung my head and muttered, "Dammit." Then I went off to find her before she got too far. I caught up quickly and fell in beside her, not saying a word. Her eyes fell on me and she smiled in victory. Fine, she won this round, but I'd be ready for the next one.

We broke out of the tree line, basically stumbling into the wide open space of a golf course. The first thing I noticed was an overturned golf cart. There'd be only chaos here. No telling what we'd find inside that place, I thought, looking towards the clubhouse.

"I bet I'll find something in there. Rich kids like to party," Beth said. I had no response. She was still on her booze mission. Whatever.

We were half way across the green when we heard walkers behind us. They were emerging from the trees, slowly following us. "Come on," I suggested, and we picked up the pace.

"Maybe there are still people inside," said Beth.

"I doubt it," I mumbled.

"You have to have hope, Daryl," she complained.

We finally made it, only to find a dead body outside the front doors. "Still think there someone alive in there?" I said.

Beth ignored me and pulled on the double doors, making a lot of noise. I noticed no one or nothing came to us, but I wasn't convinced that the inside of this place was clear. The alternative was behind us, approaching from the course, another herd, but smaller than the one we hid from in the trunk of the car. So I took Beth by the wrist and led her to another door a little further down the front of the building. I tried it, and found it unlocked. We entered with caution.

The first thing we came upon was a room full of dead bodies, every one of them shot in the head. In the back corner, three walkers swung from ropes around their necks. I assumed these were the executioners. Dumbasses, I thought to myself. Didn't they think they'd end up this way? Personally, I would rather have shot myself, than to swing like a dope on a rope for eternity.

Glancing around, I couldn't help notice the floor littered with jewelry and fur coats, expensive looking clothes, and money. I followed the trail of money, and it led me to a black bag. When I opened it, I found it stuffed with stacks of twenty dollar bills. There must have been a few thousand dollars lying at my feet. Old habits die hard, and I started stuffing money into my pockets.

"What are you going to do with that?" Beth questioned.

She was right, of course. Money didn't mean a damn thing these days, but I wouldn't tell her that. "You never know what will come in handy."

Next, we found the kitchen, but it was already stripped of everything edible. At that point, Beth and I split up. She had her own agenda, and I was determined to scavenge. I was collecting anything I thought might help us, bottles, wire, pieces of metal, glass and plastic. One person's trash was another one's treasure, so I made sure I collected a wide variety of stuff.

A loud clanking captured my attention. Fearing we were under siege, I pointed my bow in the direction of the commotion only to find that it was Beth wandering around in one of the storerooms. I went back to my scavenging detail and ignored her.

I was about to exit the kitchen when I heard Beth in distress. Some glass broke as she grunted in combat. By the time I got to her, she'd killed a walker that must have been hiding somewhere in the hallway. The air reeked of wine in the close quarters, and I noticed the broken bottle in her hand. It seemed she found her booze, and had to use it to defend herself. I almost laughed out loud at the sight.

"Thanks for helping," she said sarcastically. She must have seen the humor in my eyes.

Seeing an opportunity to be an asshole, I answered smartly. "You said you could take care of yourself." That seemed to piss her off even more, and I was pretty sure that any feelings she had for me before were obliterated now. That's exactly what I wanted.

We traveled deeper into the clubhouse, seeing the results of a community gone awry. More mass killings, whether suicide or murder, littered several more rooms. I think someone had tried to establish an organized way of living together, but in the end it failed. I was starting to believe there wasn't any organization anymore. Everything turned to shit eventually, and this place was proof of how it would always end.

The next hallway was blocked by a glass display leaning against the wall. We had to crawl under it, but a huge grandfather clock was in the way. I stood it upright, which gave us enough room to get through. The chimes clanged a few beats until they stopped swinging. Beth and I froze, but nothing came. It didn't mean there wasn't anything in here. It just meant they were further away.

The hallway emptied into the golf store. This place hadn't been completely ransacked. I started searching for anything we could use, since we had abandoned our other stuff back at the camp. My main concern was food, but I did find any. I found another bag of money, but I had no more room for it. I stared at it a moment, and thought about how poor I'd been all my life. Now, here I was, surrounded by gold, silver, jewels and cash, and it was all worthless. As I stood there, I caught a glimpse of Beth on the other side of the room. She was looking at a rack of women's clothing, yellow golf shirts and white sweaters. She took a shirt off the rack and started to turn toward me, but I quickly turned away, seeming uninterested. I heard the rustle of clothes, and dared to look over my shoulder. She had her back to me, bare except for her bra. She looked at the tag on the shirt and dropped in on the floor. Then she turned back to the rack to find the right size. She was facing me, and I found I couldn't take my eyes from her. Some caveman animal instinct held my vision on her perky breasts. It had been a very, very long time since I'd seen the female form, and parts of me came alive to celebrate the moment. She really was beautiful, I thought, and remembered what her lips felt like. I had a quick flashing vision of her lying beneath me, wide eyes staring up into mine, anticipating the moment when I would lower my body onto hers and . . .

Beth's eyes flicked upwards, and she caught me ogling her. She held the shirt against her chest with modesty. Then the corner of her mouth quirked up into half a smile as she turned her back to me, and all the effort it took me to convince her I was an asshole slipped away. Beth pulled the shirt over her head and straightened it around her waist. She pulled her long blond hair out of the collar, slow and intentional, and I watched it cascade down her back. I shook my lustful thoughts away, remembering whose daughter she was, and what my real purpose was. I was supposed to be protecting her, supposed to be finding a secure place to start over, not having deviant thoughts about her. I couldn't allow myself to become attached. Every time I did, I lost that person. Beth and I might have been the last of our group. I didn't want to lose her too, especially after feeling it was my fault that her father died.

Again, she looked at me through long lashes, and the longing I'd seen in her eyes at the prison had returned. If it had been Carol standing there, I would have ran to her, and finally confessed my feelings for her. But this was Beth, the girl who I'd given my word to protect. I shouldn't have been having those carnal thoughts, and I tried hard to clear my head. She went to the rack of white sweaters and picked one out. Before she faced me again, I walked away, needing to get as far from her as possible.

"How do I look?" she asked sweetly from across the room, trying to lure me back.

I went to the door and took the handle in my hand. "You ready yet? We're wasting time." Asshole mode initiated. I started to open it, and heard growls on the other side. Beth heard it too. My hand went up, signaling for her to stay quiet and be ready for whatever was on the other side of the door. I glanced at her and gave a nod, then I opened the doors. Three walkers came stumbling in. The first one I took out with ease. The second one put up more of a fight, but I got him with an arrow. The last one was too close to use my bow, and as I started to retrieve the knife from my side, it pushed forward and we went tumbling to the ground. I heard Beth cry out to me from the other side of the room, and it gave me the strength I needed to get out from under the walker. Looking around, I found a golf club, and used it to help me to my feet. Then I started beating the walker with it.

I was lost in the fight, taking pleasure from it. Every kill was a victory. These were the kinds of bastards that looked down on me my whole life. I could tell by the clothes they wore, the pearls around their necks, and the gold on their fingers that they had been rich members of this establishment. These were the assholes that would have looked down their noses at me, thought of me as white trash, lazy, dirty redneck scum. Well, who was winning now, motherfuckers? Who was still alive and kicking after all that happened? Your money didn't save you, did it … douchebags? The last one was putting up a fight, and I kept beating him with the club until it knocked off his whole face. Gore went flying through the room like a chunk of grass uprooted from a bad golfers swing. Unfortunately, it landed on Beth, most of it on her pretty white sweater. I came back to my senses and waited for her to say something. She simply took off the sweater and left the store without saying a single word. I started to think that maybe her idea of finding some booze wasn't half bad. I could have used a drink myself right about then.

"Here it is," she said as we found the bar. "Told you we'd find it."

This would have been reserved for the richest members of the club when it was in business. The bar was made from mahogany, and there was a huge stained glass window behind it. The shelf where all the high end liquor would have been was empty. Somehow I knew it would be. Food and alcohol are the first things to go in these situations. I watched Beth from the corner of my eye, as she searched for a bottle of anything. She found it, and it didn't surprise me that no one drank it already.

"Peach schnapps," she smiled, setting the bottle of clear liquor on the bar. "Is it good?" she asked as I walked by.

"No," I said with a definite tone. Only wusses would drink that kind of shit. Schnapps was like concentrated Kool-aide as far as I was concerned. It wasn't a real drink.

Beth ignored me and sat at the bar. She started looking for a clean glass to pour it in. One way or another, she was going to have her first real drink, like a rite of passage. She was at that age where she naturally needed to defy her elders. The problem was, she had no elders left to speak of. Her mother, father, and older brother were dead, and her older sister, Maggie, was . . . Well, she wasn't here.

I decided I didn't want any part of this ritual, and found a dartboard with darts still sticking out of it. I pulled them down one by one and walked back. Before I threw them, though, I found a different target. On the wall behind me were the pictures of the men who probably owned this place. Maybe it went back a few generations. I wasn't sure. There were about five or six portraits of rich older white men with smug looks on their faces, as though they knew I wasn't good enough to be seen in this place even now. I threw the first dart at a middle-aged balding man, hitting him right in the forehead. The second dart lodged into the nose of a man with his dark hair slicked back perfectly. I kept going until each picture had a dart embedded into it. "Where are you now, assholes?" I said to myself. "Look at them, arrogant, self-important, narcissistic pricks." Needless to say, I had no use for the rich. Well, there's only one thing they were good for now … target practice.

While I was busy gloating over the fact that I was still alive and these rich men weren't, I caught the sound of whimpering, and looked over to see Beth crying. The bottle of schnapps was still corked, and it seemed that she never found a decent glass. So, we'd come all this way, and almost got killed several times just so she could sit there and cry. This was bullshit. Fine, if she wanted to do this, really do this, I'd help her. Unable to listen to anymore of her crying, I went to her, and snatched up the bottle of schnapps. Beth looked up at me through her tears, as though she expected me to say something to comfort her. She was wrong. Instead, I threw the bottle onto the floor. The glass shattered and the scent of peaches filled the room. Beth was shocked by my actions.

"What the hell, Daryl?" she complained.

"You wasn't gonna drink it anyway," I countered her. "You're just sitting there crying like–" I stopped myself when I realized I was taking the asshole routine a little far. She was about to start crying again.

I took a deep breath to collect myself and subdue my anger. "If you want your first drink, it's not gonna be fucking schnapps," I told her. "Let's go." We left the country club behind and headed back into the woods. I actually knew where I was, but I didn't tell Beth. I'd been this way before when Michonne and I had been out doing a run. We came upon a place not far from here. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Maybe I was hoping we'd find something good in the country club. All we found was disappointment, but the place where I was leading us was pure misery.