I'm finished at my locker, I'm just standing here pretending to look for something. There is too much time before the bell rings, and if I close my locker now I'll be force to hang around. I'm awful at hanging around. It requires confidence, and the right clothing and a bold, but casual stance. Robbie Oxman, aka Rox, is a master at hanging around. Always whipping his hair out of his face and keeping his legs shoulder-width apart. He even knows what to do with his hands. Four fingers inside his jean pockets, and thumbs through his belt loops. Brilliant.

I want to do what Dr. Sherman and my mom keep asking. engage, but it's not in my DNA. It's even a wonder how I managed the strange friendship between Connor and me. Not that I would admit it, I'm sure he wouldn't either. When I walked on the bus this morning everyone was either talking to their friends or staring down at their phones. Once I googled how to make friends, and I clicked on one of the videos that popped up. I swear I didn't realize until the end that I was watching a car commercial. Now the bus rides are less awkward, when I look to my phone I'm not really faking it. Sometimes I am, as I wait for a response, but normally Connor is there.

Unfortunately, it's now time for class. I shut my locker, not to loud but not to soft. I force myself to move exactly one hundred and eighty degrees, I keep my head low enough to void eye contact but high enough to see where I'm going.

Kayla Micheal is showing off her invisilign to Freddie Lin, i could ask one of them to sign my cast. But no offense, I don't need signatures from kids that register as low as I do on the relevance meter. I pass by the twins, not actually related they just dress alike and the Russian spy, at least I don't have a nickname... That I know of. Or Connor knows of, knowing his sister he would have heard of it by now.

Vanessa Wilton is talking on the phone, probably to her agent, she's been in local commercials. Up ahead two jocks are literally wrestling on the ground, and there's Rox outside Mr. Bailey's class. He's got one thumb in his belt loop, and the other hand on Cristian Cabiaro's I heard Cristian was with Mike Miller, but he graduate last year, on to the next I see. They're making out now, it's very wet, don't stare. I need to remember that sometimes.

I make a pit stop at the water fountain, I've already forgotten the plan. Let people see you. How am I supposed to do that? Carry around sparklers? Hand out free condoms? I'm just not the seize the day type. Over the running water I hear a voice, I think the voice could possibly be talking to me. I stop drinking, there is indeed a person standing next to me. Her name is Alana Beck.

"How was your summer?" She says. Alana sat in front of me in Pre-calc last year, but we never spoke. Are we speaking now? I'm not convinced. "My summer, mine was productive." Alana continued before I could speak.

"I did three internships and ninety hours of community service. I know, wow."

"Yea that's wow, that's-" She cut me short.

"Even though I was so busy, I still made some great friends, or well Acquaintances more like. There was this girl name Clarissa, well Carissa, couldn't hear her that well. And then Bryan with a 'y', and my adviser at national black women leadership training camp, Mrs. P, and also-"

The only time I heard Alana's voice last year was when she was asking or answering questions. Which she does, incessantly. Mr. S would ignore her consistently until he'd realize her hand was the only hand up, and had no choice but to call on her. Again. She's got brovado I'd never have. Not to mention a very committed smile. But in another way Alana Beck and I have a lot in common. Even with her class participation and her gigantic backpack always slamming into people, she goes around this school the same way I do, unnoticed.

Seize the day, mom says. Fine, here goes. I lift my cast up "Do you maybe want to-"

"Oh my god!" Alana says. "What happened to your arm?" I unzip my backpack and dig around for my sharpie.

"I broke it, I was-"

"Oh really? Mu grandpa broke her hip getting into the bathtub in July. That was the beginning of the end the doctor says, because then she died."

"Oh, that's terrible."

"I know right." She says, her smile never wavering. Maybe Connor was right about her. "Happy first day!" She turns and her backpack knocks the sharpie out of my hand. I bend down to pick it up, and when I'm right again Alana is gone... And Jared Kleinman is in her place.

"Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much? Or do you consider that an honor?" Jared said much too loudly. "Paint me a the picture, you're in your bedroom, lights off, smooth jazz in the background, you've got Zoey Murphy's Instagram up on your weird off brand phone."

Zoey is Connor's sister. I used to have a little, maybe not so little, crush on her. Jared knows, but I can't now. It's too weird, Connor's my only friend and Zoey isn't worth losing him over... Right.

As for JAred, we have history. His mother sells real estate, she's the one that found my mom and me a new place to live after my dad left. For a few years there the Klienmans would have us at their swim club in the summer time and we'd go to their house for dinner. Once for rosh hashanah. I even went to Jared's bar mitzvah.

"Do you want to know what really happened?" I ask.

"Not really." Jared says. Somethings driving me to say it, to share it with someone that wasn't there. Maybe just to set the record straight.

"No I was not stalking Zoey Murphy's instagram, what happened is I was climbing a tree and I fell."

"You fell out of a tree, what are you, like an acorn?"

"You know how I was working as an apprentice park ranger this summer?"

"No, why would I know that?"

"Well anyway, I'm sort of a tree expert now. Not to brag. But I saw this incredible forty foot tall oak tree and I started climbing it and I just..."

"Fell?" Jared says.

"Yea except it's a funny story because..." I pause, rethinking that day. Connor. Can't mention him. "There was a solid ten minutes after I fell when I was just lying there on the ground waiting for someone to come get me and second now I kept thinking, any second now."

"Did they?"

"No. Nobody came. That's what's so funny."I lie.

"Jesus Christ." He looks embarrassed for me, but hey I know how pathetic it sounds. I actually didn't have to wait, Connor was there. Like he always was. But I can't say that...

There's a lot going on in my head right now. Grandmothers' are passing away, I have dark spots from the fountain spraying me, I have to respond to Connor, and I still haven't made it to my first period. Where I'll have to answer to Mark for at least forty-five minutes. This is what I get for trying to have a conversation with Jared Kleinman, who once laughed during a lesson on the holocaust. He swore he was laughing to something unrelated to the horrific black and white photos that the rest of use were gasping at.

And I believe him I guess, but still. I'm pretty sure the guy doesn't have a conscious. Jared hasn't walked away yet so I ask a question I stole straight from Alana Beck's mouth. "How was your summer?"

"Well my bunk dominated in capture the flag, and I got to second base under the bra with this girl from Israel whose going to like be in the army, so yea does that answer your questions?"

"Actually..." The sharpie is still in my hand, I don't even know why I'm even bothering with this cast signing thing, but here I go anyways. "Do you wanna sign my cast?" He laughs. He laughs right in my face.

"Why are you asking me?'

"I don't know, because we're friends?"

"We're family friends." Jared says. "That's a whole different thing and you know it." Is it? I've played video games on Jared's couch. I even changed out of my bathing suit in front of him. He's the one that informed me it's not normal to wear your underwear underneath your bathing suit. Fine we don't hang out like that anymore, and only ever spent time together with our families around, but those memories still count for something... Right?

A family friend is still a friend technically.

"Tell your mom to tell my mom I was nice to you or else my parents wont pay for my car insurance." Jared says and walks away.

Jared is a dick. But he's my dick. I mean no, that's not what I mean. Not like that. I just mean he's just not the worse ever. He acts like he's the shit, but he's not totally convincing. He's tortoise shell glasses and beach bum shirts don't quite fit him right and the over-sized headphones he keeps around his neck aren't even plugged in.

That being said. he's whole look is far better than I could pull off. I make it to class just as the bell rings and find a seat. I prefer to be in the row closest to the door at the back of the room out of sight and near the exit. As I'm getting situated, I feel a slight sens of accomplishment. No names yet on my cast, but I've already interacted with more people that I did the entire first month of school last year. How's that for seizing the day? Who knows, maybe today will be an amazing day after all.

Before the class officially starts, I type out a quick message to Connor. My accomplishment might not seem like much to others, but I know Connor will understand. I barely manage to hit send before the Teacher starts speaking.

AN: Ayyy look an update!

I have been planning to update this but my problem was that I was parroting the book in a sense and writing as I reread chapters so there would be parallels and nothing would be too out of character,but then I had to return the book to my local library and haven't been able to check it out again because it's in constant requests.

So I spent so long trying to find a copy online of the novel, but I couldn't. And I can't afford to buy my own copy yet, but luckily I was able to get a free Audible subscription trial and got a free book with it. of course I picked DEH so I could continue. It's a little weird hearing it and typing from it because I can't read ahead and cut out parts that don't need to be included or figure out where to add small details but I managed. The whole story isn't just going to be rewrites of the chapters, I will be adding in my own, just need the book as a starting point and not be completely off in my writing.

I appreciate those who reviewed, Particularly Stella because you actually revisted my story and left another review which I really appreciated. I hope you guys enjoyed today's chapter! I'll be cranking out the next chapter as soon as I can!