A/N: Sorry for the delay, everyone! I'm currently working on the next chapter, which will be the final one for this fic. Thank you all for your support! I'm really glad everyone's enjoyed the fic so much. One important note: In this fic, Adrien and Luka aren't supposed to be great role models for coping with grief or mental health issues, so please don't follow their example! If you're ever struggling with grief, anxiety, depression, etc., please consult actual resources—don't use this fic for reference.

And before I forget—since it's been a while since I updated this fic, I've posted a recap of the previous chapters on my Tumblr (ominousunflower). You can find that under the "out of the rain" and "writing update" tags.

A week goes by, and Adrien barely leaves the mansion. For the first few days, his friends try to visit, but they're turned away at the door with thin excuses: Adrien isn't feeling well today. Adrien has too much homework today. Adrien isn't allowed to have friends over today. After a few tries, Alya and Nino seem to get the message, though Luka doesn't give up until the entire week has passed.

The first time he doesn't show up, Adrien spends the entire day with anticipation twisting his stomach, wondering if Luka has really stopped coming by. His anxiety doesn't pass until the clock shows it's midnight, and then it's replaced by a strange sense of disappointment. He didn't really expect Luka to stop trying.

Luka doesn't come to the mansion the next day, either, and that's when Adrien decides he's finally succeeded at pushing him away.

It's a hollow success.

Even though he's cooped up in his room, though, Adrien tries to stay healthy. He eats and sleeps enough. He takes care of his hygiene. He even exercises some—although really, akuma battles burn a decent number of calories. No, he's not going to starve himself or become a zombie again. He has vague memories of how debilitating that felt, and he doesn't want to go back to that.

Instead, he flies through all the homework he missed. Several hours a day, he sits at his desk and goes through chapter after chapter, book after book, writing until his hand cramps up and he has to take a break. He likes the math and science problems the best: they're simple, straightforward, and he's able to do them almost mechanically. It's the kind of problem-solving Adrien's brain is wired to handle.

Sometimes, Tikki tries to learn some of the math alongside Adrien. For a deity who's thousands of years old, though, she's surprisingly horrible at it. Sometimes Adrien finds himself laughing as he tries to explain a concept to her for the fourth time, only for her to huff and say she'll never actually need to use math. She sounds like a typical collégien.

He really does love Tikki. He wishes he could do more for her.

A few times, Adrien tries to talk to his father, but Gabriel Agreste is more distant than ever. And even when Nathalie finally comes back to work, she has the same unapproachable aura. Adrien feels more like a hotel guest than a member of the household.

His chef and the Gorilla don't seem to mind him, although neither one of them is great for conversation. The Gorilla hardly says a word, and the chef is usually too busy with her work to talk. She shows Adrien how to make an omelet, though. That's nice.

Once or twice, Adrien spots Chat Noir on rooftops near the mansion. He doesn't try to come inside Adrien's room again, and he never stops by to say anything, so Adrien assumes that he must just be patrolling the neighborhood. He makes a mental note to set up a patrol schedule—that's definitely something he and Chat should be doing more regularly. Aside from keeping the city safe, Adrien could use the company.

His present situation isn't ideal, and Adrien can't deny that he's lonely. A few times, he's tempted to grab his phone and call Luka, beg him to come by the mansion and talk. But he can't do that. He cares about Luka too much, and that means he needs to stay away from him. Luka shouldn't hurt himself trying to save a lost cause.

At least he's stopped coming by. That means he finally got the message.

Adrien almost wishes he hadn't.

o - o - o - o - o

Despite his best efforts to avoid his friends, Adrien forgets to account for the interview that he and Chat Noir promised Alya.

"We're almost set up," Alya tells Ladybug and Chat Noir, as they sit in two chairs across from her. They're all crammed into her bedroom with the curtains drawn, safely away from the prying eyes of the public. Nino stands a few meters away, fiddling with camera equipment. "Thanks so much for agreeing to this, you two."

"Right," Adrien says, his voice strained.

"And this isn't live, right?" Chat asks.

"No, definitely not," Alya says. "I know you guys want to control what information the public hears. If you say something in the interview that you don't want people to hear, we'll make a note of it and edit it out."

For some reason, Chat is watching Adrien with concern in his luminescent eyes. "Okay," Chat says. "Sounds good."

What's his problem? Doesn't he trust Adrien to exercise some tact? Adrien has years of experience being a celebrity and superhero. He knows how to handle an interview.

"Hey, Nino," Alya says. "Any word from Luka?"

Adrien's entire body aches at the name. Is Luka coming to the interview? Adrien doesn't want to see Luka, but he does, and it's confusing and painful and hopeful all at once. He craves Luka's presence like a drug he's withdrawing from.

"Oh, right," Nino says. "He texted me a few minutes ago and said he couldn't make it."

"Our one friend is a pretty big fan, Ladybug," Alya says. "I was hoping he'd come by to meet you, but…"

"We've met," Adrien says. "Uh, briefly. I'm not that special, so I'm not sure what he sees in me, but—I appreciate it."

Chat scoffs at that, but doesn't say anything. While Nino continues to set up the camera and Alya goes over her notes, Chat toys with his baton. Adrien's not sure what his partner is doing or thinking, but he doesn't have the energy to worry about it. He needs to focus on not having a breakdown during the interview.

A minute later, Nino says, "Oh, Luka just texted me again."

"Is he coming after all?" Adrien finds himself asking. He cringes at the hopefulness in his voice; Ladybug shouldn't sound so excited about seeing a random civilian.

"No, but…" Nino squints at his phone. "Alya, he wants to know if you can ask a question for him during the interview."

"Of course!" Alya says. "Save it for partway through. I'll throw it in as a question from a fan."

"And, uh—should we ask Adrien if he wants to come?" Nino asks.

The sound of his name makes Adrien feel like the floor has been pulled out from beneath him. Here it is: a chance to find out what his friends really think of him.

Alya sighs. "I'd say yes, but I think he's going through something right now. I think we should leave him alone until he's ready to talk."

"Man," Nino says, "I don't want to do that. I'm worried about him."

"He needs space," Alya says firmly. "If this goes on too long, sure, we'll check on him. But…" She glances sideways at Ladybug and Chat. "Sorry, guys. We'll save our personal problems for later."

Adrien nods, throat tight, eyes stinging. So…that's why Alya and Nino stopped coming by? They haven't given up on him? It doesn't seem possible. How can they still be waiting around for him, after all the trouble he's caused?

"Ladybug," Chat murmurs. "Are you sure you're good to do the interview?"

"I'm fine," Adrien says.

Chat presses his lips together. "Okay." After a moment of hesitation, he says, "Just…if there's a question you don't want to answer, signal me and I'll take it."

"Oh. Sure." Adrien frowns. Chat is rarely talkative, so Adrien had figured that Ladybug would be fielding most of the questions. As confusing as it is, though, he's grateful for the support. "Thank you, Chat."

Chat stares at him for a moment longer, his blue eyes unreadable. "Ladybug," he says, "whatever it is, I've got your back." He reaches out and squeezes Adrien's shoulder. "All of you. That includes whoever's behind the mask."

"You can't…" Adrien wants to say you can't promise that. Would Chat really want him as his partner, if he knew that Adrien let down his last one so badly? He might think Adrien's the best partner for him, but that's only because he doesn't really know him. "S-sure," Adrien says, instead. "You too, Chat. But I'm fine, I promise."

Adrien's not sure if he imagines it, but it almost sounds like Chat lets out a quiet growl. "If you say so," he mutters.

"Chat?"

Chat glances at Alya and Nino, who are still engrossed in their respective tasks. Leaning closer, he says, "Ladybug, I'm not blind. I know something's bothering you."

"If it is, it's none of your business," Adrien says. He winces the moment the words are out. "Wait, that came out wrong. I—"

"Right," Chat says. He sits back in his seat and folds his arms. "My partner's problems are none of my business. That makes perfect sense."

"Chat," Adrien says. His throat tightens. He'd known Chat wanted to help him—he's the same as Luka, always trying to give Adrien more than he deserves—but he hadn't expected his problems to bother Chat this much. "It's a civilian thing. I can't talk about it."

"That's your call, not mine," Chat says. He's staring straight ahead, jaw clenched, arms immobile.

Adrien thinks of the last conversation that went this way: weeks ago, sitting next to Luka on the couch while he stared ahead and coolly disagreed with Adrien. He gets a similar feeling from Chat; even though his irritation isn't cold or distant, it's scarily quiet. Adrien can't tell how close he is to getting burned.

"What do you mean?" Adrien asks, against his better judgment.

Chat's eyes flick over to him briefly. "Did your kwami ever tell you that you couldn't talk to me about civilian problems?"

Adrien frowns. Maybe Tikki hadn't explicitly said that—but he'd thought it was implied. "Chat. We can't risk revealing our identities."

To Adrien's shock, Chat bares his teeth. "And did our kwamis decide that? Or did you?"

Adrien opens his mouth, but no words come out. Is Chat actually suggesting that they tell each other their civilian identities? Adrien can't do that. His mask is the only thing keeping Chat from finding out how weak and useless he really is.

And what if Adrien makes a mistake? What if one day, he falls under the influence of an akuma, and Papillon finds out Chat's identity because Adrien couldn't keep it to himself? Papillon's killed before—he'll kill again, and Adrien can't lose another partner.

"So!" Alya interrupts, her voice unnaturally bright. Adrien wonders if she overheard part of their argument. "Are you two ready to get started?"

"Sure," Adrien says, forcing his voice to be chipper.

The first part of the interview is uneventful. Adrien and Chat go over everything they know so far: the increased ruthlessness of Papillon's akumas, the absence of Mayura, the status of the other Miraculous users.

"I'm not sure how we'll handle the other Miraculous users," Adrien says. "If we can get a hold of the previous holders, it would be useful to have their experience on our side, but…"

"But we currently have no way of finding out who they were," Chat finishes.

Adrien watches disappointment flicker across Alya's face, but she hides it well. "Of course! So a changing of the guard, then."

"Not necessarily," Adrien says. The truth is, if he ever needs the Fox or Turtle in battle, he wants to choose Alya and Nino again. But he can't say that on the record—it's possible Papillon figured out that Marinette gave Miraculouses to her friends and classmates, in which case they'd be in danger if Adrien announced that he was using the same Miraculous holders.

Of course, they'll be in danger if they go up against Papillon in battle, too, and Adrien's not sure that he wants to put his friends' lives on the line. It might be better to leave the other Miraculouses in storage.

"We're not ruling it out," Chat adds.

Alya goes on to ask a few more serious questions, and then she takes a break for a "fun" one. "Alright, you two. You probably know that the previous Ladybug was an avid fashion designer. So, on her behalf, let me ask—how did you design your suits?"

The mention of Marinette has Adrien's stomach lurching. "Magic?" he says weakly. "I…"

"Right," Chat says. "The costumes are magic, so we didn't have to make them by hand. That said, I didn't put much thought into mine, but…"

Adrien's focused on composing himself, so he misses what Chat says about his suit. Then, all too soon, it's Ladybug's turn. He doesn't remember what he tells Alya, but it must be fine, because she nods and moves on to the next question.

About twenty minutes in, Alya flips through her notebook and nods. "Alright. This question is for both of you, but I'll ask Ladybug first."

Adrien smiles, trying to channel the confidence he used to have in interviews. "Sure."

"Right, so," Alya says. "Most of Paris knows your predecessor, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. How would you say you've gotten inspiration from her?" She glances at Chat. "Same question for you, about the previous Chat Noir."

"Inspiration?" Adrien echoes. "I…I mean…"

He doesn't think he has an answer to that question. Is it inspiration if he constantly fails to measure up to her? Is it inspiration that he feels compelled to beat Papillon for her, or die trying? Adrien's not inspired by Marinette. He's haunted by her, and that's not the answer Alya is looking for.

"It can be anything," Alya says. "Her fighting style, her personality, a favorite story of yours."

"Can I go first?" Chat asks, while Adrien flounders. "I already have my answer."

"Sure," Alya says. "So—"

"I'm sorry," Adrien says. "I don't think I have an answer."

Alya pauses, lips pursed as she glances between the two of them. "Okay. Do you want to come back to that question later?"

Adrien's eyes fixate on Alya's desk, where she's got four superhero figurines on display: the old Ladybug and Chat Noir, and beside them, Adrien and his new partner. Take mine down, Adrien thinks. I don't deserve your praise.

"Ladybug?" Alya prompts.

Adrien shakes his head, searching for words. Eyes falling to the floor, he fumbles for Chat's hand and squeezes, willing the tears stinging his eyes to disappear.

"Sorry, Alya," Chat says, voice tight. "I think that question might be too difficult."

"Noted," Alya says. "We can move on to—"

Nino curses loudly, cutting her off. "Sorry, guys. Looks like the interview's over." Adrien glances up to see that Nino's holding his phone to face them, showing some sort of akuma alert on the screen. "Someone just reported an akuma attack over by the Louvre."

Alya throws down her notebook and tosses her hands in the air. "Seriously! Papillon can't even let me finish an interview?"

"We'll take care of it," Chat says, standing. He doesn't let go of Adrien's hand, instead gently guiding him to his feet.

"Y-yeah," Adrien says. His hand slips from Chat's grasp. "We'll be back soon."

Chat stares at Adrien with eyes full of concern. "Ladybug," he murmurs. "Do you need a moment?"

"No," Adrien says. "No, I'm good to go."

Paris can't wait while Adrien composes himself. He'll just have to push his pain aside like he always does. Thousands of people are counting on him to stay strong.

"If you're sure," Chat says. He casts one last worried look at Adrien, and then he opens the window and leaps outside.

With a shaky breath, Adrien follows him, chased by thoughts of Marinette as he goes.

o - o - o - o - o

The solution should be simple, the battle quick—but Adrien isn't Marinette, so of course the fight lasts far longer than it has to. When they finally manage to defeat the akuma, he retreats into an alleyway and presses his forehead against the wall, trying to keep his breathing steady as he detransforms.

"Adrien," Tikki tries.

"Just eat," Adrien says, teeth gritted. "Please, Tikki. I need to transform and get back to the interview."

A few seconds, a few muttered words later, and Ladybug's standing in the alleyway, panting and hugging his arms to himself. He can't bring himself to move. He doesn't want to go back to that tiny room with Alya and Nino. He doesn't know how to face the questions about Marinette.

"Hey," a voice says from behind him. Adrien dimly recognizes it as Chat's. "Bug. What's wrong?"

Immediately, Adrien turns and collapses against Chat, his chest shaking with a swallowed sob. "Everything," he says. "I'm so stupid."

Chat's arms instantly wrap around Adrien and hold him close. "No, you're not."

"I should have realized how to use that Lucky Charm."

Because that was why the battle had gone on for so long: Adrien couldn't figure out what to do with his Lucky Charm. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't think of anything; as always, his slow, dumb brain bogged him down.

Of course, the charm wasn't completely straightforward, but in hindsight, he still should have seen it. After all, Alya saw it. She was the one who flagged Ladybug down and discreetly suggested how he could use his polka-dotted towel. And even though Adrien smiled and thanked her for the help, it took all his strength not to burst into tears in front of her.

He knows she was mentally comparing him to Marinette. All of Paris is doing the same. And time and time again, Adrien proves that he's entirely unworthy of being Marinette's successor.

How would you say you've been inspired by Marinette?

Well, she's inspired him to do one thing: quit. Because Adrien might have been optimistic in the beginning, but now it's abundantly clear that he'll never be a good fit for the Ladybug Miraculous.

"There's nothing wrong with accepting help," Chat says. He rubs circles against Adrien's back. "I wouldn't have thought of that solution, either."

"You don't have to," Adrien says. "I'm Ladybug. I'm supposed to know what to do."

Chat is silent for a moment. "Maybe Alya was supposed to figure out the Lucky Charm. They're not always straightforward, right?"

"I should have known," Adrien repeats. "And I didn't, because I'm useless and stupid and—and—"

The smothered sob finally escapes from his lips, and he buries his face against Chat's chest, trembling as he cries. He'll never be a good Ladybug. Nothing he's done would make Marinette proud.

"You're not useless or stupid," Chat says. His hand comes up to stroke Adrien's hair. "Paris would be destroyed by now if it wasn't for you."

"That's thanks to you," Adrien murmurs. "Someone else could do better than me. They shouldn't have picked me." He hugs Chat tightly. "Chat, I think…I think it's time for them to pick someone else."

"Ladybug," Chat says, voice sharp. "No. Don't say that."

As Adrien shakes in Chat's arms, he wills his tongue to work properly. He knows Chat wants Adrien to confide in him more—he's told both Adrien and Ladybug as much—and the truth is, Adrien wants to. He'd love to explain everything to Chat and tell him exactly what's wrong. He can't, though. There's no way to do that without jeopardizing his identity.

Tikki never said you couldn't tell him, Adrien's mind says. You're the one who decided to keep this to yourself.

But that's stupid. Superheroes are never allowed to share their identities. Chat is new to this; he's misunderstanding how things work. Just because their kwamis never explicitly forbid them from telling each other, that doesn't mean they can.

Still, a stubborn part of Adrien's brain wants to tell Chat anyway. So he tells him what he can, and the words bubble half-formed from his lips, toxic thoughts with no antidotes.

"I don't deserve the name Ladybug," Adrien says hoarsely. "I took that name from her. I didn't do anything to deserve it. She worked so hard, and what did I ever do?" He clings to Chat, fingers digging into his back. "I'm so weak compared to her. She was clever, and quick, and positive. And I…I'm the opposite. I'm slow, and dense, and—and I'm miserable to be around. My friends are sick of me."

He knows that last part is disingenuous. After all, he shut his friends out. He forced them away, and they still haven't given up on him. But right now, his brain will take any thought that brings pain, no matter how unreasonable it is.

"Marinette wasn't perfect," Chat murmurs. "Bug, no one could do this job perfectly."

"She did," Adrien says, voice wavering. "You don't know anything. She did it perfectly. I was—I'm just a screw-up."

Chat's arms wrap around him in the tightest hug yet, almost like he's trying to wring every last drop of sorrow from Adrien. It's not enough, though. He can't squeeze every drop of water from someone who's drowning.

You can't drown in the rain. Is that really what Adrien told that first akuma victim, weeks ago? Well, Ladybug is the exception. The ditch. Because months later, the rain still hasn't let up, and Adrien's entire body is heavy and cold from the never-ending deluge.

"I'll never get better," Adrien mutters against Chat's chest. "I'll never be as good as she was."

"Shh," Chat says, stroking Adrien's hair. "That's not true."

Adrien suddenly jerks back and pushes Chat's chest away from his. "What do you know?" he snaps, and he's reminded of that first time he pushed Luka away, back in his room, when the pain of losing Marinette was fresh and new. It's almost funny how he's come full circle in so little time: lost and alone and scared, all over again.

At least he's not putting Luka through this yet again. Luka has already held Adrien like this far too many times. It's not fair to him; he needs space to heal, too. He can't constantly be supporting Adrien.

Then again, that means it's probably only a matter of time before Adrien pushes away Chat, too. The thought of being completely alone draws a fresh sob from Adrien's chest. He feels like throwing up.

"Ladybug," Chat says. "I know what you're—"

"You don't realize what a bad choice I am," Adrien says, shoulders drooping. "Paris would be safer if I wasn't Ladybug. You deserve a better partner."

Chat's eyes flash in the dim light of the alley. "You're my partner," he says. "I don't want someone else."

"Well, then, you're almost as stupid as I am."

The words are out before Adrien can stop them. He watches as anger flickers across Chat's face, and wonders if this will finally make Chat lose his temper. Instead, though, Chat reaches out and pulls Adrien back into a hug. His arms tighten around him, and this embrace is different—it's wilder, more desperate, like Chat doesn't care if he breaks a few of Adrien's ribs.

"Stop," Chat mutters. "No one is saying that. Why do you keep torturing yourself?"

"Because I deserve it." Adrien hisses as Chat's claws dig into his back hard enough to sting. "Until I become a good Ladybug—"

"You are a good Ladybug!" Chat growls. Abruptly, he pulls away from Adrien. His eyes are literally glowing in the darkness, bright and hot like molten metal. "Ad—Ladybug, you—you…"

"I'm not," Adrien says quietly. "There are things you don't know—"

"Then tell me!" Chat says. "Tell me, instead of making yourself miserable."

"I'm not good enough," Adrien says, as tears crawl down his face. "I wasn't a good enough Chat Noir. And I'll never be a good enough Ladybug." He holds a hand to his mouth, muffling another cry. "That's it, Chat. That's what I haven't told you. I failed once, and I lost her, and if I keep being Ladybug, it's going to happen again."

"Ladybug," Chat says, his voice raw. "That wasn't your fault."

"No," Adrien says. "It was Papillon's. That doesn't change the fact that I'm not good enough. Every mistake I make, I feel like I'm letting her down all over again." His voice breaks on the last word, but he plunges on, his voice wavering. "I don't know how to get better, Chat. I've tried, and nothing works. And everyone who's ever tried to help me has failed just as miserably as I have."

He squeezes his eyes shut, and Luka's face flashes through his mind. Kind, patient Luka. He came close to helping Adrien. It's not his fault that Adrien is hopeless.

"Everyone?" Chat says. "I thought—you said…"

"I'm a lost cause," Adrien says. "I'll never live up to her. I can't do it. I just—Chat, I'm so tired of trying and failing. I can't keep doing this. And do you know what I realized recently?" Adrien laughs bitterly. "I always end up alone. Either I lose people, or I push them away, but the end result is the same. And I'm not making myself miserable. I just am. Nothing you say will change that."

A yell echoes through the alleyway. It's a growl and a wail in one, a warning siren, a battle cry. Birds flutter away overhead, and the air seems to swirl with something dark, dangerous. For a moment, it's like smelling smoke without seeing a fire, but then Adrien spots the flames: they're blazing in Chat's eyes, a fire born from the spark Adrien first saw back in his room.

This is Chat's real temper. And it's an inferno.

Chat turns to a trash can beside him and kicks it so hard that it flies to the other end of the alleyway. Adrien cringes as it crashes to the ground. When it's landed, he sees that there's a dent in the side.

"You're right," Chat hisses. "Nothing I say works. I try and try, and no matter what I do, you're still hurting. I guess I'm stupid for caring so much, because now I—I—now I feel useless." He growls again. "I've tried so hard to help, and if it's all for nothing…" His hands shake in fists at his side. "If it's all for nothing, then I guess I…I'm…"

Suddenly, the fire is snuffed out. Chat slumps, his eyes dimming. He looks small and alone.

"I don't know what to say," Chat says, his voice hoarse. "I never know what to say."

His body shakes silently, and it takes Adrien a moment to realize what's happening. Then, like a gun being cocked, it clicks.

Chat is crying.

It's silent, but his body is trembling, his breaths hitching. The entire world around Adrien—car horns, planes rushing, birds chittering—goes quiet, until the only sound he can hear is his partner's uneven breathing.

"Chat," Adrien whispers.

Chat closes his eyes and shakes his head. Adrien's heart twists in his chest. No, no. His partner was never supposed to be the one in pain.

"Chat," Adrien repeats. He takes a tentative step forward and wraps his arms around Chat. "How can I help? What can I do?"

After a moment, Chat returns the embrace, winding his arms around Adrien. It's different than their hug before; now, Chat clings to Adrien, and Adrien tries his best to soothe him.

He's never done this, though. No one's ever come to Adrien for comfort before. He has no idea what he's supposed to do.

"Get better," Chat says, teeth gritted. "Stop hurting yourself, stop pushing your friends away." He squeezes Adrien. "Stop pushing me away. I know you're not perfect, and I don't care. None of us do."

Adrien strokes Chat's hair, because he knows that always helps him when Luka or Chat do it. Chat relaxes slightly in Adrien's arms, his face tucked against his neck. "You don't?" Adrien says. "But…"

"I don't," Chat murmurs against his skin. "You never have to be perfect. You just have to be my partner."

That's not enough, Adrien wants to say. But he knows those words will hurt Chat, so he keeps them to himself.

Adrien presses his lips to Chat's hair and strokes his back, murmuring assurances. It's strange, being the one who has to hold someone else together. Adrien's tears are drying, itching on his face as he holds Chat as close and tight as he can. There's no time for crying when Chat needs him.

He wonders if Luka ever felt like this when he comforted Adrien. Then the realization hits Adrien with awful clarity: it must have been exactly like this for Luka. Adrien thought he'd been relying on Luka and providing nothing in return, but maybe Luka has been relying on him just as much.

And Adrien pushed him away.

Chat's words ring in his mind. No matter what I do, you're still hurting. Now I feel useless.

Adrien's eyes sting. He must have hurt Luka, too. Luka tried so hard to help Adrien—and now, here Adrien stands, telling Chat that Luka's efforts were useless. How would Luka feel, if Adrien told him that? Adrien's sure his heart would break.

But of course, Luka would never tell Adrien that, because he wouldn't want Adrien to worry. He'd just keep it to himself and suffer in silence, probably like he's been doing this entire time.

Adrien was foolish to believe that Luka wasn't struggling. His own problems seemed so big, so overwhelming, that they took up his entire field of vision—but if he'd just looked to either side, at Luka or Chat, he'd have realized that they had problems of their own. And instead of helping them, Adrien hurt himself, and by hurting himself, he hurt them.

"I'm sorry," Adrien says, his nose buried in Chat's hair. "Chat, I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying—"

"No, wait," Adrien says. "Let me finish. I thought that hating myself would only hurt me, but I was wrong. I've been hurting other people too." Bracing himself, he pulls back to look at Chat. His partner's eyes shine in the darkness, tears clinging to his eyelashes, cheeks wet. Adrien grabs Chat's face and swipes away the tear trails with his thumbs. "Chat, I didn't realize that he…and you…I didn't realize you were relying on me. I'm sorry."

"Of course I'm relying on you," Chat says. "You're my partner."

"I am," Adrien says, hugging Chat again. "I still don't believe I'm as great as you think I am. But…I am your partner, Chat. And I'm sorry for saying I might quit. I won't leave you by yourself."

Chat hums, holding onto Adrien. They stand for another minute while he composes himself, and then he says, "Ladybug."

"Yeah?"

"Have you been avoiding her?"

It takes Adrien's mind a moment to realize who Chat is talking about. "Ladybug?" he says. "Marinette? I—how could I avoid her? She's gone."

"You keep saying you're letting her down," Chat says. "Have you actually thought about what she would say? Have you gone to her house or visited her parents?" He tilts his head to the side, blue eyes pinning Adrien. "I think you're hiding from her so that you don't have to acknowledge the truth."

"What truth?" Adrien says. "That she'd be disappointed in me?"

"That she'd be proud of you," Chat says. "You were her partner. You know how she must have felt about you."

Chat's words trigger a memory, a moment Adrien refuses to think about: the one part of the fight against Papillon that he remembers with full clarity. It tugs at his brain, but Adrien bats it aside, unwilling to let his mind go there.

That makes Adrien realize something, though. As much as he's tortured himself with thoughts of Marinette…he hasn't really thought about her. In the beginning, he clung to his memories of her, to every single thing he'd never be able to do with her again, but he only used those thoughts to hurt himself. Then, once those memories began to blur, he abandoned them and tried to focus on getting better. And now, whenever Adrien does think of Marinette, it's only ever to put himself down or punish himself.

He thinks about how he hasn't visited Marinette's parents once since losing her, and how he threw her lucky charm in the bottom of a drawer and tried to forget it existed. Chat is right: he's been hiding.

"You're right," Adrien says. "I've been avoiding her."

Chat touches Adrien's arm. "It's easy to imagine things when you avoid people. You can make them say whatever you want when they're not there."

Luka's last text to Adrien: We all love you. Unconditionally. Please don't tell yourself otherwise. And of course, Adrien told himself otherwise. He put words in his friends' mouths just so he could keep hurting.

"You're right," Adrien says again. "Chat, you're right. And I'm sorry. I should have talked to you sooner."

Maybe if he'd heard Chat's advice weeks ago, things wouldn't have gotten this bad. It's funny, how two of the most important boys in Adrien's life always seem to have the answer to his problems. They're not cure-alls, but they've saved him more times than he can count.

"I'm just glad you did," Chat says, smiling. It's so warm and soft that Adrien almost forgets that Chat was crying—but his wet eyes and shaky voice give that away. "I hate to see you hurting."

"I do, too," Adrien says. He hugs Chat again. "I don't want to see you in pain. So…I'll do my best to stop avoiding her, Chat. I'll actually try this time."

"That's all you have to do," Chat murmurs into Adrien's shoulder. "Ladybug, that's all you ever had to do."