The Life and Times of an Average Coward

Chapter 09: Here Goes Nothing

Warnings: Misspellings, possible wrong grammar (because as stated, not my first language), foul language and racism (I'm Asian too, please don't kill me)

'thoughts'

("Thoughts that she cannot hear or have ignored.")

("This are statements from the past in her first life.")

"Memories/flashback"

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

You're fine, you're fine, you're fine.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

You're alive Sen. Still alive, still breathing.

The bush from the far left rustled, making me jump a few inches and give a small 'eep' sound. Straining my ears for any familiar discord filled sound, I sighed in relief when I found out that there isn't any demon for around a hundred meters away.

It was just the wind.

It's okay. It's fine. So far, you're doing great. You can do this Sen, everyone believes in you. You can absolutely come out of this alive. You've endured a lot; you've gone through all that hell training and you will pass this thing! And it doesn't help that Kai will probably kick my ass if I don't pass this thing, he'd shove his achievement of passing this horrible exam to my face and I don't know if I could withhold myself from punching his kidneys.

With one last exhale, I steeled myself and ventured further through the forest filled with man-eating creatures and other fellow hopefuls. My hands were still undoubtfully shaking, heck, my whole body is shivering in fear. Thoughts of all the possible worst-case scenarios flew through my head endlessly as I take careful baby steps after baby steps.

(Brains getting sucked out through the ears. Eaten alive and left half-eaten to suffer. Getting the limbs unattached like a sick version of a broken barbie doll. Entrails taken out in the most gruesome of ways.)

Gah, brain, why don't you shut your negative thoughts out, it's clearly not helping. All you have to do is focus, remain sharp and think of ways to keep your freaking body breathing.

But then again, who am I fooling? The only best bet for me to survive is to runaway and avoid the demons, but even I don't know how long my luck would hold because one way or another, I'm still going to run into one soon enough. And knowing how Life like to pull the rug under me, it would most likely happen when I'm unguarded and totally unaware. Someone up there is probably laughing their asses off at my predicament, most likely ROB, ROBi and ROA. The Random Omnipotent beings out there is just out to get me.

Weak, pitiful, cowardly me is just praying that this week wouldn't be the last week that I would be able to spend in this backwards Japan, God knows those dorks waiting for me would go ballistic if I get my ass killed with an exam.

Dear Ritsu,

Hello Ritsu, and yes, I have received your letters. I'm sorry if I forget to reply sometimes but I'm doing good. I'm fine, so stop worrying already, I'm not a weakling you know? Your gifts are really useful and I use them everyday, always keeping them with me. Because of the pen and the journal, I don't forget most things so much anymore and it's all thanks to your wonderful gifts.

Oyakata-sama's with me as I'm writing this letter, he says that I have such a wonderful friend like you and he's right, you are a wonderful friend. He told me that you write to him too and the letter inside the package is from him. He says that it's a gift from him for taking care of me when I was injured.

I became a Hashira months ago, sorry if I didn't include that to my previous letters. I forgot. It's only because I'm at the base right now that I was reminded to tell you. I hope you're doing fine too.

Tell me if your rude fellow student is being mean to you again and I'll try to remember to visit you and set that assho(this part was scratched out with ink) guy straight.

From your friend,

Mui-chan

P.S. I miss you too and love you

P.P.S. Why didn't you told me that you knew Oyakata-sama?

~Zenitsu 13 years old~

Reaching forward with all my might, I managed to get a hold of the thing that I've been trying to get for the past five minutes.

"Hey Zen! You done yet?!"

Looking down, I gave him a smile. "Yeah Kai! I'm done! I'm coming down now!"

Carefully, I balanced myself within the crown of the tree, tying the basket of peaches and slinging the load to my back. Looking back down again, I saw Kai at the foot of the tree with Jii-chan, beside the teen was an identical basket of peaches.

What a nice day, I hope nothing bad happens.

Suddenly, there was a loud roar from the sky before my whole body felt like it was lit on fire, little ants crawling in my bloodstream while an ear piercing shriek was let out by someone who has a great pair of lungs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"ZENITSUUUUUU!"

Oh, the shriek was coming from me. I didn't even know I could get that high. Oh no, the peaches! This isn't good, not good at all.

I should've stayed quiet. I totally jinxed myself. I opened my eyes just to see branches set ablaze, the flash of light in the sky followed by the deep roaring rumble.

"ZENITSUUU! WAIT— KAIGAKU, DON'T TRY TO CATCH HER!"

"BUT WHY OLD MAN?! HER HEAD MIGHT POP FROM THAT HEIGHT! ARE YOU TELLING ME TO LET HER DIE?!"

A storm is coming, from the northwest west, I shouldn't have underestimated the strength of the winds. Then the peaches wouldn't have to suffer from this ordeal.

"NO DUMBASS! THE LIGHTNING MIGHT STILL BE RUNNING IN HER VEINS! YOU'LL GET SHOCKED TOO!"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, I'M CATCHING HER!"

This day just turned sucky like my old grades in trigonometry. It's not even funny, I can't even say anything because my body suddenly turned numb and I'm very sleepy. Like extremely sleepy.

Sleep sounds really good right now, maybe I'll just, take a… nap.

…

SLAP!

"Gah! What was that for?!"

"Oh good, you're alive."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

BONK!

"YOUCH!" "You almost died, dumb bitch! You just got struck by lightning!"

"…."

…

"Just so you know Kaigaku, you're carrying her. You should have worded it in a different way."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. (At least I get to hold her for longer)"

"What was that Kaigaku?"

"Nothing Sensei, I just said that we should hurry before we could be caught in the storm. Just go carry the basket and I'll carry this moron." The teen hitched the girl higher on his back, trying to make his face as neutral as possible. A hard battle won since he could feel the smaller girl's breath on his neck and two soft bumps on his— no, he's not continuing those thoughts. Stupid teenage hormones.

There's nothing even remotely attractive in his fellow disciple.

Nothing.

Well okay, her voice is pretty damn nice if only she wasn't trying to pretend like she is a boy. And maybe, just maybe, he finds her long hair a little bit nice because it was all soft, shiny and dark. Not that it's dark now, it's now all bright, loud and blonde with orange tips, matching her equally loud screechiness. It just makes her large golden eyes pop more, actually, when she woke up earlier, she looks just like an ange—

No. Just no. Stupid hormones.

"Good idea, let's go. We should get Kobayashi-Sensei to take a look at her just to make sure that's she's fine."

"…Right. Let's go. Though if he could scream like that he's probably fine."

Blonde.

Every single strand of my freaking hair – even my eyebrows – are now a brilliant shade of yellow while the ends are a dandy cheerful orange.

Great. Just great.

"Well, at least I'm not dead again."

And that was great, considering that surviving a lightning strike some sort of burn or literally fried nerves is a blessing, better yet, surviving without any kind of injury is already a miracle. The hair color change is the least of my worries, though I am a bit sad to see a piece of Kaa-san in me vanish in just flash – no pun intended – is enough to make me bawl my eyes out for a good hour.

I might've made my two housemates panic, and go in a frenzy when I suddenly started crying after confirming my reflection from a cup of water.

It was both hilarious and endearing.

Sighing mournfully, I placed down the handheld mirror that Amai-obaa had given me for my thirteenth birthday.

Guess I just have to live with it then.

I looked back down to see my reflection once again, bright amber eyes stared back at me, framed with thick long lashes. A veil of gold choppy strands framed a heart shaped face – still a bit childish, with left over baby fat on the cheeks – instead of the usual tendrils of black. The split thick eyebrows of the girl in the mirror were held high up while her pinkish lips were parted slightly, an equally fetching pink were splashed on her cheeks naturally, but as more second pass by, they start to get redder and redder.

I abruptly slapped myself in the face.

When did I?

I glanced back down to my slightly parted sleeping yukata, dawning horror and realization coming over me.

Oh Music Gods, the worst of this has yet to come. Tanginang buhay na 'to.

('Fuck this life' as one of the most ancient lifeforms once said before it, a single-celled protozoa, decided to evolve and create stupidity that is humanity. What even is life anymore? Damn. Teenage angst and angeriness is already getting into me.)

My mind reeled to the memories of painful times and awkwardness. Menstrual cramps and alternating mood swings. God, why do I have to suffer more of it again? The first time of being a teenager was already a disaster and I can't imagine what it would be like from now on.

Kai's already going through his own problems with his growing hormones. For example, he would often have these broody moods whenever it would strike him, and there's the ever uncomfortable to hear hormonal haze he has going on whenever he sees a nice looking girl. Or even just a girl, because he has been staring at me a lot lately and the off chance his loud thoughts about a certain feminine asset would sometimes reach my ears.

Sometimes, being blessed with extraordinary ears is more of a curse more than a blessing.

Then I heard it.

Even through my teenage brooding, the sound of falling rain suddenly pilfered in my ears, the droplets made to cleanse the earth, one drop at a time. And along with it was the steady trickle of water from a calm river. Both were familiar sounds, only associated with the special people that I was blessed to call my family.

Both were also steadily making their way to my direction.

I found myself already running out before confirming that I hadn't misheard it for the ongoing storm. Flying through the halls with light feet, I ignored the calls of my name as I slid the door open with a bang and ran straight outside through the raging storm.

"Zenitsu! Come back here!"

"Goddamnit woman!"

My feet were still unsteady, given that I was just struck by lightning earlier this day, honestly, they feel like they've fallen asleep, nerves crawling with moving ants that was both irritating and uncomfortable. Tears freely ran down my cheeks and steadily being washed away by the rushing rain. I was soaked, cold and all sorts of uncomfortable with my yukata clinging to me. For a moment, the one carrying the sound of the river stopped before running onwards at a faster pace, the rain following him dutifully on his heels.

At this point, I'm solely relying on my ears to navigate, the sky was already dark and probably closing in on nighttime but that's the least of my worries when I decided to storm outside (pun not intended) instead of staying put where I could just wait for them to come, safe and not soaking wet.

But I'm already soaked, so there's no point in going ba—ACHK!

Damnit. I should've stayed put and waited for them.

The meeting of the muddy grass and my face is already a given from the start, and here I thought this day could get any worst.

"Woah there! Be careful!" A firm damp chest greeted my face instead of the unforgiving ground while an arm went around my waist to keep me from slipping.

"Miss you shouldn't be running aro—" "SACHI!"

My arms went wrapping around him in an instant once my mind caught up to me.

"Sachi, Sachi, Sachi, Sachi, Sachi, Sachi! I miss you sosososo much!"

"Wait, Zen? Is that you?"

I looked up, tears and snot already present in my face, giving him a glare beyond my messy bangs.

"Who else am I supposed to be?! And you old man," Finger pointing towards the masked old man, I let my right arm wide open. "don't just stand there and give me a freaking hug! I'm soaking wet you know!"

With a shrug, the man entered our fold, embracing us in his arms.

I wailed then and there, through the howling winds and the rolling thunder in the skies, heavily contrasting the feeling of radiant warmth that wrapped itself around my chest.

Maybe this day isn't so bad at all.

Finally dry and finally warm, Jii-chan left us three on my room with Kai in tow. The teen giving a nasty glare to Sachi, Sachi who had happily wrapped himself around me. The salmon haired teen ignores it expertly, probably used to being under scrutiny by Kai's gaze over the years of rare visits.

But it can also be because Yuu had a more impressive job on doing the stink eye.

Warm fingers carded through my damp hair, undoing some of the knots it encounters.

"Zen-chan, be more careful about yourself. Charging into the storm like that was very stupid even if you're very eager to see the both of us." The fingers stopped threading through my hair and is now busy pinching my cheek.

"H-Hey!" Like a normal person, I started batting his hand away. "That hurts! That s-seriously hurts! Stop it! Hey!"

"You even got struck by lightning earlier this day! Jeez, how careless can you get?!" His brows furrowed in frustration and I can tell that he is just worried about me, but really, he doesn't have to stretch my cheek like this!

"I-I'm sorry okay! And it's not even my fault that the l-lightning decided to zap me! I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

And it's true, it's not like I can control the weather or anything, baka!

Lavender eyes stared into my tearful ones, the look in those kind eyes is enough to stop me from squirming and just to stare back at them listlessly. I've always known that Sachi's eyes are incredibly beautiful, one of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They were like a pair of pearls with the faint touch of the blue ocean, inviting and mellow. Just like the person himself.

"I know that," The frustration clear in his face, the fingers on my sore cheek stops its assault and starts massaging it in silent apology. "I just don't like it when you unnecessarily get hurt and it's my duty as a man and as your brother to protect you. And I can't do that if you're the one getting yourself hurt. Let's just hope that you won't get sick after this."

Gosh, now I feel guilty for causing him to feel like that. Helpless, probably one of the feelings that I hate more than frightened. The inability to take action, to do something when you desperately want to. I hate feeling helpless more than anything, it makes me feel weaker than I already am, a crusher from my already tattered self-esteem.

No need to destroy myself even further when I already feel bad about myself. I know that I am unhealthily looking down at myself and I'm slowly trying to fix that with help from the people around me, telling me of how great I am — "You're still useless you know! Fucking useless! Just like you're fucking talent! Why don't you be a good little daughter and quit that shit!" – it's a work in progress, a little hard because I'm the type of idiot that let people's words get straight to my head.

"I'm sorry." I lowered my gaze down to his chest. "I was just really excited that you guys are coming and I… got carried away."

Fingers on my cheek moved to my chin, lifting it up leaving me to stare at lavender pearls. Sachi sighed, "Oh Zen-chan, don't make that face please. How about a smile?" Complying, I gave a small smile. "That's more like it." A gentle smile played on his lips, stretching the awful scar on his cheek.

"You've grown so much. You look," He tucked a stray hair over my left ear. "beautiful."

Heat took over my face in an instant, and I'm betting all of my peaches that I look as red as a tomato by now. Damn Sachi and his pretty face! Damn my raging hormones and my traitorous complexion!

The amusement in those lavender pearls is enough for me to know that this guy is messing with me! Damn Tengu-jiji for staying quiet in the corner while secretly laughing his ass off too!

Morphing my face into a scowl, I slapped his hand away from my face. "Quit messing with me you ass. You're enjoying this aren't you?"

The said ass had the gall to laugh it off.

"Oooohhhh. Maybe a little, haha." Without even a warning, the teen slung his arm to my waist and reeled me into his lap, causing a yelp out of me. Leaning in close, like really close to the point that I can see his light colored lashes and feel his breath across my cheeks, his face settled into a serious one. "But I'm serious you know," His cat like eyes roamed my face. "you really have bloomed into a beautiful flower. A man after all, should always be true to his words as he is to his heart. But you can already hear that right, Zen-chan?"

And boy, I can hear it. The truthfulness in his words that his thumping heart was completely in sync with. The heat on my face came back to a roaring force that left me a little light-headed. Honest compliments like these has the tendency to always leave me in a flustered mess, grasping at reasons why that person would even say such a thing about me. If they were just saying those things because they're just nice or trying to be nice, if they even meant their words for what they were.

Words had always have power over me.

I tend to doubt compliments and take in every insult to heart. A stupid trait that got me into various anxiety attacks from the past, all just because a few chosen letters were spoken to form messages. Messages that can be misinterpreted – "When I told you that you were 'great' that doesn't mean you were great. There's this thing called 'sarcasm', Squinty-Hibiki. Now get lost, we don't want any of your chingchong business on our faces." "Who wants to be friends with a cripple?" – into something else. Messages that can possibly mean everything, anything or nothing at all.

Words are hella confusing.

But the heart isn't.

And in this life, I am blessed and cursed with ears that could hear the faintest of sounds, even the ones kept hidden in the human mind. Detecting a lie had become second nature to me, but that doesn't mean I'm quite ready to face the truth either.

And here is Sachi, just easily complimenting me about my looks as he deems as the truth in his heart. I know that it's just a small shallow insignificant thing if I wasn't a normal person with no self-esteem issues but to me, it holds weight than it really should, just like every praise that comes from Jii-chan's mouth.

Tears gathered in my eyes as an automatic reaction to every honest praise that came my way, making Sachi recoil and fret over me, both of his arms – and yes that includes the upper arm stub – fluttering around me. "I-I'm sorry if that was a bit too much for you Zen-chan! But really, I'm being honest, I'm not making fun of you or anythi—!"

I quieted him down with a lone finger to his lips and smiled softly to ease his worries. "It's okay Sachi, though I admit that I'm a bit overwhelmed but," A grin took over my face, squeezing my eyes shut as it took up as much space to my cheeks, a few stray tears falling over it.

"Thank you very much for everything, Sachi. And I must say, you've become a fine handsome young man yourself."

…

"Sabito-kun, gaping is unbecoming for a man. Now, pick up your jaw and come have tea with me, you too Zenitsu-kun, make sure you keep yourself warm and your hair dry."

"G-Got it, Tengu-jiji."

From the very start, I knew that making my own original breathing technique is going to be hard, both the Thunder and Water breathing styles being my foundation to creating the moves. It was so difficult that I almost gave up at one point if it wasn't for Jii-chan's encouraging words.

Currently, I have at least five forms in total and I am working on the sixth.

Huffing, out of breath and certainly trying not to die. I stared at the red mask, right through the eyeholes, frustration painted all over my face.

"What do you think…" A gasped to catch my breath. "Tengu-jiji?"

The veteran remained quiet. "I can see that you've taken careful consideration to what direction you're going with. Mixing speed and agility to make up for the slight lack of power."

"Un. Since I'm biologically weaker being a girl and all, I try to at least give my A game in the speed department, but the movement still feels…" I wiped away the sweat forming in my brow, unconsciously grimacing as I try to find a word to describe it.

"Stiff?" The masked old man provided.

"Yeah! Stiff. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I guess I need to be more… flexible?" I inquired, not entirely sure if I'm even right.

I mean, my form requires flexible wrists, plus I do a lot of footwork that needs me to twist and turn while moving as fast as I could. Flexibility is a must in my forms or I could always end up with aching joints or a twisted foot, instances that I don't want a repeat off.

The approving nod was my answer. "Correct. It seems like you already have an idea of what you're lacking, but you should also take note of this, you need to also make your movements flow fluidly. You ought to stop overthinking of your next move, just let your body move where it's supposed to. In a real battle, your opponent won't let you think, it will all be over in a blink of an eye if you let your doubts consume you." He moved closer towards me, clamping his gnarly hands on my shoulders. "I don't want that to happen to you. Use your honed instincts to the best of your ability, let it guide your body to do what it needs to do. Plus, you have your skills to fall back into, I've heard from Jigoro that you practice your techniques to perfection daily, have faith in that, in yourself."

He gave my shoulders another squeeze before his right hand came up to my forehead and gave a 'poke'.

"But if you really can't have faith in that, then have faith in us who guided you. In these pair of old men who taught you."

Warmth flared inside me after that statement, my eyes getting blurry in a flash.

"Tengu-jiji…" The wooden sword on my hand slipped through my fingers, immediately whipping my arms around the old man, standing slightly on my tiptoes to hook my chin on his shoulder, his arms already wrapped around me. "You old cougars really are the best." I sniffed, actively controlling where my snot is going.

"That's why you should trust what we taught you. You're going to be fine when the time comes, because I know that you will put what we taught you into practice. You're our granddaughter after all."

I smiled in his shoulder, the trill of pride and contentment coming from him, washing over me in waves.

"I love you."

His warm strong arms pulled me in closer, as a hum rumbled in Tengu-jiji's chest. He doesn't have to say it outright, the message already clear to my ears. The heart after all, can tell no lie.

'I love you too.'

The hostility that Kai has for Sachi is really outstanding. Even more outstanding than his clear distaste for Mui-chan.

(Though his acidity towards Yuu is even more so, he becomes clingier and snappier than he already is.)

Sachi, on the other hand, is just plain amused at his nasty attitude, though sometimes he becomes annoyed at Kai's clinginess.

And as much as I'm annoyed by their constant jabs at each other, I'm still happy that Sachi and Tengu-jiji visited me. Sometimes, I'm the one who does the visiting, but that's only a few in between since I'm still working on my breathing style and the different forms I've come up with.

"Oi Zen," An arm slinked over my right shoulder while a chin hooked over the other, the whole weight of the person bearing down on me. "Can you make me those peach flavored mochis. I'm sure that we still have some peaches in the basket." He said, lips unbearably close to my ear.

Flushing a bit at the close proximity, I tried to shrug him off with an elbow to the stomach, making him inhale air and loosen his hold.

"A-ah sure Kai, just don't get toooo close. O-Or I won't be able to cook anything."

Surreptitiously, I walked away from him while he was still occupied from the hit. The ass just doesn't know when to give up. He's been doing these kinds of stuff when either Yuu, Sachi or Mui-chan comes for a visit, but this clinginess started only after his breakdown. After that stressful day, he became less mean and more of the teasing sort, always taking a jab at me any given moment while making that smugass face. It was seriously infuriating.

Along with that, he also started breaching my personal space frequently. Giving hugs from out of nowhere or just irritatingly using me as an armrest, apparently, my shoulder is the optimum height for resting his pointy chin.

Damn clingy asshole.

His head sure weight a lot than I thought.

But I guess it is better than having him at my throat and murdering my self confidence.

Placing down all the things that I need on the wooden kitchen counter, I dutifully ignored Kai's advances knowing that someone would and could get him off from my back. Literally. I can already hear it coming before it happened, but the 'surprise hug' that Kai was about to reward me was halted mid-air by Sachi holding onto his string choker.

Which Kai gave an eloquent curse of the highest kind.

I ignored them, continuing to peel the peaches without looking back, I'm just so done with this shit. Let him choke a little so he understands the pain of being lassoed by the neck and being pulled out of a tree by an angry old man with a peg leg.

Ha. Still think it's funny to be choked? Well jokes on you, it's not.

"Let go of me! You cat-eyed scarface better let me go already!" Kai flailed in mid-air, choking from being separated a few centimeters from the ground.

"Hey now Kaigaku-kun, to become a real man, you shouldn't attack an unsuspecting person from behind without it being an actual challenge. So," There was a thud and a cough, Sachi has given his hold. "why don't we spar instead until Zen-chan finishes the mochis?"

The message was clear, "Stop bothering her or else". There was a spike of tension in the air that I dutifully ignored expertly, because I already know that I'm taking a great part of this conflict even though I'm just basically a bystander, clearly an innocent person who really has nothing to do with this crap.

The testosterone in the air is choking me, but please do carry on of only choking each other.

"Fine." Kai practically growled at Sachi who's growing more annoyed by the second. "But don't come begging me to stop when you can't handle the spar, cripple."

THUNK!

"Kai," The world seem to stand still around me, my eyes glued down to the long small knife – more like a dagger – that's now stuck to the thick circular wooden chopping board like a parody of the Excalibur, the peeled peach that I was carving through earlier solidly pierced in the middle.

"Don't say that word again." I don't exactly know what face I was making at the moment because his last word kept wringing on my ears like a broken record, but when I turned around both of them flinched away, Kai in particular look on with wide frightened eyes. Slowly, I tilted my head to the side, the action causing the dark haired boy to cringe away and oddly enough, I felt satisfied by this reaction.

"Do you understand?"

…

A stuttering heart and a loud gulp. "Y-Yes."

For a solid five second, I stared at him unblinkingly from my bangs, watching him squirm as his pale skin turned even paler. I can hear his heart, thumping in a fast rhythm, his blood rushing through his veins as his thoughts were all loud and going haywire like he was in front of danger and questioning himself whether he should run or not.

I didn't know that I can make someone react like this.

After those five seconds, I blinked and turned back to what I was doing. "Good. Now go on you two, I'll call you guys when I'm done." My voice came out even if not, slightly detached, sounding alien even to my own ears. Taking hold of the handle, I took the knife out easily without much thinking and got back to carving out circular balls from the fruit.

I wasn't really paying much attention to anything at this point, only coming back to my senses when a warm hand settled on my shoulder, the sound of rain filling my ears as the appendage squeezed through the fabric. "Okay Zen-chan, I'm looking forward to eating your special mochis!" It gave one last squeeze before letting go, the owner of the hand walking away in a sedate manner.

"Come on Kaigaku-kun, let's see who's fit to be the real man among us. The one who wins the most gets to eat one whole plateful of Zen-chan's mochis and cuddle him tonight!"

Usually, I would have something to say about somehow being included in the bet, but right now I am in no mood to refute the claim. And even if I do say something, the two would just ignore me like complete jackasses.

The dread in the air seems to wash away in an instant afterwards, Kai immediately up on his feet and stomping away after the scarred young man. "Oi wait up pinky, like hell am I letting you do that!"

…

Once I can no longer hear them in the immediate area, I can feel myself start to shake. The sound of Kai's rapid breathing and his beating heart playing in my ears repeatedly. The look on his usually arrogant face that was contorted in fear made me feel queasy and uncomfortable. I can still remember the way that he had looked at me made my eyes burn in something fierce. Eye water coming easily and now freely flowing down my cheeks as I bite down my lips to keep myself from screaming.

That's when I decided that I hate it.

I don't want to see or hear someone like that ever again.

I furiously brushed away the tears. I don't want to see or hear someone I know so afraid of me once again.

("Stay out of my way you crippled sorry excuse of a daughter! Why the hell where you even born?!")

("Hey look! A crippled chingchong!)

Grasping my left hand and squeezing it to the point of being painful, I reassured myself that it was there and whole, not just a malformed stub with three 'fingers' sprouting from it.

You're whole, you're fine, you're okay. He's not here anymore, you're no longer a cripple. You're whole, you're perfectly whole.

That mantra continued on and on until I felt more human again, gathering myself and wiping away the tears and blowing away my nose from a handkerchief, once done, I carefully picked up the knife and focused on doing what I'm supposed to.

No need to breakdown now, I can always do that later when I'm alone.

I know that it's not essentially healthy but who cares. I never said I'm the epitome of emotional health. Far from it. I'm an emotional mess as it is, I feel too much even if I try to detach myself and if I detach myself too much, I'll end up scared of myself. And for the meantime, let myself get distracted at a mundane task.

Fear.

Fear is what drives us to survive.

Fear is an essential emotion for us human so we would be able to keep ourselves alive.

The fear of dying is what drives us humans to do desperate crazy things for survival, exactly what I am doing right now.

"KYAAAAAAA! STAY AWAY FROM ME DEMOOOOOON!" I screeched at the top of my lungs as I try to make sense of my panic, the ringing distorted sound following me closely and only the sound of rushing air was my warning as I dodged to the left, seconds later a sharp projectile was embedded on the spot where I was used to be.

OH MY GOD! IS THAT A FUCKING BONE! I COULD HAVE DIED BY THAT IF I DIDN'T DODGED!

An 'eek' left my lips when another barrage of bony and sharp projectiles came my way, shakily dodging them all while I pray for a miracle to happen, but knowing my luck and relationship with the God that probably rules my life – I'm looking at you ROA, I'm looking at you – that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

"Stop dodging my future lunch, just stay still and let me eat you!" The skeleton like demon growled, his large lower fangs gleaming at the pale moonlight.

Why does this gotta happen when it's only two more days left before I leave this hellhole! Why Lady Luck?! Why do you do this to me?!

"GAH! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME! I'M NOT THAT TASTY, I WOULD TASTE HORRIBLE! I PROMISE!" Using my sword, I deflected more of his bony knives, one of them lightly scratching my cheek.

"Ooooh… I would beg to differ," His inhuman red eyes gleamed in the darkness as a growl left his large serrated mouth. "your blood smells divine to me and I would love to drink every drop of it." The demon said it all, a low moan following his statement, hunger in his sound being the only thing that alerted me to dodge once again.

Jumping towards the branch of a tree, I narrowly escaped the jutting bones that ran across the ground where I was at, I could only picture myself getting skewered by the sharp ivory.

"Hehe, for a scaredy cat you sure move pretty well." He said smugly, the bones slowly retracting from the ground, his feet planted firmly where he stood.

This is my chance! God this is crazy!

The demon seemed to be confident that I wouldn't approach him because of my fear, taking to account that the bones probably came from his feet and he's not moving, he needs all those bones retracted before he can move. Calming my mind was a difficult task but never impossible, so as an incentive, I recalled Jii-chan's encouraging words before I left to this death trap of an exam.

"Like I've always said to you, it's okay for you to run away, it's okay for you to cry, but just remember this Zenitsu. I will always be proud of you. And always," A rough hand settled on her head. "come back to me alive."

Breathing softly in the familiar pattern of my breath style, I took a crouched stance similar to the thunder breathing's first form, only that my feet aren't too far apart but my squat even lower. Closing my eyes, I focused on my hearing, focused on the demon before me

"Storm breathing, First form: Thunderstruck."

I pushed off the branch I was on, the sound of a startled gasp remains nothing to me as I opened my eyes again, facing the dreary forest, my sweaty hand still gripping my borrowed sword. Hearing movement coming from my back, I leapt forward, flipping through the air and facing the demon who is now missing a head.

"H-How?" The decapitated head from the ground asked in confusion, disbelief surrounding his fading sound.

There was pain, confusion, sadness and relief coming from the demon, the sound no less painful but more pitiful. Tears started welling up in my eyes unconsciously at the sound his heart made as he died, red eyes that used to be filled with feral hunger now replaced by acceptance and relief as he stared at me. Looking at me like I am someone else.

"K-Kiri… I'm sorry."

'I won't be going where you are now love, I'm so sorry for everything.'

I watched in a daze as the body disintegrated into ash and nothing, leaving behind a brown ripped at the edges hakama.

No time to be surprised at how clear I heard his thoughts, relief and sadness warring inside of me.

Demons used to be humans; I know this for a fact. Humans that were turned into bloodthirsty monsters, by some mad monster who wants power more than anything.

Demons, as much as I fear them, they're all nothing but pitiful creatures. Living long lives as they were but constantly living in fear. Fear of the sun, fear of the monster that created them, fear of the demon slayers coming for their necks.

Their innermost fear of having lost their humanity day by day.

(Not all of them I guess, I've heard pretty nasty things all around me by these fellows, stray thoughts, downright horrid and traumatizing. Never more had I wished that I have normal ears.)

It must be hard to live like that.

Picturing it for myself makes me want to crawl in a six feet hole and never leave. To say that I'd rather die is an understatement, seeing that I'm right here in this world, in my second life, all brought on by my fear of living alone and carrying the guilt of just standing there, having done nothing.

As one would have already figured out, fear is what drives me as a person.

It must have been a long time that I was just standing there by myself, staring at the beaded necklace on the ground that the demon was wearing on his neck, the wooden charm with the Kanji staring back at me.

'Kiri' it says.

Blinking out of my stupor, I wiped the tears away with one swipe. Inhaling deeply, I turned around and moved forward without glancing back.

Just two more days. I staggered in my step, swiftly correcting my balance before I could faceplant on a particularly thick jutting tree root. Just two more days and it'll be over.

Sighing to myself, I quickly took off running, away from the circling cacophony of distorted noises.

Jii-chan, I'm coming home soon.

Omake: More than Words

~Zenitsu age 10~

~Giyuu age 15~

~Kaigaku age 11~

Yuu stared at Kai with an impassive gaze before deliberately ignoring his existence, giving a small genuine smile towards me.

"How are you doing Zen?"

Giving a smile of my own, I expertly ignored the fuming boy beside me, swallowing the rice cracker that I had been chewing.

"I'm doing great, I should be the one asking you that, being a demon slayer and all."

His ocean blue eyes soften a touch, the lapping waves on the shore sounding incredibly peaceful to my ears.

"Zen…" He started softly, his smile widening just a tad, his hand reaching towards my cheek, removing the unnoticed crumb there, Kai giving off a sound of the familiar shrill jealousy for some reason, biting at his cracker rather aggressively.

"Right, right. You're doing fine, obviously since you're here and uninjured. You sound fine too." Hell yeah, I'm still well versed with Giyuunese, basing off of his reaction. "And that makes me really happy, you being fine I mean."

He tilted his head to the side, one eyebrow raising as he tapped at the sword by his side.

"Oh, training's doing fine. I'm still trying to create my own forms, I just got through my breathing patterns, still need to solidify that though since it's the foundation of my moves."

After taking a sip of his tea, one side of his mouth lifted up in a smirk as he placed his hand over his thigh. Causing me to blush and narrow my eyes at him.

"Shush you! I'm working out of my clumsiness okay! It's just that I'm still getting used to using much longer legs, you don't have to laugh at my face!"

There was a thunk as a palm hit the table's surface, disturbing some of its content.

"What do you mean laughing?! He's not even saying anything! He's just staring at you with those creepy blank eyes of his!"

Well, that's what he's doing alright. But like I've stated before, I'm well versed in Giyuunese and that means, every slight twitch Yuu makes is translated and given meaning, though I must say, my hearing could also give me a leg up in this case.

Yuu had always been quiet, so the little things he does held more meaning than his cold curt words could ever would.

A true man of action.

"Well Kai, he's laughing right now even if he is just staring at me creepily. That's how Yuu had always been, if you want, I could give you a copy of my written guide, 'How to Giyuunese'. With that, you'll be understanding Yuu's twitches in no time." I said it all perfectly serious, sipping my tea afterwards.

Ooohh… this cinnamon tea is not too bad, maybe I could ask Yuu to bring some more when he visits.

"And why the hell would I even want a stupid guide book just to understand this freak?!"

I shrugged. "Well, suit yourself."

Ignoring his fuming, I placed down my cup and stood up from my seiza, walking over to Yuu. And since he knows me so well as much as I know him, he undoes his seiza position, taking a much more comfortable seat, shamelessly, I settled on his lap, warm arms readily reeling me in closer to his torso as I sighed to myself, leaning onto his chest where I could hear his steadily beating heart.

"And what the hell are you doing?!"

I turned my head to meet furious turquoise eyes, why is he even jealous? Blinking at his animosity.

"Aahh… Cuddling?"

"CUDDLING?!" The boy snarled, crushing the poor rice cracker in his hand.

I ain't cleaning that up.

"Yes," A monotone husky low voice spoke near my ear, the arms on my waist tightening exponentially. "we are cuddling."

Oh.

"Wha— You asshole!"

"Watch your language, I don't need Zen catching your dirty mouth."

Oh!

"So what?! It's better than being a fucking pedophile!"

A chin settled a top of my head, as fingers played with my unbound hair.

"But I'm not a pedophile." Suddenly, there were soft warm lips pressing to my temple, a keening sound that could have been made by a scratching a fork to a plate came from a distant as my face grew warm and I'm positive that I look like a cherry by now.

"We're only five years apart." Not much of a gap was left unsaid, leaving Kai in a snarling mess.

With one gentle hand, he settled it on my warm cheek and gently turned my face towards him.

I've always known that Yuu would grow up to be a handsome young man and right now, staring at his face, I could see that he is shedding the baby fat from his cheeks, making his jaw and cheekbones more defined, his pale complexion suiting his impressive blue eyes that were framed by thick long lashes, his raven hair, now much longer, only adding to his aristocratic charm.

An ice cold prince.

Amusement danced in his eyes, obviously enjoying how he can easily rile up the boy on the other side of the room.

"I love you Zen." He spoke in his ever blunt manner, no less sincere in how he truly felt, making me tear up a little bit.

I know that he's doing this to mess with Kai, that for some reason in his own weird way, taking claim of me for some reason. A bit like how he was with Sachi when we first came to live with them. But now, instead of being openly hostile, he becomes affectionate towards me in front of the 'new' face.

God he still hadn't change much. For now, I'll just go with it and this might be funny.

So with a smile on my face, I also reached out to cradle his face with both hands.

"I love you too Yuu."

The roar that came from Kai could be mistaken for a rabid wild animal, Yuu's answering smug smirk only fueling the hellfire.

Crap, what did I just start?

…

From that day on, Kaigaku had an unwavering amount of hostility towards Giyuu. Any mentions of his name would send the boy into blind anger, cursing like a sailor.

Giyuu taunts the boy in return when he visits, enjoying the shower of attention coming from Senritsu in his calm composed way.

~Taisho Secret~

Giyuu is very affectionate towards Sen and doesn't like sharing her, much like Kaigaku in that regard. Once Giyuu confirms what exactly a person thinks of Sen, he puts off any of the 'competitor' by being extra affectionate to Sen, either for taunting or to make that person feel awkward.

The main reason why he doesn't like sharing Sen is because she is his first ever friend/little sister. He still sees Sabito as a competition to Sen's attention.

A/N: Like sucks for me at this moment. Another one of my uncles just died a few days after my maternal grandmother died. Shit just kept piling up one after another and I just… maybe I'll take a break for writing at the moment and I'm deeply sorry about that. I hope you all understand.

On a lighter note, canon is approaching so prepare yourselves! At this point in time, Sen doesn't know who Tanjiro is, only that she knows that Urokodaki has taken in another student along with a sister. Kai had already passed his own exam and if I didn't make it clear, Sen is now 15 (physically) going 16, because in canon, Zenitsu was 16 when he was introduced and I'm just trying to make it more coherent for myself at this point because I'm stupid with math. Canon!Zenitsu had also revealed that he can sometimes hear the inner voices of people around him and up until now, Sen had been ignoring them for the most part because she doesn't like being intrusive. Also the fear of how people would take that ability of hers is also a factor as well as having this fear of hearing how people really think of her.

She's very self conscious as you guys already know.

Anyways, let me know what you guys think of this chapter and I would love hear a response from y'all!

Love y'all and stay healthy, peace out!