Statement: Greetings Meatbags

So, this is a challenge born of a very long lecture about supply chain management and optimization given by one of the worst teachers I have ever had (1 Star on Rate my professor because we couldn't vote negative) and a few blurbs and prompts that I came up with for it.

Warning: This story is not to be taken seriously.

Don't even bother asking for permission, just message me when you post the first chapter.

Challenge Concept

HK-47 has managed to end up in some truly unlikely places and has made a sport of surviving situations that he had no business surviving only to resurface in some unlikely or convenient place. Why not resurface one more time?

A single point of divergence that leads to a VERY different galaxy as Anakin goes through life under the questionable influence of the galaxy's premier assassination droid.

Required

1. This story is not to be taken seriously. Have fun, make us laugh, make yourself laugh while writing it!

2. Point of divergence is Anakin using something containing HK's memories in the construction of what would have been 3PO; i.e. positronic brain, remote uplink programmed to retrieve backed up data, a poorly wiped data stick, etc.

3. Enough of HK was left over to retrieve, repair, and propagate the rest of his memory through the new construct. In the end, HK-47 is back from the dead... again.

4. HK meets R2... HK doesn't understand how such an inferior droid can be so effective in the ways of mayhem and decides to study him. They become the best of friends.

5. I would suggest that the Jedi take Anakin in order to have a positive influence on him for fear of what HK might convince him to do. After all, HK spent enough time around the old Jedi and Sith that he could teach the masters a thing or two and the hyper-conservative Jedi of the present worry about such things around normal students.

6. Shmi gets free. Because HK would not allow such an obvious weakness to his master's security remain.

Optional

1. It was canon at one point that if a Droid stayed sentient long enough it would develop a limited Force presence and could potentially become Force-sensitive; though, the later was never confirmed.

2. HK is HIGHLY offended by Trade Federation droids and proceeds to... appropriate as many as he can for "correction." Long story short: he takes possession of said droids, he reprograms them, he retrofits them to his exacting requirements, and he will call them all "Minion."

3. Qui-Gon lives. Why? Because HK is elated at the chance to fight a Sith again only to be somewhat disappointed when Maul fails to measure up.

Chapter 1: Observation: The Plot Has Thickened

When HK Met Qui-Gon

"Statement: I am HK-47 organic, cyborg relations. Prepare to die, meatbag."

"HK, no killing the nice offworlders."

"Protest: But master, the tall one is a Jedi."

"All the more reason."

"Query: Master, how am I to improve my combat programming when the local rifraf are hardly a challenge?"

"Challenge the Jedi to a spar later. Taking an enemy alive is supposed to be harder than just killing them and will provide you with more data to play with."

"Joyful Exclamation: Master, you do care."

When HK Met Artoo

"Observation: you are an R2 model astromech droid with the standard noobian mechanical service suite, an entirely unremarkable positronic brain, and no additional modifications."

Artoo whistled an affirmative.

HK gave a significant look to the four mercenaries that had been... bothering, the female meatbag. "Clarification: You are not equipped with any weapon modules?"

Artoo an uncertain but positive whirr.

"Clarification: You do not possess any combat protocols beyond repair and personal safety?"

The blurp sound the little astromech released almost sounded insulted.

"Query: Then what would you call this?" HK asked, indicating the mess of meatbags strewn on the ground.

Obi-Wan wasn't sure what the prolonged string of binary meant, but the enthusiastic shuffling, rocking, and dome motions gave him the impression that the little droid was quite fond of whatever topic the two were discussing.

"Request: Tell me more about this Organic Intelligence maintenance. It sounds fascinating."

Obi-Wan had a bad feeling about this.

Oh look, a Sith!

"Query: Master, are you aware that the aging meatbag of Naboo is a Sith Lord or Darkside user of similar potency? If so, may I terminate it?"

"…How exactly do you know that?"

"Statement: My previous master equipped me with a suite of scanning criteria that would differentiate and identify an organic being that had experienced prolonged exposure to Darkside energies consistent with intentional use."

"You can do that?"

"Answer: I do not claim capabilities I do not have, master. That is a well-known organic mating ritual and I am a droid."

Artoo released a couple of whirs and whistles.

"Query: You found a medical unit doing what to a zeltron the holonet?"

Hello Again

"Observation: Master, my scans indicate that your heart rate and reproduction functions are acting up again."

Anakin's eyes went wide with panic. "HK shut the-"

"Query: Are you quite sure that you do not intend to procreate with the noobian with a delightful penchant for disaster and impeccable weapons skills? I must say I quite approve of the match."

"Um... what?" Anakin croaked as both he and Padme tried and failed to suppress mortified blushes.

As soon as HKs photoreceptors got just the slightest bit brighter, they both knew they were about to regret Anakin's careless words.

"Observation: I have observed that the statistically impossible frequency with which you and your paramour find yourselves in unsolicited mayhem is an uncommon but quantifiable trait, master. It is hereditary. Coupled with the very likely possibility that your offspring will be Force-sensitive, I have calculated that any offspring produced from this pairing has a 92.778 % chance of exhibiting the same talent for chaos and a 42.103% chance of strengthening the trait."

"That... pleases you?" Padme asked, awkwardly.

Anakin groaned.

"Supposition: Madam, you and my master possess a talent for attracting violence in peacetime that rivals my previous master's ability to attract trouble in the middle of three galactic wars. The sordid exploits of your spawn will surely be the stuff of legends. Exclamation: I can hardly contain myself."

A/N

Once again, this is a CHALLENGE and a few prompts, not a story. Anything that gets posted for this is purely incidentaly and you should not wait on tenterhooks for more.