Disclaimer: I, AJ, do hereby swear on my life and magic that the properties of Harry Potter and Naruto do not belong to me, so mote it be.

NOTE: Naruto diverges from Canon during the Fourth Great War - Neji lives (because is said so, so there), Sasuke returns to the village (under guard, they weren't that stupid), and anything to do with Boruto is ignored (except a few Easter eggs if I feel generous).

Harry Potter diverges from Canon (duh) after the October 31st, 1991 (and, yes, I have bumped up the timeline by ten years... why? Because I can).

Haru was a mere four years old when he noticed a discrepancy in his life. There was something fundamentally different between himself and his best friend. Walking home from the park hand-in-hand with one of his uncles, the young boy posed his observation.

"Na'to-jichan? Shun-chan haf Tou-chan an' Kaa-chan. I haf Tou-chan an' Kaa-chan?"

The man beside him paused in his steps for the briefest second, and Haru saw a strange look pass over his face. It was gone in an instant and quickly forgotten when he was swooped up into his uncle's arms. Peels of childish laughter rang in the evening streets. For a few moments all was right in the world.

"Ji-chan!" the boy demanded once the giggles died down. "I haf Tou-chan an' Kaa-chan too?"

Blond hair covered blue eyes as the man sighed. At last he said, "No, Haru-chan, you don't have a Tou-chan or a Kaa-chan."

"Why?"

"Some people just don't have parents to take care of them; it happens. I don't have any parents either. But instead of a Tou-chan and Kaa-chan you have two awesome Ji-san and two amazing Ba-san, ne? Dattebane!"1

"Ee!"2

"And you have your baby cousin Hikari-chan, and soon you're going to have two more little cousins to spoil and play with as well."

"Ee! Ano, Ji-chan? Whe'e babies fwom?"

"Looks like we're home! Go get cleaned up for dinner, 'tebane!"

Haru ran home as fast as his little five-year-old legs could carry him. Considering he was entering his second week at the Academy, and had to keep up with all his classmates who were a full two years older than him, it was a decent pace. He had a burning question that he was sure his aunt could answer. After all, she fixed up all his owies, she would surely know about this one.

"Sakura-basan!"

"Quiet, Haru-kun," the pinkette woman scolded, leaning over a pile of laundry, "I just put your cousin down for a nap; kami knows that child doesn't like to stay down for more than a few minutes."

"Sorry, Ba-san," Haru said into his hands. "I didn't mean to wake up Hika-chan."

"It's alright, Haru-kun, I think she's still asleep. What did you need?"

"Oh! Hirio-sensei was talking about the Wars, and then Riju-kun asked if he had ever been in one, and then he said he did, and then Kotone-chan asked if he got a scar from it, 'cause her Tou-san has a big scar on his shoulder from the Fourth War, an' Hirio-sensei said that he has a scar on his back, an' then he showed it to us, an', an', an' it was really scary, Ba-san, it looked like a big bug with lots 'n' lots of legs, an' then Hirio-sensei said that almost e'er'one in the village has scars from the Wars, an' I have a scar, but I weren't in a war, an', an' do you know how I got it?"

The young woman had been patiently nodding along to the rushed and wandering story while folding the clothes. However, at the mention of the zigzag blemish on the child's forehead, her hands stilled for a brief moment. She very deliberately did not turn her eyes towards the boy, even when he untied his headband to display the mark.

"Ba-san?" Haru asked, not missing the slip.

"You were… the victim of a powerful jutsu when you were only a year old. It was nothing like I had dealt with before so I was unable to prevent the scarring. That was the first wound I healed on you, and you've just been adding to the number ever since; one of these days I'll leave you to deal with it." Her attempt to tease fell short as she turned to face him and her eyes fixated on the innocuous mark she had left behind.

Haru laughed. "Silly Ba-san. You'll always heal me!"

"Always," she agreed. Haru didn't protest too much to the too-tight hug he was pulled into just then. His aunts and uncles warned him that the Academy and life afterwards would strip away his innocence and naivete, so it couldn't hurt too much to just accept what his aunt was saying while he still could.

Haru was six when he mustered up the courage to approach his official guardian about a very important matter. He stood in the doorway of the man's study, focusing on not scuffing his feet on the floor or wringing his fingers.

"Sasuke-ojisan?"

"Come in, Haru-kun," the man said without looking up from his work. The boy padded to the man's side and waited quietly as he finished what he was writing and set his pen down.

"I have a question, Oji-san."

"Ee, I thought as much."

"It's about… about my parents." The man's face was unreadable. "Did you know them?" the boy asked.

"No, not personally."

"Oh. Do you… know what happened to them? Why they left me?"

Haru was shocked when his stoic uncle scooped him up and settled him on the man's lap. The boy instantly buried himself into the embrace, such displays of affection being few and far between.

"I didn't know them myself, but I know this: your parents loved you, Haru-kun. Despite being civilians they bravely stood between you and a madman attempting to kill you. You are alive, and here with me today, because your parents loved you more than their own lives."

For the first time that he could remember, Haru wept for two people he didn't know or have any memory of. His uncle held him the whole while, unconcerned that his shirt was slowly soaking through or that his feet were starting to go numb. He held him while the boy alternately cursed the madman for murdering his parents, his parents for leaving him alone, and himself for being the reason they would not save themselves. He held him while the boy questioned the heavens for an answer why he couldn't know his birth family. Finally, when all the tears were used up, Haru fell asleep on his uncle's arm,3 safe in the knowledge that he was loved.

Haru was seven when his world stopped making sense. His emerald eyes darted between the startled look on his aunt's face and the livid one on his substitute teacher. The second wasn't nearly as frightening as it should have been due to the glorious mop of cerulean hair sitting on top of it.

"Haru-kun," said the soft-spoken woman, "please explain yourself."

"But, Hinata-obachan, I didn't do it! I was sitting at my desk the whole time. How could I have turned Bakato-sensei's hair blue?"

"Manners, Haru-kun."

"Sorry. I couldn't have turned Kato-sensei's hair blue."4

"Liar!" Kato all but screeched. "Evil little brat! You were glaring at me the whole class, and you laughed when you dyed my hair!"

"Everyone was glaring at you, Bakato-teme!5 And everyone laughed, too!"

"Manners, Haru-kun. Kato-san, I would ask you to kindly never call my nephew evil ever again. Haru-kun is many things, a prankster included, but he is not evil."

"I want an apology and restitution," the substitute demanded, "Or I'm going to the Academy Board about this!"

"That will not be necessary," the young woman soothed. She turned her lavender eyes on the boy beside her. "Haru-kun, apologize."

"But, Hinata-obachan!"

"Now, Haru-kun. You are already in trouble for pranking during class time and blatant disrespect, do not add disobedience to the list."

"I didn't do it! I'm not saying sorry for something I didn't do!"

"Very well." The woman turned and gave as low of a bow to the teacher as her belly allowed. "Kato-san, I apologize on my nephew's behalf. Such an act will not happen again. You may speak to my husband about receiving the proper amount to return yourself to normal again."

Kato crossed his arms, but nodded anyway, as though he were doing the Hokage's wife a favor by accepting her apology. Haru watched on with shock, horror, and a bubbling well of anger that was slowly making its way to the surface.

"Oba-chan..."

"Haru-kun, let's go." The woman steered the boy in the direction of their home. His feet felt wooden as he trudged along beside her.

"Oba-chan, you shouldn't've had to apologize. I shouldn't've either!"

"We will discuss this when we get home."

"I'm not a liar!"

"We will discuss this when we get home." Her words were tipped in sharpened steel.

Haru snarled. "There's nothing to discuss. You're a traitor. I hate you!" The boy ran, ignorant of the shattered glass windows in his wake.

Ending Notes:

Ba-san (-basan) and Oba-chan (-obachan) are two different ways of saying "Aunt"; a very literal translation would be Ba-san = Aunt, and Oba-chan = Dear Auntie

Ji-chan (-jichan) and Oji-san (-ojisan) are two different ways of saying "Uncle"; a very literal translation would be Ji-chan = Unkie, and Oji-san = Dear Uncle

Tou-chan is one way of saying "Daddy"

Kaa-chan is one way of saying "Mommy"

Sensei (-sensei) is the proper way to address a teacher/professor or a doctor

1: Dattebane and 'tebane are both verbal tics of Naruto's, they have no meaning (though have been translated as "believe it" and "ya know")

2: Ee is one way of saying "yes" and is pronounced "aay"

3: This is not a typo, Sasuke only has one arm (same with Naruto), however he will wear a prosthetic if he leaves the village on a mission

4: Baka is an insult roughly translating to "idiot" or "moron"; Haru added it to his teacher's name to mock him (the same way you might call someone named Morgan "Morongan" or Stacy "Spacey" [p.s. don't call names, it's mean])

5: Teme literally translates to "you", but it has extremely rude connotations (like saying B*****d or B***h); if you call someone "teme" you are asking for a fight