My Turn (Revamped), a rwby fanfic

A/N: Greetings readers. Welcome to the official rewrite of My Turn. Where a different approach is taken in many regards, yet will still have the same trope all self-inserts have. A simple soul of Earth finding himself in a fictional world. The simple soul: me (Or rather, an SI/OC). The fictional world: Remnant of RWBY.

How exactly will I (he) get to Remnant? You will see soon. :v

I was gonna wait a few more days, but then I took another look at the release date for RWBY Volume 7. Which is November 2. Two months from tomorrow. Seeing that, I had this thought: how far into the rewrite can I get in just two months? Let's find out.

On with the rewrite!

Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY.

Life. People. Fate. The world. Even the universe itself. All have the capacity to be cruel. All can keep one down if allowed to do so. No matter how much one fights back.

But as a wise man once said, it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward.

Rocky Balboa, 2006.

This quote resonates with me. Especially with how life has essentially kicked me in the balls recently. Both now and in the past few years. What do I mean by that? Well, let's just say that I made some poor choices that resulted in me having to live with my mother. Kinda like one of those people who lives in their mother's basement. Except, well, I'm staying in my old room. And there's no basement. And it wasn't exactly a hopeless situation. I just needed some time to get myself back up….

Said every person like this ever.

Ugh.

Despite the quote, sometimes life does something that you can't move forward from. Something that basically says, "You're done. It's over."

For me, that moment was my death.

…

Yeah.

How do I know I'm dead? Well for one thing, I'm currently standing in an endless white void. And I mean endless. Nothing but white as far as I can see. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. But hey, maybe I'm not dead? Maybe I'm just in a coma?

I doubt it. Why? Well, let's take a look at my last memory, shall we?

((Flashback begins))

Wow…I finally did it. After all this time, I finally achieved one of the few goals I have in life.

…

I MADE IT TO LAS VEGAS!

What could I possibly be doing here? Do I intend to gamble my money away, hoping to strike it rich? Will I view one of the grand shows they put on there? Or perhaps there's a wrestling-related event that happens to be here that I'm planning on seeing?

Nope. None of the above. My reason for driving all the way from Texas to Nevada is actually quite simple.

"Welcome to the Heart Attack Grill!" a waitress in a sexy nurse outfit greeted. "Follow the doctor, please."

That's right. I drove over 1000 miles just so I could eat at a fast food place.

…

Don't judge me.

Anyway, this wasn't just any fast food place. This was the Heart Attack Grill. Where you were literally at risk of having a heart attack if you ate the food. Did that worry me? A little when I first read about the place several years ago. And I was, and still am, overweight. Probably not a good idea to eat here, given that. However, that risk the last thing on my mind. I made sure to fast the night before and this morning, and now I'm hungry.

After following the doctor, I had been given a complimentary hospital gown. Just in case I needed to go to the hospital. I was sat down and viewed the menu. I ordered, and my meal arrived several minutes later, brought by a waitress in a sexy nurse outfit.

The Octuple Bypass Burger. 8 half-pound patties with cheese, tomato, onion, and chili between each one. With 40 bacon slices all over it. On the side was Chili Cheese Flatliner Fries that had been deep fried in pure lard. Finally, a Butterfat Shake.

I stared at the tall burger.

…

I sniffled. I-It was beautiful.

The sexy nurse waitress who brought the food smiled. "Enjoy, sir! And remember the challenge!"

Ah yes, the Bypass challenge. Where if I didn't finish all of my food, the nurse would whack my behind with a giant paddle….

It's a thing. Google it.

I turned back to my food and cracked my knuckles. This challenge would be easy. Since I fasted and all.

"Challenge accepted."

I dug in.

((Flashback ends))

I wound up finishing that meal, so I managed to avoid getting whacked in the ass by a giant paddle. Unfortunately, I was severely stuffed afterwards. I couldn't move, and I had been sweating meat sweats. One of the nurse waitresses brought up a wheelchair so she could wheel me out of the restaurant. Once I was out of the building, it took all my effort to get up and stumble to my truck.

Somehow, I had managed to make the drive back to the motel I was staying at. Once inside my motel room, I stumbled towards the bed and laid there, wanting to sleep the food away.

Ten minutes later, my chest suddenly hurt a lot, and my body started convulsing.

After that…nothing. Just blankness. Like my mind stopped or something. Next thing I knew, I woke up here in this endless white void.

So yeah…doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened. I had a goddamn heart attack. Not surprising when you think about it. That burger had 20,000 calories. And the chili cheese fries fried in pure lard and the butterfat shake probably didn't help.

So, I'm dead….

I should really have a better reaction to this. Like, maybe I should be panicking and bawling my eyes out for another chance. But…I'm just not feeling it. Other than a sense of relief, I guess. Any crap I had been going through…I don't have to anymore.

Not that there isn't anything I'd miss from my life. Like my younger brother…and my nephews from my older brother…and stuff that's minor compared to the first two. Like RWBY, wrestling, any new movies coming out. Again, minor stuff. No matter how much I was looking forward to those things.

And…that's about it, really. Not a lot when you think about it. And only mentioning my younger brother and nephews probably doesn't paint a good picture as to why I didn't mention any other family. They're not dead or anything. It just needs context…which I don't feel like giving because it's not pleasant.

…I don't wanna think about this, anymore. Let's get back to the endless white void.

I let my gaze roam around me, trying to find something in this endless place. Nothing came into view. I looked down to the floor and gave it a few light steps. Nothing happened. I gave a harder stomp. Still nothing. I have scientifically proven that, in spite of the endlessness, there is in fact a floor.

I'm like Homer Simpson. So smrt. Misspelling intentional.

"Hello, human."

…Um, what?

I turned to the source of the voice, only to have my jaw drop at the sight of a giant fucking gold dragon.

…Let me repeat myself. A giant fucking gold dragon was hovering a couple of feet in the air ahead of me. And not the generic kind of dragon you see in those knight tales. This was the dragon that had a long, serpentine body. Kinda like Manda from Toho's Godzilla series.

Now that I've specified that, I shall now give the appropriate response to such a sight.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!"

"Hmm, it appears you were right, brother."

"I told you so, brother."

Hearing that second voice, which seemed to come from behind me, brought my hysterical screaming to a stop. Gulping, I slowly turned around.

"Greetings, human."

Another dragon…this one looking much more like a generic dragon. Unlike the first one, this dragon was a deep purple, and it had spiraled horns on its head. Which seemed to resemble a skull with empty eye sockets.

…Welp, time to once again give the appropriate response to this.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!"

"How long do you think he can scream for, brother?"

"I would prefer not to find out at the moment. Time is of the essence."

"If you say so, brother."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!"

"Well?"

"You can stop him. This is far too amusing for me to end it myself."

In spite of my loud screaming, I heard a sigh from presumably the gold dragon.

"Human, I ask that you cease your screaming and listen."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!"

"Brother?"

"Oh, very well. It's becoming less amusing by the second, anyway."

The purple dragon brought its clawed foot down in front of me, making me stop screaming my lungs out and fall on my ass.

"H-Holy shit!"

"I fail to see how any form of excrement can be divine."

"Indeed. An odd saying by these humans."

I scrambled a couple of feet away from the two dragons, taking in their forms a second time….

"W-Wait a minute…are you two….?"

"Ah, he seems to recognize us."

"About time. I've wondered how long before we found a passing soul that knows of us."

The two dragon's bodies morphed. They now took on forms that were more humanoid, though they were significantly taller than the average person. The dark one had the same spiraled horns, while the gold one had antlers. They were both "naked", but a quick look saw that they didn't have genitals.

Not that that mattered. I knew for a fact they were brothers. Not because they referred to each other as such during my screaming. But because I knew who these two are.

The Two Brothers…from RWBY….

What the fuck?

"I am the God of Light," the gold one began. "For simplicity, you may refer to me as Light. This is my younger brother, the God of Darkness."

"For simplicity as well," the dark one continued. "You may refer to me as Dark."

Light and Dark…simplicity is always best.

"Well, um…Light and Dark…i-it's an honor to m-meet you, but um…."

"You're wondering why we stand here before you, yes?"

…That's definitely one of the many questions I have right now.

"Yes, actually."

Light hummed. "Well, it's simple, really. My brother and I require your assistance on a matter that is of the utmost importance."

Dark snorted. "Right. We. Of course."

Ignoring the snide comment, Light continued. "The three of us are currently between realms. That of your world and the afterlife."

Ah. So Purgatory. More confirmation that I'm dead.

"We have been searching out many passing souls in the hopes one would recognize us as you have. And would therefore understand the situation."

Light raised an eyebrow. "Tell me, human. Do you know of a world called Remnant?"

"…Yes. A world with a broken moon…broken by your brother."

Dark grunted at that, which Light ignored.

"And do you know of a man named Ozpin?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Guy really named Ozma who died of a sickness, but you allowed to reincarnate in order to unite a new humanity."

Light and Dark glanced at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation.

Dark shrugged. "Not my first pick, but you've stated that time is of the essence. I'm sure whatever new body he inhabits will be a better fit."

A new what?

Light nodded and turned back to me. "Since you know of Remnant and Ozma, I assume you know of Salem?"

Dark growled at the mention of the Queen of the Grimm.

I nodded. "Yeah…not to be rude, but are you gonna get to the point?"

Probably not a good idea to be rude to two gods, but I was kinda losing my patience.

Light apparently wasn't offended since he didn't react, and Dark didn't seem to care.

"I mentioned that we required your assistance. It has been quite a few millennia since I gave Ozma his task, and he has not summoned us. While suspicious, my attention was had elsewhere to truly ponder it. It wasn't until recently that I became aware as to why that might be. Needless to say, it appears Salem has chosen to become an adversary to Ozma, rather than learn her lesson, and intends to cause much chaos with her machinations."

"Did you think she would just sit idly by once humanity rose again?"

"I had…an oversight, on my part."

Light turned his attention back to me. "It seems Salem has made it a personal vendetta to fight against Ozpin and divide humanity…and the Faunus. And the curse I placed upon her has actually been a boon to her campaign."

Yeah. Immortality can be annoying like that.

"My brother and I intend to send you to Remnant with a simple task: gather the four Relics I left behind for humanity…and now the Faunus apparently. Bring the Relics together and summon us back to our old home, so that we may correct our mistake."

"Your mistake, brother. I've made no mistakes."

Light turned and gave Dark the most deadpan stare he could muster with the way his face was.

"What?"

"…And you wonder why no one worshipped you."

"As I recall, that was because of your own machinations."

"For the last time, I did not manipulate the humans into preferring me over you."

"Continue to repeat that, brother. I might believe it one day."

…I'm starting to see the brotherly banter here.

Rolling his eyes (somehow), Light returned his gaze to me.

"If you know enough of what I believe you know, you should know where the Relics are in a general sense. You may seek out Ozma for help, if you wish. But..."

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"I had said before that I had been suspicious as to why Ozma had yet to summon us. I know why now, but...I am now rather suspicious as to why he has not summoned us to aid him. My brother and I are not unreasonable...well, I'm not."

"I will strangle you."

Ignoring that, Light continued. "I realize that I had said that humanity would be wiped out if we judged them to be a failure. However, I am not without reason. Had Ozma summoned us and explained the situation, I would have righted the mistake I made in making Salem immortal. Ozma is not stupid, either. He had to have thought of that. Yet still we are not summoned. I am suspicious of this, so I say to you this: beware of asking Ozma for aid in your task. I cannot be sure how willing he would be in helping you."

...Huh. When he puts it like that, why didn't Ozpin just summon the Gods and explain the situation? Maybe he was paranoid about accidentally and prematurely wiping out the second generation of humanity? Or maybe he's afraid this generation won't be so accepting of being ruled by gods again and therefore pissing the gods off enough to wipe them out again? Or maybe it's one of those things where those of the past have no place in the present? Like, the god's time has passed, and now the mortals reign? Or something like that? I don't know. I'm just speculating.

"Should you be successful in your task, I would very much like to question Ozma on the matter myself. So with that said...will you accept this task?"

…

I should say no. I really should. Why would I wanna go to a world filled with monsters and super-powered teenagers? And to do what? Gather the Dragon Balls and summon the mystical dragon?

...Oh wait, that's Dragon Ball. And Z. And Kai. And Super. I won't mention GT because reasons.

Anyway, to do what? Gather four magical items and summon two gods to Remnant? This isn't a self insert or isekai, goddamn it. Sure, I'll possibly meet some of the characters I've come to enjoy in the show, but is that really enough of a reason to accept this offer? An offer that involves a very dangerous task?

"I mean, it's not that I don't want to go, but...what you're asking is something that's beyond me. I'm just one guy. How am I supposed to accomplish your task?"

Dark snorted. "Hmph. You humans are supposed to be resourceful, are you not? I'm sure you can figure it out."

I deadpanned at Dark before turning back to Light.

"I don't think any amount of resourcefulness can help me against Salem and company. The former being, you know, an immortal witch? I'd appreciate some kind of help that could boost my confidence in completing this seemingly impossible task!"

Light stared at me. "...What did you have in mind?"

Oh! Um...shit. I didn't think he'd ask. I actually don't have anything to suggest. I was hoping they would. Now I gotta think of something. Can't look like an idiot after saying that now, can I? Only thing is, what could I ask from the Brother Gods?

...

"How about a fifth Relic?"

"No."

"No."

Oof. Shot that down real quick, they did.

"Um...an all powerful weapon?"

"Most weapons were the same. None were special."

Well, fuck.

"The only way any weapon was powerful beyond simple material was if the humans channeled my gift of magic through them. Otherwise, they were simple swords and shields and such."

Ugh, that figure. If those are shot, what the hell can I ask of these two for?

...Wait, I'm an idiot. Dark literally just said it.

"Well, what about magic? Could I get a little bit of magic?

"No."

Well shit.

...

You know what? No. I'm not dropping this.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"That's not exactly fair."

"Were the humans back then being 'fair' when they chose to betray us over the words of that witch?"

"I'm not a Remnant human! I'm from Earth!"

"A difference in planets does not change human nature. I've seen what Earth's humanity is capable of. They're worse than the humans I exterminated long ago."

"...We're not that bad."

"Oh really? Then explain all the wars that have occurred on your planet?"

...

"Shit happens?"

"You once again reference excrement, but now as an answer. I fail to see how this is a valid explanation."

"It's an expression. You'll understand if you're on Earth long enough."

"Hmph, whatever. You're wasting your breath if you think I'll actually gift you magic. Tell him, brother."

...

"Brother?"

Dark turned to find Light rubbing his chin in thought. Seemingly considering what I was trying to suggest.

"Brother," Dark warned.

"...Excuse us, human. I need to speak to my brother in private."

"No! Absolutely not! You will not convince me to-!"

Light and Dark disappeared, leaving me alone in the endless white void.

Great, what am I supposed to do while I wait?

...

"3 million bottles of beer on the wall! 3 million bottles of beer! Take one down! Pass it around! 2,999,999 beers on the wall!"

((28 days later))

"Hah...hah...t-two...m-million...s-six h-hundred...n-ninety s-seven t-thousand...s-six h-hundred b-beers! T-Take o-one d-down...p-pass i-it a-around...t-two m-million s-six h-hundred n-ninety s-seven t-thousand f-five h-hundred n-ninety n-nine beers on the wall!"

I fell on my back, completely out of it. Which is weird cause...I'm dead. So I shouldn't really be out of breath. Then again, I'm surprised I managed to get this far.

Light and Brother reappeared.

"Hello again."

"YOU'RE NOT PYRRHA!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Er...sorry. Reflex. H-How long were you two gone?"

"Time is immaterial to us. However, by human time standards, 28 days have passed for you."

...

"WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG?!"

"A debate between gods has no limit, human. It can last to the end of time, if need be."

"Don't bullshit me," I deadpanned.

"Very well. My brother is very stubborn."

"Do not put this on me, brother"

"You're the one who chose to be stubborn. So yes, I shall put this on you."

Dark grumbled to himself.

I got to my feet. "So, um...was a decision made?"

"We have reached a compromise, yes."

"So am I getting magic, then?"

"Well...sort of."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'll let Dark explain."

Light stepped back as Dark stepped forward.

"..." Dark sighed. "As you can tell, I'm not exactly thrilled to be doing this."

"Yeah, you've made that very clear."

"And I have my reasons. You may find it unfair that I've made my own judgements on you based on humanity as a whole, be it Earth's or Remnant's, but that time has made me see how easily corrupted humans can be. And I don't see you being any different."

"Hey, I may not be a saint, but I'm not like that at all."

At least, I hope not. I've never been in a position where I could be "corrupted". Perk of being anti-social. Then again, if you believe certain people on Earth, you can be "corrupted" simply by watching the "wrong kinds" of YouTube videos. And to that, I say to hell with those idiots.

"We shall see."

Dark suddenly lifted his hand up, and a single large purple orb formed and hovered in the hand.

"…Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes. This is magic. A gift I once gave to humanity, before they used it against me in a futile attempt to defeat me. Foolish."

Dark held out the hand with magic towards me so I could get a closer look. It looked like it was pulsating.

"This is what a single human in the first generation had in terms of magic."

The single orb soon burst into several smaller orbs, each a different color. Four where orbiting in a circular motion in the middle, while several other smaller orbs orbited in a crisscross spiral around the four.

"And this is what that amount looks like broken down into separate elemental powers."

He pointed towards four orbs in the middle.

"These four are the four basic elements-."

He then gestured to the smaller, spiraling orbs.

"-and these are the elements that can be formed when certain combinations of the basic elements are made."

Huh. That kinda sounds like Dust. Only...actually, RT never did properly differentiate Dust and Magic and Semblances, did they? They basically just went "it's magic! It doesn't need to be explained!"

Damn it, RT.

"I do not wish to grant the gift of magic to anyone. Least of all a human. However, my brother has annoyed me enough-."

Light rolled his eyes at that.

"-to at least reach a compromise. What I am reluctantly intending to grant you is a single elemental magic, rather than the full magic power as a whole. While you will certainly hold an advantage over the second generation, assuming you train properly, you will not be at the height of power that the first generation was."

"...So let's say I were to hypothetically fight Salem one on-?"

"It would be suicide, even if you had fought that witch back then."

Alright, good to know.

"Back to the magic, I intend to give you one of the four basic elements."

"Can I have one of the others, instead?"

That lightning one is very tempting. If I had that one, all I'd need is a mighty hammer, a red cape, and a cool beard, and I'm goddamn Thor.

"No. It's either one of the basic elements or nothing."

Damn it. So much for that fantasy.

"But before you choose, you must answer now: will you accept my brother's task?"

"...Well first, is this Purgatory?"

"This is between your realm and the afterlife," Light answered.

RIght. So Purgatory then. Which means Heaven and Hell must be real...presumably. Therefore, I either take the offer and travel to Remnant as an Isekai protagonist. Or, I take the chance that I was a good enough person to get into Heaven and not be damned to Hell.

...

"Sure. I'll go to Remnant."

For the record, me choosing this rather than be judged by a higher power does not imply anything about me. Got it? Good.

"I thank you, human."

"Hmph. Very well."

I looked back to see the spiraling orbs suddenly disappear, leaving only the four center orbs.

"Fire. Earth. Water. Air. The four basic elements in harmony."

"And then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked."

…

"Pfft!" I snickered. "S-Sorry. I couldn't resist."

"I feel as though you are referencing something," Dark deadpanned. "I am not amused."

"Heh, yeah. Avatar: The Last Airbender. You should check it out. Good piece of human entertainment."

"Hmph, doubtful. But I suppose I can bother to keep it in mind."

He gestured back to the four orbs hovering above his hand. "Now choose before I change my mind."

He's certainly a bundle of joy, isn't he? Still, I probably shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Time to get me a little magic!

I watched the orbs of power in front of me. The fire one gave off a burning glow, and the water one looked like it was flowing. The brown one looked…rocky…I don't know what I was expecting. The green one looked like it was flowing like the water one. The latter, though, looked muddy. Like what you'd see if you were staring at water. This wind one just looked like pure, flowing wind.

Hmm…probably shouldn't go the fire route. I don't wanna accidently set something on fire. As for water…it seems like a safe bet, but I don't see myself as a water kind of guy. Earth sounds a little too risky for me like with fire. I don't wanna mess with the very earth itself.

Which leaves the only element left: Air.

…I admit, images of Aang from Last Airbender are coming to mind. Him riding around on an airball. Firing off air attacks. Hell, I could probably even fly if I had this power. Sure, I don't have an air glider, but I'm pretty sure an airbender flew without one at some point. Can't remember when that was, though.

In any case, air is starting to sound more enticing. And while I'm pretty sure wind magic is different from airbending, it's still a more interesting power to take.

…

Screw it. I'm going the Aang route.

"I'll take the air one, please."

"Oh look, the human said 'please'. Such good manners."

"Could you stop with the human bashing?"

"No."

I'm starting to think it wasn't "Light's machinations" (if that even happened) that made people not worship the God of Darkness.

Dark reached towards the wind orb with his other hand and plucked it out from its orbit. The other three suddenly spasmed and disappeared. The wind orb spasmed once, then returned to its normal nature. It then floated towards me and stopped within arms reach. I reached out to touch it, but flinched back when it spasmed again.

"Is it supposed to spasm li-?"

"Yes."

"...You answered that a little too quickly."

"Do you want this magic or not?"

"Well yes, but-."

Then take it before I change my mind."

I stared at the spasming orb that was wind magic. Red flags raised in my mind with each spasm, telling me not to take the magic and just deal with any future problems on my own.

Then again...airbending.

...

"Yolo."

I reached a hand out and touched it. When I did, it popped into several wind blasts (that were visible yet shouldn't be because science, but oh well) and swirled around me. They all converged and seemed to phase into my body, giving me a weird feeling and causing me to spasm for a bit. But then it subsided and became one with me.

"Whoa...I feel...this is...this is amazing! I feel incredibllle!"

I suddenly feel the hype!

"YES! YES! YES! YES! I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT! I! CAN! DO! THIS! AAA-!"

"What are you doing?"

"Ack."

Fuck, forgot where I was for a moment.

"Er...nothing."

"Really? Because it looked like you were chanting to yourself."

Erk.

"Um...sorry. Let the power get to me a little."

"Oh really? Perhaps I should take it back, then."

"No, no, no! I-I'm fine! I-I just got a little overexcited is all! N-Nothing to worry about!"

Light sighed. "Brother, do not toy with the human."

"Hmph, whatever." He turned back to me. "You have the power of the air element, now. Use it wisely...or abuse it. I don't really care."

Oh, I fully intend to abu- er, use it...use it. That's what I was gonna say.

"And so that is done," Light said. "Do you have any questions before we send you on your way?"

"...Do I get a magic training course?"

"No. Figure it out yourself."

Well, fuck you too.

"Alright then, um...how exactly will I get to Remnant?"

"The same way I sent Ozma. Reincarnation. However, it will not be a similar type. You will only get one chance."

"That last one was my suggestion. As part of the compromise in allowing you to have a sliver of magic."

"...Thanks for that. Having one life is always a plus."

"Sarcasm exists in any form of humanity, I see."

Ugh.

"So if I'm only getting one chance, what's to keep me from just living my new life in peace and not get involved in that mess?"

"Would you sit by and do nothing, knowing you could've aided certain 'characters' in what is to come? To ignore them as they suffer? And some even to die?"

"...That's a cheap shot."

"It's still true, is it not?"

Goddamn it. That's just perfect. So let's see. I'm supposed to go against Salem and her forces, as well as possibly Ozpin and his allies should they realize what I'm attempting, with a limited magic and only one life. And not even my own life. Cause I'll apparently take over someone's life like Ozpin does. And if I just ignore it all, people will die, and I'll have taken over someone's life for nothing.

"While I am reluctant to return to Remnant, it would be in your best interest to follow through on my brother's task."

"And why is that?"

"That would be telling."

"...Really? You're gonna be ominous right now?"

"Yes. It's rather fun."

Prick...

"I don't suppose I can at least avoid taking over someone's life?"

"Sadly, no. Your soul must go to a living vessel. If you were to go to a dead vessel, you would be trapped forever."

"And you can't just create a new body for me?"

"It would not survive the journey to Remnant. Your soul will, since it is immaterial. I'm sorry, but reincarnation in a living vessel is the only way."

Well shit. This won't start off well, then...

Ugh, fine. I'll just deal.

"Any other questions?"

"...Actually, just two. First, why can't you two just go back yourselves?"

"My brother and I have traveled the cosmos for millennia. Many had passed before we arrived here. It would take the same amount of time to return on our own. With the Relics, however, we would be summoned instantaneously. Which is why we're sending your soul to Remnant. It will get there faster as it is immaterial."

Huh. So the Relics act as a sort of Instant Transmission for the gods, and a passing soul can travel faster than two gods...

Sure. Why not?

"Alright, second...how do you two know about stuff of Remnant you weren't there for?"

They shouldn't know Ozma would become Ozpin, or even the planet's name, I think. They shouldn't even know that Salem and Ozpin are at war with each other. Or about the Faunus for that matter.

Light glanced at Dark again. This time with a…sweatdrop?

"Let's just say there was a rather…embarrassing incident my brother and I had here on your planet. I'd rather not get into it."

"I fail to see how it is embarrassing."

"Your temperament is why it's embarrassing."

"So I killed a few mortals in a blind rage."

"200 individuals is not a few, brother."

"Well, the few in that number shouldn't have dressed like that cursed woman. Or a Grimm version of her."

…I don't think I'm gonna like the reason they're about to give.

Light sighed. "What my brother and I are referring to is when we stumbled upon your world. It was surprising. Seeing a world and humanity we had not created. A humanity not united, yet somehow thriving rather than in chaos. During our exploration, we found what is referred to as a 'convention'."

…Oh.

"Not wanting to cause chaos with out appearance, we created and donned human forms to blend in with the masses. We entered and found some…rather surprising appearances. I almost mistook several individuals for Ozma. Another glance proved otherwise."

…Ooooh.

"My brother, however, didn't bother with a second glance once he saw several individuals dressed as Salem. In her human form and Grimm form. And so he gave what he believes was the appropriate response."

"I destroyed the whole building and all who were within."

"…Right. Before that however, I had managed to acquire some...I believe you call them 'discs' ,that chronicled what was occurring in Remnant."

The brother gods watching RWBY? Now that sounds like...every other RWBY react fic ever made, but still. It's something. Someone should totally do that. Shame no one knows about that idea. Oh well.

And now that I think about it...I do recall watching a YouTuber talk about what Light and Dark just described. Some explosion had occured, and a convention and those who attended had been wiped off the face of the Earth. At first, it was thought to be either a terrorist attack or a man gone mad and blowing the place up. But investigators found no evidence to back up either theory. In fact, there wasn't evidence period. Not even to verify whether the explosion was man-made or natural. Ironically, in terms of that last one, the investigators could only say that it all seemed unnatural. And the YouTuber and the media had the same opinion...well, the YouTuber did. The media had and still were trying to spin it for political reasons. Like always.

Guess I can say it really was unnatural. Because it wasn't caused by people or nature itself.

"No offense," I said, looking at Dark. "But that was a horrible thing you did."

"You believe I care?"

"No. Just saying."

"We know it was a horrid mistake." Light cleared his throat. "And I've made sure to reign my brother in from that point onward."

Dark snorted at that. Guess he doesn't like that.

"Any other questions?"

Hmm...

"Actually, one final question: what do you two plan do do while you wait?"

"We will continue to explore your world. See how it thrives without the guidance of divine beings. And what exactly this humanity has been able to achieve."

That's neat. Though religious people (like me, but...more devout) will argue that there are divine beings. Just depends on the religion.

"I'll be more interested in the wars and violence."

"Didn't you just accuse Earth of being worse than Remnant because of all that?"

"Doesn't mean I won't look into it more. Along with any new wars or acts of violence that occur."

...Should've figured as much.

"Well since you two are gonna stick around, allow me to give a fair warning. There's this thing called social media."

They both nodded, acknowledging they were listening.

"...Don't look into it. Especially Twitter."

"Why/Why?"

"J-Just don't," I sweatdropped. "You'll avoid many migraines."

Light raised an eyebrow. "...I shall consider your warning."

"I won't. I'm curious now."

Your loss, Dark. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

"Now, if there is nothing else, my brother and I shall send you to Remnant."

...

I nodded. "Okay. I'm ready."

"Excellent. Brace yourself. Everything might get…seismic."

Huh?

Light and Dark raised their palms towards me, and they started vibrating with energy. I suddenly started stumbling, as though the place I was in was shaking. A moment later, I was levitating a couple of feet in the air.

"I-Is this supposed to happen?!"

"Given the distance we intend to send you, a large amount of power is required. Enough that everything tends to shake like this. So do not be afraid."

Before I could respond to that, I started to fade away Infinity War style.

"H-Hoy shit!

"I wish you luck in your task, human. We shall meet again when you gather the Relics. Farewell for now."

"Or forever, should he fail. I'm personally hoping he does."

"Must you be be like this, brother?"

"Yes."

After hearing that final bit of brotherly banter, I completely faded away and blacked out.

A/N: And so the SI/OC has left the lovely yet complicated world that is Earth. And is now on his way to Remnant. Who will he reincarnate into? Minor spoiler: NOT a canon character. And can he succeed in this seemingly impossible task given to him by the gods themselves? Even with the apparent addition of air magic? We can only wait and see.

So, a couple of things. The Heart Attack Grill is in fact a real place. As is that challenge. Google it, you'll see. And yes, people are prone to have heart attacks as a result of eating that food. Not all people and not all the time, but it can happen. I have never actually been there, but I needed something to kill off the SI/OC in this story. I do in fact wish to go to the Heart Attack Grill someday, despite the risk of heart attack. It'll be great. Won't actually take the challenge, though. Because fuck getting wolloped by a giant paddle. -.-

Also, no Buddha this time. It was a nice reference to Robot Chicken, but this time I decided to take advantage of the new lore given to us by the volumes not known to The Protagonist in the original. Very convenient. And Dark is a human basher, lol.

And yes...the SI/OC has magic. Only wind magic, but still. No, that doesn't mean he's gonna be OP all of a sudden. It's an advantage, but not an OP one. He's not gonna go and slaughter Grimm left and right, and he's not gonna own Huntsmen and Huntresses left and right. In-training or licensed. He has a slight advantage, but he's gonna be a noob (at first, anyway). He needs to actually train, unlike some people, apparently.

Rey: I'm gonna defeat Emperor Palpatine properly! :D

Vader: Am I a joke to you? -_-

If you liked this and want to be kept up to date, be sure to follow and fav. Leave a review while you're at it! I'd love to hear your opinions on this one of many new approaches to the rewrite. I'm sure some of you will have criticisms about the character having a bit of magic, but what can I say? I've been bitten by the Isekai bug. :v

See you in the next update!

LATERS!