Last time Usopp tried to get help from Franky, but as it turns out the cyborg has some still some trauma to work through when it comes to Robin. Now, that all else failed it is time to turn to the real captain of the Strawhat Pirates. No, not Luffy, the only one who can help now is Nami!

Alright, this was it. He knew he needed Nami for this. She was the only one that could clear things up. She wasn't afraid of Zoro, and she wouldn't trip over her own feet swooning over Robin. She also wouldn't hesitate to electrocute him for telling her, hence the crew meeting with everyone present but Robin and Zoro. They were all gathered in the kitchen, the holy ground where the only sanctioned fighting was over food.

"So, Usopp-kun, what did you want to talk to us about? You've been weird for weeks," the redhead asked. Yeah, weeks. It might have taken him some time to find the courage, but Brook stood with him. He could testify on hi-

"Yohohoho, I think I left the kettle on," he said and slinked out of the kitchen… how was it that half this crew feared the crew itself more than the world government?

"ZorocheatedonRobin!" He cried and instantly ducked behind the cyborg for cover. He should make a nice lightning rod. But nothing came. No furious screams, no thunder cracking, no aflamed feet stomping out the kitchen and up to the crow's nest. Nothing. Utter deafening silence. He peeked through his fingers, maybe his death had come so fast he hadn't even noticed? No, he was very much alive, he noticed, when coming nose to cheek with the Speedo clad ass of a pervert. Nose flat against the cyborg's hip, he slowly inched himself around, tentative gaze falling on his Nakama. They weren't angry; they were confused. Just as confused as he himself or Franky had been. Stunned.

Oh, poor Chopper. He couldn't even look at him. Hooves knotted in anguish over his chosen family falling apart! "I'm sorry, Chopper, bu-"

"It's alright!" The boy squeaked before clasping his hooves in front of his mouth. Ahh, aching heart, he could feel the boy's desperation.

He bit his fist. Such a strong kid.

"Are you absolutely certain?" Luffy asked in his oddly serious tone. It surprised him. He had thought that it would be Nami or Sanji who would react.

"Aye, captain, I saw the two with my own eyes on Wano before Brook's concert," he reported, deciding it was better to keep his partner a secret for now and keep this discussion relevant. Wouldn't help anyone to have Sanji wailing on the floor.

Luffy's gaze on him was intense, reminded him of their fallout on Water 7. Slowly, their captain pushed his chair back, and everyone could feel the disappointment radiating off of him as he pushed his hat further down his face.

"Where are you going, Luffy?" Nami asked while hugging trembling Chopper to her side. Ah, the poor kid!

"Gonna ask them if it's true, and then I'm gonna kick his butt," the captain declared, and then things happened fast. Nami and Sanji both jumped to their feet, the idea of kicking Zoro's ass like a call to arms, while Chopper tumbled over the table desperately calling out for them to stop, switching through several transformations until he rounded all of them and blocked their path with his heavy point, the door in his back, hat being squished against the frame. "No no no no, was a threesome, was a threesome!" The boy cried before shrinking back to brain point, hooves covering his mouth again, eyes pressed shut as he squealed. "I didn't say anything! You didn't hear that! That's doctor patient confidentiality!"

With a loud thud, Sanji smacked to the floor, nose bleeding and spit foaming from his mouth, while Nami cursed under her breath and Luffy scratched his head.

"What's a threesome?" their captain asked, only for Chopper to squeak again, changing into Kung-Fu point and knocking the boy unconscious with a kick "I didn't say anything, idiot!"

Well, fuck. This was jus- a handful of petals fell down from the ceiling, fluttering to the floor in front him him. And he couldn't help but feeling like he'd been the cause for a lot of entertainment up the crow's nest. Oh well. At least that problem was solved now. Everyone was happy, nobody got hurt, aaaand if it helped little Zoro cope, the great, big Captain Usopp was fine with that. There'd come a time when he could rub it in his grumpy face.

So, that's that, I hope you enjoyed, drop me a comment to let me know.
I have to say, making Usopp suffer was really fun... might do it again...

Also, if you want a place to geek out or communicate with other readers about awesome fic that one just has to read or with other writers about the neverending hardships of uncooperative plot and characters, come join our discord (link you can find on my ao3 profile)!
Now, I really hope I'll see you over at shôganai some time around next wednesday!