"And that," Iruka said, "was the life story of three of arguably the most terrifying Konoha shinobi." His words rang about in the silence of the classroom, and seconds later the chatter erupted. "BUT!" he roared, glaring around at all of them. "That does not give any of you an excuse to start running around and setting things on fire."

Sasuke shifted on his seat. "Why are you looking at me, sensei?" he asked, biting his lip. "Uchiha Sasuke was the most sensible one of the trio, and I was named after him."

"Uchiha Sakura was the prettiest," Sakura mumbled, staring starry-eyed at the spiky-haired Uchiha.

"Hardly!" Ino declared, glaring at her ex-best friend. "Uchiha Naruto was! Look at his hair – it's so shiny… and look at the photo of him when he's our age," she continued. "I'd totally be fangirling over him instead of Sasuke."

"Hn."

"What does that guy have that I don't?" Naruto complained, glaring at the pictures of the three. "It's just because he's an Uchiha too isn't it?"

"How did they die, Iruka-sensei?" Sakura asked, staring at her textbook in confusion. "It doesn't say whether they died in battle or of old age…"

Iruka smiled at his brightest student. "Neither, unfortunately. Their bodies were never recovered, but their last known location was marked with a gigantic fuinjutsu array – one that experts to this day haven't figured out what it was supposed to do. Officially, they're marked down as missing in action, because Tobirama-sama I quote 'doesn't believe those little shits are dead'."

As if in answer to that statement, the scent of something burning hit their noses, and Iruka stiffened, eyes widening as a massive burst of smoke erupted at the front of the classroom right beside him. Coughs sounded from within, and he moved to place himself between the perceived threat and his students.

"Dammit, Sasuke!"

Iruka blinked, staring back at his student – but the sound had come from within the smoke.

"Naruto's supposed to be the one who gets us into these kinds of messes!" the high-pitched feminine voice sounded. "Why is my voice so high? I sound like…" There was a beat of silence before… "Sasuke, I'm going to kill you!"

"Huh? We're eight-years-old… again?"

"Apparently so, dobe," a third voice sounded, and Iruka had the vaguest sense of foreboding as the smoke began to clear. "At least this time we know Sakura's gonna turn into a shorter red-haired version of tou-san, and that she should embrace—oof!"

"Tou-san is a man, nii-san!" the shrill female voice sounded. "And I'm a cute girl!"

"Naruto. Run," a feeble voice croaked.

"I won't leave you behind, brother…"

"Save yourself, Naru…"

Iruka stared, nonplussed, as the smoke slowly faded, revealing three faces to match the pictures stuck to the board behind them. He blinked, a sliver of dread creeping down his spine as the three red-haired duplicates of terrifying (even in childhood) shinobi took in the room they had arrived in.

"What?" Uchiha Naruto mumbled, blinking rapidly. "What the?"

"Uh," Iruka mumbled, mind racing a mile a minute – but his thoughts were cut off as a sob burst from Naruto's lips and he was met with an armful of silky red locks.

"Dobe!" Sasuke hissed.

"Naruto!" Sakura snarled, before she seemingly remembered who'd got them into the situation. "Sasuke… this is your fault."

Uchiha Sasuke vanished in a flash, vaulting out the window with a practiced ease, and Iruka could only watch as Sakura moved to follow – but she paused instead, black eyes locking on the form of one Haruno Sakura.

"You." Uchiha Sakura leapt onto the table in front of the pinkette, and Iruka was too occupied with a sobbing redhead to intervene. "You'll have enough chakra control for it, unlike me – thanks to some imbecile—" Naruto shivered in his arms "—so…" Her grin was all teeth. "Want me to teach you how to break people like twigs?"

Haruno Sakura had hearts in her eyes. "Yes!"

Uchiha Sakura smiled smugly, grabbing the other Sakura and tucking her under one arm, before vanishing to whoever-knows-where.

Iruka patted Uchiha Naruto on the back, waving over another teacher to go and inform the Hokage as he tried to calm down the sobbing Uzumaki-Uchiha who clung to him like a lifeline.

The view that greeted him as the lid dropped away from the coffin was one of fire and flame. Sighing quietly, Tobirama stepped out of the coffin, registering the other presences who'd evidently been revived again.

"Tobirama-sensei," Saru greeted him.

"It's them, isn't it?" he asked, running a hand through his hair as he realised the jutsu was being used for what he'd originally intended because he knew those brats weren't going to die, and he was the only one skilled enough in water jutsu to keep up with them. "Typical. I knew they were too stubborn to die in a pathetic sealing accident."

Madara smirked next to him, preening like one of his beloved falcons as he stared at the destruction. "I raised them well."

Mito scoffed. "You mean we."

Itachi stared at the burning training ground in front of him, swallowing silently as he stared at his manically cackling cousin. He was so glad he hadn't inherited his grandmother's love of fire jutsu. Shisui hadn't been as lucky.

Though he was certainly surprised when fires started springing up in the village from places Shisui wasn't.

The answer to those flames soon arrived – in the form of a short red spiky-haired girl who looked alarmingly similar to a certain pyromaniac ancestor of his. "Oooh!" the girl spoke, grinning brightly as she took in Shisui's flames and the teenager himself, and Itachi finally noticed the pink-haired girl from Sasuke's class tucked under one of her arms. "You look just like Kagami!" She pressed her hands together, releasing the pinkette, and Itachi, trusting his instincts, slowly started to back away from the budding crimescene. "But your only on the fireball…" She tilted her head. "Want me to show you some more destructive ones?"

Shisui's eyes lit up.

"I gotta teach my fellow Sakura here to break people like twigs though too while I'm at it. You don't mind that do you?"

Shisui shook his head, and Itachi carefully backed out of the training grounds, eyes fixed upon the odd trio. Welp… Itachi stared at the ragtag group, shudders running down his spine as craters started appearing in the ground with flames burning in the background. Yep. There was no mistaking it.

Konoha was doomed.