So, this was a scene I wrote in the comments section of the story "The Effort to Make Things Better" by Nightwing15 on AO3. I was kind of proud of it, so I decided to post it as an official story there and now here. It was written pretty quick, so if there are any ooc moments, plot holes, or other such things, that's why. It was inspired by a similar scene in "Kaguya-Sama, Love is War."

XXX

Naofumi sighed. "Honestly, I don't get why this rape accusation is even such a big deal. They're acting like I killed someone or something..."

Erhard, who had been polishing a sword, suddenly paused. Slowly putting said weapon on the counter, he looked at Naofumi with a frown. "Of course it's a big deal. Kid, it's rape."

"But 'rape' is just having sex with someone when they don't want to right?"

Erhard's frown deepened. "Yes, kid, and it's a major crime. Maybe even worse than murder."

Now it was Naofumi's turn to frown. "Why? I mean, sex is just kissing naked right? If someone doesn't want it, I don't understand why they can't just, like, punch them or knee them in the crotch or something."

Erhard dropped whatever he was using to polish with and gave Naofumi a look of utter disbelief. "K-Kid... What did you just say?"

"I said they could just pu-"

"No, before that!"

Naofumi blinked and frowned deeper in puzzlement. "I said sex is just kissing naked so what's the big deal?"

There was utter silence.

"...Did... Did your parents never have the talk with you?"

"What talk? What are you talking about?" Naofumi asked, getting a bit irritated at this point.

Erhard sighed and buried his face in his hands, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like "god, give me strength." He took a deep breath and looked at him seriously. "Naofumi, do you know where babies come from?"

Naofumi scoffed. "Of course I do. I'm an adult."

"...So where do they come from?"

Naofumi looked at him with the utmost seriousness. "Kissing."

"..."

"..."

"...Kissing."

"Kissing."

"..."

"..."

The staring contest between them lasted for roughly five more seconds before Erhard gave the heaviest sigh Naofumi had ever heard come from another human being. He blinked and watched in confusion as the older man walked over to the door and opened it, whispered something to Raphtalia who was waiting outside, then changed the "open" sign to "closed" and walked back to Naofumi.

His confusion grew as the man walked into the back room and came out a few seconds later dragging two chairs with him. He put them side by side, sat on one, and motioned to the other. "Kid, sit down."

Naofumi glared, feeling a bit nervous. "Why?"

"If your parents aren't going to give you 'the talk,' then as an adult it's my responsibility."

"'The talk?'"

"Just sit down."

"...Fine."

He was still a bit nervous, but Erhard had been one of the few people who believed in him till now, so he guessed he could trust him this once. Once he sat down, Erhard leaned over and began to whisper to him.

From the window, a worried Raphtalia watched the situation unfold. She had been waiting for Naofumi-sama outside when Erhard had suddenly come out, told her that he needed to have a personal talk with Naofumi-sama and to not let anyone in. Slightly confused, she agreed. She couldn't help but peek inside, however, wanting to make sure Naofumi-sama was safe.

Erhard was whispering something to him.

At first, Naofumi had a look of irritated confusion.

Then just confusion.

Then his eyes started to widen.

XXX15 MINUTES LATERXXX

Raphtalia jumped back with a squeak as the door burst in to reveal Naofumi, his face bright red and the beginnings of tears in the corners of his eyes.

"RAPHTALIA!"

"Y-Yes?!"

"You are absolutely not allowed to do that until you get married, okay?!"

Raphtalia just blinked. "O...Okay?"

"GOOD!"

Behind them, Erhard gave another sigh as he stared at the two. "Kid...I'm worried about you."

Before they left, he grabbed Raphtalia by the shoulder and whispered to her to keep Naofumi away from any dark alleys.

"It's for his own safety."

"O-Oh, okay!"