There is a yawning empty cavern where Lan Wangji's heart should be. On darker days, it threatens to swallow his entire being whole, drown him in his own sorrow. Each day it is a struggle to wake up in a world he knows that his love is no longer a part of. Each day, the hollow hole in his chest grows bigger and bigger and he worries one day that it will consume him and turn him into a shadow of a figure like it did his father.

Love is painful, Lan Wangji comes to realize. To love someone is to be incomplete when they are gone. He feels lost, like each day without Wei Ying is a day that is lacking in some vital manner. It is funny how that frustrating man with his capricious smiles and his taunting voice had somehow become an integral part of Lan Wangji's life but he finds that he would not want it any other way. The pain, though miserable and all-consuming, is welcome. To feel such bittersweet pain is to remember how much Wei Ying had meant to him.

The day he finds A-Yuan is a godsend. The poor boy had been delirious with fever, pale and drawn from dehydration and hunger but he was the same little boy that had shyly peeked up at him from under Wei Wuxian's sleeves that one beautiful perfect day in Yiling City. He was the same child who had clung to his robes and thanked him for the grass butterflies with a sweet smile that matched Wei Ying's own.

So he bundles the boy his arms and takes him as his own without a single moment of hesitation. If he could not save his Wei Ying then he would save the boy Wei Ying treated like his own child.

As it turns out, A-Yuan becomes his saving grace, his little light. He gives all his love, his hopes, and his dreams that he could not give to Wei Wuxian to their son. Rather than focusing on his misery and heart ache, Lan Wangji dotes on the child, spoils him rotten with toys and sweets and affection. When he looks into their son's silver eyes, he imagines that he can see the ghost of his Wei Ying in them.

Of course, he doesn't realize how literal this statement turns out to be. The day he finds his beloved again—or rather, his beloved finds him—is absolutely wonderful. He remembers the surprised shock that had run through him at the revelation, the amount of joy that had sped through his thundering heart when A-Yuan called for his mother in front of him. Wei Ying had not left him. Wei Ying had forgiven him and stayed with him to watch over their little son.

It is a catharsis. Lan Wangji feels his heart being buoyed by something pure and beautiful and warm. And now, Lan Wangji raises their precious child to be a strong and righteous cultivator, the likes of which he knows Wei Ying would be blisteringly proud of.

Lan Wangji is never alone, Lan Yuan tells him with a gentle smile, not anymore.

Though Lan Wangji cannot see him, Wei Ying makes his presence known in little ways and Lan Wangji feels the love in him grow stronger.

It's rare for Lan Sizhui to offer to make the evening meal as there are attendants who take care of the more mundane day to day tasks in the Lan Sect. However, all Lan clan children are taught the basics of culinary arts. Extended night hunts in the wild means that the skill is essential to have so everyone, no matter what status they have in the sect, must learn to cook.

Just like everything else, Lan Sizhui excels at this too. The boy approaches the task as he approaches all his other studies, with determination and a drive for perfection. Lan Wangji remembers how his son had cooked one single dish for a solid month in order to perfect it.

He wonders what his son could have possibly created for him. It must be some sort of special fare—he distinctly remembers Lan Sizhui requesting a jade token pass to make a trip to the surrounding town so the ingredients must be something they don't ordinarily stock in the Cloud Recesses. The young disciple had looked so excited at the prospect of cooking something.

Lan Wangji's musings are interrupted by the sound of the sliding door.

"Thank you for waiting," Lan Sizhui smiles sweetly and sets the earthen clay pot on the table with careful hands. "I hope this dish is to your taste." Lan Wangji nods in acknowledgement.

The lid is ceremoniously taken off to reveal the contents inside. Lan Wangji inhales sharply and then instantly regrets it when his lungs begin to burn from the inside out.

Inside the pot is congee… but not just any congee. The piping hot rice gruel is an ungodly shade of bright red that should not exist in nature. It bubbles ominously, displacing the few shreds of green onion placed on top for garnish. Even the steam coming off of it is enough to cause Lan Wangji's eyes to water.

Everything about the dish is screaming at him to back away but the anticipation in his beloved yet woefully misguided son's eyes keeps him glued to his seat. Wei Ying must be laughing from beyond the grave right now because they all know that Lan Wangji is not running away from this culinary monstrosity.

"I hope it turned out well, Father," Lan Sizhui dutifully scoops him a portion into a porcelain bowl and sets it in front of him. "It took me a little bit to get the recipe correct. I went through a lot of ingredients before I got it just right. Please eat slowly."

There is a beat of silence where Lan Wangji stares into the face of death and Lan Sizhui smiles sunnily at him from the side, blissful and oblivious. Or maybe not. Sometimes, even Lan Wangji had trouble reading his own child when he gets into these moods.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Lan Wangji takes a spoonful of Lan Sizhui's hard work. The moment it makes contact with his taste buds, he is immediately assaulted with a burning sensation that completely numbs his tongue and throat. It's just as spicy as he remembers and Lan Wangji is not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He settles on concentrating on swallowing his mouthful.

"Do you like it?" Lan Sizhui asks anxiously even as Lan Wangji feels like his mouth has lost all sensation. "Mother said you liked spicy foods."

"Yes," Lan Wangji is proud that he's able to get that past his seared lips with barely a stutter. Never has he been so glad for his strict Gusu Lan upbringing which renders him unperturbed to almost anything. He feels sweat gathering above his brow but his face doesn't so much as twitch.

The bright expression on his son's face is worth the inevitable stomachache. Just barely.

"I'm so glad," Lan Sizhui smiles bashfully, fingers laced together in front of him, "I know I can't make it as well as Mother but I tried my best. Is it too spicy?"

It can possibly be considered an abomination of nature.

"It's good," he nods as he spoons more of the viscous hell fire into his mouth even though everything in his body is physically rejecting it. His son made him Wei Ying's spicy congee; he would swallow every bite of it even if it killed him.

"I had to search all over the marketplace for these spices," Lan Sizhui says, scooping the congee into another bowl. "They were particularly difficult to find. Luckily, Mother was able to help me otherwise I would have searched all day and night."

Before Lan Wangji can stop him, Lan Sizhui takes a heaping spoonful and eats it. There is a beat of silence. Lan Sizhui's face crinkles into an expression Lan Wangji has never seen before. His pallor turns an unsightly shade of puce and the boy begins hacking out red globs. Coughing and spluttering, desperate hands claw at his own throat and scrabble for the tea at the same time. Lan Wangji quickly hands him the cup which Lan Sizhui gulps down with gusto.

The entire contents of the teapot is emptied into his belly before Lan Sizhui collapses into his seat with the expression of a child being told by his parent that monsters are real and they are actually hiding under his bed.

"What was that?" Lan Sizhui says in a tone of absolute betrayal. His wide hurt silver eyes stare blankly at the clay pot with a dawning look of horror. He turns to Lan Wangji, "Mother lied to me. How can anyone eat this without burning the first layer off their skin?"

"Your mother…" Lan Wangji begins gravely, "… Is a terrible cook."

Lan Sizhui's eyes dart nervously to the side. Lan Wangji is sure that Wei Ying is vehemently protesting his statement from beyond the void. The thought brings a slight upward twitch of his lips.

"Mother said you would like this," Lan Sizhui mumbles in embarrassment. "My apologies for making something so inedible."

"Wei Ying said that I would like spicy congee?" Lan Wangji repeats. Lan Sizhui nods and moves to take the pot away, likely to toss the entire thing out and call it a failure.

Lan Wangji takes the pot from his son's hands and places it in front of himself.

He eats the entire damn thing.

Lan Sizhui is a model student. He is Lan Qiren's star pupil and definitely a shoe-in to be the next sect leader after the esteemed Zewu-Jun. In Lan Jingyi's eyes, Lan Sizhui is the most Lan-est Lan to ever Lan.

He doesn't just get along with the Lan Sect's elders but he's also popular among their peers who scrabble at any chance to associate themselves with the Lan Sect heir. So it comes as a surprise why Lan Sizhui would single Lan Jingyi out and bestow upon him the title of 'best friend' but ten years later and here they are.

Ten years of friendship.

Ten. Long. Years.

Those poor fools.

They don't know what a terror their beloved Lan Sect heir is.

Since a very young age, the first thing Lan Jingyi realizes about Lan Sizhui is that the boy is utterly insane. Not the talking to the dead spirit of his mother. That's pretty damn awesome if not utterly terrifying on a spiritual level. It's done wonders for his fear of ghosts really, ever since Lan Sizhui has assured him that the Lan Sect has no malicious spirits wandering around anywhere near them. No, Lan Sizhui is utterly batshit insane coming up with some of the craziest stunts and ideas for pranks on their fellow disciples.

Lan Jingyi doesn't even know why they do some of the shit they get up to.

Parental pressure for perfection?

Pent up frustration from his mounting responsibilities?

Who the fuck knows but Lan Jingyi can't bring it in himself to stop his friend. Some of his fondest childhood memories are from Lan Sizhui's messed up idea of fun. Like shaving Lan Qiren's beard. Lan Sizhui had called that a family tradition.

What the fuck even?

Lan Jingyi had feared retribution but for some reason no one ever found out about the mischief they got up to. No one ever blamed the ever so perfect Lan Sizhui and by extension, Lan Jingyi. Butter wouldn't melt in that boy's mouth when he boldly lied in front of their teachers and proclaimed his innocence like he was born to do it.

This morning there is something secretive in Lan Sizhui's smile as he sits with perfect posture at his desk. But then again, there's always something a little off about Lan Sizhui in general. He seems to cultivate an air of mystery around him. Lan Jingyi has long grown used to the weirdness that seems to cling to his friend's aura.

But this smile.

An uneasy feeling begins to develop in Lan Jingyi's belly. Nothing good can come from that smile.

Thirty new rules were carved into the face of the mountain because of that smile.

"Open your books to page forty-three and begin recitation," Lan Qiren drones, opening his own text. The rustle of pages fills the quiet air. Lan Jingyi opens his own book but he's distracted, side-eying his best friend who looks on ahead like shit isn't about to go down. Probably already memorized today's lesson too while he was planning out whatever he was planning out.

A beat of silence.

Several shrieks are heard around the room including the indignant spluttering of one Lan Qiren. Lan Jingyi's head whips to the front where Lan Qiren's face is quickly going through the entire spectrum of the rainbow. Books are hurdled through the air at lightning speeds, hitting other disciples in face and causing loose papers to fly everywhere. Lan Jingyi stares at the chaos for a second before he looks down at his own text and proceeds to choke.

It was porn.

It was gay porn.

Dear heavens, Lan Jingyi doesn't think he's seen this much nudity in his young adult life before. Bodies. Writhing everywhere.

Lan Jingyi slams the book closed and turns his red face away, just in time to catch Lan Sizhui looking so very concerned and helping Lan Qiren try to contain the mass pandemonium.

Their teacher is screaming for blood. His face is nearly blue from fury. Lan Jingyi quickly ducks his head to seem less conspicuous and to bite back the laughter threatening to bubble out of his throat.

"Which one of you did this?" Lan Qiren screams over the disciples, some of which who have collected themselves and are now taking (furtive) second looks. "Throw those away! Class is dismissed! No, don't you dare take any of those back with you to the disciple quarters! Leave those here!"

No one was listening. A couple of books were stuffed in between the folds of robes before they are swiftly kicked out of the classroom.

When they are a safe distance away, Lan Jingyi finally bursts out into laughter. Lan Sizhui joins him with his own little chuckles.

"I've never seen Teacher Lan turn that shade of blue before," Lan Jingyi is doubled over, clutching his stomach because he's laughing so damn hard.

"I wouldn't want Granduncle Lan Qiren to get complacent," Lan Sizhui replies with a tranquil smile. "It's been so long since class has been that lively."

"How did you get all those drawings anyway?"

"Well," Lan Sizhui smiles ever so sweetly, tapping his chin in a thoughtful manner, "Most of it, I drew. I've been practicing my portraiture lately, you see."

"What?"

"But some of it is from my father's collection."

"WHAT?"

When Wei Wuxian wakes up, Lan Wangji is nowhere to be seen. It's bright out, well past dawn which makes sense. Lan Wangji probably left him to sleep in and went to attend his other duties. Last night had been such a trip. He had been resurrected, fought against a demon arm and a goddess statue, met his brother and his childhood friend again, and found Wen Ning.

It's been quite an eventful few hours and he's tempted to fall back asleep even though he's just woken up. The bed is comfortable and the sheets smell like sandalwood but he is not going to be deterred. He is busting out of this place if it's the last thing he'll do.

Before he can begin forming a plan on how to obtain a jade token pass, there is a knock on the door. Odd. He wasn't expecting any visitors and he's pretty sure no one would willingly disturb Lan Wangji. The Lan sect child is standing at the doorway, enigmatic smile in place.

Wei Wuxian blinks, "Oh, you're umm…"

He comes up short. He tries really hard to remember but he's really bad with names. Luckily, the disciple seems to take this in stride.

"Senior Mo, my name is Lan Sizhui," Lan Sizhui greets with a respectful bow. "I came to fetch you for the evening meal."

"Alright," Wei Wuxian acquiesces and tries to step outside but the disciple makes no move to let him through the door. In fact, Lan Sizhui lets himself inside instead.

Wei Wuxian stares nonplussed at this brazen act. As far as he knows the Jingshi is off limits to anyone except Hanguang Jun.

Something must have changed in the thirteen years he's been gone because the disciples from Gusu Lan have gotten a lot bolder. There's also something off about this Lan disciple who keeps smiling sweetly at him like they're the best of friends even though Wei Wuxian is very sure that Mo Xuanyu and Lan Sizhui had just met today.

And that word that the boy had called him. Mother. The boy had very clearly said mother. Last he checked, he was incapable of giving birth and he most certainly did not remember fathering any children before his death. Wei Wuxian had the memory of a goldfish but he would definitely remember if he had any children.

Despite himself, he begins to somewhat see the similarities of his old body in Lan Sizhui. There might be some likeness in the facial structure. Especially the eyes. The kid has such brilliant silver eyes, reminiscent of his own back in his old body.

The youth only smiles in that bright unerring way of his. "Senior Mo… or rather, Senior Wei, I think it's time to come clean, don't you?"

"Who's this 'Wei' fellow?" Wei Wuxian replies on impulse, adopting a silly grin. "My name is Mo Xuanyu, remember?"

"No," the disciple shakes his head serenely. "You're Wei Wuxian."

Lan Sizhui's voice is sure, brooking no argument. His unnerving silver eyes are almost luminescent as they pin Wei Wuxian in his place.

Wei Wuxian's eyes widen, impressed. He had managed to trick his own sworn brother, Jiang Cheng, with his lunatic act but this untrained junior disciple could see right through him. Evidently, Gusu has stepped up in their teachings.

Wei Wuxian drops the act, shoulders slouching and ridiculous smile sliding off his face into a more solemn expression, "What gave it away?"

"You are my Mother," Lan Sizhui answers plaintively like that entire statement explains everything which it does not.

Ah yes, Wei Wuxian sighs internally, he had almost forgotten about the Lan Sect's inability to speak more than a few words at a time.

"What do you mean by that?" Wei Wuxian questions, "Mo Xuanyu clearly couldn't have fathered a kid as old as you and I died a virgin as Wei Wuxian."

To Wei Wuxian's vindictive glee, Lan Sizhui winces inelegantly at that last bit of information.

"I'm telling you the truth," Lan Sizhui pouts, "I really am your child."

Which doesn't really answer his question. Wei Wuxian's eyes narrow. He doesn't know if the kid is doing it deliberately or if he's just that obtuse. Likely the former. The look in his eyes is much too clever to be anything else.

"Prove it," Wei Wuxian crosses his arms in front of him, "How do I even know you're telling the truth?"

Lan Sizhui's smile widens, "I know where you hid your golden core."

The blood freezes in Wei Wuxian's veins. How did this Lan Sect disciple know? Wei Wuxian had told no one and the only people who knew were dead. Well, dead and an undead corpse general. Still.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Wei Wuxian bluffs with a frown.

"Sect Leader Jiang doesn't know, does he?" Lan Sizhui tilts his head thoughtfully but it only serves to make him appear all the more eerie. "He doesn't know what a special gift you've given him. You know, I was always a little jealous of him as a child. Uncle had such a precious gift from you and he didn't even know it."

This kid is ultra creepy. Like, Wei Wuxian was the Yiling Patriarch, the bogeyman of the cultivation world for a good solid decade and a half, and he had nothing on this kid. What were they teaching the disciples in Gusu Lan these days?

"Do you remember?" Lan Sizhui asks, voice a tentative hopeful thing. The disciple's feet shuffle against the ground and his fingers tighten around each other nervously.

He doesn't know what the boy is searching for but something in his chest lurches at the look in the boy's eyes. Wei Wuxian tries to wrack his brain but he really can't remember this little Lan Sect child.

Lan Sizhui looks disappointed by his blank expression.

"You hid me in a tree," Lan Sizhui says and there is a quaver in his tone. "You told me you were going to come for me after everything settled down. But you never did."

Something sparks in Wei Wuxian's mind.

Wei Wuxian's eyes widen and he draws in a sharp breath, "Wait, I know you…"

"Do you remember me now?" Lan Sizhui asks.

All of a sudden, it hits him. Memories of a small child crawling over his robes, pulling at his flute to chew on. Lullabies sung to a child who had lost everything just as he did. A gap-toothed smile as he fed the boy sweet soup bought by a cultivator in white.

"You're Wen Yuan," Wei Wuxian breathes out in realization. "You're baby A-Yuan."

Lan Sizhui smiles broadly, brilliant and lovely and so reminiscent of that small sticky child that had clung onto his robes and cried when he had planted him in the radish field.

"Hello, Mother," Lan Sizhui says again and this time, it is filled with so much love and adoration. Wei Wuxian feels his heart expand as he stares at the child he thought he had lost in the Siege. He hadn't failed Wen Qing and Wen Ning. He had kept this child safe and now he's here, standing in front of him, alive and smiling.

"My A-Yuan," Wei Wuxian opens his arms and Lan Sizhui rushes into them, hugging him so very tight. "I thought I lost you after I died."

Wei Wuxian doesn't realize he's crying until he realizes that Lan Sizhui's shoulder is covered in wetness. He clutches at Lan Sizhui's robes and sobs even harder. He kept his promise. A-Yuan is alive.

"Hanguang Jun found me and took me in," Lan Sizhui whispers and pulls Wei Wuxian in tighter. "He raised me and gave me the courtesy name Lan Sizhui."

Sizhui. God, of course Lan Zhan would come up with something as poetic and sappy as that. He wonders who the man is longing for but it is overshadowed by the love overflowing for the child in his arms.

"You've grown so well," Wei Wuxian holds Lan Sizhui's tender face in between his hands and runs his thumbs across his cheeks. "Look at how tall you've gotten. You're almost taller than me in this body!"

"I am happy you are alive, Mother," Lan Sizhui buries his face into his chest. Wei Wuxian runs his hand over his child's back, closes his eyes, and savors the feeling of his warm heartbeat resonating with his own.

"Tell me everything," Wei Wuxian says. "Tell me everything that has happened."

It must be a trick of the light but Lan Sizhui's silver eyes almost glow in their happiness.

"Well…"

"So you freaked out both Jiang Cheng and Zewu Jun when you were barely four years old?" Wei Wuxian asks with a bitten back grin. "I raised a tiny hellion while dead. I am officially the most awesomest mom ever."

To his delight, Lan Sizhui blushes in pleased happiness at the praise. His child was just so cute! So much cuter than his stuffy father.

"Uncle Xichen still doesn't like sitting alone in the same room as me for long periods of time," Lan Sizhui smiles bashfully. "I… might have told him I could see Grandmother Lan. But she truly is a wonderful lady and really funny too. I feel like you would have gotten along with her. You both love teasing Father."

"You know, I feel like I should be more concerned with your weird ghost vision but I'm really not," Wei Wuxian is smiling so much, his cheeks are beginning to hurt but he doesn't care. "That's so amazing, A-Yuan. Clearly I have raised the superior child."

Lan Sizhui's eyes grow unfocused for a moment before they snap back to attention.

"I believe Father may need some assistance in the Hall of Exorcism," his child informs him. Wei Wuxian's mouth tightens into a sharp line.

"You know what that arm is, don't you?"

"I do," Lan Sizhui smiles demurely, "I also know who it belongs to."

It should be scary how such ominous words sound so cheery coming out of the disciple but Wei Wuxian is too wrapped up in his affection for his child.

"I like you," Wei Wuxian declares, patting his child on the back and hooking an arm around his shoulder, "When all this is over, we are going to wreak havoc in the Cloud Recesses."

"I look forward to raining chaos on my fellow junior disciples," Lan Sizhui replies all prim and proper like he just didn't promise the utter mayhem of his sect.

Wei Wuxian stares.

"You are so clearly my child," Wei Wuxian marvels. "It's a wonder how to stuffy Lan elders never noticed."

He resists the urge to pinch his child's cheeks until he remembers that he is well within his rights to do so. Lan Sizhui blushes under the attention but allows Wei Wuxian to dote on him.

"Senior Wei should probably be heading off now," Lan Sizhui gently unhooks his mother's arms from his shoulders and ushers him out the door just as a couple of ragged disciples stumble up the steps in a daze.

"T-The demon arm," they manage to stammer out. "I-It broke through the s-suppression seals!"

Wei Wuxian turns back to Lan Sizhui who waves his hand. "I will be right here when you return."

Wei Wuxian grins back, bright and beautiful and alive.

"I'm off!"

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