A/N: Hey all, sorry for the very long delay. With everything going on in the world I've been called in to work more and more, plus I had to get a new laptop. Yay me on that one. But here's the chapter; I hope you like it.

An Unlucky Drunken Marriage

Summary: Qrow just wanted to relax after a long time away on a mission. Celebrating by hitting the new nightclub that opened up seemed good in his mind. Too bad he ended up drunkenly marrying a cute blonde knight in the process.

*Sparring*

Joan panted heavily for breath, trying her damn best to not glare at the broad grin on her husband's face as he once again easily blocked every sort of attack she threw at him. It didn't matter what she tried; Qrow spun his greatsword with the elegance of a dancer and parried every blow without a single scratch. He wasn't even trying; at this point he was just toying with her as per the usual.

"Already out of breath, Blondie? I would've thought that you had much better stamina than that judging from our honeymoon," he teased. He expertly ducked under a slash aimed at his head and waggled his finger with a shiteating smirk. "Nice try, Legs. Gotta do better than that."

"Goddammit!" Joan hissed in annoyance and didn't move her shield into play in time. Qrow's next strike slapped her across the stomach and she flew across the room they were using to spar in. Her aura flared brightly when she hit the far wall, the wind having been driven out of her entirely by that hit. 'Son of a bitch! Even Cardin doesn't hit that hard!'

For someone nowhere near as bulky as Cardin, Qrow sure as hell hit harder than anyone she had ever sparred with. Even Yang, and she was known for creating the most amount of craters in the courtyard. If she had to place bets between who hit harder, she'd put her money on her husband. And there was definitely no bias there. Nope. Stop with those looks. 'He's even leaner than my dad.'

"You fight way too clean, Blondie." Qrow shook his head, tapping his sword against his shoulder. "Why the hell are you trying to fight like you're the next Invincible Girl?"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Joan glowered at her husband.

"Your swordplay isn't terrible, but it isn't stellar. Do you even know what your semblance is?" Qrow asked.

"Well…no," the blonde sheepishly admitted. "Pyrrha unlocked my aura for me when we were partnered together in the forest."

"Lemme guess; Oz threw you off a cliff and basically said, 'Good luck'," Qrow deadpanned. "And seriously? How the hell are you even alive?"

"Trust me, I ask myself that pretty much every day," Joan said with a sigh. "I half expect to die pretty much every time I go out in the field. I'm starting to think it's just sheer dumb luck at this point."

"Shitty mindset to have, Blondie."

"The fuck are you now, my goddamn therapist or something?"

"No, I'm your husband," Qrow corrected with a slight smirk. 'I could provide you a dictionary if you're unfamiliar with the word." Jackass. He was by all means right by it. But he was still a jackass for the smartass reply.

"Haha. Very funny. I'm just bursting with laughter." She scowled at him. "Hey, maybe you should do comedy. Why make just one person miserable when you can do it to a whole crowd?"

"Alright, time for some sprints." Fuck.

"I hate you," Joan muttered with a groan, forcing her legs to get moving. They felt heavy and sluggish, slow to respond after the brutal ass kicking that was training. "Ugh! I feel like I'm made of Jell-O!"

"Good. Pain is weakness leaving the body," Qrow said. "The more you train, the more your body will get used to the strain. Be consistent with it and you'll be whooping everyone else's ass even without a semblance."

"…you're not going to bother trying to help with that?" she asked, hoping he would.

"Blondie, I'm good, but I ain't that good." Qrow shook his head. "I'm not a wizard. Your semblance is for you to discover, not me. I already knew mine from when I was a little kid."

"What is it anyway? I heard Yang mention it once but she never really talked about it when I asked her more."

"Bad luck."

…wait what?

"Pssh, no way." Joan shook her head in disbelief. "There's no way someone could have a semblance like that. That's just stupid. You're joking with me, right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"..Oh holy shit you're actually serious."

"Yeah, I am." Qrow rolled his eyes. "Look some people can use polarity or channel lightning. Me? I'm just an unlucky son of a bitch. I can't control who it affects. It's handy in a fight, but around family? Friends? It's damn near impossible to be around them."

"…so that's why you often go on missions for the kingdoms," Joan realized. "It's so you stay away from others you care about."

"Hole in one."

"Bow chicka bow wow."

"Goddammit, stop listening to Yang." Qrow facepalmed. "Focus less on your dirty mind and more on your training. Since you haven't unlocked your semblance…it means I have to do what I really didn't want to do. I have to make you the biggest pain in the ass to go up against as humanly possible."

"…and how are you going to do that? Beat my ass?" Joan asked dryly, pushing her long hair to the side. "Because I gotta say, the only thing I've learned so far is how bad the floor tastes." The blonde didn't even get a chance to raise her shield again before she was once again on the floor, groaning.

She rubbed her eyes, thankful her aura took the blow, and grimaced when Qrow's foot planted on her chest. "What else did you learn, Blondie?"

"To stay the fuck away from your hands," she said with a grumble, trying to shove him off of her. To her annoyance he didn't budge an inch and she glared at him. "Are you just screwing around with me or what?"

"Blondie, if I wanted to screw you, I'd have taken you to the nearest bedroom."

"Oh and I'm the one with a dirty mind?"

"You're a student. I'm not," Qrow shot back dryly, removing his foot from her. "Come on, get up. Get your weapon out and try and think. Don't just rush me. I'm bigger than you, stronger, faster, and more skilled. How do you approach that?"

"Pray?" she tried. She blocked his attempted cuff and tried to swing him around, but he still didn't move an inch.

"Not bad with the block. But you're still off balance." He laughed as he tripped her to the floor for the umpteenth time. "That comes down to your footwork. Now try again, but this time don't leave yourself so off balance. Being off balance is what leads to your loss. Position yourself properly so my strikes won't affect you as much."

"Got it." Joan got back to her feet, muscles aching. Even her sparring sessions with Pyrrha were nowhere near as exhausting as this. It really showed her the difference between students and a professional huntsman who did this sort of activity on the daily. She also remembered how his semblance affected everyone and knew that had a part in it too.

Still, if she did this every day with him, she'd no longer be at the bottom of the class but somewhere near the top. He was right; she wasn't Pyrrha. So why try to fight like her? It was better for her to find her own style of combat that suited her better rather than try and be something she couldn't. 'Okay, think. Offense isn't what I'm going to be good at, considering I'm smaller than almost everyone save for Ruby. But Ruby is faster and more agile thanks to her semblance. It fits her because she can't take too many hits without her aura being drained. Me, I can take those hits.'

'Counter assault,' she realized. 'I think I found it.' The blonde knight raised her shield in preparation and kept her grip tight.

Qrow was the one who attacked first, swinging his claymore in a wide arc. It hit her shield and instead of trying to just tank the blow, she rolled with the momentum, keeping herself mobile and she noticed her aura didn't drop as much as she thought it would. 'Okay. This doesn't seem too bad. But I doubt I'm gonna be able to keep this up for long. He doesn't seem the type to run out of stamina considering his years of experience in the field.'

Qrow's next blow came up over her head and her eyes widened briefly before she rolled to the side again, hitting him in the ribs with her shield. The older man let out a grunt of surprise and looked over his shoulder, rubbing the sore spot briefly. "Not too bad, Short Stack. Careful you don't leave a bruise though."

"Why? Going on a date?" she asked with a smirk. If there was one other thing she picked up from her new husband, it was his habit of bantering in combat. He loved talking shit and she saw what kind of effect it had on certain people who simply couldn't take it. It was funny seeing Cardin get knocked down a few pegs. Jackass.

"I did plan on taking you out to dinner," he answered cheekily, jabbing back at her with the handle of his sword. "Though I suppose you're suggesting we skip the pleasantries and just get right down to the sex?"

"Hmph. In your dreams old man," Joan shot back with a huff. 'Ow. How does even the handle of his weapon manage to hurt? I swear this old man is just full of tricks.'

"Aw, now you've gone and hurt this poor old man's feelings," Qrow said in mock sorrow, briefly putting his hand on his chest for the dramatic effect though Joan could see the mirth in his eyes. "Whatever shall I do?"

"I heard there's a nice retirement home being built. You should definitely check in there to see if you qualify." The blonde shrugged and blocked the next two strikes with a grimace.

"I'm far too good looking. The only thing I could do is find a nice spot to revel in my past glories and contemplate on my nonexistent failures." Qrow stroked his stubble.

"Is the place called, 'Denial'?" Joan deadpanned.

"Nope. In bed. From what I can recall you were rather breathless after my masterful performance." Qrow was still smirking about how she reacted to being in the same bed as him. Classy. Then again, it was Qrow. What else did she expect out of him besides this? He practically thrived on it.

"Hey Qrow, have you ever actually slept with someone your own age or do you just like trying to go after huntresses in training? Just morbid curiosity if I should be worried or not," Joan said dryly.

"One time when I was about eighteen years younger. Good times. I think her husband still hates my guts for that." Qrow sighed happily. "Good riddance. He's an asshole."

"…how old are you now?"

"Thirty nine."

"That's quite the dry spell. Are you sure age hasn't affected your performance much?" Joan didn't have the time to bring her shield fully into play and once again she was on the ground. "Goddammit!"

"That wasn't bad that time." Qrow helped her up. "Keep at it. You've got potential to be a really mean opponent. But I'm going to warn you ahead of time; it's going to be hard. You're going to get your ass beat a lot. But you learn more from losing than you do winning every time. It's nice to get humbled."

"Thanks. I mean it." Joan dusted herself off and looked at her husband. "So…do you…want to talk about that?"

"About what?" He tilted his head for a moment before it sunk in. "Oh…that…well, it's quite the story. And one I really don't want to get out there. Not just because half of the family wants to kill me, but because…well, let's just say it'll make it very difficult to explain. And knowing my luck, she's my kid."

"Who?"

"Weiss."

….

"WHAT!?"

A/N: Yeah, I may have read a story on tumblr about Qrow and Willow having an affair and producing Weiss as a result. Thought it would be fun to try experimenting with (because I ship Qrow and Willow pretty good now. Entire family XD).

A Lovestruck A2#5371