Starting Over

by CTTficfan

Chp 9

PREVIOUSLY

Rick, I'm dropping this off at your building, then going to the precinct, if you want to talk, and I'm praying you will, please call or come to see me. I know how much I hurt you, and I know you hate me, you have every right to do so. Know this Richard Rogers, Richard Castle, or any other name you have, I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you Always. The question is will you give me one more day?

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Castle's Loft
9:21 AM
Thursday, November 6th

Kate had kept her word, at 7:20 AM she had handed Eduardo an envelope he was to hand-deliver to Mr. Castle when he awoke. Eduardo, ever protective of Rick and his family left a message light on his intercom on so he wouldn't disturb anyone in the loft, he had heard it had been a late evening for Miss Gina the night before, and well frankly he wanted to avoid that nightmare if he could.

Alexis was out for a week retreat with Paige and Martha, where, oh yeah, Martha was in France with Chet so the Loft was finally his alone. Rick woke, his nose was filled with the scent of Gina's perfume, and he immediately reached over, only to find an empty spot on the bed.

Then it started coming back to him, they were at the benefit for the children's new wing at the hospital, one very generous and wealthy donor was willing to part with a sizeable donation for a series of Derrick Storm novels. Gina who already had enough to drink, suggested they go back to the loft where she knew there was a complete set that Rick could sign to him personally over a drink.

One drink turned into several, at least for the ladies but the contribution was secured, and anytime someone can write a check for a sum with six zeros behind the number, well it was more than a good night. The donor, who insisted he remain anonymous, finally convinced his wife to leave around 3:45 AM, and as Rick saw them off, Gina collapsed on his bed, sound asleep.

Rick had been through this before when she was Mrs. Castle and there was no way he wanted to be around hung-over Gina. He called his car service, gave instructions to Tony to ensure Gina was inside her townhome, and into her bedroom then run like hell. He managed to get her up and down to the front of the building to a waiting limo. He didn't know he had a very interested observer when Gina pulled him in for a kiss like they were still married, but that would be brought to his attention a little later.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he remembered, he was still fully clothed and so was Gina when he finally picked her up and placed her in the limo. He stumbled from the bedroom, started a pot of coffee, and noticed the message light blinking on the intercom phone. Probably mother asking him to wire her money he thought to himself, as he went to the intercom.

"Hi Eduardo, this is Rick Castle my message light was on,"

"Good Morning Mr. Castle, sir, detective Beckett stopped by this morning and dropped off an envelope she asked I hand deliver to you, may I deliver it now sir?"

"Sure. Thanks, Eduardo I appreciate you not disturbing me early, it was a late-night"

"Of course sir. I will be right there"

Rick is at the door with his coffee in his hand when Eduardo arrives and delivered the letter,

"Thanks again Eduardo, it's greatly appreciated," Rick said, his mind already churning why would Kate drop off an envelope to his apartment?

"You're welcome sir, have a great day." And he turned and left

Rick walked over to the medicine cabinet, retrieved 4 aspirins and with a swallow coffee, took the pills to relieve his aching head. He knew he had to rehydrate to get the maximum relief from the pills so he downed a bottle of water, then turned back to his coffee.

He picked the envelope up, felt it, then looked at the front. In her neat handwriting was simply his name, Rick Castle, Hand Deliver Please. He had missed her, he always loved her handwriting, it was so precise, he tried to pattern his own after hers, but he never told her. One of many things he would give the same amount the donor had given just to go back in time to their time to tell her that and so much more.

He decided to wait till after his shower, and his head stopped feeling like it was being used as a drum machine in a pickup rock band to open the envelope. One more cup of coffee, another bottle of water and then he hit the showers, where he began to feel alive again.

Rick enjoyed the hot water, and he finally felt like facing his day, whatever that would be today. He still hadn't decided what to do with Kate and her request to come to the precinct to assist on the case. At least her self-appointed guardian would be gone for the next 60 days, it had been all he could do to hold back the last time they met.

Dressed now, and his headache down to a mild roar, he retrieved his coffee and the letter and went to his office to read whatever she had written. His heart was in his throat as he began to open it, old feelings were hard to keep hidden when they were so deep, he had loved her, Hell he still loved her more than anyone in the world, except for his daughter and mother, those were different loves.

He smiled as he pulled the letter from the envelope, she had used the stationary he bought her the second week they were friends, she complained about not ever being able to have a cat or dog because of allergies.

He bought her the box with little dogs and kittens on it, she laughed then kissed his cheek, their first sign of affection now as he thought back to that tender moment. Who the hell keeps stationary for 16 years? It might be meaningful for her too, the only way to find out was to read the letter.

He spread the 13 pages out to smooth the neat folds from each, then collated them and took a sip of his coffee, a deep breath and he was ready.

As he began to read his heart begin to soften, she had set the tone in her first paragraph, It was the only time in my entire life, I felt so loved, protected, and cherished, It was the only time in his life he truly felt loved and needed now that he travels back in his memory.

His heart went to his throat when he read, I was always better with you than I ever was or could be without you. It touched him, and this was not Kate, she was bearing her soul, telling him things she never would have in the old days.

When his eyes focused on the paragraph, I NEVER wanted or tried to erase you, the time we spent together, or my memories. God knows some nights the memories of you were all that got me through another lonely night.

You made a very valid point, and I felt terrible that you never knew your father, many people never knew either but I dismissed it. This just proved you were the voice of reason, the one that could keep me from grabbing the scissors and go running like a crazy lady, which by the way I did and paid a deep price for, more on that later.

He had to take a break and clear his eyes, damn allergies. She had taken him by surprise, he had never heard or seen her so mature and open as she was now. She accepted blame where it was due, never once trying to deflect it, and it hadn't escaped him, her use of Please forgive me, rather than I'm sorry, she really did love him to remember their one and only spat, and his quote.

He understood, or was beginning to understand her position, her confession that she would have crumbled if he asked her to give up the quest, touched him deeply. He always thought she would do anything for him, now she would confirm it, she even put it in the present tense as well as recalling the memory.

He was truly on the ropes and ready to drop when he read;

I haven't said it yet, but I love you, I've loved you since I first saw you even though you were with Kyra. When you first sat with me at the library that day, I thought I was going to die. We grew to be best friends, if I am keeping it truthful, my love for you grew every day we spent together.

Once again, she was talking in the present tense, "she loves me? After all this time, I thought she had found her one and done?" Rick asked to no one in the room, still amazed at the openness and honesty of Kate, it was almost like she had stepped into a time machine and had been transported back to college days.

He had done a good job of holding it together, but when she went on to explain why she and Will Sorensen were roommates, he was floored, but when he wiped a tear away he completed reading the paragraph, He or no one else has come close to being my one and done, except you,… He couldn't hold it in any longer, he wept openly and for a lot longer than he had cried in as long as he could remember, grateful the loft was empty except for him.

He finally composed himself, and continued to read, when you love someone as much as you loved me, and I still love you, you put the other one first that was it, he knew she understood and more than that realized the pain he had felt. Just like she wrote, he wanted to put her first again, if there were any doubts, he loved her, would always love her they were long gone.

He had already decided he wanted another chance with her, that the love was far more powerful than the hurt. He finished the letter, and read the lyrics to the song, One More Day and again the old feeling surrounded him. Finding the app on his phone he hit an icon and once again Diamond Rio was playing a solo concert just for him.

This time was so much different than when he downloaded it, full of doubt and despair, now he was full of hope and optimistically thrilled. He had to see her, he had to look into her eyes to know if these were truly her words.

He picked up his cell phone, then thought better. He dialed her desk phone from the phone on his desk. If she were in the field, he didn't want to upset her, the job was dangerous enough. On the third ring, he heard her soft voice,

"12th Precinct Homicide, Detective Beckett speaking,"

"Kate, it's Rick, can you talk now or is it a bad time?"

"Eh, I NO, I mean Yes I can talk Rick, thanks for calling"

"I got your letter; did you mean it?" he said barely audible

"Every word I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself for hurting you so much, I love you, Rick, I never stopped" the tears were in Kate's voice and it flashed back to times over a decade ago.

"Are you tied up with paperwork or could you steal away to the coffee shop for a few minutes, I just have to see you, God Kate, I love you too" and there it was, as Kate's tears pooled, she kept them intact.

"How Long babe? Tell me when?" She hadn't used that love pet name for over 16 years but it felt so right,

"Can I text you when I'm there and have a table?"

"That would be great, the sooner the better," she said, as she felt like the weight of the world was taken off her shoulders.

"Great, …. and Kate, I love it when you call me babe, I missed you so much. We have a lot to talk about but know this, I love you more than anything in the world. Please promise me, no more running, please,"

"Rick, I promise, my running days are over unless I'm running towards you, and babe, I love you too."

"I'm on my way, I'll text you when I get there, I love you"

"I love you too Babe, be safe and I'll see you soon.

Twenty Minutes Later

Kate's phone buzzed with a text, she opened it to see red hearts fill the screen spelling out, I'm here. That man, how long did he work on that.

She typed out, on my way, love you babe and filled the line with heart emoji's.

She stepped into the coffee shop and there he was, that smile, it was her smile and it was back. She didn't give a damn about PDA or regulations or anything else, she sprinted to meet him and locked him in a kiss that said part of what was in her heart.

After they had both exhausted air supplies and were forced to break, she pulled back but not far, "I missed you Rick, God how I missed you."

"I missed you too, Kate my life went from on top of the world to wanting to die, almost overnight. How long do you have, I know we have a lot to talk about, and there's going to be questions from both of us, so we need to make good use of this time" his shyness she loved in school was still there, trying to be assertive yet doing everything in his power not to hurt her.

She flashed him that huge smile, "I took the rest of today and tomorrow off, I was hoping"

His lips were on hers in another kiss, "Let's get out of here babe, the loft is empty the rest of the week, we can go there and have the privacy we need, OK?"

He threw a fifty-dollar bill on the table even though he hadn't ordered anything and they were out of the coffee shop and walking arm in arm to the loft.

As they were walking Rick picked up that Kate was hesitant to ask something, so he came right out,

"Babe, this is only going to work if we are both 100% honest with each other, both in questions and answers" she blushed,

"You still know me so well don't you, it's really nothing I mean, we weren't on the best of terms, and it's rea"

"Kate ask the question please, something is tying you in knots, we can't have that. I promise you I will give you a truthful, honest answer, even if it hurts. But before you ask you and me, me and you, this new unity, it starts now, no other people but us, Agreed?"

She took the initiative, and kissed him till his toes curled, "Agreed" she breathed

"Rick, I wrote that letter early, very early this morning. When I received your letter, that included the two letters returned to you, I had to get out of my apartment so I went for a run. Usually, I run away from your loft, but this morning around 4:40 AM I ran by your loft and I saw..."

"You saw Gina kiss me as I put her into a limo, dressed in the same clothes as she had on the night before, yeah Kate, I picked you out at the coffee shop so I knew what you were thinking. Nothing happened" he explained the benefit, the books, and Gina drinking too much and him getting her into the car service to take her home."

"I love you, Richard Castle, how do you know me so well, I have so little to give to you, and you give me the world, especially when you know how insecure I am in relationships since, well" she started laughing

"Oh, now you remember Brad Decker, and how I flattened him because he hurt you, please know this Kate, I will never hurt you knowingly, and if I do, PLEASE promise to tell me, I only want you to be happy."

"I am happy, let me show you how happy you have made me when we get home"

It wasn't lost on Rick that Kate had used the word Home.

When they first got to the loft, Kate wasted no time, she was sincere when she told him she wanted him in every way. They made love talked a while and repeated the process until both were exhausted and lay in each other's arms asleep.

Kate had turned her phone off and didn't get the text from Kevin their case was closed, Rick had located the passport broker, and when he was arrested rolled on Tisdale's son the minute, he was approached with conspiracy to commit murder, and eventually, Tisdale caved and confessed.

They had a long way to go, but considering how far they had come, it was wonderful just to know they were Starting Over, this time they would make it work and be together, Always.

A/N As the title indicated this was the Start, if we have sequels will depend on you the readers, let us know we can easily expand this into at least three more stories if not more, Thanks for the read, reviews, and follows, they are the gold all writers seek,