I wanted to do this yesterday but I got distracted.

I hope everyone is enjoying Midnight Sun. I haven't had the chance to buy it lol.

I know a lot of hearts got broken and some said tissue warnings were needed lol

So you might need a tissue for this chapter.

Thank you all to who reviewed it means the world to me.

Chapter 20 DamonPOV

"Are you ready?" Mom asks me.

Am I ready? Ready to say goodbye to the woman I was supposed to have a future and raise a child with? Who the fuck would ever be ready for fucking that?

The tears seem to never end, and my body won't stop shaking.

I don't understand why we got hit. I keep going over and over in my mind what I could have changed. I should have never sprung car shopping on her. If I hadn't been a distraction, she wouldn't have stayed at the stop sign for those few extra moments; all we needed was a few extra moments.

And my daughter... my fucking daughter. She wouldn't be dead in the fucking morgue! She would be wrapped in my arms. I would be cooing at her and telling her stories. I never got a chance to even try to be her daddy.

It's not fucking fair.

I continue to stare at the wall as if my mom didn't just ask me a question. I don't want to say goodbye; I want to go back twenty-four hours and never ask Trisha to go shopping. I want to be talking to her belly and our baby again. I want to burn my brain with bleach because the images won't leave it.

The sight of my little baby in my arms, not breathing, not crying.

No, I don't want to fucking say goodbye to her.

I see movement out of the corner of my eye, and I recognize Trisha's cousin.

Her face is blotchy with red puffy eyes. "Um, I hoped that maybe you could be with me…" Her voice breaks off with a tiny sob that she covers with her drenched sleeve.

I pull my gaze from the yellow stain on the wall and look fully at her. "I don't want to say goodbye."

She moves closer and grasps my hands tightly enough for me to wince internally. Yet, I welcome the pain. The pain is different from the accident, different from the emotional toll that's wracking my body.

"I don't want to, either, but she never wanted to live off machines."

I can feel more tears wetting my cheek. "Okay."

Dad and Lucian help me into the wheelchair. A fucking wheelchair because the car crash didn't take enough from me. No, it had to break my fucking leg in half. I don't get to go to State with my team. I won't even be ready for fucking wrestling. I may never be able to play sports again.

This isn't fair. This isn't fucking fair.

Mom keeps her hands on my shoulders as Dad wheels us behind Diana and Lucian.

They keep Trisha not too far from where my room is. Even with them telling me what to expect, I'm still not prepared for what I see. She's too pale, too stiff; her chest moves unnaturally as the breathing machine forces her to take in oxygen.

A strangled sound comes out of me. Oh, Trisha.

This. Isn't. Fucking. Fair.

I think they're trying to talk to me, but I find myself moving close enough to take her hand. And it's so cold and fragile that I feel I could break her bones. I ignore my body yelling at me as I place my face on her bed, bringing her fingers up to my lips.

"I was going to prove to you I was the right man for you," I begin with a whisper. "I was going to be there for every birthing class. I was going to ask you to move into our pool house so you could have freedom, but I could be there every day to help you. And when I turned eighteen, I would hope that I had proved to you I was a mature guy and the best dad ever, and be your man."

It's not fair. What did I ever fucking do?

Kissing her fingers again, I say, "We had a baby girl. Can you believe it, T, she was so beautiful just like you. I named her Felicity Jane Cullen. I know we really didn't talk about the last name, but I thought it would be okay."

I can feel eyes on me, but I don't care. I hold on to her hand. I don't want to let go. I shouldn't have to let go. Trisha shouldn't be lying here. She should be smiling as we bought a new car, some clothes. We should be laughing in the den as I read to our baby. We should be arguing about colors and the fact she should live in the pool house. She should be rolling her eyes at me for asking her out on a date for the millionth time.

A thousand things should be happening right now, but not this.

"Damon, honey, it's time." My mom's hands come to my shoulders.

I nod my head, but I don't let go. Someone should hold Trisha when she goes. All I can do is hold her hand, but it's better than nothing.

I think Diana is on the other side; I think the doctor is talking. But nothing registers as my forehead touches her small hand. And my mind replays over and over the brief moments before the accident. Her voice saying my name. Damon.

It could have been minutes, hours; fuck, maybe even days. But when my dad pulls me away, I don't comprehend the sounds coming out of me. It's an out-of-body moment. I'm looking down at myself as I cry and scream.

This isn't fucking fair.

*AFOC*

I end up stuck in the hospital two days after Trisha's death since all my crying, ranting, and thrashing around in anger delayed me from healing "properly." When I finally make it home, things are just awkward and uncomfortable. Mom and Dad decide they don't want me trying to get up and down the stairs for a while, so my new room is the den. Julie and Lucian are constantly up my ass. Julie isn't too bad because she mostly just sits there and reads her books and listens to music. But Lucian wants to talk about... Fuck if I really know, I just know he's always talking and I don't give a fuck.

When they aren't up my ass, I lay in silence reliving everything.

Today my siblings give me a wide berth because it's Trisha and Felicity's funeral.

"Are you ready to take a shower?"

Without moving my head, my gaze goes over to where my two brothers are standing. The pure humiliation that is my fucking life now includes getting assistance to the shower. Mike, Lucian, or Dad helps me in and out. They have one of the fucking shower chairs so I can sit and one-arm shower. Every time they attempt to help me, I throw a fucking fit because I'm not having it.

God damn it, this isn't fucking fair!

I nod my head just a fraction. As the humiliation bubbles inside me, I keep thinking about what's about to happen.

They decided to bury Felicity and Trisha together, so they have each other. They won't be alone. The decision was to have a nice, small gathering of any family and friends to pay their respects. I growl; pay their fucking respects. I swear, I'll burn shit to the fucking ground if anyone other than Diana is there from her family. I will fuck them up. I don't give a fuck.

The water is scalding as it splashes over my skin. I do my best to wash what I can and wait for a few minutes before calling for help. I hate this. It's not fucking right, it's not fucking fair. Why fucking me?

Dad must have heard the shower turn off because I hear the door open. "Hey, you ready?"

I don't answer, but I'm sure the sob I don't want to be heard causes him to enter further.

"Damon, are you hurt? Tell me. I can't help if I don't know."

I shake my head. "It all fucking hurts, Dad. Every fucking thing hurts."

He hands me a towel from behind the curtain, and I cover up with it before Dad pulls the curtain away. I look at him through bleary eyes. I can tell he wants to cry with me. I can see the black circles under his eyes and the way his hair looks more fucked up than usual from his constant pulling.

"Damon." His voice breaks.

I shake my head and my whole body rocks. "It's not fair, Dad, it's not fucking fair."

"I know, I know. Let me help you get out and you'll get dressed. Just one step at a time. I know it hurts. I know you don't want to do it, but we have to go one step at a time. The first step; we're going to get dressed."

I don't protest as Dad yells for Lucian. He's always there anymore. Together they help me out and help get me dressed.

Mom comes in. "Diana's here; she wanted to ride over with us."

Dad nods, and I stare at the wall.

It's not fair.

This chapter was rough on me to write worse than 19.

See you all soon.