Takes Place after the 2007 TMNT movie. Just a short story focused on the reason why Leo didn't return home. In the movie he said he had been lost, but how did he get this way and what led him home? What is the reason for Leo's long absence and how will his brother's react when this secret is revealed? I do not own TMNT they are the creation of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird so please do not sue me.

Chapter 1: The cost of secrets

Leo's P.O.V

Leo stood in the dojo letting the warm mat beneath his feat ground him, as he started on a familiar kata. He let his mind drift as his body took over, muscle memory guiding him through the familiar motions as his heightened senses took note of the environment around him. His fighting style like everything else had changed during his time in the jungle, yet compared to everything else, his fighting style was the least affected. For that reason Leo drew strength and comfort in the motion and exercise, it reminded him of the past, while giving him hope that the present was different only in appearance. It was this grounding exercise, this internalized hope that had helped him trodge on during his time in the dark, his time in the jungle.

"Leo give it a rest. You've been at it for hours" Came Donnie's voice from the dojo doorway. Leo smiled as he imagined the way Donnie was probably rolling his eyes at him as he leaned against the doorway.

"I don't want you working yourself to ausastion again. Remember that time I had to hide your katanas?" Leo smirked at the memory, as footsteps alerted him that his little brother was crossing the dojo to come to his side. Probably with a half agitated grin on his face.

"If I remember correctly fearless here kept practicing even without his beloved kattana's all the intervention earned you was an earful" Raph's remark came from the doorway as he came into stand beside Donnie his heavy footsteps making the ground vibrate. It was funny how he noticed stuff like that now, a few years ago, he wouldn't have even noticed the heavy way his directly younger brother walked but now; Leo could identify each of his brothers, how far away they were and even the state they were in just through ground vibration.

"Come on now I'm not that bad" he teased wiping his face with the towel Donnie handed him.

The denial earned him a pss from Donnie and a chuckle from Raph.

"Total denial dude" came mikey's voice "your as bad as ever," he exclaimed. Leo could tell his was waving his hands around, he felt his heart ache as he imagined the goofy grin plastered over his baby brothers' face. Oh how he missed that face.

The jovial and joking moment present just seconds before dissipated. The three brothers' exchanged a glance at Leo's far off stare. There older brother's distant and depressed behavior had not escaped their attention, and was beginning to worry placed a hand on his older brother's shoulder pulling him back to the present. Leo started for a second, before realizing his error. Shrugging of Raph's hand and focussing his eyes toward the floor pulling on his 'fearless leader' mask before starting the training exercise once more. Raph shook his head before leading his two younger brothers away.

Leo let out a sigh, it was better this way. He reminded himself. He had come home, that was hard enough. Letting himself get close would only hurt them. He was doing this for them. Anything for them. HIs breathing got heavy as tears threatened to overtake his useless eyes, his hand fumbled and he dropped his kattana. He sank to his knees fighting to regain his composure as his hands shook. His heart hammered against his chest, as he sat on the floor letting memories and emotions wash over him. It had been nearly three weeks since the winter's incident, three months since he April found him in South America, three months since he returned home.

He clenched his fists together fighting back tears, stifling a sob that had formed in the back of his throat. A break down had been building since his return, everytime Mikey pulled out a picture he wanted to show him. Everytime Donnie pulled him aside to show off an invention, everytime Raph pointed out a sunrise, every time he could sense their smiles; it stabbed at his heart. It made him ache to see them, even though they were just feet away, with no longer miles of ocean and land separating them. Only feet away and get as distant as ever, and this knowledge hurt. It hurt worse than any physical pain he had ever experienced, worse than the wound that had caused this diablement, it hurt as bad as the day this realization hit him. He would never see his brothers again. The world was lost to him now, there yet apart. He felt disconnected, he felt lost.

He took deep cleansing breaths, aware that his silence would soon alert his brothers. Something he could not due. Never. They mustn't know. He reminded himself, it would only cause them pain. Long ago he had made a vow to protect his brothers; protect them from evil, keep them from harm, shield them from pain and suffering. Including this. He bit his lip as tears started to flow. It hurt so much keeping them at bay, to be so close yet so far. But if they knew he was blind, if they knew the truth it would hurt them. Worse they wouldn't let him fight, this truth this awful secret would sideline him. He would be labeled as a liability, he would only put his brothers at risk. They would treat him like an invilid. No. he shook his head, his whole life had been dedicated to his brothers, they were what he lived for what he breathed for. He couldn't do this to them. He wouldn't. He had stayed away for two years his heart ached to talk to them, to see them just to be around them again. Yet he had stayed away. He had let them go, believing that by doing this he was saving them from heart ache, by doing this he was protecting them. He was doing what he always did, sacrificing his happiness for theirs, or at least what he assumed would make them happy what would make them safe. But he had been wrong, April had pointed that mistake out to him. His brothers had not moved on, like he thought they would. April had said they were 'lost without him', upon returning he found her words to be true. Donnie worked a miserable job in IT, Mikey worked in the entertainment business, having nightmares about birthday parties as a result. And Raph, well he had donned the persona of the nightwatcher, suiting up night after night to take on the crime of the city alone. They had not gotten on 'just fine' without him, leaderless they started drifting apart. He let out a sigh as more tears tumbled down, he had hurt his brothers. His actions, his distance had caused them pain. It built resentment inside Raph, building up to a blood rooftop duel. The heated fight had actually brought forth healing, the two had been close since the fight. It had allowed Raph to open up and talk to Leo about his feelings, and give Leo a chance to apologize. Although the family had begun to heal, and harmony returned with the normal schedule; Leo knew it wasn't long until questions were asked. Questions he did not want to answer. Unconsciously he let his hand run along the back of his head over the scar his mask tie covered. The jagged and deep scar had healed yet would probably always remain. He sent his left fist into the floor as his right hand ghosted over the old wound, the memory of the incident replaying in his head.

The heat of the jungle the smell of the earthy floor. The rush of the car engines chasing him, the feeling of weightlessness as the grate of the car sent him flying, the sound of bullets whizzing through the air as he limped toward the edge of the cliff toward the waterfall and away from the dangerous gang of smugglers he had angered. The sound of a gun cocking off to his right as a sniper readied, the pain that had shot through him like fiery tendrils making his world go black as pain shot down his spine and inflamed his throbbing head. The feeling of flying or falling he couldn't tell as weightlessness engulfed him, feeling his legs collapse under him sending of the edge of the cliff with the waterfall down into the watery abyss below. He didn't know how long he had been unconscious for the villagers who took him in, spoke no english. What he did know was that from that day forward all his days had been in darkness, as he learned everything over again. How to walk without running into things, how to sense and navigate the world around him, fighting had been the easiest to relearn due to the blind fighting they had practiced in their training since youth. At first he planned to regain his strength and skill and find a way to contact his brothers. Writing was out of the question due to his blindness, and although he trusted the villagers who lived in the heart of the jungle, they could not speak his language let alone write it. While his situation was knew he was afraid to just jump on a plane, not without anyway of identifying its destination. As time passed he learned ways around such obstacles, as he embraced his disability; its strengths as well as its weaknesses.

Leo focused on getting a handle on his breathing, closing his useless eyes in an empty attempt to shut out the pouring tears. He knew it was bound to happen he had been just one remark, one heartthrob from a breakdown, he was just glad it was in the privacy of the dojo. But his brothers had been watching him closely since he returned as though afraid he would run off again. As the bitter comments dissipated, the cold looks finally give way the constant checking up started. Donnie started questioning his health, Mikey comment on his limited diet, Raph through comments at his strict schedule. Honestly he had gone back to his old habits, he worked as hard as he used to, sure he ate less but only because he was still getting acclimated. He was used to living off fruit and what little he could catch, junk food and Mikey's cooking were still just a little rich for him. As for his strict schedule, it kept him grounded. He had always stuck to a schedule, as the oldest brother and leader of the team, he had to be disciplined. But since the accident, he grown accustomed almost dependant on a more strict schedule. Living in a jungle fighting crime was a life that offered little consistency, a necessity rectified by his schedule. To Leo consistency was comforting, but in his brothers eyes they viewed the behavior as anal and worrisome. So they started hovering, the interference and comments in the dojo was nothing new. So far they hadn't breached his personal space, or interfered with his training or leadership. But his little brothers concern was beginning to become stifling, fuelling his sudden outburst. Leo felt his body began to shake, as more tears spilled down his face. He let himself fall onto his side as an overwhelming sense of helplessness overtook him. He felt so lost. He bit his lip holding back a sob as silent tears ran down his face. Relenting to the tears Leo covered his face, letting the tears wash away his pain, his pain at wanting to see his family, his family who was so close yet so far. The pain at realizing that his absence had hurt those he cared for. The long manifested pain of feeling lost as he fought to find his place in darker more frightening world. After weeks of fighting off these emotions, Leo let them engulf him as he sobbed silently in the dojo.

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