Hi,

so i've had a mild case of writers block.. I have the rest of the story planned out and two more chapters finished. but I keep changing snd re-writing stuff.. second guessing things. oh well.

Warning: this fic contains infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff, and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created.

They had told Harry and Ginny the day after Draco found out. Hermione had floo called them over and they had stepped through immediately, worried about what the news might be. Ginny had looked smug, Harry turned green and watched her with a worried expression.

"How are you feeling Hermione?" Harry finally broke the silence, "Must be hard after...How far along are you?"

When Hermione told them that she was around 12 weeks they had been stunned.

Ginny summoned a pen and some paper and started writing.
"this is my healer at St Mungo's, she's fantastic.. give her a call, you need support through this, whether you want to or not" Ginny explained.

Whenever one starts counting time it always seems to slow down. Weeks had passed. But they felt like months. Every day felt like a year, every night like a lifetime.

She was now sitting outside, in the late summer sunshine, feeling the warmth spreading across her skin.. but inside she felt cold. The note Ginny had handed her still lay crumpled in her pocket. She felt the fuzzy edges of the paper, traced her finger along the dents and lines where the paper had been creased. Trying with all she had to summon the courage that never came.

Draco had urged, and urged her to see a healer. To have them confirm that everything was ok. But she had snapped again and again and plain out refused. She couldn't cope. Denial was not an option anymore, not now that Draco knew. Not now that Harry and Ginny knew. Not now that they were all pestering her about it. She missed her bubble, the bubble had been easier, denial had been easier.

She fell asleep every night holding her belly and saying a prayer, and woke every morning in a cold sweat. Being awake was terrifying, but sleep was worse.

The 16-week mark was fast approaching and with only two weeks to go Hermione was in a near constant state of panic.

One evening as she lay in bed she felt the first flutter of movement, Her heart was beating so hard as she put her hand against the spot, holding her breath until she felt it again. And then again.

She started journaling the movement patterns that were growing ever stronger, but this did not soothe her worried heart. No, now every calm moment was terrifying. and she was chasing the calm every movement gave her like a junkie would chase her next fix.

Two weeks until the 16 week mark, two weeks until the week she lost her last baby.

Draco was worried. Hermione was so lost in herself and so wound tight these days that he had resorted to treading carefully around her, orbiting her at a safe distance.

He now flooed the Potter's multiple times a day, seeking reassurance, support…

That he would come to voluntarily seek Harry Potter's support one day... he would have laughed at anyone daring to suggest such a thing, but here he was. Seeking support.

Ginny provided him with advice on how to care for a pregnant lady, Harry was more of a calm presence. A dad. And a good one at that. And watching him with his kids was both entertaining and educational.

Draco had never been around babies or toddlers before. They were rare enough in pureblood circles and for their own safety mostly kept within the safe confinement of their home until older.

Stories of abductions and magical children being swapped for squibs were common. A child born without magic was the greatest shame, and the children were kept inside and tutored before they could walk, all in the hope of awakening their magic earlier. If a child turned out to be a squib they were either claimed to have been abducted, or discreetly placed into foster care. Therefore people rarely even spoke of small children, it was easier to hide away a child that fewer knew about.

But Harry and Ginny were raising their toddlers in the open, they played and went outside a lot and the kids were allowed to explore and learn, fall and get up, all on their own under the watchful eyes of their parents. He watched Lily jump from a ledge only to float softly to the ground, she was two years old and already showing strong signs of magic, It was fascinating.

The boy, james, toddeled over to Draco, grabbed his hand and spit out a piece of apple into it. Draco just watched it for a while before he pulled out his wand, vanished the offending piece of drooly fruit and wiped his hand on his trouser leg. Harry was laughing and clutching his stomach.

"Draco mate, better get used to it.. a baby will produce worse than that, believe me!"

Ginny shook her head at that comment and picked up the small boy that was staring confusedly at the exchange between the adults.

That evening when Draco returned Hermione had fallen asleep on the porch.

He watched her for a while before he wrapped his arms around her petite form and lifted her into his embrace. Her head lulled from side to side before settling on his chest.

"Draco?" She murmured.

"yes love.." He carried her upstairs. He could see streaks of dried tears on her cheeks and kissed them as he settled her onto the bed. And started removing her clothes. She looked so small, despite the growing bump, he reached out and put his hand on her belly.

"Here" She took his hand and placed it low on her stomach. "The baby is too small for you to feel anything from the outside, but he is here"

"He?" Draco felt his own pulse underneath his fingertips.

"just a feeling I have…" Hermione murmured and turned onto her side, facing him.

He held his hand completely still, marvelling at the fact that she could sense their baby's movement and that it was happening right underneath his hand.

"how are you doing Hermione? Is there anything that I can do… I feel so helpless"

"Just hold me" She replied and he did, just as he did every night. He caressed her belly and whispered words of reassurance in her ear.

He told her of his day with the potters and how strong Lily's magic already was, of how he looked forward to seeing their child grow and learn, rise and fall. Of a small boy with white blond curls and hazel eyes.

Hermione pretended to sleep as she envisioned the fantasy he was painting for them. Tears slowly falling from her eyes and disappearing into the pillow.

He held her as she fell asleep, as she dreamt of white blond curls. He soothed her as she cried out in her sleep.

The next morning Hermione awoke to an empty bed. Where was draco?

She wrapped a robe around her and walked down the stairs, checking the library before the basement, then the kitchen. Through the patio door she could see him outside in the garden, bent over something.

She grabbed a his sweater that was laying on the kitchen table and pulled it over the robe, before the walked outside. Draco was kneeling next to a small bush, hands covered in soil.

"Interesting morning activity.." She giggled at the sight of him. This dishevelled pyjamas clad gardener, soil covered and sweaty, was so far from the pureblood prince he used to be, but she liked it. He kept surprising her, doing things like this, showing himself in a new light. And it made her love him even more.

Love was not a word that either of them had uttered, but she felt it, within herself... her heart quickening, swelling in her chest as she watched him. And she felt it radiating from him as he held her through the night and through her dreams. She felt it in the concern he showed her and the way he touched her.

She knelt down next to him and reached out to brush specks of soil from one of the leafs of the small bush.

"A rose?"

"Yes, he replied…" his gaze rising to meet her. a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "It's from my mother's garden… I hope that's ok?"

Hermione caressed the sole rose that was still in bloom, its petals soft and the palest of pink.

"it's beautiful"

"Her roses…they, they were her babies… she suffered through infertility for years before... I was the only baby that stuck.. and when I left for hogwarts her heart broke, she started gardening and it… it helped" he explained slowly, pausing every now and then, choosing his words carefully. This was supposed to bring her some ounce of peace but one wrong word could ruin it. He watched her through the fringe of hair that was partially covering his face, she was frowning and he could see her eyes filling up with tears.

Mission failed, thought draco as he saw her raise her wand. He half expected her to set the bush on fire, but was caughts by surprise when a stream of water shot out of her wand, soaking the dry soil around the bush. She knelt down next to the plant and he watched her work in silence, mesmerized, as she transfigured a rock into some shears and started pruning away old flower blossoms. She sat back on her haunches and looked up at him where he stood rooted since the moment she entered the garden.

"Thank you Draco"

A smile was tugging at the corners of her lips, the first true smile in weeks, within seconds he had enveloped her in his arms as he kissed her on her forehead.

"Now, try not to be mad…." he spoke as he released her from his embrace, her brown eyes meeting his, a frown once again present on her face. He held up the crumpled piece of parchment that had been her pocket companion for the past two weeks. She noticed it immediately as she lay eyes on the frayed, fuzzy edges.

"I booked us a healers appointment…"

"When?" Her jaw was set but her face otherwise expressionless.

"In an hour… I thought it best not to wait and give your anxiety more time to build…"

Hermione just looked at him, fear now present in her eyes, before she turned and walked inside. He followed her in silence, knowing that nothing he could say would help her.

He stopped at the door to the bedroom and watched her as she removed his sweater and undid the robe with trembling hands. She put on a pair of black jersey trousers, folding the waistband so that the pants remained underneath the belly and pulled a matching sweater over her head.

Hermione sat down on the bed when she had finished dressing. The panic she had previously felt when thinking of having to endure another healers appointment was now nearing critical mass.

Blood was pounding in her ears and she felt her chest growing tight as bile rose in her throat.

She felt a cool hand grasp hers, the sensation grounding her slightly, anchoring her. She found Dracos grey eyes where he was kneeling in front of her. Draco.

He grasped both of her hands and kissed them tenderly.

"I will be with you every step of the way. I arranged so that we can floo directly into the healers office" Draco explained calmly as he rose and tugged her into standing with him. They walked in silence downstairs and approached the fireplace. Draco reached for the small container on top of the mantle and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

Hermione suddenly janked her hand out of his grasp and turned towards the kitchen.

"Hermione?" He called after her, "we…."

She returned a moment later clutching a red binder to her chest. Her fingers were almost white from the strength of her grip.

"This… this is the documentation from my last pregnancy… I thought, they might… if they need to know"

Her small hand grasped his once more as they stepped into the fireplace. Hermione shut her eyes as she heard Draco speak their destination.

"St Mungo's Hospital, Healer Larkin"

The office was not what Hermione had expected, it almost didn't look like a healers office. The dark wooden desk, comfortable armchairs in front. Dark grey, bookcase lined walls, the lit fireplace they had just stepped out of. The room looked more like Hogwarts than a hospital.

"Are you sure that we're in the right place?" Hermione whispered as she grasped Draco's hand tighter. Just then the door opened and a middle aged woman stepped through.

"Oh, you've arrived! Hermione Granger, I presume?"

Healer Larkin was a small woman, with a round face, short brown curls stresked with grey, and bright friendly eyes behind thick round glasses. Her robes were soft pink instead of the lime green robes that were commonplace amongst healers at st mungo's. Healer larkin walked up to Hermione and grasped her free hand and looked straight into her eyes.

"Welcome dear, My name is Theodora Larkin, I am so happy to finally meet you. Ginevra Potter told me about her friend Hermione weeks ago, I've been looking forward to meeting you. Come sit!" She led Hermione by the hand towards one of the armchairs. The calming sensation was immediate as she sat down in the warm, soft chair. She watched healer Larkin walk around the desk and sit down.

"Now, first and foremost. Yes, this is my office and it is the place where I conduct any and all examinations. Now I know that it does not look like what you'd typically expect. The room reflects uniquely comforting surroundings for each patient" healer Larkin Explained, "I must say that I like this very much, lovely!" She continued as she gazed around the room.

"Now, I know that you've suffered a tremendous loss previously, a baby girl born very prematurely and sleeping.. I am so terribly sorry for your loss"

Healer larkin's words stabbed at her, one after the other. The pain deep and dull in her chest. A buzzing in her ear.

Hermione closed her eyes and felt a warm tear sliding down her cheek.

"I know how unsettling a pregnancy after loss can be, from personal and professional experience… but know that I am here to support and provide comfort in any way that I can"

Hermione opened her eyes and met the warm gaze of Healer larkin who was holding out a tissue towards her. She handed her the binder she had cradled sgainst her chest since she arrived.

"This documentation is from my last pregnancy, it's muggle…"

"Thank you dear, I'll have a look at that later. Now let's focus on the present, tell me about your current pregnancy"

Hermione felt her mouth go dry, Draco's hand was squeezing hers reassuringly but her hands felt clammy so she released him and wiped her hand nervously on her trouser.

"I… It was not planned, but we… I had experienced years of infertility with my ex husband, and was assumed to be barren, so we.. Draco, and I, we did not exactly take any precautions" she felt a blush creep up her chest and neck as she spoke. Healer larkin wordlessly summoned a glass of water and levitated it towards Hermione, who took a sip before continuing, "My calculations put me at 14 weeks, give or take"

"Have you taken any prenatal vitamins or potions?" Healer Larkin asked as she took notes, not looking up from the parchment in front of her.

Hermione shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she felt the suffocating shame descend upon her, she had been so focused on potentially losing this baby that she had forgotten to take care of it.

"i have made sure to boost her diet with iron and folic acid rich food…" Draco spoke.. and watched Hermione cautiously as he did, "I've also added a spoonful of 'Listers Pregnancy tonic' to her juice for the past two weeks…"

"That's wonderful, thank you for taking such great care of her!" Healer larkin exclaimed.

"Hermione dear, I will lean the armchair back slightly while I run some tests. Breathe with me if it helps you relax"

Hermione nodded and felt the back of the armchair dip backwards as leg support extended underneath her legs, lifting them slightly. She was now fully reclined and gripped the armrest tightly as she braced herself.

"You will feel a warm sensation on the back of your hand while I withdraw some blood, this will tell us more of your blood levels and also some about baby" the warm sensation came and went as quickly.

"I'll run some diagnostic spells for blood pressure and heart rate...wonderful, perfect. You have really good blood pressure and the baby has a strong and even heartbeat, 150 beats per minute, so exactly what we'd expect at 14 weeks."

Hermione felt tears rolling down her face as she gazed towards Draco. He leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead and his loving gaze spread warmth throughout her body.

"Would you like to see baby?" Healer Larkin asked softly after giving the parents to be, some peace to process. They both nodded their approval.

"please pull up your sweater, you will feel a tingling sensation and then a projection of your baby will appear above your belly.." hermione pulled up her sweater to expose the small bump, and soon the tingling started.

There it was. Their baby. It was squirming slightly, arms and legs moving, hands opening and closing. Hermione was stunned. With her last pregnancy she had gone to see a muggle obgyn, and the images they could show were grainy smudges, nowhere near this.

They left the healers office 30 minutes later, after a thorough anatomy scan and flooed home. Hermione was still completely stunned and had barely uttered a word since she first saw her baby.

It was there, it was real, healthy and strong.

She hugged the images they received to her chest as she slumped onto the chaise.

Draco, however, had not stopped talking.. talking and asking questions. But Hermione could barely hear a word that he was saying.

"Draco…" she finally looked up and called him. He stopped pacing and sat down next to her. "Draco, we're having a baby"

"Yes we are," they sat in silence, "you still think it's a boy?" Draco finally asked.

"I don't think, it's just a feeling"